Crazy Fool's Newsround - 7 - 13th November 08 volume 305

7 - 13th November 08 volume 305
November, 13th 2008 05:00 AM

‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – it’s all in

crazy fool’s newsround

That was the week weren't it;

The scene: fool and Ben Gunn are relaxing by a makeshift fire on their island, reminiscing on the halcyon days gone past:

fool: can you smell bacon?

Ben Gunn: No, that’s just me burning my feet

fool: Why you burning your feet?

Ben Gunn: Cos it smells like bacon!

fool: Oh…Can you cook me some

Narrator: Wiling Away The Hours was contrived, written and starred crazy fool. And now the quiz:

1. What was the captain’s name in Treasure Island?

2. What kind of drink is Amontillado?

3. Where is fibrin found in your body?

4. The word ‘ketchup’ comes from which language?

5. Which species of bird does the wapacat belong to?

6. Which Marx brother died on the same day as Joyce Grenfell?

7. Which film starred John Cleese as an under pressure headmaster?

8. In 3 seconds: How many times does ‘p’ occur in the first line of the Peter Piper tongue twister? A) Nine B) Seven C) Six

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him, manually, on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

WHO AM I? Too many names in the pot foxed yer’s eh! Too difficult eh? Well maybe this’ll fix yer see (Why am I doing James Cagney, it’s not him see) – Here was last week’s clue: “I was in that film Self Made Man was talking about and I think I was probably the most obvious omission so far, though I’ll not sleep over it!” – Gottya eh…see me ma top of the world, eh see! – Clue 2: “You could equate me to Newman and Redford or Douglas and Heston, although I never acted with him much!”

is it me?

For the results to last weeks Main Comp – check the *comps and results page.

Scores at the end of week 41 in the 2008 Main Comp series - with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in – confused? Good.

For those up against it; how do you like it now eh…see, yeah, well, it’s curtains for you see!…

Dracule: 19 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1)

Legal Eagle: 13 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1)

Hannibal Lecherure: the song remains the same (LZ)

Quizmaster: off the marc! 5 (1 or 1, 1, 1)

Casualty: cruising on; 1

Others: unknown…there has to be others…doesn’t there… I don’t know

Quote for the week:

Vyvyan (hitting Rick in the crotch with a cricket bat): Shut your face traitor!

Rick: Hah! Missed both my legs!

The Young Ones

*Non-descript trivia moment*

THREE WISE MEN

MELCHIOR…King of Arabia…GOLD

CASPAR…King of Tarsus…FRANKINCENSE

BALTHAZAR…King of Ethiopia…MYRRH

fool’s Gold

90% of women who walk into a department store immediately turn right

The odds of being killed by falling out of bed are one in two million

Elvis used to call his daughter Lisa Marie “Buttonhead” or “Yisa”

Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:

“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”

Pairogram: an anagram that has a meaning when paired with its original word - e.g. ELVIS LIVES

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

Silly Dillon what ever her name is! That Canadian tart who’s sold a million tripe records to a bunch of gormless nobodies… hang on, I’m changing that… Silly Delon’s fans…and you can throw in Cher and her entourage too. I was getting my haircut the other day and those, has-been / never-were, couple of old trollops strutted around a stage in their gold lycra jump-suits, contorting their Jennifer Aniseed older sister look in an angry attempt to be ‘rock n roll’, whilst trying to pull off a few ACDC numbers – I’d like to see them sing She Loves My Cock and watch the audience wave their lighters to that one! – BASTARDS!

And now this bit:

Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors…

Pacharan Tapas & Bodega: bodega, oh baby when you dance like that. ½ price sangria, mojito and buckets of wine by the err, bucket... plus beer, oh yes beer, don't forget the beer...they have beer you know. The best Spanish cuisine in Saigon this side of Spain - Which is just to the right of Vietnam – I think! – Some cracking live music too folks.

GTM: Probably, nope not probably, but, the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details. – Prototype sandpit looks good mate

Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras, Sierra Nevada, Spain. Click the link on the logo on the right and walk into happiness. What's coming up next folks?

Kim Hai Trading Co.,LTD: Mate; good food, good meat, good God let’s eat:

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness – Go nuts for it – I am. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in Saigon, Vietnam!

Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one – I ask you – that’s just crazy - every Tuesday at Al’s – make it a date. Their ribs are xxxceptional too. Check the *classifieds for their new restaurant in Saigon, Vietnam – is it nearer to you?

Don't forget the *classifieds – something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.

fool’s got some clobber on offer at the moment, but be quick; these prices won’t last – top quality, many different crazy designs, for only $10.00 you can speak like a spider…

Ok, what’s on in cfn this week? – Remember, there’s a lot more on offer in the menu on the left.

