Crazy Fool's Newsround - 7th - 13th May 10 volume 379

7th - 13th May 10 volume 379
May, 13th 2010 00:39 AM

“There are men high up there fishing,

Haven’t seen quite enough of the world,

I ain’t seen a sign of my heroes,

And I’m still diving down for pearls”

(The Who)

You’re reading crazy fool’s newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – not necessarily in that order – although sport should always come first

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus the radio show – with a new look!

Reporter: crazy fool

Published 13.5.10

For the 1^st Regiment Royal Horse Artillery

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Would you like fries with that?

Indian holy man Prahlad Jani 83 has had no food or water for two weeks. He’s dead.

My apologies, much to the contrary, he’s alive and well and living under the medical surveillance of 30 medical staff at the Indian Defence Research Department Organisation.

Jani from a village near Ambaiji in northern Gujarat proclaims not to have eaten in 70 years saying he was blessed by Gods at a very early age. Indeed neurologist Sudhir Shah who has observed him in hospital in Ahmedebad said, “It is still a mystery what kind of phenomenon this is.”

Thought to be deriving his energy from sunlight doctors pulled the curtains and when they opened them again found empty McDonald’s wrappers under his pillow. The study continues.

Would you like a happy meal?

Council offices at Wintern Day Centre, Fishguard, Pembrokeshire UK are to be closed after dark due to a haunting.

Workers refuse to stay after sundown as strange goings on fill the building; unplugged printers print, keyboards are over turned on their own, furniture is moved, pictures fall off walls, there’s an eerie smell of bluebells and McDonald’s wrappers litter the desks.

Investigation proved that many years ago two maids hung themselves after falling pregnant just as the bluebells bloomed. The McDonald’s wrappers are still a mystery. The study continues.

Because I’m mad, I’m mad…

According to two mad Dutch ladies, Michael Jackson is alive and well and is posing as a burns victim called Dave Dave.

Dave… Dave is 33 and was set alight by his dad when he was six. His dad went to prison and his mum took him to Wacko’s Neverland ranch where Wacko looked took him under his wacko wing.

The Dutchies named Souza 28 and Mo 40 thought it very strange when two conflicting news stories concerning the timing of Jackson’s death were six hours out of sync and so went to work concocting their own story.

As conspiracy theories go, it’s quite far fetched; however, their website attracts 1million hits a day. A-ha, the plot begins to unravel.

From the website’s vast advertising fool managed to track down Elvis who is working in a chip shop in Dungeness, but he is AdamAnt that he has never worked in McDonald’s nor ever heard of Spike Milligan…erm Michael Jackson. The case continues. The jokes get weaker…and slightly annoying… I apologise there are, nor ever have been any jokes. For the jokists amongst you please ignore the Irish.

Touched for the very first time

Aussie John Sissely has been shunned by producers in his own country and must move to Las Vegas to make his TV show about youngsters auctioning their virginity.

The plucky virgins get $20,000 if their cherry is picked of which 90% is theirs and 10% must go to the brothel where the show takes place.

The shows guests can be male or female or both! The usual responses have sparked tantrums of denial, ‘it’s not ‘technically’ prostitution if you only do it once.’ To, and probably the best from a bloke called Ronan, who said he’s been aching for this chance to come along for an eon, and ‘would consider any offers.’

John said he found it hard to tell the parents at first but usually massaged their concerns by explaining that in this day and age it is all about sexual perception, and of course the 20 grand (minus service charge).

Senator Steve Fielding called it, “Absurd, ridiculous and disgusting.” – As he was last seen boarding a flight to the fear and loathing capital of the world. - The spying continues.

Be cool

In the West Midland’s (UK) an Ambulance Service questionnaire titled Making Leadership Cool asked 3,300 workers if Hitler was ‘cool’.

Other ‘cool’ choices were Richard Branson, Gordon Brown, Winston Churchill and Fabio Cappello. Further questions asked were if being gay, funny or black would make a cool leader.

I thought Winston Churchill was black and he did a great impression of the maid in Tom and Jerry… but he wasn’t very good as Helen Mirren playing the Queen.

A spokesman from the survey said, “Adolf Hitler’s style galvanised a country into terrible things, but it did galvanise a country.” – “Perhaps in hindsight a better example could have been used.”

You don’t get anymore David Brent than that. Sadly the survey continues.

