Council tax re-evaluers want to charge us more if we live in a nice area.

That ought to mean discounts for those of us who live in rough areas.

We have a huge council house in our street. The extended family is run by a grumpy old woman with a pack of fierce dogs. Her car isn't registered or insured, and doesn't even have a number plate, but the police still do nothing.

Her bad tempered old man is famous for upsetting foreigners with racist comments.

A shopkeeper blames him for ordering the murder of his son and his son's girlfriend, but nothing has been proved yet.

All their kids have broken marriages except the youngest, who everyone thought was gay.

Two grandsons are meant to be in the Army but are always seen out in nightclubs.

The family's odd antics are always in the papers.

They are out of control.



Honestly - who'd live near Windsor Castle?

and...

Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home. Every night after
dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Center to sit and
ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden. They begin to
chat and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short
lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you
know what I miss most of all?"

She asks, "What?"

"Sex!!" he replies.


Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I held
a gun to your head!"

"I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold
it for a while."

"Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes
his manhood and proceeds to hold it.

Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where
they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.

Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place.


Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. She
walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the


pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold's
manhood!

Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have
that I don't have?"

Old Harold smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's".