Crazy Fool's Newsround - 9th - 15th October 09 volume 350

9th - 15th October 09 volume 350
October, 14th 2009 17:36 PM

“You walk up to those traffic lights,

Switch from your left to your right

You push in that button, and when that button comes alight

It tells you

“Walk don’t walk

Talk don’t talk”

(Boomtown Rats)

‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – it’s all in

crazy fool’s newsround

in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus the radio show – with a new look!

That was the week weren’t it;

The scene: James Cagney is atop a blazing chemicals factory spouting an incandescent rant to his ma when the Boomtown Rats pass by whilst auditioning for the prison authorities Wandering Minstrels Band with Vidal Sassoon their stand in lead singer as Bob is off having a Dark Continent.

James: See me ma, top of the world

Rats: Billy take a walk, take a walk, take a w-a-l-k, Billy take a walk, take a walk, take a w-a-l-k, Billy take a walk, take a walk, take a w-a-l-k, I said BILLY…take a walk with me

Vidal: Ooh, slick back, in this heat, No James, its curtains for you

Narrator: And still no one knows what the fool is talking about…except you, yes you do, go on admit it. You’re only fooling yourself. No, I’m not going to roll the credits till you admit it…there, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, no – roll the quiz:

1. What was James Cagney’s characters name in White Heat?

2. What do a tinchel of men do?

3. A sea containing many islands is called what?

4. Which industry’s demands meant that rubber production increased in the last century?

5. In which country could you visit Umm?

6. What does a petrologist study?

7. Which letter in Braille comprises of a single raised dot?

8. Roughly what is the Earth’s circumference around the equator? A) 31,026 B) 15, 807 C) 24, 902

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him, manually, on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

WHO AM I? – 2009 – Very quick off the hoof this week with a second stabbing at the answer was The Eagle with the correct offering of Tony Curtis. The Eagle also noted that Eric should have been spelt with a ‘K’ and not a ‘C’ as appointed in Clue No.1, “I was once Eric, in 1958 to be precise, and when a ridiculously large horn blew we were all came running.” – So now to a new clue, a new clue, a new clue…No.1, “Loosely a rat I was on the beaches when the Stranglers noticed me!”

Is it me?

This is the 2009 Main Comp series - with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in: For previous results in the Main Comp – check the *comps and results page.

Scores at the end of week 39 or 40 if we’re strictly going by the Gregorian calendar and due to the fact fool’s missed a week.

For those who like ones; one’s and brackets and LZ:

Dracule: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1)

Legal Eagle: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 + 1 bonus point)

Hannibal Lecherure: the song remains the same (LZ):

Silent Third Party, formerly known as Quizmaster: 1, 1, 1, 1 (1)

Casualty: zip

Aye: 1 (1)

Others: 1

Quote(s) for the week:

Alexei Sayle (as John Cleese): Excuse me, is this a cheese shop?

Rik mayall (as Michael Palin): Errr, no, sir!

Sayle: Well, that’s that sketch knackered then, innit?

The Young Ones

*Non-descript trivia moment*

LAY vs MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY

Tummy rumbling…Borborgmy

Tennis elbow…Lateral epicondylitis

That thing at the back of the throat…Uvula

Athlete’s foot…Tinea pedis

The ridge over the top lip…Philtrum

fool’s Gold

Fitness, say experts, can be achieved by a few minutes of full-out exercise a day – such as high-intensity cycling – relieving us of all the excuses that we haven’t got to exercise

The album Abbey Road was going to be called “Everest”

Drivers in Belgium keep the same number plate on their cars all their lives

Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:

“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

The many and often misguided ways for the spelling of the interjection ‘argh’. Not to be confused with er, err or even errm, which is technically to make a mistake or an error, taken from the Latin errare, which curiously means ‘to wander’ and not, as erroneously portrayed a bastard son of error. Moving on; ‘Argh’ itself would carry the value of mild astonishment, one suspects from the word aghast, but perhaps slightly less potent. Matter not, for the point being is its spelling, and far from denoting its gay-er cousin ‘ah’ which encompasses acknowledgment or surprise, or even pity, however the more prolonged and manly ‘argh’ saddles varied connotations and mixed blessings of such degrees as; worthiness, agreement, furore and encouragement, whilst cradling the brim-filled tankard of firm handed expletives. Again, let’s not get confused here with the northerly tipped twang of ‘aye’ which should firmly be left to the kilted bearded gingers and their wielding accentuated axe. Then there’s of course the blackguard’s cry of ‘Aaarrrggghhh’, which for reasons known only to the sea-faring plunderers of mirth, misadventure and free-booting whose need be must to holler their intent across a choppy tide in order to reach the rigging, and of course the Dirty Geckos. Anyway, the misspelling of ‘argh’ - Bastards!

Things that are just Sweet Love:

Errm, argh, let’s see now there’s a tricky one

A viewer’s favourite haystacks from Bosnia – has finished – this week we are going to look at this:

This is another plane:

And now this bit:

Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors…

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Alibi: Good food, good wine, good beer, come here. It’s in Saigon – they have five big flat screen TV’s – pretty good to catch all your sport on; plus, plenty of boogieing to their live music and party nights

Don't forget the *classifieds – something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.

Ok, what’s on in cfn this week?

See; Categories for all that’s on offer, in the meantime fool recommends these:

*Digger; passes comment

*Trigger: on the hoof

*cf'’s radio show featuring Digger:

Playing NOW the one with:

Adam and Valerie

Plus all the ‘oldies’: Olda Higden, One Eyed Dog, Risky Red, the long forgotten Christmas show and its Typewriting September predecessor, - new one coming soon - look out for the fish!

*Tit-bits – .../…A small boy was at the shopping centre…/……/…/…/…

*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – NEW! – Brand new menu in crazy fool’s kitchen/café – see poetry corner – nuff said

*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’

*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you

*Classifieds

Here’s a question for you: Anyone selling a rowing machine!

*Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…are on their way …’

Mr. Meaner... come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -

*crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies – available from the Blue Gecko

Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like the potatoes – lazy gits! They’re wind free too (almost)

Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s T-shirt ‘menu’ and choose your shirt!

Plus; every T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to charity

I’ll take a T-shirt

This bit is the rugby bit:

Published 15.10.09

36!

Hold on to your hat, it’s the Heineken Cup:

Ulster swamped Bath in a rain soaked Ravenhill 26-12. Timoric Nagusa snuck the first try by picking the ball from a ruck and sprinting away, with Willie Faloon going over for the second. / Leinster were pipped by London Irish 12-9. It was 6 a piece at half time and the Irish, the real Irish thought they had the advantage as a chip ahead put them in space, however, the ref blew the final whistle and everyone got angry, except the Irish…the London Irish. / Gloucester beat Dragons 19-17 despite two first half tries from the Welsh. Gloucester’s Akapusi Qera snuck one back for the West Country boys off the flank. / Cardiff demolished Quins 20-6, where little attacking flair troubled the Blues and two tries from their own wings in James and Halfpenny sealed it. / Northampton edged past Munster 31-27, with Shane Geraghty the star again – scored one, created two. / Shock of the Cup came from Trevisio after they beat Perpignan 9-8. They’ve beaten HC teams before but this was by far their biggest scalp. / Edinburgh suffered horribly to Stade Francais, losing 7-31. It was 28-0 at half time with three tries on the board. / Biarritz provided a big finish to end another wise pretty dire game and took Glasgow 22-18. / In the pick of the weekend Leicester and Ospreys shared 64 points evenly with young Tiger, 20 year old Billy Twelvetrees taking a try and 14 points in total. Geordan Murphy calls him 36. / Toulouse had a five try romp over Sale’s second string with Medard opening and Clerc and Donguy both getting two. / And Wasps held Racing Metro 92 – 18-13 in a wet and uninteresting game.

Guinness Premiership (HC)

The Top14 (HC)

Magners League (HC)

ANZ Cup

Waikato beat Otago 35-29 in a highly entertaining game – and that’s journalism at its best!

Some shorts:

The Cip’s found the injury room again, this time a hairline fracture on his right fibula. That’s a six weeker and him out of the Autumn Tests. What’s he made of, butter?