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Elvis’ mum’s name’s – Gladys Love Presley – how many apostrophe’s in that!”

Artist Emma Hack from Adelaide painted a guitar on this girl…I’m sorry, I don’t have ‘this girl’s picture of a her as a guitar’, but I do have this…

Where’s the guitar?

Imagine it is a guitar please.

She said, “I started with the rays and the outline of the guitar. (Can you picture it yet?) There were so many challenges.” – Yes, I see.

The case of the missing guitar continues.

Not the actual case but the guitar – the case of the guitar… no, no… listen…. NO, listen for fuck’s sake… the guitar case is on-going and the case isn’t missing, just the guitar – get-it-got it-good.

Most famous people from or lived in Birmingham list: I’ll kick us off: Jaspar Carrot, Ozzy Ozbourne, Neville Chamberlain, John Cadbury, Tony Hancock, Murray Walker, Arthur Conan Doyle, Steve Winwood,

www.cfnr.co.uk

Kim Hai Trading Co., LTD: for the best meat available in Vietnam email: info.kimhai@media.net.vn for a full listing

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary: AEROPLANE BLONDE One who has bleached/ dyed her hair but still has a ‘black box’.

Number crunching

Britain’s first married gay killing took place this week. Michael Edwards 32 killed husband John (Edwards, I presume) 35, days after their 2^nd anniversary. He stabbed him in the heart following a row over a heating bill and said he did it himself.

Ok, before we get confused; John (Edwards) is 35 years-old not 35 days and when he said he did it himself he meant John (Edwards) did it to himself – get it-got it-good.

There are 1,143 unsolved murders in the UK. The oldest is 150 years old. Just wait till they catch him eh – he’ll get what for.

Janet Henderson was bludgeoned to death in Forgandeny, Perthshire in 1866. David Ombler was battered with a poker in 1914 and Harber Nottingham Turner didn’t hold a grudge but his assailant did, because he slashed his throat in Swadlincote Derby in 1908. The cases continue.

It was VE Day last Saturday – the 65^th anniversary of packing away the Germans – only the Japs to go.

580,406 UK and Commonwealth forces perished in the 6 year campaign. 67,073 UK civilians also came a cropper. But they did it for you – did you vote?

And Prince Harry’s polo pony called Drizzle also died this week - heart attack. Just shows you eh!

18million Brits are injured during sex every year. It’s usually pulled muscles (Obviously) and sore necks, backs, fingers and carpet burns.

5% need time off work and 2% end up with broken bones. The most dangerous act is falling off the sofa and smashing nearby crockery. The stairs, car and showers are a hazard too, not to mention 1-50 falling off the washing machine. – It’s worse falling into one.

Some came a cropper in the work’s loo or cupboard and the average monetary cost of all these shenanigans is £154, which is usually a bed frame, wine glasses, pictures or holes in walls.

Phonepiggybank.com carried out the survey. Phone them up and talk dirty… just for fun.

The average Brit spends £39k a lifetime getting his round in. That works out at £840 a year, three times a month at 1.8 rounds costing £13 a pop. It can cost as much as £200 a month if the lads are going out two times a week in a group of five. – I’ve been to Britain and you do that in a night. - Phone me up and talk dirty

A spokesman from OnePoll.com said “Buying a round is a way of life in Britain and the results show us to be a very generous nation.” – The round continues.

What’d’you call me?

Big nose…

Roland Negria battered fellow Miami airport worker Hugo Osorno for constantly ridiculing him about his small manhood.

“Ha ha, you have a small manhood.” He said in a Miamian accent, which is probably closer to Cuban or Colombia or Puerto Rican… or possibly Dutch!

Roland’s teeny-weeny genitalia were just about spotted as he went through a high-tech scanner. After days of torment from the aptly named persecutor Hugo, he snapped, saying he couldn’t take the jokes anymore then told Hugo to, “Get on your knees or I will kill you and you better apologise.” He then battered him with a police truncheon, which I presume was symbolic against his oppression.

Meanwhile in the UK John Labour 25 received a formal warning from BAA for sexual harassment after leering at a co-worker’s tits through the scanner.

It’s almost as if authorities believe the human race is mature.

The studies continue.

Can you smell Blackadder?

The Antiques Roadshow had a record sale this week with a painting gobbled up for £250k.

