7th - 13th August 09 volume 341
August, 13th 2009 13:00 PM
“Have you seen her have you heard
The way she plays there are no words
To describe the way I feel”
 (Stone Roses)
 
‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – it’s all in
crazy fool’s  newsround
in that order
(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)
 
Plus the radio show – with a new look!
 
That was the week weren’t it;
 
The scene: fool went to a DIY superstore in Leyland UK this week and bought a l2m length of plastic piping but only wanted a metre’s length and wasn’t allowed to have it cut on the premises for insurance purposes. He then went to Bath and was denied three in a bed at the bed & breakfast joints for insurance purposes. I should point out at this stage that the third person was his 4 year-old daughter and regardless of innocent naivety on any city council’s paranoia will no doubt need insurance such a sentence. He then found out that the big knobs (see above sentence) at Headingly had banned the trumpeter in case it made a noise then prevailed to stop the purchase of ale from lunch to 3.30p.m. just in case anyone drank! To get away from all this madness he travelled to Brighton for a slap of R&R under the seaside’s summer sun in the knowledge that that nothing could ever change there.

 
Brighton pier
 
And it didn’t…thank God.
 
Narrator: Happy days
 
1. Who banged the drum in the opening song?
 
2. What is thrown in the Olympics weighing 4lb 6oz?
 
3. What name is given to a whale’s breathing organs?
 
4. What is a devil’s coachhorse?
 
5. What is the plural of mongoose?
 
6.  What is the capital of Ecuador?
 
7. Who were Booker T’s backing group?
 
8.  What is the pejorative term for an Irish person with English affections? A) A West Brit B) An eejit C) A Hibernophobe
 
Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him, manually, on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com 
 
WHO AM I? – 2009 – There can be only one, and there was… one winner – the Eagle, with Joseph Banks to this clue; Clue No.1; “I’ll guarantee you’ll never have heard of me but I was on that boat with Captain Cook and was perhaps a bit of a forerunner for the Chas fella.” – and he was adamant he had heard of and knows him well, so now a new clue; Clue No.1; “Associated with Brighton I wrote the rock on which rolled!”
 
Is it me?
 
This is the 2009 Main Comp series - with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in: For previous results in the Main Comp – check the *comps and results page.
 
Scores at the end of week 30 or 31 if we’re strictly going by the Gregorian calendar and due to the fact fool’s missed a week.
 
 
For those on the toilet, could we have a courtesy flush!
 
Dracule: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1)
 
Legal Eagle: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1)
 
Hannibal Lecherure: the song remains the same (LZ):
 
Silent Third Party, formerly known as Quizmaster: 1, 1, 1, 1 (1)
 
Casualty: zip
 
Aye: 1 (1)
 
Others: 1
 
Quote(s) for the week:
Tom Baker: Britain, Britain, Britain! Here are some facts about Britain that you might not know. Number One: Britain is a country. Number Two: Britain is called Britain. Number Five: Britain!
Little Britain
*Non-descript trivia moment*
 
            SOME ROMAN DIETIES
 
Aurora…dawn
Mutinus…fecundity
Saturnus…harvest
Luna…moon
Carmenta…prophecy
 

fool’s Gold
 
  • Racecar spelt backwards spells racecar
 
  • Eat is the only word that if you take the first letter and move it to the last, it spells it’s past tense ate
 
  • And, if you rearrange the letters in ‘illegal immigrants’ and add just a few more letters it spells out; ‘Fuck off and go home you free loading, benefit grabbing, kid producing, violent non-English speaking cocksuckers and take those hairy faced, sandal wearing, bomb making, goat fucking, smelly rag head bastards with you.’ – How weird is that? (Yes, please, I’ll have an insurance form)
 
 
Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:
 
“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”
 
 
Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:
Not being able to find Don Estelle’s and Windsor Davies’ Whispering Grass anywhere on cd.
 
 
Things that are just Sweet Love:
Blueberries, but the trees don’t need to know…right!
 
A viewer’s favourite haystacks from Bosnia – has finished – this week we are going to look at this:
 
 
This is another plane:
 
 
 
 
 
And now this bit:
 
 
Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors…
 
PacharanTapas & Bodega: bodega, oh baby when you dance like that… Sangria, mojito’s, plenty, plenty, plenty of wine and beer; Plus, The best Spanish cuisine in Saigon this side of Spain - Which is just to the right of Vietnam Cracking live music too. – I hear things are Bacardi Loco!
 
 
 
GTM: Probably the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details.
 

