A  London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow

copper.

 He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from

London and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop.

He  decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow

cops  expense!

 Glasgow cop, 'Licence and registration please.'

 London Lawyer, 'What for?'

 Glasgow cop, 'Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

 London Lawyer,'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

 Glasgow cop, 'Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and

registration please.'

 London Lawyer, 'What's the difference?'

 Glasgow cop, 'The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop,

 that's

the law, Licence and registration please!'

 London Lawyer, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow

down  and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration, and you give

me the  ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

 Glasgow cop, 'Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle sir.'

 The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

 The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the s#!t out of

the  lawyer and says,

 'Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?' !!!

Dear Ted,

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt.

I walked back home to get my husband's help. When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in the bedroom with a neighbor lady making mad passionate love to her. I am 32, my husband is 34 and , we have been married for twelve years.

When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he went into the back yard and heard a lady scream, had come to her rescue but found her unconscious. He'd carried the woman back to our house, laid her in bed, and began CPR. When she awoke she immediately began thanking him and kissing him and he was attempting to break free when I came back. But when I asked him why neither of them had any clothes on, he broke down and admitted that he'd been having an affair for the past six months.

I told him to stop or I would leave him. He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. I don't feel I can get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely, Susie Fox

Dear Susie,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the clips holding the vacuum lines onto the inlet manifold for air leaks. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber

I hope this helps.

Ted