The owner, who wishes to remain anonymous even though he was on the telly, said, “I’m completely gobsmacked – it’s worth more than my house.”

The painting is of a lady wearing an army greatcoat who turned out to be the artist’s mistress. The artist was Sir William Orpen and she was Yvonne Aubicque the daughter of the Mayor of Lille.

William was commissioned as a First World War artist depicting the horrors in the trenches. When this ‘private’ painting got out slurs pointed towards the mystery lady and the cries of ‘espionage’ rang through backroom staff’s quarters. It hadn’t been long since Mati Hari and Edith Cavell were executed, so espionagical finger wagging was rife.

Espionagical isn’t a word – don’t look it up.

William tried to cover up his affair and was eventually helped out by his friend Lord Beaverbrook who literally saved Yvonne from the firing squad, for William’s only plan was to have her take off her coat whereupon the marksmen would literally be ‘blinded’ by her beauty and refuse to shoot. – Poncy bloody artists eh, pfff!

Bill thanked Beaver’s by painting an exact copy and gave it to him signed Nepro Mailliw – you work it out. And this is that painting. The other is in the Imperial War Museum.

The French, alas, continue.

This, in fact id not that painting – but its good init

Ok, I’m done; you can read about Harrods in your own time, in the meantime:

Don’t bite off more than you can chew

Tina Mueller was convicted of GBH and has to serve 200 hours of community service after biting her lover’s tongue off.

It wasn’t sexy and it wasn’t clever said boyfriend Marc Smidt 27 from somewhere in Germany, (I forget now, sorry). He got home drunk where Tina laid down the law, “You’re not coming in in that state – you’re totally loaded.” Marc stood his wobbly ground and spat back, “You can take your tongue and piss off.”

She let him in, led him to the kitchen kissed him passionately, as was often her sweetness after such rages when he said, “I felt this terrible pain. I thrashed around a bit and felt my tongue was gone.”

He ran to his grandma’s house down the road, they came back and found the 5x3cm taster on the floor, but alas doctors should not reattach it but just sewed up the wound.

After four weeks on liquids Marc now talks with a lisp and said, “I have to put Tabasco on everything just to taste it.”

Meanwhile Tina’s lawyer is trying to stave off Marc’s bid to win 87k in a civil court by stating, ‘She should not be held responsible because she had taken psychotic drugs.”

The case continues.

fool says - Keep it wheel.

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz

The rugby bit:

Published 13.5.10

Crunch Time

Heineken Cup: Toulouse v Biarritz 22^nd May – Stade de France – don’t go, it will be full of Frenchmen

Guinness Premiership:

Wasps beat Newcastle 25-21 but failed to make the semi’s due to Bath’s deposit of 39 against Leeds’s 3. Carl Hayman made his last appearance for the Falcons and is now off to be French in Toulon/ The Saints secured a home semi after their 31-7 crushing of L. Irish. Chris Ashton took his try tally to 16 with Jon Clarke getting two of his own/ Quins beat Sale 35-20, which marked the end of the season for both teams. Four Quins tries sealed the game but it was Sale’s Mathew Tait’s solo try that set the crowd alight – must have been the friction. Strettle is off the Saracens and Jim Staples and Frankie Croxford did not play/ Gloucester edged Worcester 23-22 and Chris Latham made his exit with a try/ Leicester lost to Sarries 23-32 despite Schalk Brits giving the ‘finger’ to the crowd and Brendon Ventor inciting anger by refusing to sit down in the Leicester enclosure and blowing kisses – has rugby’s etiquette turned?

Top 14:

Not sure what happened to my results page here, but we do have Clermont’s win over Racing Club Metro 92 at 21-17. Francois Steyn chipped in with his monster trademark drop goal then finished it with a high tackle that gave Parra the penalty to win. Clermont now face Toulon in the semi’s/ Toulouse beat Castres 35-12 thanks to tries from Maxime Medard and his JPR Williams’s side-burns, which he’s promised to give back at the end of the season. Other tries came from Vincent Clerc x2 and Yann David. Toulouse will meet Perpignan in the other semi.

