.../...From: Jeff Peter's.../...
June, 04th 2009 06:22 AM

From: Jeff Peters
Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 10.22am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Membership Renewal

Dear David
This is a friendly reminder to let you know your gym membership expired
last week. Your membership is important to us and we would like to take
this opportunity to show our appreciation by offering you a 20% discount
on your membership renewal. We look forward to seeing you again soon.

All the best,
Jeff Peters



From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 April 2009 1.37pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Membership Renewal

Dear Jeff,

Thankyou for your friendly reminder and the kind offer to reduce my
membership by twenty percent. I own a calculator but I could not work out
how to do percentages on it so have estimated that I save around $372.10
off the normal price of $420.00 - Please confirm that this is correct and
I will renew my membership immediately. Also, do I get a Fitness First
sports bag with towel and drinking bottle included in the price? I own my
own legwarmers and headband.

Regards,
David.


From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.01am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David

How did you come to that amount? Our half year membership fees are
actually $460 but with the 20% discount as an existing member your
renewing membership fee would be only $368 for the six months saving you
almost $100 off the normal price. We are not Fitness First so do not have
those bags.

Cheers, Jeff


From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 10.18am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Do I get free shipping with that?

Regards, David.



From: Jeff Peters
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 12.48pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Free shipping with what? The $368 covers your membership fees for six
months.



From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 April 2009 2.26pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

By the power of Greyskull that is a lot of money but I admit to being in
desperate need of increasing my body strength. My ten year old child
often  turns the taps off in the bathroom very tightly and I have to go
several  days without washing. I feel bad constantly having to ask the
lady from  next door to come over and loosen them for me, what with her
arthritis and  limited wheelchair access to my apartment. To be honest, I
originally joined your gym with full intentions of attending every few
days but after waiting in vain for someone to offer me steroids, I began
to suspect this was not going to happen and the realisation that I may
have to exercise instead was, quite frankly, horrifying. My aversion to
work, along with the fact one of your employees, Justin, was rather rude,
telling me to 'lift this', ''push that' dulled my initial enthusiasm of
becoming muscular and I stopped attending.

Regards, David.




From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 9.17am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Hello David

Not sure how to take your email, nobody here would offer you steroids,
it  is illegal and none of our staff would do this. Justin is one of our
most  experienced trainers and if you found him rude while he was trying
to be  helpful and just doing his job then there are plenty of other gyms
you  could look at joining instead.

Cheers, Jeff



From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.02am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

Yes, I have noticed that there are many gyms in my area. I assume the
low  qualification requirements of fitness trainers means that there is an
over  supply of these buffed but essentially otherwise purposeless
professionals. I knew a guy in high school who couldn't talk very well
and  collected sticks, he used to call the teacher 'mum' and during recess
we  would give him money to dance. Then sell him sticks to get our money
back.

He went on to become a fitness instructor so I view gyms as kind of
like  those factories that provide a community service by employing people
with  down syndrome to lick stamps and pack boxes. Except with more
Spandex  obviously.

Regards, David.




From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 10.32am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Go f*ck yourself.


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 11.38am
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Dear Jeff

I was, at first, quite surprised at your response; one minute you are
inviting me to renew my membership and asking me for money, the next
insulting me. After doing a little research however, I have learnt that
mood swings are an expected side effect of steroid abuse. As another side
effect is a reduction in the size of your p#$%, this gives you
understandable cause to be an angry person. I have also learnt that
Spandex contains carcinogenic properties so this does not bode well for
yourself and your shiny friends. If I woke up one morning and my p#$% was
a quarter of the size I would probably take my anger out on those around
me as well. There are probably support groups or websites that could help
you manage your problem more effectively and picture based books available
on the subject for people with limited reading skills.

When I am angry I like to Listen to music by Linkin Park. The added
angst  and desire to cut myself works similarly to the way firefighters
fight  forest fires by burning off sections, effectively canceling each
other out and I find myself at peace. I understand that you guys usually
listen to Pet Shop Boys or Frankie Goes to Hollywood so this may be worth
a try.

Regards, David.


From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.04pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

DO NOT EMAIL ME AGAIN


From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.15pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due


Ok.




From: Jeff Peters
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.25pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

Is that you being a smartarse or agreeing not to email me again?




From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 April 2009 1.32pm
To: Jeff Peters
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Membership Renewal Due

The middle one.

 

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