9th – 15th Dec 2011 volume 462
December, 14th 2011 22:08 PM

“Remember when we did the Moonshot

And Pony Trekker led the way”

(Deep Purple)

You’re reading crazy fool’s newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

trivial-o-matic nonsense draped in world news and sport – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – that has lots, lots more!

That Was the Week… What a Week! - Saturday’s 1p.m. 92.75fm and around the globe on www.radioindochine.com

Also podcasted later on fool’s very own radio: http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php

 

Reporter: crazy fool

Published 15.12.11

 

For elements of 90 Signals Unit, Royal Air Force – tally ho

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

www.saigonsoundsystem.com

 

Golden winged car found on the moon

Pop legend Gary Numan spoke this week about how a car nearly ploughed into the top deck of his tour bus. 

The vehicle was trying to overtake when it smashed into the bus and spun up on the embankment in Mayfield East Sussex. 

“I was on the top deck and saw this gold car the same height as me going past the window.’ Said Gary. 

“When the car stopped we could see the woman putting the car into neutral before getting out as if it was something that happened every day.” 

The lady explained to the rescue services that she was lured by the moon, which turned an almost deep purple this week during a lunar eclipse, and wanted to get a closer look.

Decipher this

The painting of the Forth Bridge has finally been completed after 120 years of a continuous facelift. 

4,000 tons of scaffolding have been used to grant access for applying the new glass flake epoxy paint to 230,000 square metres of steel, which will not need another coating again for 20 years, leaving the infamous metaphor of a ‘never-ending job’ in the lurch.

The 1.5 mile bridge spans the Firth of Forth connecting Edinburgh to Fife or vice versa, and was built between 1883 and 1890; painting the structure has been an on going job that would repeat itself once each end was reached. 

Mataphoralacists are now turning to new candid phrases for a never-ending job, such as ‘up-grading the M1 near Luton’ and ‘shaving a Wookiee’ to ‘deciphering a fool’.

 

All the fun of the Christmas fair

A dad bit the finger off another dad at a primary school’s production of their nativity play this week in South Shields, Tyne and Wear. 

The kids aged 5-11 were sat at the back of the stage and didn’t witness the carnage; of how one parent described a man in a white hat stormed into the audience and proceeded to wrestle with another man, which culminated in a yelp, he then, ‘spat out blood like a wild animal.’ 

The pair, it is claimed, have a history of feuding, but when the victim was quizzed how it all started, said he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

 

 

(sponsors ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)

49 Mac Thi Buoi Street District 1, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – probably the best eggs in a clay pot you’ll ever taste

 

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Obligations are comparative forms of congenial justice eked out through the beholder’s virtues of honourable ethics, which in the realms of time started as a charitable act of kindness, stretched by the unconditional nobility in thinking a tooth for a tooth is akin to respectability, when no doubt the initial notion of love spreading was built on valour in times of greed awareness when Sodom and Gomorrah ruled the hearts and created wealth, prosperity and Gordon Gecko, whom, as we all know was a moron, why? Because Jilted John told us way back when he was a spotty teenager and Gordon tried to steal his bird, leaving his demeanour of, ‘first in best dressed’, riddled with a totalitarian misconception of goodwill, thus rendering greed to be cool, and as much as dad No.1, may have been cool in his white hat, his bitter angst to rise to the top left him biting off more than he could chew and floundering on the floors of turdsville where onlookers recognised an idiot when they saw one, not so the case for Stiff Little Fingers, the iconic 80’s band from Belfast who branded their punk overtones in order to gather credence from adulating teenagers in the mosh pit, as opposed to gratifying riches from Hello magazine, because they were already stars in their own right, Highway Stars in fact, which was their original name, taken from one of Deep Purple’s numbers that fed their bank of treasured tunes, yet we’ve already space-trucked around with the Purple’s on their voyage of discovery and if they were the epitome of cool in the essence that cool is to give unconditionally as they did, with their music, it is unfounded whether Sting is, was, or will ever be cool, just because he never carries money, like the Queen or indulges in three week marathon sessions of tantric sex in the fields of barley all because his rise to coolism came from feeble beginnings as a bell boy in Brighton, before hitting the clubs to dash around in sharp suits, creating all the dance moves that Jimmy and Co would emulate back in ’63 to the tunes of The Who, thus reaping ripping rolls of drum extravaganza from a man so far removed from cool, that his distant stance on mainstream fell into a black hole, and evolved the other side as ultra cool for simply being a genius, or as the man himself put it to me when I went to visit him at his pub, the Crown and Cushion in Chipping Norton, where he first dreamt up the idea of mimicking the imagery of shame with acceptance and avoiding the social stigma of the kind of snobbery that surrounds the notion to tread with the Jones’, ‘unlike the humble eggs in a clay pot from Juice café in Saigon’, as he says, where we’re talking a couple of eggs and veggies with a slap of pepperoni and those crispy, crusty, burnty bits that makes it as cool as Pingu’s bum, and in that wavering meandering of point, jostled with the idea of that if he were to make a drum comeback for the sake of an acorn of passion then, it would be recorded at Legend Recording Studio in Phuket, where coolness dances on the sound waves and makes oaks from the seedlings that was once that Bell Boy, thus the perfect place to record your future, which is why Keith Moon asked for Bell Boy as his Get It Off Your Chest Request tune this week, because from humble beginnings minced with passion comes Legend. And so, Keith, this is for you… 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website and radio!)

