Crazy Fool's Newsround - people who sing

people who sing
September, 08th 2010 14:41 PM

FRaS

Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:

“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”

Stump up

‘Stumpy’ was nineteenth century slang for money

Educated Puns

The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large

Letters:

The making of a geezer;

‘I can’t eat all these chips.’ – POOF

‘It’s a bit nippy out here in it’ – POOF

‘You’re having another! Your wife’s gonna kill yer’ – POOF

‘Care!’ – GEEZER

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

People singing in public – we’re not talking rock stars, but girls, mostly. Predominantly Asian girls. Girls that sing with soul and passion when no-one else is around. Love songs, namby-pamby love songs. Songs like Wet Wet Wet songs.

I was having a swim the other day and in between getting the bends, from being mildly unfit, a woman was sat nearby, with nothing else to do but sing sweet melodies, to either herself or me I’m not sure. Probably from sheer fear of her close proximity to a bearded, huffing and puffing whale vomiting in the pool. I suppose it’s almost comforting to sing in times of crisis, to face the fear almost, like the Christians at the back of a wagon train hunted by the Indians or camp fire songs bourne from conjured axe wielding maniacs cut loose from Jack Nicholson’s hotel.

But, it’s not that I fear singing, oh Lord Cum-by-argh, but real attempts at singing, because the folk ranting my nether regions are the ones that do it in libraries, at bust stops, at traffic lights and campsite showers where only the privacy of their lathering is disturbed by the cool air drifting through a bore hole in the ply-wood back wall!

But seriously; what is it all that about – waiting for an agent to zap them up. I also hate all that Black love song music where the bloke, and I use the term loosely, warbles in some dumbfounded rant of how he saw her at the supermarket the other day, …oh yeah baby, you were buying orange juice and my heart squeezed a beat.

Don’t get all PC on me now, I’ve nothing about race, love or sentiments, just fucking useless idiots who think Michael Bolton is the Messiah and that Mother of all swimming pool singers Celine Dion the epitome of sincere.

Next week, getting your hand stuck in a sweaty bread bag – but now, People singing in public - Bastards!

Things that are just Sweet Love:

Lumberjacks tree fellas, no Irish jokes please, – or cowboys as the case maybe in my garden right now. Carved up the lawn with their over-loaded trucks, chopped down the trees stoked in flip-flops and on red bull, then fell the main trunk onto the sala’s tiled roof – all with a smile and an oops, sorry, like I give a fuck – cracking – landlady picked up the tab.

A viewer’s favourite haystacks from Bosnia – has finished – this week we are going to look at this:

Let’s look at rocks:

Ok, what else is on in cfnr this week?

See; Categories for all that’s on offer, in the meantime fool recommends these:

*cf'’s radio show featuring Digger:

Playing NOW the one with:

Snoop Dig

Plus all the ‘oldies’: Randall, Adam & Valerie, Olda Higden, One Eyed Dog, Risky Red, the long forgotten Christmas show and its Typewriting September predecessor, - new one coming soon - look out for the fish!

*Tit-bits – .../…Whatever you give…/……/…/…/…

*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – NEW! – Brand new menu in crazy fool’s kitchen/café – see poetry corner – nuff said

*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’

*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you

*Classifieds

*Comps and results

*Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…really, just around the corner…’

Mr. Meaner... come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -

*crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies – available; only from…coming back soon

Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like the potatoes – pure laziness! They’re wind free too (almost)

Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s T-shirt ‘menu’ and choose your shirt!

Plus; every T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to charity