Some titillating facts
March, 08th 2007 03:35 AM

 And so should these:

Hold the front page!

I like this page from last week, so as a treat I'll give you another week of it, just in case you didn't read it all - remember folks, if you want to catch up on previous cfn pages punch the blue button on the menu on the left - the black writing will get you straight to the latest updates.

Meanwhile here's a new quickie to get you in the mood:

Man in Tesco .....

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in line at the check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the
hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.


I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.


Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Silly lady...why else would I buy dog food??

 

 

From last week...

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb"

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Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

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The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
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Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.Treasury.

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Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

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Coca-Cola was originally green.

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It is impossible to lick your elbow.

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The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

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The percentage of Africa that is wilderness : 28% (now get this...)

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The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%

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The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

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The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000

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Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

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The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

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The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

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each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:



Spades - King David

Hearts - Charlemagne

Clubs -Alexander, the Great

Diamonds - Julius Caesar

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111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

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If there is a statue of a person on a horse in a park, and the horse's both front legs are in

the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground,

the person died of natural causes.

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Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

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Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?



A. Their birthplace

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Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?



A. Obsession

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Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?



A. One thousand

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Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes , windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?



A. All were invented by women.

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Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?



A. Honey

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Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?



A. Father's Day

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In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."

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It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down."



It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

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Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service.

"Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

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YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006

when...


1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have

the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.



AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Actually i thought they were pretty crap!

 

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