with an Olympic twist!
June, 12th 2008 03:51 AM

It appears that Adelaide Raven supporters have gone to new heights in their efforts to incite rival Port Adelaide fans.  The following was sent to Digger by a Raven fan so any readers taking umbrage at the following do not contact Digger as no correspondence will be entered into. 

Port Adelaide for 2016 Olympics  
 
Supporters For The Port Adelaide 2016 Olympic Games Bid...  
 
Port Adelaide has entered into the running for the 2016 Olympics, with such a well thought out plan I think they are in with a chance!  
 
The Olympic Flame will be ignited by a petrol bomb thrown by a local of Taperoo wearing a counterfeit Fubo shirt, stolen Billabong board shorts & to keep with tradition no shoes.

100 METRE SPRINT  
 
Competitors will start outside Hungry Jacks Port Adelaide, and will have to hold a VCR & a Microwave (one in each arm) and, on the sound of the starter's gun, a Police dog will be released from a cage 10 metres behind the athletes.

100 METRE HURDLES  
 
As above but with added obstacles, car bonnets, hedges, garden beds, fences, walls etc.

HAMMER THROW  
 
Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw, sledge etc). The winner will be the one who can cause the most grievous bodily harm to Victorian residents and their caravans visiting West Beach Resort within the time allowed.

SHOOTING  
 
A strong challenge is expected from the men in this event.  The first target will be a moving Police vehicle. In the second round, competitors will aim at the Port Adelaide Post Office Clerk, Mobil Petrol Station Console Operator or Bottleshop Attendant.

BOXING  
 
Entry to the boxing will be restricted to husband and wife teams and will take place on a Friday night. The husband will be given 15 glasses of Bourbon and Coke at the Ramsgate Hotel, while the wife wearing bike pants, an old T-shirt, and thongs will be told not to make him any dinner when he gets home. To charge him further she will ask him to remove the old commodore transmission from the bath.

CYCLING TIME TRIALS  
 
The competitor will attend the Port Mall Shopping Centre where they will obtain a bicycle stolen from a Portside Christian school student, they will then be pitted against the clock. Bonus points will be awarded for a helmet, which would have been procured at the time of getting the bike.

MEN'S 50KM WALK  
 
Unfortunately this is now cancelled, as organisers cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of Port Adelaide.

GYMNASTICS  
 
The Beam will be replaced by a strip of gutter along St Vincents Street, outside Centrelink. The event will commence at closing time - we expect some rather difficult dismounts to be performed on this apparatus.  The floor routine will be conducted in the padded cell of the Adelaide Jail.

CLOSING CEREMONY  
 
Entertainment will include a bonfire made out of the Taperoo Primary School, accompanied by a local pub cover band. The Olympic Flame will be extinguished by the Port Adelaide Mayor by urinating from the base of the spire in a cascading effect. The stadium (to be constructed within the Portmall Carpark) will then be boarded up before local athletes break in to it and remove all the copper piping, electrical wiring and air conditioners.

Thanks to Big Marto for the above. 

So there is no better place to start than Port's final quarter capitulation to Carlton on their own dung heap.  The Blues after kicking a solitary goal in each of the first 3 quarters kicked 7 in the last quarter and came from 5 goals down to win by 2 goals.  No wonder the Power can only get 25,000 fans at their games.  Mr. Smug could be in strife. 

Geelong could not shake off a determined North Melbourne outfit on the Friday night and if not for another super effort from Gazza Junior could have been in real trouble.  Cameron Mooney slotted 7 majors for the Cats in their 13 point win. 

Richmond led the ravens at half time of their match and then went walkabout in the second half.  The Adelaide team piled on 15 goals to 5 in that half leaving the Tigers spectators.  Scott Thompson continued his fine form with another 6 sausage rolls. 

Sydney had an attack of stage fright when they hosted the Weagles and a huge upset appeared on the cards.  Although failing to score a goal in the 3rd stanza the Weagles till led by 14 points at the lemon break and looked a chance.  However Sydney was having none of that, doubled their goal tally from 6 to 12 in the last and ran out 5 point winners. 

Essendon are the whipping boys of the AFL and were whacked by Hawthorn last weekend.  Lance Franklin on fire with 9 goals.  Are we looking at the last couple of weeks of football for Matthew Lloyd?  Do not be surprised if he tosses it in soon. 

In other games, Brisbane handed the Frementals another loss, St. Kilda were thrashed by the Western Bulldogs although the scoreboard does not indicate a thrashing and Collingwood out lasted a gallant Melbourne side in the Queens Birthday blockbuster. 

Lat year Digger told you at the half way stage of the season that 90 points would win most games.  This year it is 102 points that will probably get you across the line.  Try telling that to Ross Lyons. 

Brad Hardie probably the fattest bloke to win a Brownlow Medal is auctioning the said Brownlow to pay what is believed to be a 30,000 AUD debt. 

Digger will let you know for sure next week but it appears that a very high profile "something of the Century" is tipped to be the guest at this years AFL Grand Final Brunch.  Suggestions on a beer coaster to the normal address. 

This weekend could be a toughy for tipsters but as per the norm Digger is here to help you out. 

Essendon versus the West Coast on Friday night and the whipping boys could hand out a whipping.  Tough travel agenda for the Weagles while Essendon have nothing to be tired about.  Essendon by 3 goals at the Dome. 

Western Bulldogs are in top form and so are the Brisbane boys so Saturday's clash should be a pearler.  Bradshaw out really hurts the Lions while Murphy back for the pups is a great fillup for them.  Digger sees the Bulldogs continuing on their merry way with a 5 goal victory. 

Fremantle hosts North Melbourne and rumor has it that the boys in the wild west have set a gallows up as part of the after the game entertainment.  Will that be enough incentive for the Mentals?  The Northener's travel well, always give 100% and are tough and uncompromising.  The visitors by three goals. 

With Barry Hall back Sydney will beat St. Kilda easily. 

We will see how good Adelaide is when Hawthorn travels there for a Saturday night clash.  Given fine weather it will be the Buddy and Thommo show and high scoring should ensue. I feel that Adelaide have been living a lie and Hawthorn should romp in. 

Geelong play Port Adelaide the team they seem to play every third week.  No problem getting the result right here.  Geelong.  Although it should be noted that Port did beat Geelong at Geelong last year.  But that was when they were having a go. 

Collingwood V Carlton.  Hot pies, Collingwood. 

The co-tenants of the ‘G, Richmond and Melbourne meet on Sunday in what should be an entertaining match.  Richmond to win.  Nuff said. 

Well as we enter the second half of the season the final 8 looks settled already.  Is there a smokey that can out of the pack?  Digger cannot see one.  Do you? 

Let Digger know your thoughts in an email to diggerafl@yahoo.com.au 

Until Hell Freezes Over, 

Digger

 

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