cf's survival kit
March, 22nd 2007 19:56 PM 

Important Note:

Vietnam is a quickly changing communist country. All the facts and history of the country are subject to change without notice. Rugby Planet cannot be responsible for any differences between what is written in this book and the reality you'll face.

Acknowledgements:

The authors would like to thank

  • - The Socialist republic of Vietnam
  • - The Communist Party of the Socialist Republic of Vietnam
  • - The People Committee of the Communist Party of the Socialist Republic of Vietnam
  • - The Section ‘Tourism and Ideology' of the People Committee of the Communist Party of the Socialist Republic of Vietnam
  • - The Sub-Section ‘Freedom and Information' of the Section ‘Tourism and Ideology' of the People Committee of the Communist Party of the Socialist Republic of Vietnam
  • - The Chairman of the Sub- Section ‘Freedom and Information' of the Section ‘Tourism and Ideology' of the People Committee of the Communist Party of the Socialist Republic of Vietnam.

Without the support, the advice and the recommendations they gave to the author, this book would have been ready years ago.

Facts about the country

  • 1.1 - History:

Basically, Vietnam's history can divided into two main areas:

  • - The pre- Ho Chi Minh (1890-1969) era when it was dark all day, full of Frenchies or GI's, people had to work hard in the fields, low yields, no holidays, no traveling, no happiness at all.
  • - The post Ho Chi Minh era (which is almost over) when people enjoy working in the Party's fields, no yields, lots of camps to learn how to enjoy a new life, loads of people traveling all over the world in boats, happiness everywhere as it is stated in the Vietnamese motto ‘Independence - Freedom - Happiness'.

1.2 - Geography:

The country is split into two parts, the north and the south. The country is too thin to have any west and east. Most of the time, the most eastern province is also the most western province.

1.3 - Climate:

The climate is divided into two seasons, the wet and the dry. The wet season is also called the rainy season. It starts in May and it ends on 4th November but it may rain on the 5th. The dry season starts on the day after the rainy season stops and finishes the day before the latter starts.

1.4 - Flora and Fauna:

Most of the flora can be smoked and most of the fauna can be eaten.

1.5 - Government:

The Socialist Republic of Vietnam espouses a Marxist-Leninist Dollar- orientated political philosophy.

The flag consists of a yellow star in the middle of a red flag. The star represents a farmer with a strange hat, and the red represents the blood of our Lord Jesus.

1.6 - Economy:

The economy can be divided into two main parts. The first one consists of the official state- owned corrupt economy and the second one is the black market smuggling economy. The link between both economies is the ‘Do La'

1.7 - People:

The ethnic groups of Vietnam are of two kinds, the Vietnamese people and the others.

1.8 - Education:

The Vietnamese population is better educated than fed.

1.9 - Arts:

Book; the best book available in Vietnam is surely ‘A man called Ho Chi Minh'

Film ; The best movies are without any doubt, the Ho Chi Minh trilogy ‘Ho Chi Minh war', ‘Ho Chi Minh strikes back', and ‘The return of Ho Chi Minh' A new film will be available soon, ‘Ho Chi Minh against Dr. No'

Water puppets usually tell the story of Ho Chi Minh and it's a very interesting way to find out more about this not-so-well-known man.

1.10 - Culture:

The most fascinating part about the Vietnamese culture is certainly the ‘Ow Yai' this very, very sexy nice traditional dress of Vietnamese women.

Another cultural habit is that a foreigner is easy prey - beware of the kid selling you gum on your right while the other is pulling at your shorts and a third is emptying your pocket and stealing your watch.

1.11 - Street Kids:

Par-boil before eating

1.12 - Religion

Communism and the rest.

1.13 - Languages:

Just give up they all speak English, French and usually Chinese, but here are some tips for the native language,

hello                             chao

no                                khong

yes                               never say yes

woman                         nu

I don't understand        je ne comprend pas

thankyou                      cam on

come on                       tank hew

excuse me                    xin loi

I like you                      toi tich co

I want you                    toi muon co

now                              bay gia

tonight                          toi nay

how much dong            bao nhieu do la

condom                        boum boum

one                               mot

two                              hai

three                             ba

four                              pretentious?

blue                              cho

market                          cho

biology             cho

well                              cho

dinner's ready               cho

I'm not sure if he's here cho

1.14 - currency:

1USD = 15000 dong

1.15 - Traffic:

Watch out for low flying ‘dreams' and an ill fated manifesto.

1.16 - Dangers:

If you didn't want anything risky, you should have stayed at home.

1.17 - Accommodation:

Spring Hotel.

1.18 - Beverage:

Vietnamese people drink on average 4.5 litres of beer a year. It is low compared to Singaporean who drinks his 24 litres in only 365 days. For your information a Frenchman swallows 45 litres of wine a year whilst the British consume that in a quarter. Foreigners are well known to drink in a night what a local will consume all year.

The favourite tipples are Fosters, Tiger, B.G.I, and Saigon beer.

1.19 - Health:

Bring your own.

1.20 - Getting there and away:

It's easier for a foreigner to get in than it is for a Vietnamese to get out.

ENJOY YOUR TRIP.

 

 

 

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