a snippet of Dave Allen and some evening classes for men!
October, 20th 2006 00:05 AM

 

Picture the scene: a timid-looking, plainly-dressed middle-aged old man - his short hair well-oiled and sharply-parted, his small wire glasses picked out by a solitary shaft of light - stands in the middle of some dark and echoing room...

My Lord, may I speak to the ladies and gentlemen of the jury before they leave to reach the verdict, and before you, my Lord, pass sentence upon that verdict? Thank you. You have heard that for many years I lived a happy and simple bachelor existence. And, like most bachelors, I was rather set in my ways. I was an active member of the local church society. I also belonged to a small music appreciation group, made up of some very close friends. It was during one of these musical evenings that I first met the woman who was later to become my wife. She was actually everything that a man could have wished for: she was attractive, witty and intelligent, but, above all, she shared - or at least she gave the appearance of sharing - my interests. It was only in the following months that I began to see her as she really was. She created such embarrassing scenes that gradually, one by one, my friends began to stay away. I had to suffer her sulks, her fits of frenzied rage, her long accusing silences. Until eventually she just followed me about the house, nagging incessantly. There was no escape from her shrewish voice. And then, on the night referred to by the prosecution, she followed me down to the last sanctuary that I had: the cellar. My mind snapped. I could take no more. I picked up a hammer, and, as she turned to face me, mocking laughter fell from her twisted mouth. There was no fear in her eyes. She dared me to hit her - she actually dared me - and, God forgive me, I did. I struck again, and again, and again.

(A woman's voice calls out: ‘Henry!')

Yes, dear?

(‘What are you doing down there in the cellar?)

Just practising, just practising...

you can't make it up
you can't make it up

 

NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN

 

OPEN TO MEN ONLY

ALL AGES WELCOME

 

Note:  due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will only accept a maximum of eight participants

 

The course covers two days, and topics include: -

 

DAY ONE

 

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS

Step by step guide with slide presentation

 

TOILET ROLLS - DO THEY GROW ON HOLDERS?

Roundtable discussion

 

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET AND FLOOR

Practical session

 

DISHES & CUTLERY: DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY THEMSELVES TO KITCHEN SINK/DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?

Debate among a panel of experts

 

LOSS OF VIRILITY

Losing the remote control to your significant other - help line and support groups

 

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS

Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming: Open forum

 

 

DAY TWO

 

EMPTY MILK CARTONS: DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?

Group discussion and role-play

 

HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH

PowerPoint presentation

 

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST

Real life testimonial from one man who did

 

IS IT GENETICALLY POSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?

Driving simulation

 

LIVING WITH ADULTS: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER & YOUR PARTNER

Outline class and role-playing

 

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION

Relaxation techniques, meditation and breathing exercises

 

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE

Bring your diary or PDA to class

 

GETTING OVER IT: LEARNING HOW TO COPE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME

Individual counselling sessions

 

Other news