Magners League:

Ospreys bagged themselves a home semi with a 42-10 win over Dragons/ Glasgow kept Scarlets at bay 37-32. Stephen Jones scored a try and notched the club’s all time points tally with 2,596/ Ulster gave Connaught a hiding 41-10. Jim Staples did not play/ Cardiff won and lost on the same day. They beat Munster 13-12 thanks to a huge injury time penalty from Leigh Halfpenny, but they light no cigars in the play-off duties as Leinster knocked over Edinburgh in a thriller 37-28, which means Leinster get to light the cigars.

Super14’s

In quite possibly the best game of rugby ever, Bulls beat Crusaders 40-35. Four Crusaders tries saw them home with two bonus points, but a lack of steam from both sides continually edged a ‘next score wins’ scenario. Carter seemed to find his mojo, but it was a dying minute bobbled, dropped and tapped back pass wide on the left that found its way to Hougaard for one last gasp try to nail the game for the Bulls. How dare Canterbury imagine they could go to Loftus and think they could win! / The Red machine looks to have stuttered of late, as a Hurricane resurgence topped this game and made some headway as an eye-browsing late contender. At 21-13 in the sheds the ‘Canes finished 6 tries to three the better - three courtesy of Hosea Gear; it blew up 44-21 to the Kiwis/ The Tah’s dominated Chiefs as a 46-19 scoreline suggested. With seven tries, Kurtley Beale’s performance has him marked as a Wallaby starter - Much like Ollie Barkley’s return to form at Bath, which sees him in the England squad. A bit off the wall, but I think they’re very similar players/ However, I don’t think Brumbies have looked ‘comfortable’ all season, nevertheless, they managed to dispatch the Highlanders easily enough, 31-3, plus a fourth try bonus point taking them into the top four/ Blues annihilated Lions 56-14 in a dead rubber, and it’s just a shame we’ll only see that mad bastard Rene Ranger in one more game/ Cheetah’s beat the Mighty Force 29-14 and beat them well. They simply ran down the Perth outfit in Bloemfontein’s dust bowl/ And Sharks too had their predator head on and hunted the Stormers relentlessly, beating them at the breakdowns and out-thinking them on their feet. Their reward; a 20-14 win.

fool says:

Huge games this weekend, but fool only guns for one from each arena: Guinness: Northampton v Saracens/ Magners: Leinster v Munster/ Top14: Perpignan v Toulouse/ Super14: Crusaders v Brumbies – all home wins!

Some shorts:

*Girvan Dempsey has slipped his credentials into the Irish hall of fame. For your scrap book, he played 82 times for Ireland and 174 for Leinster and he never had a mate called Makepeace.

*There’s been a little who-ha regards non-neutral referees this week, which quite frankly is too difficult to decipher whether their dishing out too many here for this and not enough there for that and at the end of the day it just becomes ‘gay talk’ – let the whistles sort it out fellas.

*Some movers and shakers: Stormers fullback Joe Pieterson is off to Bayonne/ Ben Robinson is out for the rest of the S14’s with a fractured forearm/ Mad driving bastard Lauaki’s off to Clermont/ Hernandez is following everyone else to Racing/ And Rico Gear is off from Worcester to Japan’s Kintetsa Liners – guess who’s there at the moment, go on, guess… no? Peter Sloane…not heard of him? Ex All Black who is now coaching. Guess who else…go on… no? Leon MacDonald – yeah! And I still struggle to believe that Andrew Merhtens is playing for Racing Club Metro 92.

*Romania ended Lithuania’s 18 Test run record 27-16 and put themselves ever closer to next year’s World Cup - Only Ukraine to go then it’s either Tunisia or an Asian side to see them in New Zealand.

Japan, who are already in it, beat Arabian Gulf 65-0 in the Asian Five Nations. 10 tries to the names of Alisi Tupuaiki, Takashi Kikutani, Kosuki Endo, the list goes on, oh, and James Aldridge.

Last week they beat South Korea 71-13. John Kirwan’s team will saddle along side New Zealand, France, Tonga and Canada in 2011.

*Martin Johnson has named his 44-man-squad for England’s Down Under tour. Nine new caps make the plane along with 20 under 25 year olds. The Cip isn’t one of them as he has a broken thumb and Johnno doesn’t like him, but there is a Dave and we all know you can’t go wrong if you’ve got a ‘Dave’ on your side. He’s Dave Attwood, a lock from Gloucester.

There’s also no room for captain Borthwick, as he’s injured, so to is Louis Deacon, Riki Flutey and Paul Hodgson.

