Crazy Fool's Newsround

confusion
July, 08th 2010 14:52 PM

Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:

“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”

fool apologises for the mistake in last week’s edition concerning Saigon Sound System and wants to make it absolutely clear that the Blues Brothers Tribute Show will not be playing at Hifi on 9^th July and will never play @Hi-Fi again – you can catch Jake and Elwood and Mike on bongos at the Hard Rock Café instead on 10^th July.

Educated Puns

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I’m not sure that’s true but I do know Digger is an expert on King Arthur…Digger?

Letters:

BP have found the answer to the Yanks keep stealing their oil and coating their beaches:

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

Confusion – I’m completely at sea upon landing in a civilised country that relies so fervently on technology that it has become nigh on impossible to function.

If you’re not already an Alien, as the doctor told me, then it’s even more challenging convincing suspicious minds at the phone shop that you haven’t been locked away in the Big House for the last twenty years just because you haven’t got a clue how the modern world works.

Fresh air is the first greeting; a mixture of diesel fumes and chip fat, but at least its cool, quite opposite to what the locals try to convince me a humid week. I’ve been cycling, walking and turned the heating up to 25ºC in the car and not once have I broken into a sweat.

Then a plethora of beaurocracy endorsed by digitalism and invisible transactions through the simplest of tasks such a buying a wireless memory stick takes a form the size of the Magna Carta to fill out, on screen of course, including bank statements and proof of id and addressed mail; all just to use the bloody internet. Why do they have shops if you can’t just buy stuff, but have to go through the whole buy online business, which is what you try to get away from in the first place.

Whilst figuring out what a dingle dongle dougall was with the exasperated shop assistant, at least three ‘customers’ came in asking if they could unlock phones they’d bought on e-bay, ‘legit like’ for their daughter who are going to Uni. If every bloke stinking of piss aged 30 with ‘arse’ tattooed on his forehead has got a daughter attending Uni then I’m a crazy fool.

Off to the post office where a lady asks me if I can put a value on the contents of my ‘special delivery’ post envelope, of which I don’t know, as it’s a passport, so I ask, ‘How much do you value a passport these days?’, while the queue behind me for the 5 o’clock last post tut and mutter, ‘he’s not from round here is he’, the lady behind the counter replies ‘I don’t know’, ‘nor do I’ says I, so she says, ‘I’ll say nothing then’, I say, ‘ok’, and like a wayward volt from a trippy space invaders machine I shudder momentarily in realisation that I’ve probably just sold my life to a she-goat from the northern Punjab, who’s been waiting to join her husband in Birmingham who had to marry the darn thing as a penance for persistent rogering of the horny little bastard, whilst visiting relatives in his homeland. ‘How was your holiday?’ “Yeah, great, superb Rogan josh, in fact I fell in love with it…’

Having consoled myself with the immortal and comforting words of, ‘oh fuck it’ I toddled off home to switch on the telly to watch adverts for toothpaste and deodorant consisting of naked women in cornfields with bums and boobs on show – shopping at the chemist the next day was such a let down - Confusion - Bastards!

Things that are just Sweet Love:

Favourite recurring bogies and the smell cow shit.

A viewer’s favourite haystacks from Bosnia – has finished – this week we are going to look at this:

Let’s look at rocks:

Ok, what else is on in cfnr this week?

See; Categories for all that’s on offer, in the meantime fool recommends these:

*cf'’s radio show featuring Digger:

Playing NOW the one with:

Snoop Dig

Plus all the ‘oldies’: Randall, Adam & Valerie, Olda Higden, One Eyed Dog, Risky Red, the long forgotten Christmas show and its Typewriting September predecessor, - new one coming soon - look out for the fish!

*Tit-bits – .../… Total…/……/…/…/…

*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – NEW! – Brand new menu in crazy fool’s kitchen/café – see poetry corner – nuff said

*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’

*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you

*Classifieds

*Comps and results

*Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…Baa…’

Mr. Meaner... come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -

*crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies – available; only from the Blue Gecko

Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like the potatoes – lazy gits! They’re wind free too (almost)

Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s T-shirt ‘menu’ and choose your shirt!

Plus; every T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to charity