Crazy Fool's Newsround

it wasnt me
April, 06th 2011 20:41 PM

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The rugby bit:

Published 7.4.11

It wasn’t me…

In the thick of a very sticky week fool has hastily scrambled together some results for your palate – spit out what you don’t like…

Super 15’s:

The Force, oh the Force, by-flippety-the-fugging-Force lost to the Rebels 26-25 in a game that they just could just not get hold of/ Nonu’s just as despondent with his ‘Canes as their lacklustre backline haven’t got going all season, apart from Hosea Gear who’s comeback for this match sparked decency, as too did the ‘loosies’ in the eyes of Nonu, but his own mental picture? ‘I’m probably the lowest I’ve been in rugby’ – they lost to Bulls at home 14-26/ Still, the Reds won again, 30-25 thanks to a try and one assist from Quade/ Stormers stay top and the only side unbeaten with a 16-6 win over Sharks/ Highlanders saw off that other miserable outfit this season – Brumbies 26-20/ And Tah’s got a win – 26-16 over Chiefs.

Heineken Cup

The quarter’s in, ooh, April some time, we are now in April by the way, are: Northampton play Ulster – Leinster v Leicester – Perpignan against Toulon and Biarritz versus Toulouse.

Aviva Premiership;

Sarries took care of Bath 20-9 with David Strettle getting the only try and Matt’ sniffer’ Stevens back on the rampage to an England shirt with his MoM/ Leeds were inspired by that ‘pig-looking’ fella Thompson to a 27-22 win over Exeter. Hendrie Fourie and Alfie To’oala touched down/ The Irish have reached form with a win over lowly Wasps 25-12/ Northampton and Sale had a huge fight then the Saints scored 8 tries in a 53-24 rout/ Gloucester beat bottom of the league Newcastle 34-9/ And Quins were pipped by league leaders Leicester 13-17.

Magners: - why am I still on this page?

Leinster threw away an 11-point lead at half time to be run over by Munster 24-23/ Dragons beat Treviso 33-10/ Aironi came close to Edinburgh 16-17 but no cigars in the end/ Ospreys and Cardiff drew 26 each/ And Ulster pipped the Scarlets 20-18.

Top 14: Hands are still up; I don’t know.

fool says: He said the Rebels would win and they did, so he’ll say it again… Rebels will win! And they did, so sticking with fool’s roulette method he’ll plug for them again

Some shorts:

*Ex Bulls player Joseph Ntshongwana lands himself in court this month with charges of three counts of murder. His victims were hacked to death with an axe and one decapitated. A fourth survivor of the gang allegedly accused of raping Josephs daughter and infecting her with HIV said, ‘As the axe came down towards my head, I ducked and it scratched my stomach.’ He also claims his innocence and said the attack was instigated by pure evil

*Meanwhile Reds coach, McKenzie is up for two goats that he’ll personally donate to Africa’s Oxfam goat campaign. If the Reds win all their African touring games he’ll be up for 10. With a points system etched on tries scored and extra for a 4-try bonus scheme. Rod wants to out-strip last year’s tally of 54 with a record haul this season.

*Welsh players will receive a full cap in their 130^th game against the Baa Baa’s on 4^th June. That’s only happened twice before – can you guess which numbers!

*World rugby participation is up by 19%. Asia takes 18%, South America up 22%, Africa up 33%, Eastern Europe 22%. The Srills have the second highest Asian number of players in 103k – Japan the first. China has 5,430 registered players – up 13%. That’s a total of 5 million men women and children in 117 countries registered by the IRB – fuck all!

*Eden Park is to finally get a £300k larger than life bronze statue of Michael Jones scoring the first rugby world cup try in ‘87, which as everyone knows is a waste of money, it doesn’t count, clutching the proverbials, get over it – just win one. Plus, Jones is as fat as a house these days.

For the latest news ‘see’ crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon, top left of home page.

Some competitions now: If you’d like to take part in fool’s rugby comps check out the comps & results page –win a prize! – I should probably check it myself, as I can’t remember what comps are up for grabs.

Send your team(s) to cf.crazyfool@gmail.com – argh yes, teams.

end rugby here!

Tapas & Bodega: bodega, oh baby when you dance like that… Sangria, mojito’s, plenty, plenty, plenty of wine and beer; Plus, The best Spanish cuisine in Saigon this side of Spain - Which is just to the right of Vietnam, and perhaps a little off centre of Phuket. Cracking live music too.

A willow the wisp of cricket now:

And now ladies and gentlemen a thribble on the light side:

It’s over… it’s over…

Well thank Beelzebub’s breaches that’s over, now we can all go home.

Good night.

But just in case you’ve been subject to ‘Bloke Down the Pub’s’ spinning vortex on how to make the perfect poached egg, re: cooking show on fool’s Radio Show; The One With… hang on, I’m not sure we had a live muso that trip… perhaps it’s one of the Nam collection that’s still in the ‘can’ – Mike, help us out here.

Nevertheless, oh good you’re still there, nevertheless if you were to remove your head from the pre-amble spin you may have noticed a world cup final occurring, albeit most of it was smothered in Murali’s wild-eyes and the Sach’s devil taming Angel of cricket mantle he’s been so uncompromisingly awarded, by none-other than truth itself.

By all accounts and despite the appearance of a mad ‘fuzzy-wuzzy’ about to shaft a shiny one up Corporal Jones jacksy in an 1882 skirmish, Murali is apparently the Michael Landon of cricket and not, as so revered, that do-good bastard Sach – I’ll probably get shot for that.

But lo, fool digresses, for the man with the eyes didn’t add to his 1,334 wickets nor did the devil-tamer add many more runs to his 32, 785 tally, in fact just a mere 18.

Gambhir and Dhoni did the flailing with the bat on 97 and 91* respectively as India toppled the Srills’ 274-6 with a six into the crowd by Dhoni.

Jayewardene hit a ton off 84 balls and became the 6^th person to hit a century in a world cup final and the third to be on the losing side.

India’s 28 year wait to lift the trophy had state sponsors queuing up to give the player’s cash. Each player received £140k from the Board of Cricket in India, whilst MS Dhoni was handed a £280k cheque from the Delhi government. Punjab shook hands with Yuvraj Singh to the tune of £225k as did Maharashtra give the same to Sach. Yuvraj also received an Audi and most players benefited from lumps of real estate.

37 year-old Sachin discredited claims of dethronement and described winning this ‘dream’ as ‘speechless’, he said, ‘…’

Ireland in the meantime are fuming about their omission from the next world cup in Australia and New Zealand, despite being one place ahead in the rankings of ICC member accredited Zimbabwe.

The ICC has limited entry to 10 teams leaving Irish spokesman Barry Chambers to spit, ‘We’ve been absolutely shafted’.

It seems at least one point has been rammed home, if not a wee skew-whiff.

It’s early now and… - I’m done

The team that likes roll mops and partying and belts and rum and temptations and feathers and Steve Finn and proverbs and coordinates and pigeons and tiddly winks and Jessie’s! And spin and the Beatles and Buddy Holly and side-show Bob and Ant and Dec and capes and japes and basketball and indoor cricket and psyche and a good rib-dig and loose ends and first balls and a good roasting, and triple tons and whoa-ha-ha’s and cooking and cradles and Yorkshire puddings…and 2010/11 Ashes, and the Gods

Till next week…

GTM: Probably the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details.