Take the plunge!
May, 16th 2006 04:56 AM

 

    

There once was a bard of Hong Kong

Who thought limericks were too long

                                    Gerard Benson

Taking the Plunge

One day a boy said to a girl in a swimming pool

‘I'm going to dive in, are you?' She replied

‘No thanks. I bet you can't anyway.' So the boy

Got on the diving board and dived and said

‘See.'

The girl replied ‘Flipping eck!'

                                    (Simon Wilkinson)

Flipping eck, cor blimey, strewth,

You're my hero, that's the honest truth.

Lummy, crickey, lordy lord,

It's a long way down from that diving board.

Itchy beard and stone the crows,

Don't get chlorine up your nose?

Luv a duck and strike me pink,

You're slicker than the soap in the kitchen sink.

Knock me down with a sparrow's feather,

How about us going out together?

Groovy, t'riffick, brill and smashing,

Me ‘n' you, we could start things splashing.

Watcha cocky, tara, see ya,

Meet me for a coke in the cafeteria.

Haleluja and Amen,

If you like this poem you can read it again.

 

 

Gayly bedight,
A gallant knight,
In sunshine and in shadow,
Had journeyed long,
Singing a song,
In search of Eldorado.

But he grew old,
This knight so bold,
And o'er his heart a shadow
Fell as he found
No spot of ground
That looked like Eldorado.

And, as his strength
Failed him at length,
He met a pilgrim shadow:
``Shadow,'' says he,
``Where can it be,
This land of Eldorado?''

Over the Mountains
Of the Moon,
Down the Valley of the Shadow,
Ride, boldly ride,''
The shade replied,
``If you seek for Eldorado!''

What

 

 

FEMALE POEM
I Want a man that's handsome, smart and strong.

One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I want him to be gainfully employed,
And when I spend his cash, he not be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! For a man that makes love to my mind, and knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" 
I want that this man to love me to no end, And always be my very best friend. 


MALE POEM 

I want a deaf-mute, nymphomaniac with huge tits who owns a pub, a plasma TV and a bass boat.
I know this doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.

 

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