two newlyweds. Jules and some crap womens humour
December, 06th 2007 02:41 AM 

Two newlyweds turn up at a hotel and ask for the Bridal suite. The
receptionist asks, "Do u have reservations? " Bride replies, "Well I'm not
keen on taking it up the arse!"

The British population were asked if Polish immigrants were a problem. 23%
said, "Yes. It's a serious problem." 77% said, "czesk bardzo mi milu gdzie
djest toaldta"

A woman visits her Doctor and tells him she has a terrible discharge. "OK,
take your knickers off and let's check," he says. She obliges, he slips a
few fingers in and has a good feel around. "How does that feel?" he asks.
"Fucking wonderful!" she replies, "but the discharge is from my ear!"

After her outburst on breakfast TV, a psychologist has denounced Heather
McCartney as clearly unbalanced. Sir Paul has called in, saying normally a
couple of beer mats under her left foot does the trick..

6 truths of life:

1. You cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth try it.

3. The first truth is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot

5. You will soon forward this to another idiot

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face!

Why do old ladies never have a smear test? Have u ever tried pulling a
cheese toastie apart?

Little boy in bath with Mum. "What's that hairy thing?" he asks. Mum says,
"It's my sponge." "Oh yes" he replies, "Auntie Kim's got one too. I've seen
her wash Daddy's face with it!"

I was at the cash machine and there was a blind bloke in front of me. He
asked if I could check his balance, so I pushed him over!

Jack and Jill just got married. Jack took off his trousers and told Jill to
put them on. Jill said, "They're too big!" Jack said, "Exactly! I wear the
trousers in this marriage and always will!" Jill said, "Try on my knickers."
Jack said, "I can't get into them." Jill said, "Exactly and if you don't
change your fucking attitude, you never will!"

A young man wanted to buy a Christmas gift for his girlfriend. They hadn't been going out very long so he thought long and hard before remembering that on their last couple of dates she had complained her hands were cold. So he decided a pair of gloves might be appropriate, not too personal but, nonetheless, thoughtful. Accompanied by his girlfriend's sister, they went to Harrods and he bought a stylish pair of cream coloured leather gloves. At the same time, the sister bought a pair of knickers and they both asked for them to be gift wrapped.

Unfortunately the shop assistant mixed the items up and they guy left with the gift wrapped knickers and the girlfriend's sister left with the gloves. The boyfriend, without checking his package, decided to deliver his present in person, but when he arrived at his girlfriends house she wasn't in, so instead he posted the present through her front door accompanied by the following note:-

Happy Christmas Darling,

I hope you like these; I chose them because I noticed you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evenings. Had it not been for your sister, I'd have chosen the long ones with white buttons, but she wears short ones and they are easier to pull off. I was worried because they are a delicate shade, but the shop assistant showed me the pair she's worn for the past 3 weeks and they are hardly soiled at all.

I had her try on yours and though a little tight, they looked really smart. She said that the materials help keep her ring clean and shiny and in fact she hadn't had to wash it since wearing them.

I wish you'd been there so I could have put them on for you myself, as no doubt many hands will come into contact with them before I see you again. Just think how many times I will hold them in my hand over the coming year. When you take them off, remember to blow into them, as they will be a little damp from wearing. I hope you'll wear them for me on Friday night.

All my love

Charles

Xxx

P.S The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

1. Men are like ..Laxatives ...... They
 irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like .. Bananas.. The older they
get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like .. Weather. Nothing can be
done to change them.
4. Men are like .... BlendersYou need One,
but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .Chocolate Bars . Sweet,
smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like .Commercials ....... You
can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like . Department Stores . Their
clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ..Government Bonds ....
They take soooooooo long to mature..
9. Men are like ..Mascara. They usually run
at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like . Popcorn..... They satisfy
you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like . Snowstorms..... You never
know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will
last.
12. Men are like .Lava Lamps Fun to look at,
but not very bright.
13. Men are like . Parking Spots All the
good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.



 

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