Crazy Fool's Newsround - ketchup and punctures

ketchup and punctures
September, 22nd 2010 23:37 PM

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Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:

“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”

Nap

‘Nap’ is the shortened version of an Old English word hnappian meaning to take a short sleep’.

Educated Puns

A backward poet writes inverse

Letters:

The making of a geezer;

‘I can’t eat all these chips.’ – POOF

‘It’s a bit nippy out here in it’ – POOF

‘You’re having another! Your wife’s gonna kill yer’ – POOF

‘Care!’ – GEEZER

‘I changed a car tyre in the rain today’ - Geezer

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

Ketchup bottles and punctures - Having already declared last week that changing a tyre in the rain was ‘true love’, getting one on your bicycle with gout isn’t.

It wasn’t even a sodding puncture, but whilst in a queue to put more air in my tyre, an old gif and another family hogged the air pump to squeeze a mere 2PSI in their clapped out old pick ups. By the time it got to me, the ill-fitting nozzle ejected all the air then the bastard machine broke down, not to work again.

So walking several miles in the blistering heat, navigating the busiest road in town, just to find all the alternative garages had closed and my toe was killing me. I sweated like a man who just been kicked out for sleeping on the kitchen floor with his head in the fridge (again) and so desperately looked for air and a bed I hobbled into the night.

Didn’t get the air, got an exorbitant priced bed and watched a kid smash the end of a new ketchup bottle trying desperately to create an air hole to dislodge the bastard juice and all I wanted to do was tell him to stick a knife in the end, but I couldn’t, I was too far gone, the gout, the weight of the bike, the hole in my wallet, the sweat, oh god, the sweat and thus the sheer exasperation of human kindness had been drained from me into a pit of supreme negligence.

After a messy 72 hours I’ve since grovelled myself back into the land of home comforts, written a letter to Ketchup explaining some kind of valve is needed and pumped up the tyre which now bulges where part of the tyre has detached from the rim of the wheel and I now ride with a limp – ketchup and punctures - Bastards!

Things that are just Sweet Love:

Files in computer – having recently discovered them I’ve sorted perhaps 75% of ‘documents’ into them, which means I now have around 1000 files, all named differently from when they were in my previous chaotic order, but hey that’s progress.

A viewer’s favourite haystacks from Bosnia – has finished – this week we are going to look at this:

Not this week

Let’s look at fart:

Not this week

Ok, what else is on in cfnr this week?

See; Categories for all that’s on offer, in the meantime fool recommends these:

*cf'’s radio show featuring Digger:

Playing NOW the one with:

Snoop Dig

Plus all the ‘oldies’: Randall, Adam & Valerie, Olda Higden, One Eyed Dog, Risky Red, the long forgotten Christmas show and its Typewriting September predecessor, - new one coming soon - look out for the fish!

*Tit-bits – .../…4 horses…/……/…/…/…

*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – NEW! – Brand new menu in crazy fool’s kitchen/café – see poetry corner – nuff said

*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’

*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you

*Classifieds

*Comps and results

*Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…ding dong merrily on high…’

Mr. Meaner... come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -

*crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies – available; only from…coming back soon

Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like the potatoes – pure laziness! They’re wind free too (almost)

Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s T-shirt ‘menu’ and choose your shirt!

Plus; every T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to charity