Some competitions now: If you’d like to take part in fool’s rugby comps check out the comps & results page –win a prize!

Send your team(s) to cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

Also - See THE NEW extra RUGBY BIT’s new column for: ‘Gezza Strip’

end rugby here!

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Have you had yours today?

A willow the wisp of cricket now:

And now ladies and gentlemen a thribble on the light side:

Only cricket…

only cricket!

If emulation be the key to flattery then emul on England emul on – For the fool knows not, which entity follows who, but nay neither does he question, for example, the rise of Billy Bowden’s finger, (was that the whole fist Doc?) to dispose of ambiguity is partly irrelevant in the short form game and has absolutely no relevance in this paragraph… at all. But needless to say; nor does he fall privy to what is perhaps a congenital limp on the boundaries of success, yet almost a meteoric rise to the cream station for both the ECCS and England’s Twenty/20 bouts.

Savvy? Good. I’ll be off then.

Suffice to say the ECCS have weighed their recent success on gargantuan amounts of piss, which festooned in the belly of Saigon till fermentation had themselves dizzy in their own froth whereupon miss out they did on the final hurdle of winning the VCA League, by going down emphatically to the tune of 63 runs to the Ceylon tea-totallers.

Whilst on crickets haughtier side of the tracks England’s senior side’s metamorphosis in the one day game has evoked such postulations towards hysteria that their 30 years of ‘shits’ rather than ‘giggles’ parallels only with Ryan Giggs’ international team mates, which account for zip-all.

I think the point I’m trying to make is; from nowhere both teams have progressed into a force to be reckoned with; the ECCS in their own inebriated pocket of South East Asia, where incidentally a better tour would be hard to come by if you’re reading this in Kent, Victoria or Utter Pradesh.

And the other point of course being, the haughtier point; England’s rise in the short form game. That goes for Australia too, who for obvious reasons will not get a mention until they start losing, used to play this form of French cricket as a way to unwind, but are now as serious as Billy’s finger, which, once more has absolutely no relevance here. However, Michael Clarke did say, “We’re here to win it.”

So without discharging the Sril’s, Windies, Indians or Pakistani’s crackers, England and Australia are the teams on fire right now.

Here’s how it’s panned out so far: KP knocked 73* off 53 against Pakistan with England sparing three balls to smash a 148 target/ Morkel struck 56 off 18 including five 6’s to help the Proteas to a 13 run victory over Black Caps/ The Aussies hammered the Indians by 49 runs with David Warner on 72 and Shane Watson 54. India were 50-7 at one stage. Dutchman Dirk ‘where’s white sox’ Nannes bowled 3 for 10/ England kept South Africa 39 adrift with their 168-7 with KP again half tonning on 53 off 33. Spinners Yardy and Swann did the damage with the ball/ Australia crushed the Lanks by 81 runs, holding their total down to just 87. Cameron White stayed in on 85*, whilst the Sril’s top batsmen Tillakartne Dislais offered a mere 20/ The Indians continue to have a horrid time in this comp with Gayle swooping them with 98 runs of his own in a 14 run win for the Windies. His hammer-time included seven 6’s and five 4’s, which together tallied a total of 169-6. India did manage 155-9 thanks only to a late surge by the tail/ Black Caps came unstuck to Pakistan by a single run, who themselves beat South Africa earlier in the week by 11 runs/ Whilst KP was home for the birth of his son Eoin Morgan and Luke Wright steered them to a three wicket win over New Zealand with five balls to spare. The Kiwis made 149-6/ Pakistan beat South Africa by 11 runs despite Charl Langerveldt’s 4-19 – their 148-7 was enough/ The Windies buckled under an Australian onslaught. They lost by 6 wickets and managed only 105. Australia’s winning runs came from a Chris Gayle attempted bouncer, which went for four byes/ Sri Lanka disposed of India by 5 wickets after chasing 164. It didn’t look too rosy at one stage until a late slog by Angelo Matthews 47 and Chamra Kapugadera 37. India’s woeful display will undoubtedly see them tied to a suicide bomber and sent to Pakistan on a shopping trip.

So the semi’s will be England v Sri Lanka on Thursday and Australia v Pakistan on Friday with the final on Sunday.

