A little boy in the 4th grade was trying 

out for a school play. He got a part and 

went home o tell his father.

His father was really proud of him. 

"What part did you get?" his father asked.

"I got the part of a man who has been 

married for 25 years."

His father congratulated him and said 

"that's good son, maybe next time 

you'll get a speaking roll!"

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It's great to be a bloke because:
a.. Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
b.. Your orgasms are real - Always.
c.. Your last name stays put.
d.. The garage is all yours.
e.. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
f.. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
g.. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
h.. You don't give a rat's arse if someone notices your new 
haircut.
i.. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
j.. Wrinkles add character.
k.. A few well placed one night stands gain credibility, not leave you tarnished.
l.. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
m.. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
n.. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
o.. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
p.. Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
q.. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
r.. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with "So, notice anything different?"
s.. You can appreciate great sport.
t.. You can throw a ball more than 5 feet.
u.. One mood, ALL the damn time.
v.. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
w.. You can open all your own jars.
x.. Dry cleaners and hairdressers don't rob you blind.
y.. You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
z.. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
aa.. You can kill your own food.
ab.. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
ac.. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
ad.. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
ae.. Everything on your face stays its original colour.
af.. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
ag.. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
ah.. You don't have to clean your flat if the electricity meter reader is coming.
ai.. You can sit in silence watching a football game with your mate for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."
aj.. You don't mooch off other's desserts.
ak.. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
al.. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
am.. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
an.. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
ao.. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
ap.. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
aq.. You don't have to shave below your neck.
ar.. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
as.. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
at.. You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife.
au.. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
av.. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
aw.. Same job .... . more pay
ax.. The world is your urinal.
 
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We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed,
the definition for each is listed below...
 
GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you
still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
 
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife
on the bum and having the balls to say:   "You're next."
 
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
 
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since
both ultimately result in death.
 
 
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