 
Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras, Sierra Nevada, Spain. www.bootlace.com and Prices and dates 2009
Not just a walk in the park


 
Kim Hai Trading Co., LTD:  for the best meat available in Vietnam email: info.kimhai@media.net.vn for a full listing
 

 
 
Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz
 
 
Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one – I ask you – that’s just crazy - every Tuesday at Al’s – make it a date. Check the *classifieds for their new-ish restaurant in Saigon, Vietnam – is it nearer to you?

 
Alibi: Good food, good wine, good beer, come here. It’s in Saigon – they have five big flat screen TV’s – pretty good to catch all your sport on; plus, plenty of boogieing to their live music and party nights
 
 
 
Don't forget the *classifieds – something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.
 
 
Ok, what’s on in cfn this week?
See; Categories for all that’s on offer, in the meantime fool recommends these:
 
*Digger; brings forth round 19 and meanders about at round 18
*Trigger: trots on


 
*cf'’s radio show featuring Digger:
 Playing NOW the one with:
Adam and Valerie
Plus all the ‘oldies’: OldaHigden, One Eyed Dog, Risky Red, the long forgotten Christmas show and its Typewriting September predecessor, - new one coming soon - look out for the fish!
 
*Tit-bits– .../…2,000 HP outboard inflatable…hope so!.../…Tour de France…/…/…
 
*Grub–Up –* New- New – new – NEW! –Brand new menu in crazy fool’skitchen/café – might have to take it off the menu as I reckon everyone’s about to copy it – last chance to have a look…maybe: – fool still recommends the Gazpacho
 
*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’
 
*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you
 
 
v Classifieds
*Seriously, anyone selling a rowing machine?
 
*Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…gonna shake your world…round …’
 
Mr. Meaner... come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -
 
*crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies – available from the Blue Gecko & Phatty’s
 
Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like the potatoes – lazy gits! They’re wind free too (almost)
Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s T-shirt ‘menu’ and choose your shirt!
Plus; every T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to charity
 
I’ll need a T-shirt
 
This bit is the rugby bit:
 
(See categories for The New Rugby extra Bit)
 
Published 13.8.09
 
South Africa 29 – 17 Australia was the score at the final pips at Newlands. The Morning fella got 24 of ‘em by the boot bar a startling grub through by John Smit for Habana to chase, Lachie Turner to fumble and Victor Matfield to touch down for a try.
 
The rest was a young fast and loose Wallaby playing against the congealed experience of South Africa and their consequential dominance of field position, a shuddering defence, faultless set pieces and powerful counter-rucking.
 
Ashley-Cooper touched down first, in the opening minutes and was helped along by a Barnes drop goal, but that was just false hope, for keeping up with the scoreline was the Morning man with a couple of penalties thanks to his pack’s wearing down of the youthful and over exuberant eagerness at the breakdown down from the Wallabies as Richard Brown was to find out at the cost of a yellow card later on.
 
The Git was also carded for his elbow in the mush on a mid air Du Preez yet he miraculously dipped the citing radar. The Australians coped well in this 13-man period, and even forced PdV to say something almost political, as to befit his political position; “When they were two yellow cards down they played very bravely. They did well by not allowing us to play.” – The cue cards coming in at just the right time there.
 
The Wallabies went on to show further snippets of the PdV acclaimed ‘well played’ mantle, when Mortlock’s replacement for a torn knee ligament, O’Connor made a fine break to set up the fortunate Git for a consolation try. Consolation, as the graft and accumulation of penalties had already been won in the loose on the ground by the Heinrich ‘Manoeuvre’ Brussow and in the air by the Bakkies and Matfield fellas.
 
Deans indeed had time to pause and ponder; “When you’re against the best side in the world you can’t afford to not get what’s there for the taking – your throw – when you turn that over, they turn the tables on you. It didn’t allow us to change the terms of engagement and we lost field position routinely.”
 
Consensus: Wallabies keep doing what you’re doing, wait for Elsom to come back, do the basics right, keep the scrum improvements, but for fucksake…hang on to your own ball in the lineout.
 
MB’s; tight rugby’s good for winning, why would you ever change it, but for your ‘fuck’s sake’ get rid of that Morning twat and teach Du Preez to kick.
 
The Sydney Morning Herald’s view; “Vital areas of this Australian game was dreadful that it made me ponder on this team, who appear short of mental toughness and composure, will ever get it together and learn how to win away in Tri Nations games with any regularity.” – A bit harsh, but true.
 
