8th - 14th April 2011 volume 427
April, 13th 2011 19:24 PM

 

“Remember when we did the moonshot

And Pony Trekker led the way”

(Deep Purple)

 

You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 ‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

Click on this logo in home page – good one this week; local lad – The One With Pat

 

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 14.4.11                                           

For Elements of 4 Regiment; Army Air Corps

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

  www.saigonsoundsystem.com

 

Aliens wear Primark

‘Aliens have landed’, may sound old hat, but hold on to it because confirmation of Roswell’s 64 year-old hype will convince you that YOU are not alone.

 

Ex FBI agent Guy Hottel, who worked on the New Mexico ‘alien landings’ of ’47, sent a memo to his boss in 1950 stating their existence amidst a string of pertaining evidence.

 

This memo is now public property, as its secrets act has expired and in it Guy describes how three circular shaped space craft crash landed in the desert of New Mexico, probably due to the US military’s powerful radar equipment in the area, which caused technical problems.

 

‘Each one was occupied by three bodies of human shape, but only 3ft tall and dressed in a metallic cloth of a very fine texture.’

 

Polyester was in fact patented in Manchester in 1941… two years before Englishman Aldous Huxley’s acid trip that spurred a global race into space hopping…

Brave new world

 

Blood, scent and ears

After a lifetime of exhausting experiments (murders) an Italian firm came up with blood-scented perfume, which states from its website is; ‘soaked with mystery, fascination and respect.’

 

Blood Concepts takes samples from A, B, AB and O and hails it as a, ‘celebration of the vivid and fascinating liquid that flows through our veins, because blood is actually the river of life.’

 

O comes with a tangy hint of thyme, raspberry, cyperus esculents, rose hips, leather, birch and cedar wood, whilst A has fragrant reminiscent of green garden, tomato leaves, basil and star anise.

 

Lady Gaga, who was actually made from Roswell left overs and a hint of lunar dust is going to launch her new range of Blood & Scent in 2012.

 

Lady Gaga, real name Dave, said with a pout, slight wink from blood loss after an ear operation and a limp due to a dislodged rose hip said, ‘everyone has to know where they’re coming from, I’d just like to know where I’ve been.’

 

Mein Arse

Michael Berger is a mad German who has collected so much loo memorabilia that he’s opened a museum called Harlekin Toilet Museum of Modern Arse in Wiesbaden Germany.

 

The loony khazi hunter has hundreds of toilets and roll holders varying in size and style from the Virgin Mary to Jimi Hendrix but his favourite is a toilet with a picture of Hitler on the pan. He says,

 

‘This is my present to humanity. I am mad but I love loos.’

 

I don’t know much… but I know I love loo and that maybe all I need to know – doesn’t mean much now but sounds better when you sing it!

 

 

Pipe dream comes true

Granddad Anthony Smith 85 sailed 2,800 miles across the Atlantic on a raft made from water pipes.

 

The 66-day journey aboard An-Tiki, he says was prompted by age, ‘Some people say it was mad, but it wasn’t mad. What else do you do when you get on in years.’

 

With three other crew members lashed to 4 water supply pipes and 14 cross pipes, 7 of which carried freshwater Anthony revealed their camaraderie that pulled them through;

 

‘The word mutiny was only spoken about two or three times a day.’

Make it happen

 

Oh those Russians

Female Russian activists are at it again; this time in a stance against government corruption – funnily enough it comes in the frame of a saucy calendar.

 

The organisation called Nashi portrays a bride in a corset giving the middle finger with a slogan, ‘I won’t marry a corrupt official’ -

 

- Whilst another lounges in a leopard print bra and panties holding a quill pen and envelope with caption, ‘Brown envelopes are for letters.’ – Certainly getting the message across there then.

 

Staying in Rusky-land; Voina (war) the radical art group who graffiti-ed a giant 220ft penis on St Petersburg’s Liteiny Bridge won the annual ward for best innovation.

 

Members are too scared to collect their reward of 400,000rubles (£8,700) as jail has lured them before, especially after their stunt of tipping police cars over as the occupied officers slept.

 

We were so poor we had to eat sand

Meanwhile if you’re experiencing difficulties in reading this it may because of the 75 year-old granny who cut through fibre optic cables in Georgia and took down the whole internet connection in Georgia, Armenia and Azerbaijan.

 

Known as the ‘spade hacker’, Georgia’s interior minister Zara Gventedje said, ‘She found the cable while collecting scrap metal and cut it with a view to stealing it.’ – Argh, bless the poor people’s ingenuity eh!

This has nothing to do with being poor or the internet – fool just wants to know what it is!

 

 (Quick sponsor ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Only one song does it like this, because this is the only song with its name - fact’

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!)

 

What they’ve recently said: ‘bloody fine night at the Kitchen fool. When’s the next?’ - Bob

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘I was just thinking – what do you give a sick florist’

And now folks…

 

crazy fool’s

Kitchen

 

Don’t forget t-shirts for sale – as always, $1.00 in every shirt goes to charity

 

 

crazy fool’s Kitchen; the home of cold banter, cracking beer and Grrreat live music…

 

Next event to be posted ASAP

 

A quick spurt from fool’s sponsors…

 

 

 

 

 

Wanna buy a condo?

 

 

www.highstylecondominium.com

 

 

 

Animal news

*15-year-old Regina Meyer horse jumps on her cow called Luna. The two year old can comfortably jump over logs on beer crates in her home town Laufen in south Germany. She also understands ‘go’, ‘stand’ and ‘gallop’ – this is Luna, not Regina!

 

*Songkran kicked off in Thailand with elephants spraying water on town’s folk of Ayutthaya province 50miles north of Bangkok – fool sat on an elephant yesterday – fact – it’s all here folks… no… no, don’t go away… have some numbers…

 

 

Number crunching

 

*Prawn sandwiches have moved up to 2nd place in Britain’s sarnie charts – that’s up from 21st 5 years ago in the £1bn yearly business. Chicken’s still No.1 with egg n cress bringing up third and bacon, lettuce and tomato 4th.

 

*The world’s biggest Lego building was knocked up in Sao Palo at 31.19m (102ft) – that’s 44 cities and 32 countries which have a Lego tower these days. The first originated in London in 1988 at 15m – don’t know what that is in real money.

 

I’m off – come on Pig

 

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

p.s. for the latest news click on crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page – new weekly updated shows Friday afternoon’s – two in the can waiting to be uploaded – another recorded this week – knock yourself out! … still waiting!!!

 

p.p.s. sport is back – and a mild PotDQT with slight Fras showers will return shortly!

 

 

 
 
 

 

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