Useful Translations DICTIONARY FOR 

WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish        -      49

Adventurous   -    Slept with everyone

Athletic      -      No tits

Average looking-       Ugly

Beautiful      -     Pathological liar

Contagious Smile-       Does a lot of pills

Emotionally secure-       On medication

Feminist          -      Fat

Free spirit       -      Junkie

Friendship first  -       Former very 

		*friendly* person

Fun               -     Annoying

New Age           -       Body hair in the 

			wrong places

Open-minded       -       Desperate

Outgoing          -       Loud and

			 Embarrassing

Passionate        -       Sloppy drunk

Professional      -        Bitch

Voluptuous        -       Very Fat

Large frame       -      Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate   -       Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes         =       No

2. No          =       Yes

3. Maybe       =       No

4. We need     =       I want

5. I am sorry  =       you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk =       you're in 

			trouble

7. Sure, go ahead  =       you better not

8. Do what you want=       you will pay 

			     for this later

9. I am not upset  =      Of course I am

			  upset, you 

			  moron!

10. You're very attentive tonight = is 

				      sex 

				     all 

				     you 

				     ever 

				    think 

				    about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry    =       I am hungry

2. I am sleepy    =       I am sleepy

3. I am tired     =       I am tired

4. Nice dress     =       Nice cleavage!

5. I love you     =       let's have sex now

6. I am bored     =       Do you want to

			 have sex?

7. May I have this dance?  =I'd like to 

			       have sex 

			       with you

8. Can I call you sometime?= I'd like to 

			          have sex 

			          with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd 

				       like 

				       to 

				       have

				       sex 

				       with

				       you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd 

				       like 

				       to 

				       have 

				       sex 

				      with 

				      you

11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit 

 = I'm gay

And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that 

women find different male faces 

attractive depending on where they are

in their menstrual cycle For example 

when a woman is ovulating she will 

prefer a man with rugged, masculine 

features. However when she is 

menstruating, she prefers a man doused

in petrol and set on fire, with scissors 

stuck in his eye and a cricket stump 

shoved up his backside. 

 
  Single woman
 
A girl walks in to a supermarket and 
buys the following items:
1 Bar of Soap
1 Toothbrush
1 Tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 apple
1 banana
1 orange
1 plum
1 grapefruit
1 tomato
1 lettuce
1 cabbage
1 baking potato
1 kraft single
1 samosa
1 vegetable pakora
1 muesli bar
1 pie
1 frozen pizza
1 single frozen dinner
 
The bloke behind her in the queue taps
her on the shoulder. He is
carrying a basket with a six pack of 
stella, a pizza and some  Wagon
Wheels.
 
As she turns he smiles at her and says,
 
"Single, eh?"
The girl smiles sheepishly and replies
 
"How did you guess?"
 
He looks at her - straight in the eyes 
and gently says
 
"Because you're minging"
 
 
 
 
 
A wee Glesga man and a woman who 
have never met before find themselves
in the same sleeping carriage of a train.
After the initial embarrassment, they
both manage to get to sleep, the 
woman on the top bunk, the  man on 
the lower. In the middle of the night, 
the woman leans over and says, "I'm 
sorry to bother you, but I'm freezing 
and I was wondering if you could 
possibly pass me another blanket." 
The man leans out and with a glint 
in his  eye, says, "I've got a better idea,
let's kidd-on wir married!" "Why not," 
giggles the woman. "Good", he replies.
"Get your own f*****' blanket!"