Some shorts:
The Air New Zealand Cup got itself back to some regularity with Waikato winning, for a change, beating Manawata 30-22. Four tries for Messam, Lauaka, Christie and Aresia sealed that. / Bay of Plenty disposed of Counties Manukau 32-9, with help from two from Hona and one from Hall. / And Southlands saw off Otago 26-19 with Kees Meews back on the front line for the southerners after 8 years in the UK, and to be honest he found it tough against Jamie McIntosh, although he’ll never admit it, “It was like an old bull versus a young bull – type scenario, I guess. We had a good battle.” – Face it, you got mullered.
 
DC’s back in the All Black’s frame and is likely to start in the Bledisloe in Sydney on 22nd August, where Mortlock will definitely not, and not for the rest of the tournament with knee ligaments that are, no more. Clyde Rathbone will also never appear on the rugby pitch again, as he’s retired. He received a busted eye socket and cheek bone at the weekend and with dreary form recently said enough is enough. He made 27 Tests in a Wallabies jersey but never really made it…did he?
 
Melbourne are now the only Aussie contenders for the last S15 place, the others still coming from NZ and SA.
 
The Brumbies lost to Sgt. Wilko’s Toulon 20-6, as the man himself made a record three from three recent games unscathed.
 
Mathieu Bastraud is to wait sentencing for his alleged beatings in New Zealand where Prime Minister John Key even made a public apology – that’s the second time in two weeks John’s been on. Anyway, French flanker Dusoitoir feels for the lad, who only ended up getting drunk, and said, “I am sad for him because he is someone who is gentle.” – Weird lot the French eh.
 
Dean Richards has stood down as boss of Harlequins as winger Tom Williams received his 12 month ban for a fake blood swap in last year’s HC quarter allowing injured Nick Evans to come back on – on that point, who cares!
 
Some competitions now:
 
WIN a PRIZE!
 
John Smit’s XV; films where the villain is played by a Brit –: have some fun and try to name the actor!!! - This particular team will be finished… fool promises! – Only two to get.
If you’re wondering why it’s John Smit’s XV, it’s because he’s the current World Cup winning captain, so we’ve got another three bloody years of him yet!
 
15.    Salom's Lot 14. Robin Hood 13. The Patriot 12. The Great Race 11. Pink Panther 10. Day of the Jackal 9. Silence of the Lambs 8. Braveheart 7. Lord Voldahart or as fool thinks it; Lord Vodaphone 6. Die Hard 5. Dracula (Any with Christopher Lee) 4. Bramstokers Dracula 3. ?   2. Snake from the Simpsons 1. ?
There’s a free t-shirt in the post for anyone who can up with the props here – I’m sick of it – ha, ha…nurse… - have received two props recently in Ray Winston and Bob Hoskins, but what films?
 
end rugby here!
 Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:
 
Time and tide have once again caught up with the fool fella, but if you didn’t hear about the strapping 6ft 2in Australian women with a walrus moustache who was drying her smalls over a bedside hotel lamp at 4.50a.m. on the eve of the fourth Test then you’ll not know that England got absolutely smashed at Headingly on day 1 – out for 102 and Day 3 all gone for 263 – they lost by an innings and 80 runs – you didn’t see that?
 
Freddie’s agent blamed it solely on Levi and Flower suggesting that Fred was fit to play; “He told them he was fit enough to get through, that he felt no different to how he felt at Edgbaston and that he could get through and do his bit.” – What’s he like at dancing?
 
Well, both him Beefy, Boycs, Mark Ramprakash, Trescothick, Robert Key and Len Hutton have all got it all to do between them at the Brit Oval next week in the fifth and final ‘One-off cup final Ashes’ game to make of break the series for either side. And was that the third concurrent paragraph ending in a?
 
Freddie is fit and in, Jimmy’s with him, although that will just confuse Justin Langer who leaked to his old team mates that he (Jimmy) was a ‘bit of a pussy’ and generally English cricketers were ‘habitually lazy, shallow and weak.’ He’s since denied saying anything of the sort as soon as it was leaked, and accused the ‘leaker’ of righteous underhanded-ness. Meanwhile the reputable journalist he mentioned it too affirmed it all to be good a true and the ex shadow boxer who wished and prayed he’d be called up when things weren’t looking too good for the Aussies up until Day 5 in the Midlands will probably receive a few less than courteous looks when back at the stumps in Somerset – ok, breathe now!
 
What, eh, who, where was I? Oh yes, England were shite at Headingly bar the last stand of Swann 62 and Broad 61 at a 108 partnership in 12.3 overs – 49 from 3 overs alone.
 
Still, the Aussies have come good right at the business end much to the credit of seeing sense in the return of Stuart Clarke (3-18) and a return to form from the Mitchell Johnson with a 5-fer, but then with the Bop, Bell and Colly making 16 between them through the whole match it’s hard to say exactly how good Mitchell’s form really is.
 
