.../...The Bailout.../...Congratulations.../...Christmas party.../...
December, 11th 2008 05:09 AM

The bailout; a different perspective. Back in 1990, the
Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for
tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it. They
failed and it closed.
Now we are entrusting the economy of our country to a pack
of nit-wits who couldn't even make money running a whore house.

 

An oldie doing the rounds again, but by gum it needs a read just for nostalgias sake

 

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE

1940's, 50's, 60's and 70’s!


First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while
they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and
processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or
cervical cancer.


Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright colored
lead-based paints.


We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when
we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks
we took hitchhiking.


As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.


We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.


Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds,
KFC, Subway or Nandos.


Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pmand didn't open on the weekends,
somehow we didn't starve to death!


We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE
actually died from this.


We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store
and buy  Toffees, Gobstoppers, Bubble Gum and some bangers to blow up
frogs with. We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft
drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......


WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!


We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were
back when the streetlights came on.


No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.??


We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride
down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses
and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars.


We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii, X-boxes, no video games at
all, no 999 channels on SKY, no video/dvd  films, no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!



We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no
Lawsuits from these accidents.



Only girls had pierced ears!



We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us
forever.



You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time...



We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays,



We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or
rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet!



RUGBY and CRICKET had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who
didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting
into the team was based on

MERIT



Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes and bully's always
ruled the playground at school.





The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!



Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora' and
'Blade' and 'Ridge' and 'Vanilla'




We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL!




And YOU are one of them!
CONGRATULATIONS!


You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up
as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our
own good.


And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how
brave their parents were.





PS -The big type is because your eyes are not too good at your age anymore

 

CHRISTMAS PARTY

FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 21st October 2008
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $20.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
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FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 22nd October 2008
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Pauline.
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FROM; Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 23rd October 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, 'AA Only', you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $20.00 is too much money and Management believe $20.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline.
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FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 24th October 2008
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply 'No Sugar' desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All F***ing Employees
DATE: 25th October 2008
RE: The F****ing Holiday Party.
Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the 'grill of death', as you so quaintly put it, you'll get your f***ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feelings too, They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing the scream right NOW!!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.
The Bitch from HELL!!!
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FROM: John Benson.( Acting Human Resources Director )
TO: All Employees
DATE: 26th October 2008
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
John Benson.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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