 

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘I start a new job in Seoul next week.  I thought it was a good Korea move.’

 

And now folks…

crazy fool’s

Kitchen

Presents: crazy fool’s Cottage Pies – 150THB a slab

Fresh or frozen they’ll make you fart

Don’t forget t-shirts for sale – as always, $1.00 in every shirt goes to charity

crazy fool’s Kitchen; the home of cold banter, cracking beer and Grrreat live music…

 

Next event to be posted ASAP…

 

www.highstylecondominium.com

 

fool’s gold; now available on his radio show - http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php and 92.75fm - www.radioindochine.com

 

Animal news

 *Tommasino, a cat, was left £10million in a will this week by owner Maria Assunta. However, the family fortune is not entitled to animals by Italian Law, which means the loot went to Maria’s nurse Stefania, as the 94 year-old had no other relatives. Stefania said it was probably best, as, ‘Tommasino was happy with a saucer of milk and some biscuits.’ The biggest haul ever to go to an animal was £90m; to a German shepherd called Gunter, from owner Karlotta Liebentein, and in 1988 a British recluse named Ben Rea left £9m to his cat Blackie. 

*Meanwhile, a lady from Knightsbridge paid a taxi driver to deliver her dog from Madrid. He wouldn’t normally allow pets in his cab, but said he did it because she was a good customer. You’d think this or Gunter might be the happiest dog in Britain, but no, Alfie, a 9month old cross cocker-spaniel, poodle is, as was judged by its constant grin and wagging tail. 

*Daniel the cat on the other hand, has 26 toes, not the record mind, that’s 28, but Daniel saved the Milwaukee Animal Rescue Centre when they had to move premises following a rent increase on their current property. The centre asked for $1.00 a toe in donations to relocate, and since October have raised $80,000 and hope to reach $120,000 by 23rd December. 

*An albino lobster was caught off the Dorset coast this week and has been nicknamed Santa Claws. Thought to be around 20 years old it is housed in the Sea Life Centre in Weymouth, where curator Fiona Smith says, ‘He really is pure white from the tips of his claws to the end of his tail. Only his eyes are black.’ Although this may change when he moults she added – lobsters moult? 

*A whaler shark nearly ate 51 year-old Aussie Stephen King – sounds like a horror story! He said, “I was taking off, jumping up, there was this bump from the side and I was cart-wheeling through the air and it was just thrashing beside me. I’m probably the luckiest guy on two legs at the moment.’ 

*And yet another dog shot his owner this week. This time 78 year-old Billy E. Brown was off deer hunting in Paso County Florida when his dog Eli became excited in the front seat and stood on the gun – shot him in the leg. 

*City birds have different accents to their country cousins, because they have to tweet that little bit higher in order for their songs to travel further and avoid reverberating echoes off the buildings. 

*To find out more of fool’s animal news, catch his radio show this Saturday 1p.m. on 92.75fm (Phuket) and around the world on www.radioindochine.com – podcasted later on fool’s very own radio page on www.cfnr.co.uk (http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php)

 

Number crunching

*Obi-Wan Kenobi’s 22.5 inch light saber used by Ewen McGregor sold for £20,000. 

*Preston is the UK’s mini skirt capital. 40% are sold in Lancashire alone – that’s eight times more than London. Only 10% are sold in Essex, where Victoria type pencil skirts or Pippa Middleton’s wrap- arounds are the go. 

*Talking of Pippa; you can get your bum zapped by radio waves, which will tighten the skin and take off up to an inch. The EndyMed 3DEEP treatment will knock you back £1,200 for 6 x 40 minute sessions. Bum boosting ops are already up 500% this year. But if you can’t afford the radio waves try an Ann Summers bum sling which also claims to raise the issue by an inch. 

*Chinese stuntman Li Xin can stand upside down with his head on a nail for up to 10 seconds – fact. 

*In the Great Grain Robbery this week; thieves stole 55 tons of corn from a moving train in Brazil. They greased the tracks to slow down the train, situated 180 miles outside Sao Paulo, then hooked up a tow truck to haul off the 54 wagons. 

*The world’s largest coffee bean mosaic was made by Albanian Saimir Strati out of 1million roasted, partially roasted and non roasted beans. It depicts a Brazilian dancer, Japanese drummer, US country music singer, European accordionist and an African drummer and weighs 140kg’s at 25.1 metres square in size. He’s got six world records including Da Vinci in nails, a galloping horse in toothpicks, the Mediterranean in wine bottle corks, Michael Jackson in paint brushes and the Greek poet Homer in industrial screws. 

*Lastly janitor Tanja Hols found a small unassuming jewellery box in the Passau State Library in Germany containing coins dating back thousands of years to Roman, Greek and Byzantine tines worth million quid. It is thought they were hidden there a couple of centuries ago by Prince-Bishops to avoid paying taxes. 

More numbers to crunch, cheese to discuss and fool’s gold, tales from the dark side and lots, lots more on; fool’s radio show – That Was the Week… What a Week - Saturday 1p.m. on 92.75fm in Phuket and worldwide on www.radioindochine.com - Saturday’s 1p.m. straight after Big Dan’s Sports Centre show. (Podcasted later on fool’s very own radio page on www.cfnr.co.uk - http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php) – download it as an MP3 and climb up on the roof to get away from it all. 

I’m off – come on Brutus

 

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

 

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