The easiest way to look at it is; Australia have by far the best batting line up and England still have a gnats cock on the bowling stakes, but how do you write off form? – Listen to the Punts, that’s how, “It’s just amazing how quickly things can change. It was only at Lords a couple of weeks ago that no one thought we had a chance at all of being able to bounce back and here we are now doubting everything England’s been doing.”
 
England came back by the skin of their teeth at Cardiff – there were four bad decisions at Lords in England’s favour – England were unlucky with the weather at Edgbaston, sure, but would you have banked on them notching 350 odd to bat out the last day! And at Headingly it all went wrong didn’t it – 70 runs in the first hour to Australia – 56 off the back foot, as Richie Benaud said, “Either no-one’s listening or the tactics are nonsense.” – Two lumps please Richie.
 
It’s a cup final: put in Key and the Ramps, and while you’re at it Langer and Shane.
 
 
Other sports:
 
It’s a Schu-turn, as the 8 time F1 champ has realised that he hasn’t got a neck after losing it in a bike crash last February. Eddie Jordan isn’t convinced and says he ought to have known, “Lance Armstrong wouldn’t compete in the Tour de France if he wasn’t 100% fit and Schumacher is exactly the same. But I am surprised it has taken this long for him to make a decision.” – So are we Eddie, so are we.
 
And women’s boxing in the Olympics – forget it – read last week’s rant on Charles Darwin
 
 
And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:
 
Now I’m really struggling with news and time this week, but let’s not let that get in the way – of what? You know…that…!
 
Predictive texting is altering the way the kids of today are thinking, and seems it could be depmormental to the real and necessary usage of their (and our) brains. Boff Michael Abramason from the Monarch University in Melbourne Australia said kids simply aren’t thinking it through. He gave a bunch of 11-14 year-olds an IQ type test and concluded, “The kids who used their phones a lot were faster on some tests but were less accurate.” – A-ha, there, you see. You can take off the spelling checker thinhkg-ma-jig thing now.

can't end well
 
A Russian women threw a scalding hot cup of tea at the Mona Lisa in France’s Louvre museum this week in spate of enraged madness, called the Stendhal Sydrome wich is triggered by culture. A spokesman from the museum said, “It is one of the most guarded works of art in the world, it will take more than a well aimed cup of tea to damage it.” – Pah, those Russians know nothing about slinging a piping hot cup of tea.
 
Thieves got away with a jewellery heist in London’s Graff jewellers in Bond Street this week worth 40m. The brazen white and black fella’s in sharp suits strolled in the, ‘appointment only’, shop fired a few warming shots then walked out with 43 gems and sped off in a total of 4 get away cars. The Sweeny was five days behind operations as the shop owners were embarrassed to alert authorities of the full extent of loss due to not being fully covered by insurance. – Try getting a bit of pipe cutting in a DIY store!
 
Crazy rock n roll capes XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! In an incredibly sad muso poll voters hacked in for Guns n’ Roses Sweet Child O’ Mine as their fav rock song of all time. I personally have never heard of anyone so gay as Guns n’ Roses, and can bet my bottom dollar those rock evils ‘pollsters’ have never even heard of Deep purple
Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, but has actually been replaced by Steve Wright: Nope, no time.
 
Liverpool’s City Council wants to raise films with smoking in to an 18 certifictae (Turn on the predictive typing again for fuck sake). That rules out 101 Dalmatians, Lord of the Rings, Peter Pan and Little Mermaid. At last, a shadow local government MP made some sense when he said, “This is a sledgehammer to crack a nut. It is not the role of the town hall to act as a puritanical thought police, banning children from watching kids films.” – A teacher in Malaysia punished a pupil caught smoking at 16 by smoking all 40 in two hour, sometimes four at once. She probably got off lightly as pupils can still be whipped there!
 
Get onto something cute, quick… the most loved animal, if all the insurers had their way, would be one with the ears of a rabbit, a cat’s face, the body of a Golden Retriever and a horse’s tail. It’ll need walking twice a day and require 9hrs and 27mins sleep a night. – Oh, and the arse of a sheep…doh!
 
Lastly Tescos, a giant supermarket chain in the UK are the first to introduce the Xtra Large Durex size, by order of demand! The 215mm out stretched the previous of 210mm, and is nothing but a marketing ploy for their ads, ‘Every little helps’, because I don’t care what any Dirk Diggler’s saying the average whopper down at the local supermarket aint that big…on average…is it?
 
just cf it
 
cf

 

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