thanks for the emails/...3 women/...man robs a bank
February, 28th 2008 06:41 AM

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the
Glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
Envelope that needs sealing. Also, I now have to scrub the top of every
Can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
£15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
In their special e-mail program.

Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split £7 million
With me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died
Intestate.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
For me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
Buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
Forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove
Toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so
A serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
Perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
For which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore
And Uzbekistan.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
Bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found
Dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex
Molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the Next 70
Minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this
Afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you
To grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next
Door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
Discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity
Always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.


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3 women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting  about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all  three
will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stiletto's and mask over   their  eyes .  

After a few days they meet again.....  

 

The engaged girlfriend: "the other night, when my boyfriend came   back home, he found me with the leather bodice, 12 cms stilettos and mask. 
He saw me he said: "you are the woman of my life, I love you"...then we made love all  night long   

 

The mistress: Ah! me too, the other night I met my lover in the office and I  was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes
and  a  raincoat, when I opened the raincoat... he did not say anything.....but  we  had wild sex all night  

 

The married one: "the other night I sent the kids to stay at my  mothers for  the night, I got myself ready: leather bodice, super stilettos and
mask  over  my eyes....my husband comes back from work, opens the door and says:

 

"Hi Batman, what's for dinner?"


Man robs a bank and takes hostages

He asks the first hostage if he saw him rob the bank.

Hostage answers yes.

Robber shoots him in the head.

Asks second hostage if he saw him rob the bank.

Hostage answers no-but my wife did.

 

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