Gentleman's survey
May, 16th 2006 04:05 AM

 

  Want to know if you're, or someone you know is a gentleman?
1. In the company of feminists, intercourse should be referred to as:
a) Lovemaking
b) Screwing
c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've 
both 
shared:
a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
b) Your blood-test results
c) Five tequila slammers
3. You time your orgasm so that:
a) Your partner climaxes first
b) You both climax simultaneously
c) You don't miss SportsCenter
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
a) Healthy, creative love-play
b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with 
is:
a) The best part of the experience
b) The second best part of the experience
c) $100 extra
6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the last 
month. You tell her that it is:
a) No concern of yours
b) Not a problem - she can join your gym
c) A conservative estimate
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
a) A myth
b) An oxymoron
c) A moron
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
a) Appetizer is to entree
b) Priming is to painting
c) A queue is to an amusement park ride
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying 
at the 
end of a relationship?
a) "I hope we can still be friends."
b) "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone...."
c) "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort 
of 
intimacy
b) Is uptight and a waste of time
c) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place
If you answered 'A' more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure 
you 
really are a man.
If you answered 'B' more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're still 
a 
little confused.
If you answered 'C' more than 7 times, call me up. Let's go drinking.

Here's something cf is a tad disdained and refrained to mention in such a refined rag, but just to prove he isn't a male showerist dominant pig - here's a slice of some women's wit:

p.s. some of the men'actions ring true.

 

How To Shower Like a Woman
>
>
>
>Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket According
>to lights and darks.
>
>Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
>
>If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
>
>Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do
>more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
>
>Get in the shower.
>
>Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and
>pumice stone.
>
>Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
>vitamins.
>
>Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
>
>Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
>
>Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
>red.
>
>Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
>
>Rinse conditioner off hair.
>
>Shave armpits and legs.
>
>Turn off shower.
>
>Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
>
>Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
>
>Get out of shower.
>
>Dry with towel the size of a small country.
>
>Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
>
>Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
>
>If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
>
>
>
>
>How To Shower Like a Man
>
>
>
>Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in
>a pile.
>
>Walk naked to the bathroom.
>
>If you see wife along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo'
>sound.
>
>Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
>
>Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.
>
>Get in the shower.
>
>Wash your face.
>
>Wash your armpits.
>
>Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
>
>Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
>
>Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
>
>Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
>
>
>Wash your hair.
>
>Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
>
>Wee.
>
>Rinse off and get out of shower.
>
>Partially dry off.
>
>Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath
>the whole time.
>
>Admire willy size in mirror again.
>
>Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor,light and fan on.
>
>Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
>
>If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the
>'woo-woo' sound again.
>
>Throw wet towel on bed.
>

 

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