A lady approaches a priest and says to him, "Father I have a problem. I

have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing".

"What do they say?" the priest inquired

"They only know how to say ..... Hi, we're prostitutes, D'ya wanna have

some fun?"

"That's terrible!" exclaimed the priest, "but I have a solution to your

problem, bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put

 them

with my two male parrots who I have taught to pray and read the bible.

 My

parrots will teach yours to stop saying that terrible phrase and will

 learn

to praise and worship instead."

"Thank you" the woman responded.

The next day the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's

 house.

His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and praying in their

 cage.

The woman put her two female parrots in with the two male parrots and

 the

females immediately said "Hi, we're prostitutes, D'ya wanna have some

 fun?"

One male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims "Put the

 f***

ing beads down Frank, our prayers have been answered!!

Genuine clips from Council complaint letters

 1.   My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage

 has fungus growing in it.

 2.   He's got this huge tool that the vibrates the whole house and I

 just can't take it anymore.

 3.   It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.

 4.   I want some repairs done to my cooker as it backfired and burnt

 my knob off.

 5.   I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly then

 he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

 6.   And their 18yr old son is continually banging his balls against

 my fence.

 7.   I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet

 roof, I think the bad wind the other night blew them off.

 8.   My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

 9.   I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the

 wall.

 10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife

 tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

 11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

 12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are

 plain filthy.

 13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

 14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is

 cleared.

 15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny

 colour and not fit to drink.

 16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

 17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning

 at 6am his cock wakes me up and is now getting too much for me.

 18. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which

 is unsightly and dangerous.

 19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a

 third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

 20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat, and would you

 please something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

I don't editorialize, I just send them on!

One day, long, long ago,

there lived a woman who,

surprisingly, did not whine, nag, and bitch........

But this was a long time ago.....

and it was just ONE day.



The End