*Digger; dares not to delve this week as there’s SFA…again.

*Trigger: touts with the flutterings? – You better you better, you bet.

*cf's new radio show: - OUT NOW – new and improved, with all the buttons – fool’s tip: to avoid (clap, clap, clap) “And welcome…” every time you open the site press pause/play and forwards and rewind buttons! – Next one out in Nov…Dec?!

*Tit-bits – .../...some old rhetoric’s…/…/…/…/…

*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – although now slightly old* - Slice o' snake n pigmy pie with oysters – it's the proverbial's (new one next week – didn’t realise it was Thursday already! – Ok next week or the week after, hang on, just let me get my shit together)

Poetry Corner: Still reliving...I said re-living!... my youth and just can't get enough of Quadrophenia at the moment – try a slice of Roger's theme...goes to the tune of...¶ ♪♫ ♀ ♪ﷲ ♫…will keep it there, whilst I debate on the next one.

*new...Fishman...new...Fishman – Read all the Fishman’s tails in On The Pond, May ‘08’ – new one coming soon folks, but for now read about an exploding monkey, a coconut and a lesbian diver – it’s all happening on the island.

And *Bongo Massif Bro’s – LoretoFest just round the corner – you’re first on

Mr. Meaner... yer feeling it, yer feeling it, are yer?

Now, you’re just in time for the rugby bit dun, dun, dun - for rugby folk ET all; but please, if you’re not keen do move on:

Slightly under the pump this week, nevertheless, there were heroics on the paddocks last week, so let’s-a take-a-da look:

Have this: Italy 20 Australia 30, and despite Hannibal Lecherurer from the WAI? Section convincing himself it was a 50% winning margin, it realistically could only be described as half chance win.

Australia may not have exactly been on fire, and losing Berrick Barnes early and Tahu later in the game didn’t help, but the Git and red-neck Quade Cooper should have been pretty clinical substitutes. It was only the latter’s try at the end of the game that pretty much, ‘saved face’.

Let’s not forget though, that Italy are a force these days, their forwards were and are a match for anyone, but the surprise was the Italians backs in defence and attack. They pulled off an exceptional performance, and the fool would like to see an upset against Argentina this weekend.

Wales lost to the MB’s 15-20 and should probably be kicking themselves, no, not just because they’re Welsh, but for letting the game go.

Andy Powell picked up the Man of the Match on his debut, and as much as he was proud to don the red jersey he was equally frustrated at their slow start where penalties were the chosen gift to bring to the party.

When the Welsh woke up and started to play in the second half we had a game on; ice cool James Hook slotted four penalties and the red machine attacked from every where, but as the big No.8 Andy reminded us; “South Africa have got a great defence and a big pack.”

John Smit was pleased with their win, but slightly miffed that they let the Welsh ambush them in the second half; “We were waiting for the game to finish with 15 minutes to go.”

Welsh coach Warren Gatland wasn’t happy at all and told his troops after the game; “I’ve said that if we want to be where we think we can be, good teams nail big moments and we should be furious with that because we had a chance to beat the World Champions and we let ourselves down.” – There’s always one isn’t there.

At Twickenham England beat the Specifics 39-13 with five tries to one. There was a lot of hype surrounding this new look England, and on the whole they delivered. The debutants each had a great game to a man, especially the Flutey and Armitage fellas.

But there was a slow if not shaky start to the game from England where, as expected, the Specifics rallied to keep the English under an island cosh. Cipriani’s pedestrian clearance was almost a gift for hooker Rabeni to charge down and score, but after that England found their footing in the pouring rain, and ran in, it must be said, some very good tries.

Danny Care’s break, of which there were many, then offload to Rees, who found Cipriani, onto Flutey, Armitage with Sackey on the end to score was probably the pick of the bunch.

It’s hard to gauge this win but Man of the Match Delon Armitage is worth a look; he was excellent in defence, tackling and under the high ball, and everywhere in attack with deft decision making. Johnson even went to say he’d never seen a better debut. Delon himself brushed aside their attacking and praised the teams defence; “We’re proud to concede just one try against a really good attacking side.”

The lights went out at Murrayfield, helicopters flew overhead, the lights came back on during the All Blacks sing-song then Chris Hoy strutted on the pitch in his gold medallions. When we finally got to the rugby the Kiwi second string thrashed Scotland 6-32!

But to be fair the Scots were good…no I mean good, yes, as in good. They came out pumped and full of passion, especially up front and were off on breaks left, right and centre, but unlike the Kiwis they didn’t know what to do once they made them.

