Lawyers in trouble and rugby advice for WC
August, 30th 2007 03:10 AM 

Lawyers should never ask grandmas a question if they aren't prepared for
the answer.

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness,
an elderly grandmother to the stand.
He approached her and asked; "Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to
me.
You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them
behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the
brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher.
Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was
a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't
build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of
the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three
different women.
One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice
said: "If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the
electric chair."

 

Dear women

1. From 7 September to 20 October 2007, you should read the sports
section f the newspaper so that you are aware of what is going on regarding the
World Cup, and that way you will be able to join in the conversations.
If you fail to do this, then you will be looked at in a bad way, or you
will be totally ignored. DO NOT complain about not receiving any attention.

2. During the World Cup, the television is mine, the decoder and DVD are
all mine, at all times, without any exceptions. If you even take a glimpse
of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).

3. If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, I don't
mind, as long as you do it crawling on the floor and without distracting me. If
you decide to stand nude in front of the TV, make sure you put clothes on
right after because if you catch a cold, I won't have time to take you to the
doctor or look after you during the World Cup month.

4. During the games I will be blind, deaf and mute, unless I require a
refill of my drink or something to eat. You are out of your mind if you
expect me to listen to you, open the door, answer the telephone, or pick
up the baby that just fell from the second floor....it won't happen.

5. It would be a good idea for you to keep at least 2 six packs in the
fridge at all times, as well as plenty of things to nibble on, and
please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the
games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12pm and
3pm, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.

6. Please, please, please!! If you see me upset because one of my teams
is losing, DO NOT say 'get over it, it's only a game', or 'don't worry, they'll win next time'. If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about rugby than me and your so
called 'words of encouragement' will only lead to a break up or divorce.

7. You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to
me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. In addition, please note I am saying 'one' game, hence do not use the World Cup as a nice cheesy excuse to 'spend time together'.

8. The replays of the tries are very important. I don't care if I have
seen them or I haven't seen them, I want to see them again. Many times, and record them.

9. Tell your friends NOT to have any babies, or any other child related
parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because:
a) I will not go,
b) I will not go, and
c) I will not go.

10. But, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Sunday to
watch a game, we will be there in a flash.

11. The daily World Cup highlights show on TV every night is just as
important as the games themselves. Do not even think about saying 'but you have already seen this...why don't you change the channel to something
we can all watch??', the reply will be: 'Refer to Rule #2 of this list'.

12. Please save your expressions such as 'Thank goodness the World Cup
is only every 4 years'. I am immune to these words, because after this comes the reruns of the Rugby World Cup, etc etc.

13. And finally, if you are female and your "man" likes rugby less than
you, he is not a real man and shall be bound by these rules and additionally be referred to as "the bitch" for the duration of the World Cup

Thank you for your cooperation.

 

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