But remember; it’s just a game, as Tim Bresnan, England’s new wonder kid reminded us of some advice he once got from his skipper at Yorkshire, Craig White. When Tim confessed he wasn’t bowling too well Craig said, “Mate, who cares? You can only bowl as well as you can, you might be in a box tomorrow.”

“I’m playing cricket, staying in St. Lucia in a magnificent hotel. Life is not exactly hardship.”

Try supporting these:

Till next week…

GTM: Probably the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details.

www.cfnr.co.uk

Other Sports:

In F1

Hammer time

Webber poled it, won it and only got mildly pissed.

There’ been a lot of booze references in F1 lately, what with Vettel clearly smashed after his first win this season and now Webber’s crossed the checked flag in Spain, for what is his third time ever, he stated, “This feel’s as good as my first. I can’t get too drunk unfortunately as I’m back in the car on Thursday.” – He’s a valet driver.

Whereas the Schu has a sticker on the back of his car asking, ‘Am I driving well?’ – The Button would say no, as he carved him up coming out of the pits in Spain last week and Alonso still hates him for parking up on the corner at Monaco in 2006 to stop him (Alonso) from taking the championship for Renault. – He really is a nasty German!

But as we head to Monaco this week Button and The Ham will holster £20k worth of white diamonds in their steering wheels courtesy of Steinmetz in appreciation of them winning in previous years. It’s something to do with luck and advertising.

Despite the bling, Button will tell you everyone wants to win in Monaco, “To hammer a car around that circuit, in between those walls, the Armco barriers – it’s like driving a go-kart around your living room.” – Mrs fool, we’re getting a go-kart.

In boxing:

Zip-all

World Cup news:

Metrorail and Shosholozu Meyl Intercity are offering free trips for World Cup ticket holders. Acting boss (they haven’t got a real one) of Passenger Rail Agency of South Africa (Prasa) Tumusang Kgaboesele stated, “We can’t wait to play our part in South Africa’s rise to this once in a lifetime occasion.” – Which is great because it will be easier to get out of town when it all goes off.

England team are taking Tabasco, periperi, wasabe and HP to Africa because hot sauces are good anti-inflammatory. Why they think they’ll be none in Africa is not know.

They’re also taking custard, strawberry jam, organic chocolate, English mustard, real tea, herbal tea, peppermint tea, fruit tea, Earl Grey tea and jasmine…tea, seaweed sheets, pine nuts, dried grapefruits, Italian Arboriso risotto rice, extra virgin olive oil and Giacobazzi balsamic vinegar.

I’m telling you, I used to live there and know for a fact you can get all of that, except sometimes the English mustard, hang on, ‘Micky, can you get English mustard there ok?’ – He said he’ll get back to us.

Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras, Sierra Nevada, Spain. www.bootlace.com
Not just a walk in the park

And now this:

Play of the Day by Jimmy Hill

It is Him

The scene: Jimi and fool are fishing for pearls off Brighton beach when they see Philip Daniels thrashing about in his parker

Jimi: eh, that you Phil

Phil: Fucking postie, smashed my fucking bike…

fool: come on Jimi, let’s leave him, he looks like he needs to be alone for a bit

Narrator: And so Jimi and fool swam to pastures new and had a picnic. Here is the quiz:

1. The Who’s Quadrophenia’s rock opera was made…when?

2. What is at the end of a stick in lacrosse?

3. What was the surname of the inventor of the saxophone?

4. Which of these has the least legs – bird, kangaroo, snake or Heather Mills?

5. Where in the body is the smallest bone?

6. Which word names male rabbits and American money?

7. Which sport did Hank Aaron play?

8. When was sex testing introduced for athletes? A) 1968 B) 1972 C) 1976

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him, manually, on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

cf’s Quiz Night at… in 2010!

WHO AM I? – 2010 – I’m not sure, but I think the picture gave it away last week – here was the clue, “My cd’s are worth at least £2.49 now.” – SLPfkaQ got it. Here’s a new clue to a new WAI? “ As Jimmy I was always in four minds.|

Is it any of me?

Send in answers to: cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

Welcome to the 2010 scoreboard; week 21 bonus points tally in brackets for the first answer in. (For all previous answers to the main quiz see: *comps and results page in the categories.)

