a yorkshire rugby league player and there's this mary bird right...
December, 20th 2007 07:39 AM

A rugby league fan is drinking in a Yorkshire  bar, when he gets a call on his mobile phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear, and orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar, announcing his wife has just given birth to a typical Yorkshire baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

 

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the rugby fan just shrugs and replies, "That's about average in Yorkshire ... like I said, my boy's a typical Yorkshire baby boy. Gonna be a rugby league player."  Congratulations showered him from all around, amid many exclamations of "WOW!" One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

 

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar.  The bartender says, "Say, aren't you the father of that typical Yorkshire baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks. So, how much does he weigh now?"  The proud father answers, "Twenty pounds."

The bartender is puzzled, concerned and a little suspicious. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born!"  The Yorkshire man takes a slow swig of his Samuel Smith's, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,” Had him circumcised..."

 

 

 

There's this bird caled Mary, yeah?  She's a virgin (wossat then?).  She's not married or nuffink but she's got this boyfriend, Joe, innit?

He does joinery an' that.  Mary lives with him in a crib dahn Nazaref. 

 

One day Mary meets this bloke Gabriel.  She's like 'Oo ya lookin' at?'  Gabriel just goes 'You got one up the duff, you have.' 

Mary's totally gobsmacked.  She gives it to him large, 'Stop dissin' me yeah?  I ain't no Kappa-slapper.  I never bin wiv no one!'

 

So Mary goes and sees her cousin Liz who's six months gone herself.  Liz is largin' it.  She's filled with spirits, Bacardi Breezers an' that. 

She's like 'Orright, Mary, I can feel me bay-bee in me tummy and I reckon I'm well blessed.  Think of all the extra benefits an' that we gonna get.'  Mary goes 'Yeah, s'pose you're right.'

 

Mary an' Joe ain't got no money so they have to ponse a donkey an' go dahn Bethlehem on that. They get to this pub and Mary wants to stop, yeah?  To have her bay-bee an' that.  But there ain't no room at this inn, innit?  So Mary an' Joe break an' enter into this garridge, only it's filled wiv animals.  Cahs an' sheep an' that.

 

Then these three geezers turn up, looking proper bling, wiv crowns on their heads.  They're like 'Respect, bay-bee Jesus' and say they're wise men from the East End.  Joe goes 'If you're so wise, wotchoo doin' wiv this Frankenstein an' Myrrh?  Why dincha just bring gold, Adidas and Burberry?'

 

It's all about to kick off when Gabriel turns up again an' sez he's got another message from this Lord geezer. He's like 'The police is comin' an' they're killin' all the bay-bees, you better nash off to Egypt.'

 

Joe goes 'You must be monged if you think I'm goin' dahn Egypt on a minging donkey.' Gabriel says 'Suit yourself, pal.  But it's your lookout if you stay.'  So they go dahn Egypt till they've stopped killin' the first-born an' it's safe an' that. 

 

Then Joe and Mary and Jesus go back to Nazaref an' Jesus turns water into Stella lager.

  


 

 

Other news