widdle wabbits.../...no speakah.../...last night.../...a little girl...
May, 29th 2008 07:43 AMAn  adorable little girl, all blonde curls and blue eyes walks into a pet  

shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter do you  keep

widdle wabbiths?"

The shopkeeper's heart melts and he gets  down on his knees, so that he's on

her level, and asks, "Do you want a  widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy

bwack wabby or maybe one like  that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?"

She, blushing, rocks on her  heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans

forward and says in a quiet  voice, "I don't fink my python weally givth a  

phuck."

NO  SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit  down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to  them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one  of them say the following:

'Emma come First. Den I come. Den two asses  come together. I come once-a-more! Two asses, They come together again. I come  again and pee twice. Then I come one Lasta Time.'

The lady can't take  this any more, 'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig.' She Retorted indignantly.  'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.'  

'Hey, coola down lady, ' said the man. 'Who talkin'abouta sex?
I'm  a Justa Tellin my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi ','

£5.00 says  you're gonna read this again!

last  night ,and a prawn cocktail hit me right on the back of the head

i  turned around and the bloke behind me said

"thats just for  starters!!!!!"


 

This is a quick story about the bond formed between a little girl and a group of building workers.

It's allegedly true and might help to confirm your belief in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.

A young family moved into a house next door to an empty plot. One day, a gang of building workers turned up to start building on the plot.

The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.

She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel  important.

They even gave the child her very own hard hat and gloves, which thrilled her immensely.

At the end of the first week, the smiling builders presented her with a pay envelope containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her 'pay' home to her mother who suggested that they take the money to the bank the next day to open a savings account.

At the bank, the female cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her 'work' on the building site and the fact she had a 'pay packet'.

'You must have worked very hard to earn all this', said the cashier.

The little girl proudly replied, 'Yes, I worked every day with Steve and Wayne and Mike. We're building a big house.'

'My goodness gracious,' said the cashier, 'And will you be working on the house again next week?'
 
The child thought for a moment.  Then she said seriously:

'I think so.  Provided those w@nkers at Jewsons deliver the f*cking bricks.'

 

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