With all the ones and the brackets:

The Slackers, pardon I, The Regulars

Dracule:

Legal Eagle: 1, 1, 1 (1, 1)

Hannibal Lecherure:

Silent Third Party, formerly known as Quizmaster: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1)

Casualty:

Aye:

Others: flip-all

Let’s move on shall we:

Quote(s) for the week:

I’m in no condition to drive…Wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself; I’m drunk!

Homer Simpson

*Non-descript trivia moment*

I LOVE YOU

Chewa… Noi makokonda; Ndimakukonda

Dutch…Ik hou van je

Esperanto…Mi amis vin

Finnish…Mina rakastan sinua

French… Je t’aime

fool’s Gold

Paul McCartney’s mother was a midwife

The largest order of mammals is the rodent with about 1,700 species

The holes in fly swatters are used to lower air resistance

Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one

every Tuesday at Al’s – make it a date. Check the *classifieds for their restaurants in Saigon, Vietnam

www.alfrescosgroup.com

Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:

“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”

The word is we have no word, but we do have this from the Doc…

"Pietrisycamollaviadelrechiotemexity" can be defined as "not having the faintest idea of what's going on". It's also supposedly one of the most difficult words to pronounce in the English language. Given the fact that most people can't pronounce it correctly, it suggests the meaning behind the word is perfect in its definition because even if you did enunciate perfectly, no other bugger would have a clue what you are talking about.

Letters: in the post

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

£ - yep, £ or more specific £’s – the bloody pound sign. I adore it, its actual curvature, the wiggle and provocative ness of it, but using it in script is a major jab up the bum with a sharpened West Country pitch fork.

You see, I was mugged years ago on my motorbike. Well, truth be told my passenger was the attempted muggerette; Two mad bastards came by on what is I suppose a drive by mugging, and went for her handbag that slung over her shoulders, but they didn’t account for the fact that she had Tourettes and with her disposition of vocal absurdity was always ready for mindless and to some extent ignorant attacks.

The mad Scottish terrier, bless her, fought tooth and nail till the buggers sped off empty pawed, whilst I thought the whole episode was but a mild attack of Tourettes inner vengeance. Until that was I fell off the bike cracked my head open and broke my ribs on the lollypop which was in my top pocket.

After moaning a bit, and believe me, my passenger thought she’d found a fellow Touretter, I brushed myself down, took myself to hospital, got stitched up, it was a paying hospital, was told my ribs were busted, never even got a cup of tea made from Mrs fool in the pursuing weeks, didn’t take a day off work or the piss and continued to make shepherd’s pies for the pub, but during all that my laptop hit the deck in the same fashion as me. Bar from a bloody nose and that pin thing that sticks in the side which has no apparent function, came out, the machine did in fact die.

I bought a new, Korean I think, hard drive, I think they call them, and since then my ‘“’ sign is a ‘@’ sign and vice –versa, not to mention other idiosyncrasies of a peculiar nature, but most annoying is having to retrieve the £ sign from the ‘insert’ and ‘symbols’ icon instead of the much loved and missed ‘↑’ and ‘3’ key. The £ sign - Bastards!

Things that are just Sweet Love:

The smell of freshly cut grass – well, not the actual smell but the reaction of people when you say kind of shit.

A viewer’s favourite haystacks from Bosnia – has finished – this week we are going to look at this:

Let’s look at rocks:

www.cfnr.co.uk

Ok, what else is on in cfnr this week?

See; Categories for all that’s on offer, in the meantime fool recommends these:

*Digger; busy
Trigger: chasing his brother

*cf'’s radio show featuring Digger:

Playing NOW the one with:

Snoop Dig

Plus all the ‘oldies’: Randall, Adam & Valerie, Olda Higden, One Eyed Dog, Risky Red, the long forgotten Christmas show and its Typewriting September predecessor, - new one coming soon - look out for the fish!

*Tit-bits – .../…Even more letters from Viz…/……/…/…/…

*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – NEW! – Brand new menu in crazy fool’s kitchen/café – see poetry corner – nuff said

*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’

*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you

*Classifieds

*Comps and results

*Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…allez up, up and hay…’

Mr. Meaner... come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -

*crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies – available; only from the Blue Gecko

Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like the potatoes – lazy gits! They’re wind free too (almost)

Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s T-shirt ‘menu’ and choose your shirt!

Plus; every T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to charity

Someone get me a T-shirt please

Order from: cf.crazyfool@gmail.com