7th - 13th oct 2011 volume453
October, 12th 2011 19:37 PM

 

“Oh you pretty things (oh you pretty things)

Don’t you know you’re driving your mamas and papas insane”

(David Bowie)


 

You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 trivial-o-matic nonsense draped in world news and sport – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

  

Click on fool’s logo in home page – good one this week; – The One With …

Plus listen to and stream live on line at www.radioindochine.com

And catch his A Question of Sport… Of Sorts! Saturday’s 1-2p.m.

 

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 13.10.11                                           

For Elements of: 27 Squadron, Royal Air Force Regiment

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

  www.saigonsoundsystem.com

 

Politically correct

Polish politician Katerzyna Lenat has stripped on film in the effort to create political awareness.

 

The pretty 23 year-old’s video starts with her in a tight black suit sitting on a chair as she crosses her legs in a Sharon Stone fashion before removing her tie and throwing it at the camera, she then spins around the chair whilst peeling off her suit.

 

 Slowly unbuttoning her shirt she reveals a pink bra, which the SLD candidate then yanks off whereupon her modesty is covered by a censored logo.

 

Katerzyna said she was nervous performing the broadcast but wanted to draw attention to her party; ‘My intention was to draw the attention of the media.’ She said, after noticing traditional methods had fallen on deaf ears; ‘Earlier I presented a speech to the youth SLD, but apparently it went unnoticed.’ – However the STD party did take notes.

 

At last it’s refreshing to see politicians talking the naked truth.


Pull the udder one

Fashion designer Anke Domaske makes clothes from milk and is churning out her products by the bucket load.

 

This is the first man made material which contains no chemicals where she claims the amino acids in the protein are antibacterial, anti-ageing and can help regulate both blood circulation and body temperature and she should know because she is a microbiologist as well as a designer.

 

Her clothes line Mademoiselle Chi Chi is unique in that it contains no chemicals, the actual practice of making clothes from milk has been around since the 1930’s,  but Anke says the casein extracted from dried milk powder gives the cloth its strength and when mixed with other ingredients in a giant mince-making type machine produces strands of yarn.

 

It takes six litres of milk to make a dress, which sells for between 150-200 Euros, and beckons the question, ‘Does my dress look big in this derriere?’ – Well, at least it keeps the milkman busy.


 

By Jove!

A caller from Tyneside alerted the emergency services when he mistook Jupiter for a distress flare over the North Sea.

 

A lifeboat and RAF Boulmer search and rescue helicopter were launched towards the Tyneside Longsands area while a volunteer from the Life Brigade spoke with the person on the phone, but only reports of returning fishing boats were accounted for.

 

Adrian Don from the Tynemouth RNLI said although best intentions were meant, ‘the apparent flare was in fact Jupiter, which is very low in the sky this time of year.’

 

A fleet of Japanese whalers were dispatched to the caller’s house where he was immediately harpooned.


(sponsors ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)


49 Mac Thi Buoi Street District 1, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – probably the best eggs in a clay pot you’ll ever taste

 

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘On account of my old Nan not liking old Blue Eyes because, and as she says he didn’t sing but spoke the words, unlike her favourite Bing Crosby, who could tilt his titfer as much as he likes as far as I’m concerned, but he’ll be never be cool; no, old frank won’t get a mention of flying to the moon, nor will he see Jupiter in the spring, or mars in other words, because that’s where we’re heading – straight to other words and away from this nonsense of calling occupants from interplanetary, where incidentally had Karen carpenter gone to the moon at least she could have nibbled on some cheese, but no, we’re staying right here on terrafirma with the Japs, well not exactly terrafirma, nor even with the Japs, but let’s go State side because that bloke Lou Reed’s been buzzing me all week to play one of his tunes, and now he’s actually got the chance to Get It Off His Chest Request in, it would be remiss not to, so Lou, this is for you; The Last Great American Whale… argh, no, haven’t got it, so how about some Welsh Wales in the guise of what is probably the most uplifting anthem to stir the soul…

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!)