Big Frank Hadden stated that was the difference, the player awareness, knowing what’s in front of you and reading the situation. He’s right when he said you need 15 chances against the All Blacks to make any head road, and Scotland did have those 15 chances; “I hate it – it does my head in – but you have to acknowledge that we created and had a lot of opportunities that went missing.” – Said Big Frank

They certainly did, but the Blacks are masters at rallying in defence turning over ball that should never have been theirs and getting up and going back to score themselves. The Blacks’ four tries weren’t necessarily from counter attacks, but their ability to read a sniff of a score is deadly.

In Munster’s Thomond Park Ireland devastated Canada 55-0 with five first half tires and three in the second in the bitterly cold wind and rain – that is Ireland.

Ireland were good, and you can knock the Cannucks, but they are no push over. Declan Kidney, the Irish coach said, “I thought we did well in the first half and in the fourth quarter, but the third quarter, that probably gives us something to work on for next week.”

Ex All Black and Canadian coach Kieran Crowley said, “It was as if we were shell-shocked, we got stage fright I think.” – Nope, just soundly beaten – admit it.

France beat Argentina 12-6 with no tries.

Something for the weekend:

Wales play Canada on Friday night and it seems a bit of a disappointment that the Dragons have to resort to the Moose as it were, but be in for a shock – they’ll both be wearing red!

fool say’s: Wales 46-and I want to say 26, but will have to go for 11 Canada

Italy take on Argentina in Iti-land, and although the Argies are a better side than the Iti’s, I think or hope the Italians keep up their momentum from last week and get a promising result for themselves.

fool says: Italy 21-11 Argentina

Scotland host the MB’s and fool reckons both team are on red alert, and as is fool’s want he’s going for an upset:

fool says: Scotland 25-17 MB’s

Robbie Deans; “There is a great history in the sporting rivalry between Australia and England and Twickenham is a great stadium and a special ground to play on. We’re looking forward to what will be a great occasion.”

And don’t both sides know it. Johnson concedes that his side have some degree of anxiety going up against Australia whom they always consider to be ‘extremely tough matches’ and acknowledges that they’ll have to improve from their Specific encounter.

Graham Rowntree echoes a worldwide opinion that Australia’s front row, indeed front five have improved a lot to the extent of rating hooker Stephen Moore ‘a heck of a player’, but that’s not where Australia’s niche of experience lies – that’ll be the midfield entourage of the Git, Mortlock and Cross, which sound pretty solid, but then so do the young guns of; Care, Cipriani, Flutey!

Berrick Barnes knows and respects the Cips, but questions if he’s ready for the Git(s); “He will come up against some really good No.10’s – Git and Carter. They’ll give him an inclination, and everyone else, of where he is.”

fools says: England 24-18 Australia

Ireland play and the very best side Henry has on his All Black piece of paper. Declan Kidney has made six changes to front up to what he calls the ‘Tiger Woods’ of rugby, most notable inclusion Tomas O’Leary at scrum half. He says, “We have selected a team with a skill set that gives us the best possible chance on the day.”

Will that day belong to B.O.D’s 50^th Test cap?

fool says: Ireland 27-29 New Zealand

When the Specifics run out against France they’ll do it in the knowledge that 7 of them play in the French leagues, notably Clermont’s top try scoring, and the Top 14’s come to that, Napolioni Nalaga. Will they win?

fool says: France 21-Specifics 14

Some shorts:

Singapore drew with Sri Lanka in the opening Asian Five Nations 2008/9 season - 20-20

And the Barbarians have picked up another pair of top-notch stars in Shane Williams and Francois Trinh-Duc for their game on 3^rd December. They join a host of names, well basically, you name them, they’re playing for the Baa Baa’s.

The game against Australia at Wembley marks the centenary of the London Olympics where Australia beat a Great Britain side (20-3 I think) who were represented by Cornwall, and in their honour the Barbarians will wear Cornwall’s socks as opposed to the traditional club socks.

I’m done.

Call the fool if you want to back against England for the 2011 cup! Curiously he’s had one taker – it could be you!

John Smit’s XV; films where the villain is played by a Brit –: This particular team will be finished sometime in 2008 – the fool promises! – Only two to get.

Called the John Smit’s XV, as he’s the current World Cup winning captain, so we’ve got another three and a half bloody years of him yet!

15. Salom's Lot 14. Robin Hood 13. The Patriot 12. The Great Race 11. Pink Panther 10. Day of the Jackal 9. Silence of the Lambs 8. Braveheart 7. Lord Voldahart or as fool thinks it; Lord Vodaphone 6. Die Hard 5. Dracula (Any with Christopher Lee) 4. Bramstokers Dracula 3. 2. Snake from the Simpsons 1.

end rugby here!

Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:

Australia succumbed to the Indians in the fourth and final Test just as the Indian jugular was ripe for the ripping!

On 166-6 in the second innings and a lead of just 252 the Punts sent on a couple of halfway house bowlers in White and Hussey and immediately lost the impetus, which if you’ve ever done that in the land of the Ganguley’s is not pleasant.

