LITTLE Mark ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5

birds sitting on a fence and you shoot

one of them, how many will be left?"

She calls on little MARK.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away

with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer

is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little MARK says, "I have a question

for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench

having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the

triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and

sucking the cone.

The third is biting off the top of the ice

cream.
Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied,

"Well, I suppose the
one that's gobbled down the top and

sucked the cone."

To which Little MARK replied, "The correct

answer is 'the one with the wedding ring

on," but I like your thinking."



LITTLE MARK ON MATH (Part 2)

Little MARK returns from school and says

he got an F in arithmetic

"Why?" asks the father?

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'"

I said "6", replies MARK.

"But that's right!" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much

 is 3x2?'"

"What's the fucking difference?" asks the

father

"That's what I said!"

LITTLE MARK ON ENGLISH

Little MARK goes to school, and the

teacher says, "Today we are going to

learn multi-syllable words, class. Does

anybody have an example of a

multi-syllable word?"

MARK says "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow,

little MARK, that's a mouthful."

Little MARK says, "No, Miss Rogers,

you're thinking of a blowjob."



LITTLE MARK ON GRAMMAR

Little MARK was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the

bathroom.
He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to

take a piss!!"

The teacher replied, 'Now, MARK, that is

NOT the proper word to use in this

situation.
The correct word you want to use is

'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a

sentence correctly, and I will allow you

to go."


Little MARK, thinks for a bit, and then

says, "You're an eight, but if you had

bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"

LITTLE MARK ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)

One day, during lessons on proper

grammar, the teacher asked for a show

of hands from those who could use the

word "beautiful" in the same sentence

twice.

First, she called! on little Suzie, who

responded with, "My father bought my

mother a beautiful dress and she

looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.

She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet

 and it turned out beautifully."

She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the

teacher reluctantly called on little MARK.

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister

told my father that she was pregnant,

and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking

beautiful!'"





LITTLE MARK ON GETTING OLDER

Little MARK was sitting on a park

 bench munching on one candy bar

after another. After the 6th one a

man on the bench across from him

said, "Son, you know eating all that

candy isn't good for you. It will give

you acne, rot your teeth, and make

you fat."

Little MARK replied, "My grandfather

lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather

eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little MARK answered, "No, he minded

his own fucking business.

Voted best joke in Ireland 2006

Voted Best Joke in Ireland 2006

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said,

"Here's to spending the rest of me 

life!, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub

for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary,

"I won the prize for the Best toast 

of the night" She said, "Aye, did ye 

now. And what was your toast?" 

John said, "Here's to spending the 

rest of me life, sitting in church 

beside me wife." "Oh, that is very

nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of

John's drinking buddies on the 

street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said,

"John won the prize the other 

night at the pub with a toast about

you, Mary." She said, "Aye, he told me, 

and I was a bit surprised myself. You

know, he's only been there twice in 

the last four years.

Once he fell asleep, and the other 

time I had to pull him by the ears 

to make him come."

How'd this get here...again?