A couple take in an 18 year old girl as a lodger.

She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bathroom and she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.  

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to play darts," she said.

So the girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday. 

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched as the girl got undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair and told her husband when he came home. 

He didn't believe her so she said: "Next week I'll leave a gap in the curtains so that you can see for yourself." 

The following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked, "Do you shave?" 

"No," said the girl. "I've just never grown any hairs down there." 

"Do you have hairs?" the young girl asked "Oh yes," said the woman and she showed off her great, hairy muff. 

When the husband got back in she asked: "Did you see?" "Yes," he said. "But why the f**k did you have to show her yours?" 

"Why?" she said. "You've seen it all before." 

"I know," he said, "but the f**king darts team hadn't!"

A Taliban suicide bomber pulls the plug and explodes.......................BOOM!!!

A short while later he finds himself on a huge white staircase leading towards the heavens, so he starts climbing up. After an hour of hard climbing, he arrives at a landing where an old man in white robes with a long flowing beard is sitting surrounded by ledgers.

'Excuse me sir' he says 'are you Mohammed?'
'No' replies the old man, 'I am St Peter, Mohammed is further up the stairs'.
'But this is wonderful news' screams the bomber, 'Mohammed is higher than St Peter! I can hardly believe it.'

With this he carries on climbing up the stairs. After an hour or so of hard climbing he arrives at another landing. Standing on the landing is a serene looking man with long hair and a long white beard. 'Excuse me sir' he says 'Are you Mohammed?'
'No' replies the old man, 'I am Jesus, Mohammed is further up the
stairs'.

'But this is amazing news' screams the bomber, 'Mohammed is higher than Jesus!I can hardly believe it, martyrdom is wonderful!!!'

With this he carries on climbing up the stairs. After another hour or so of hard climbing he arrives on a huge landing. There, sitting on a magnificent throne is another old man, with flowing white robes, beard and long white hair. 'Excuse me sir' he says 'are you Mohammed?'

'No' replies the old man, 'I am God.'

'But this is absolutely amazing news' screams the bomber, 'Mohammed is higher than God! I am so happy I can't believe it, martyrdom is more than wonderful!!!'

'You look tired my son' said God 'would you like to sit down and rest a while?'

'Oh yes' replied the bomber 'I am very tired and would love a rest before I carry on, thank you.'

The bomber sits down and God says
'You look thirsty my son, would you like a cup of coffee?'

'Oh yes please' replies the bomber 'I am most thirsty, thank you.'
With this God turns and snaps his fingers and shouts 'Oy, Mohammed, two coffees over here, and make it snappy!!'

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