RP got blasted by everyone back home and India stretched their lead to 381 edging out Australia for 209! – Test series 2-0.

Sachin swiped his 40^th Test ton and his 10^th against the Aussies, but new lad Jason Krejza for Australia snapped 8-215 amongst his 12 wicket haul.

England are now in India and kick off their first of seven ODI’s on Friday. Despite the Stanford debacle Colly is confident of a test series win saying the pacies in Fred and Harmy will do the deed; “We have the talent all the way down the batting order and cover all the bases in terms of pace, spin and fielding.” – Oh well, that’s it then, why bother even playing!

Till next week…

Other sports:

Welshman Joe Calzaghe duffed up the once best pound for pound fighter Roy Jones Jr in the light-heavyweight Ring Master bash at Madison Square Gardens.

It was his 46^th straight win with no defeats and he did it in his usual fashion – speedy and deliberate. Jones got him good with a forearm smash in the first round to which Joe said only made him stronger. Then Jones got him good again around the 8^th. But the Joe fella doesn’t slow down and by his own admission said, “I was throwing combinations he couldn’t cope with.” – Cheeseburger, fries and a drink – doubleburger, drink and a desert…

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Cheryl Cole has got the best boobs in the business. Who’s she? I don’t know, apparently some chick from a pop group called Girls Aloud, I said… But who cares – she’s got the best boobs in the business, plus they were voted in by other girls; which makes it sort of kinky.

Bra Company Bravissomo took the survey and marketing director Jo Lee said, “Cheryl’s boobs are indeed fab. We estimate she’s around a 28F bra size, but it’s a shame so many young women aren’t happy with their own breasts. The well fitting supportive bras like Cheryl wears could give them a lift and the shape they want.” – Really, who writes this rubbish!!!

A student club night has been swathed in controversy after scenes of naked wrestling and topless girls cavorting with snakes took place. Mind you on the bill at the Kukui night club in Oxford it did say; ‘one of the naughtiest nights of the year’ and ‘KY Jelly Wrestling Naked’ then there was of course, ‘fetish snake shows including a 12ft albino python.’ – That wasn’t all that got the Oxford University Student’s Union goat; it was the fact that in the same week the Union also held at the same club, ‘a gender equality week’. – Outraged Rachael Cummings said, “Such acts demean women in a city where they have fought for their rights to be taken seriously as intelligent, autonomous individuals.” – Yes, you’re right…and it seems they won!

The QE2 set off on its final journey this week; well it did once it got off the sand bank it was stuck on at Southampton. It’s off to dock full time as a floating hotel in Dubai. Before it went it remembered the 90^th anniversary for Armistice on Remembrance Day on the 11^th. Also remembering it and laying the reef’s of poppies at the cenotaph in London were Britain’s three last remaining servicemen to fight – Henry Allingham 112, Harry Patch 110 and Bill Stone 108.

Dennis Goodwin chairman of the World War One Veterans Association remarked, “It is most significant that they represent each armed service – the odds on that are tremendous. It epitomised the uniqueness of this generation that they saved three of their men till the last.” – Of the five million who served only four are still alive the other Claude Choeles 107 lives in Australia where they are holding their own celebrations. – Lest we forget.

Crazy rock n roll capes XXXXXIIIIVVI! “I remixed a remix; it was back to normal.” – Mitch Hedberg

Science has spent billions on research into obesity and come up with the fact if you want to lose weight go for a walk! Boff Adrian Taylor of Exeter University said, “Our research has shown that brief bouts of physical activity can reduce cigarette cravings, but this is the first to link exercise to reduce chocolate craving.” – Is that why marathon changed its name!

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque; “Old ladies can eat more than you think.”

Peter Eastgate from Denmark became the youngest World Series Poker Champion this week netting himself ₤5.9m. The 22 year-old beat Russian Demiachov 27 in Las Vegas and said, “I just focussed on the game.” – He won with an ace-to-five straight hand – is that a tip…I don’t think so.

life's a gamble

Lastly; Swingers are go, well they are in the White Cockatoo Nudist Resort in Mossman Queensland Australia. Because of the global credit crunch boss Tony Fox has declared anything goes for the hedonism mad month of March. That means he’s inviting the formerly banned swingers and sex parties to boost his trade. Tony said, “We’ve taken the bull by its horns and its going nuts – we’re close to fully booked.” – Of course he’s had the odd complaint from religious groups especially the Cairns catholic Bishop James Foley who asked, “How do you stop jealousies and fights.” – Why do you ask? It doesn’t matter, because local tourist chief Doug Ryman said, “As long as whatever they do stays within the law then good on em.” He says adjusting his suspenders.