Rocky’s got the nod for captaincy for their centenary tour, with Berrick Barnes his No.2. That surprised a few people, none more than Stirling who makes the squad after injury, but even more so to The Git who thought he was in with a shout. But Rocky didn’t hesitate and said, “As always the case Deansy was pretty straight forward and just asked me whether I thought I’d be up to it and whether I’d be interested and I was.” – So that’s that then. The Wallabies kick start their European tour with a Bledisloe Cup game in Tokyo, which is not in Europe.

Lastly, Romanian clubs CSU Arad and RCM Timisocra had a 30 man brawl including subs and coaches. In amongst the missing teeth, broken noses and vodka was RCM boss Danut Borzes who said, “We received threats before the match.” – Well, then he should have told them to walk this way. – I’ll leave it there.

Some competitions now:

WIN a PRIZE!

John Smit’s XV; films where the villain is played by a Brit –: have some fun and try to name the actor!!! - This particular team will be finished… fool promises! – Only two to get.

If you’re wondering why it’s John Smit’s XV, it’s because he’s the current World Cup winning captain, so we’ve got another three bloody years of him yet!

15. Salom's Lot 14. Robin Hood 13. The Patriot 12. The Great Race 11. Pink Panther 10. Day of the Jackal 9. Silence of the Lambs 8. Braveheart 7. Lord Voldahart or as fool thinks it; Lord Vodaphone 6. Die Hard 5. Dracula (Any with Christopher Lee) 4. Bramstokers Dracula 3. ? 2. Snake from the Simpsons 1. ?

There’s a free t-shirt in the post for anyone who can up with the props here – I’m sick of it – ha, ha…nurse… - have received two props recently in Ray Winston and Bob Hoskins, but what were the films?

end rugby here!

Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:

As Broad as it is Long

If you get knocked out of the Champions League before the Super 8’s you get £300,000, which is about AUS$524 385.447 or US$479,970.

I know that because the Sussex Sharks had the first, technical, penalty shoot-out with the Diamond Eagles for a spot, but didn’t make it. If such a ‘shootout’ occurs then three batsmen get 6 balls. However, Sussex failed with the balls and took the booty, which wasn’t all bad because they had a whale of a time and said they’d be back next year, competition success permitting.

It seems being an international cricketer can be quite the jaunt, although the high capes can be as Broad as they are long and whilst Stuart Broad’s ex missus Chloe Mosley secured her first modelling job, in the lingerie world no less, Broad himself has landed a sneak preview of what life might be like as an all rounder.

Chloe was said the have got the job by being spotted by the cameraman as she used to watch Stuart perform for Nottinghamshire and England and was soon snapped up by a firm. I wonder if that really is a happy go lucky story or just complete bollocks. Either way knowing Broad was not a bad thing.

But as for his potential all rounder status Warney reckons the selectors are dreaming. Broad did wield a fanciful slog or two over the summer but that hardly puts him in the double bubble club. Warney has categorically stated he likes the cut of the young lad’s tools but as an international all rounder – forget it.

As for Luke Wright’s admission on the South African tour he (Warney) only favoured the notion for what must be experience. In fact the whole cricketing world and his wife frowned not soley upon Wright’s admission but more Harmy’s omission. It seems his act of tough talking, a chance at spearheading authority and determination for once has back fired on the Durham paceman. Harmy stated that he would only go to South Africa if he were to play in the actual XI. Head of selectors Geoff Miller’s decision was made there and then, “I understand what he is saying, there is no point, as an experienced player walking around and carrying the drinks but he has to get into the team on quality and ability

Well now they have Wrighty to mix the drinks and Harmy can stay at home with Hoggy who was recently released from Yorkshire and is thus far cricketless. Just what did exactly happen to his England career. Ever since his book he’s been given the cold shoulder. All very confusing just like the name of his book; Hoggy: Welcome To My World: The Peculiar World of Mathew Hoggard – was £10.99 on Amazon is now £8.49 or AUS$14.8 or US$13.5 – read about Hoggy and his dogs. – I think I’d better turn it in now.

