A man who just died is delivered to a Glesga mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

Big Tam the mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed.

He points out that the man does look very good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue.

She gives Tam a blank cheque and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day.

To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to Tam, 'Whatever the cost, I'm very satisfied.

You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful.

How much did you spend?'

To her astonishment, Tam presents her with the blank cheque.

'Nay charge, 'he says.

'No, really, I must pay you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, hen,' Tam says, 'it didnae cost nothin.

You see, a deed gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit.

I asked his missus if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit insteed, and she said it made nae difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So, I just switched their heeds.'

My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........
>
> I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat shit in the
> Glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
> Envelope that needs sealing. Also, I now have to scrub the top of every
> Can I open for the same reason.
>
> I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
> Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
> I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
> £15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating
> In their special e-mail program.
>
> Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split £7 million
> With me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died
> Intestate.
>
> I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out
> For me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
>
> I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
> Buffalo on a hot day.
>
> Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
> Forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
>
> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove
> Toilet stains.
>
> I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so
> A serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
>
> I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
> Perfume sample and rob me.
>
> I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
> For which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore
> And Uzbekistan.
>
> Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
> African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it
> Bites my bum.
>
> And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the £5.00 I found
> Dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex
> Molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
>
> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the Next 70
> Minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this
> Afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you
> To grow a hairy hump.
>
> I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next
> Door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
>
> By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
> Discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity
> Always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
>
> Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
>
>
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