 

 

What they’ve recently said: ‘When’s the radio show out old boy’ Lesley Philips


Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘I’m on a whiskey diets – last week I lost three days.’

 

And now folks…

crazy fool’s

Kitchen 

Presents: crazy fool’s Cottage Pies – 150THB a slab

Fresh or frozen they’ll make you fart


 

Don’t forget t-shirts for sale – as always, $1.00 in every shirt goes to charity

 

There’s always the www.coreyashcroft.co.uk appeal – check it out

 

Don’t forget the classifieds pages – updated weekly

crazy fool’s Kitchen; the home of cold banter, cracking beer and Grrreat live music…

 

Next event to be posted ASAP… probably Sept

… so in the meantime it’s a quick spurt from fool’s sponsors…


www.highstylecondominium.com

 

 

Animal news


 

*39 year-old matador Juan Jose Padilla ended up with a 107st bull’s horn in his head for his troubles during a bull fight in Zaragosa, Spain. The horn entered under his chin and popped out through an eye socket as Juan was led from the rink screaming, ‘my eye, my eye, I’m blind.’ Surgeons stitched him up in a five hour op.

 

*Sea horses are back in the Thames fuelling speculation they may be breeding. The two-inch short-snouted specimen was spotted in the Greenwich area of London, 60 years after the river was pronounced biologically dead.

 

*Meanwhile sharks are on the fairway on a golf course in Brisbane where 6 bull-sharks got themselves stranded in a lake after a river broke its banks. Golfers now play spot the shark in between rounds.

 

*And Russia claims it has ‘indisputable proof’ that Yeti’s are roaming around the coal-mining region of Kemerovo in Siberia. They’ve found footprints, hair samples, their sleeping dens and where they mark their territory – should use a postcode like everyone else.

 

Number crunching


 

*Ma Jai climbed the 70ft wall of Zhonhan Gate castle in Eastern China using no safety net or ropes because she can and has been doing it all her life. When others saw the apparently easy stunt they tried to copy her - two broke their legs whilst three others had to be rescued by police.

 

*Extreme hot tubs enthusiasts hung 130ft under a bridge in Switzerland this week. The group who are part of the Jacuzzi.ch fanatics dangled 500ft above ground in the Guerong Gorge; a stunt organisers said took 2,500 hours to prepare for the two and half hour jaunt. Hardly seems worth it.

 

*Big Ben’s tower is leaning at a rate of one and half feet off centre. Built in 1853 the 315ft tower’s lean is pittance at 0.26 degrees compared to Pisa’ which lends a 4 degree angle on the tilt. Another 4000 years and London’s topple should catch up.

 

*Meanwhile one of China’s wealthiest village’s is the first in the world to get a skyscraper. The Longxi International Hotel stands 328m’s above Huaxa and cost £300m to build. The village that once had 1,600 people in the ‘60’s now has occupancy of 50,000. And two hundred of them paid £1m each to fund the building in a move Zhou Li the deputy Communist Party Secretary described as, ‘a symbol of collectivism’.

 

*Mark Baggs of Britain grew a pumpkin 605kg’s this week (1,334lb’s) but it’s not the biggest – that goes to American Chris Stevens at a whopping 1,810lb’s – your usual pumpkin is only between 10-20lb’s.

 

*Amber Miller 27 ran the Chicago marathon then gave birth to a healthy baby girl. She finished in 6hours 25minutes – the marathon not the labour.

 

*Joseph Williams was arrested for the 100th time this week in Florida – he stole $174 worth of underwear

 

*Caroline Turner 76 led a police chase for 26 miles going between 10 and 20mph. An unmarked police car spotted her going the wrong way round a roundabout and hightailed her in pursuit, but after ignoring their siren a police officer had to jump out and run next to her vehicle and tap on the window to tell her to pull over. Caroline was fined £100 and banned for driving for a year.

 

I’m off – come on Brutus

 

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

p.s. if you’re having trouble reading this because you are blind, why not try cf’s audio version of crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page


 

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