That’s it for this week

Other sports:

Button needs a 3^rd in Brazil to call it a day. His 14 points clear of team mate Rubens and 16 of Vettel. But a lot of people are talking about The Ham of late and his second half season’s surge. If anything else as exciting as that comes through you’ll be the first to know.

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Dave ‘the mind persuader’ Knight claims an 85% success rate in making women’s boobs bigger by hypnosis. Its all there in black and white on his cd – eh – where he simply says, “Your breasts are growing…growing larger now.” He also has the power to firm them up a tad and right lopsidedness. Dave said, “Every lady’s breasts have been grown by the mind, the mind grows it, so the mind can enhance it. Fact.” – I don’t think any thing else has to be said.

Australian great gran Ruth Frith competed in the World Master Games in Sydney in the shot putt for the over 100’s. She got gold too, she was the only putter and she putted 4.07m’s. There were 28 different sports in all with 77 year old Osmo Millridge taking gold in the over 70’s steeplechase and long time competitor Santa O’Clause reeking of gold in the 100m’s.

The naked X-ray machines are back on trial in airports with Manchester conducting the latest batch. A clear outline is portrayed revealing all the bits and even if implants had been inserted. One operator peruses the images in a room ‘out the back’ and after all the evidence has been seen it is deleted, so don’t think you’ll end up on YouTube. There is a choice whether you use the RapiScan or go through the normal channels of removing your belt, shoes and old shrapnel bits. On the other end of the scale Polaroid cameras are making a huge comeback, so you can still get your kicks there.

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! “There is not one single recognisable band to come from Belgium – fact.” fool

Miss Homeless of Belgium was revealed this week with Therese Van Belle 58 pipping the other nine finalists. Therese won a rent free flat for the year where organiser Alice Duportail claimed, “It was about the contestants inner strength and determination to get themselves out of their old life and onto a new path.” On the other hand activist Jacqueline Aubens screeched, “I am outraged. These girls have turned into puppets parading their own life. Absolutely pathetic.” – Some people are never happy eh.

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, but has actually been replaced by Steve Wright: “What happens if you get scared half to death twice?”

The ‘Short Statured People’s Association are also not happy. They’ve been bagging the three dwarfs who dressed as jockeys and rode on punter’s backs in a race at an Australian Cranbourne Cup meet. Racing Minister Rob Hulls jumped on the whinging wagon to keep with the PC brigade but had anyone thought to have asked the ‘jockeys’? Jeremy Hallon was one of the paid actors and he said, “I’m out there acting as a character. If members of the public can’t differentiate between the character and the person, then that’s their problem.” – Well said wee man.

Gladstone!

Meanwhile the world’s wee-iest man Khagendra Thepa Mager from Nepal is just, that a man now. He’s just turned 18 and is officially the worlds smallest man, dwarfing the previous impostor at 2ft 5inches with a whopping five inches less. His dream is to go to America where he says, “I can show them my dancing moves and I can show people how good I am at karate.” – Argh, a karate man, where do you think he trained? There must be a whole school for little people, down Little Street, above a little shop no doubt.

Dan Seddiqui on the other hand, lot of other hands this week, is a strapping 27 year old financial analyst; well he was before the recession. When he couldn’t find a job after 40 interviews he decided to go from state to state in the States and get a job a week. They ranged from petroleum engineer, stockbroker, syrup processor, music studio technician, weatherman and a Las Vegas wedding planner. His best number was bar tending in Louisiana during Mardi Gras. His worst a lobster man. He made £38k from the gigs and will probably get a book out of it and a cable TV show. That’s all well and good but I think somewhat flawed in its spontaneity as he planned the whole thing, as he explains, “Initially when I approached companies with my idea they voiced a lot of omens about training and safety issues, but I eventually wore everybody down.” – Issues. I’ve got an issue with him bagging the lobster men – leave the lobster men alone you financial analyst.

After Wall Street collapsed

Ok, I’ve had enough, let’s leave you with Pam Anderson 42, who is going to do a two week stint of pantomime in the UK as Genie in Aladdin. Alongside Brian Blessed 72 who is Blackadder’s dad, he’s also the plays the evil Abanayor. Flat rate pay is 375 a day… oh yes it is.

Oh yes it was...