March, 13th 2008 06:52 AM
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That was the week weren't it:
The scene: It’s 40 years since renowned chat show host, fool, has interviewed Muhammad Ali. Long gone are the days when the master of disaster danced like a butterfly and stung like a bee, especially the days spent deep down in that dank Zairian Jungle Rumble of ‘67’. Years later, and Ali is cocooned inside a Parkinson’s (fool’s nemesis) riddled body and has naturally metamorphasised into an ageing man. fool has been asked to keep the interview short.
fool: You’ve changed.
Ali: Yeah.
fool: Super. Thanks for coming on the show.
Ali: I am.
Narrator: That it? Think I preferred the long winded dribble you used to do
fool: Don’t you mean drivel?
Narrator: I know what I said - Roll the quiz:
1. In which city and country was Mohammad Ali born?
2. Who was Don Johnson’s character in Miami Vice?
3. How many crew members were there in the Nostromo in Alien?
4. Which musical instrument represents Peter in Peter and the Wolf?
5. A glaive was what kind of weapon?
6. In which century was the first Indianapolis 500?
7. What can be done if an object is scissile?
8. To which vegetable does the coriander plant belong? A) Carrot B) cabbage C) Potato
Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com if you think you know the answers. (same address as the contacts button)
WHO AM I? (with no paragraphs – never) And what a bumper rollercoaster ride of to’s and fro’s did bobble from this week’s whores…sorry…hoards of contestants who participated in last week’s WAI? The Eagle circled only momentarily before swooping down, clutching his barrage of answers – all incorrect. Days later the Dracule finally surfaced from his coffin and pumped out the same menagerie of usual suspects as the Eagle had done two days previously. In between these two front runner’s quest for the 2008 title, fool’s lines were jammed from other callers itching at the bit with their two-bob for’s! The letter box has been stuffed with incorrect answers and plenty o’ pigeon pie has been lain waste on fool’s table, as all vying correct entries to quiz week 10 were obsolete. Hannibal Lecturer has vowed never to play again on the grounds of not getting it right last week, so the correct answer was eventually left to the old trustee Dracule, who in a rather drawn out affair clenched the answer to this clue: “I might not have walked on the moon but it’s quite possible I was the first to walk on the highest point of our world.” – Which was of course George Mallory and or Andrew Irvine (the fool would have accepted) who were last seen attempting Everest’s summit, with oxygen via the NE ridge, at 12.50pm on 8th June 1924 – never to be seen again. Nevertheless, – hard chunks to those other than the victor and onwards and onwards to this week’s clue, No.1; “Working with an idle jailor I’ve still managed to keep lumps of it around the back.”
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| is it me? |
Scores at the end of week 10 in the 2008 series.
Dracule: 6
Legal Eagle: 4
Hannibal Lecturer: minus zilch million X two
Others: build dams don’t they!
*Non-descript trivia moment*
Some British Money Slang
£1…Quid, Nugget, Dollar
£5…Jack, Blue, Godiva
£10…Tenner, Pavarotti, Cock
£20…Score
£25…Pony
£50…Bull’s eye
£100…Ton, Century
£500…Monkey
£1000…Grand, Rio (Grande), Bag o’ sand
£2000…Archer
fool's Gold
- The Titanic was loaded with 7,500 lbs of bacon and ham
- California has issued six drivers licenses to people named ‘Jesus Christ’
- 14% of cat owners think their cat is more important than their job
Dr. Phil O'logy: our Wordman's word of the week:
Pussy as a slang term for the female pudenda is thought to derive ultimately from Low German puse "vulva" or Old Norse puss "pocket, pouch". It didn't arise in English with a sexual meaning until the 19th century, but prior to that it had been used to refer to women in general (16th century). It has since also come to mean "effeminate, feeble, or homosexual men or boys" (20th century).
Thanks Dr. Phil.
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And now this bit:
Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors…
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*classifieds – something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.
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Ok, what’s on in cfn this week?
*Digger; does the hard yards for you as we cruise into the coming season
*Trigger: on form with this week’s form
cf's new radio show: - Next show out in March - hold on to your fat. - Maybe April!
*Tit-bits – Man’s best friend/…Inland revenue/…Jack and Jill/…A very loud/…
*New edition – read Vic Bitter's futuristic foreseeables. – Hang on, I think he’s got a new one this week – read Vic to see.
*Grub–Up – It's a bugger peeling tomatoes but it's worth it, so I'm going back to me olde favourite Gazpacho soup or as me old mate Digger says, Gestapo soup. Either way it's pretty good – Get some down yer. New one next week.
Poetry Corner: Reliving...I said re-living!... my youth and just can't get enough of Quadrophenia at the moment – try a slice of Roger's theme...goes to the tune of...¶ ♪♫ ♀ ♪ﷲ  ♫
*new...Fishman...new...Fishman – It's fresh, it's fishy it's in this week's rag – get the new Fishman's tails – out now. - Read all about Fishman and what’s going down On The Pond, Feb ‘08’
And *Bongo Massif Bro’s – will be in the studio soon. - Don't forget their marmalade session on crazy fool's radio show coming soon – don't miss em.
Mr. Meaner... I haven’t seen yer, wouldn’t wanna be yer…err…I like eggs n bean yeah… - get off…ok yer…
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It’s a ruggerflyby time; and just what did happen this week?
First this:
The Two Nations and England, Ireland, Italy and Scotland
Has luck run out for Eddie O’?
First things first and Wales pretty much thumped a much maligned Irish side at Croke Park 16-12.
The score doesn’t reflect the actual dominance and assertiveness that the Welsh had over an ever decreasing mundane Irish side, who’s players, can you believe, were considered of a ‘golden generation’ just before the World Cup.
Now it’s highly likely that Eddie O’Sullivan needs a win against England this weekend at Twickenham to keep his bum in the hot seat! – Which in other terms is well and truly on the hot seat.
But back to last week’s game, and for a side (the Welsh) who have oft set this season’s tournament alight, were far below dazzling par, bar of course a trademark jink and nip to the line by Shane Williams, who notched his joint record 40th try with Gareth Thomas.
Eddie O’ was full of a few ‘pots and pans’, with comments such as, “Had we won yesterday we would have been in the hunt for the title. Instead we lost a tight game. That’s the landscape of the Six Nations – you can go from being out of the race to straight back in it.” – And if if’s were and’s…
As said, they were outplayed by a Welsh side, who look like they get stronger as the clock ticks on, but give ‘Eddie the optimist’ his due when he declared, “There was one point in it with five minutes left on the clock. We must have been doing something right.”
Ryan Jones on the other hand was full of Hollywood, as the Welsh skipper accepted his team’s award for the Triple Crown, “You can’t put moments like that into words. It was fantastic. Very few people get to do it and I am proud and privileged.”
But the big fella also has his feet on the ground and is all too aware that all is not over until some fat drunk bastard sings, as he stated, “The Championship is not over. We have one game to go and the boys have their eyes on the big prize.”
Predictions after the next games wrap-ups.
Come in No.10, is your time is up?:
It could be sweet sanguine delirium that leads the fool to think that it could have been the Cipriani-gate affair that loosened England’s bolt-hold onto nothing less than reality, in what was Saturday’s dismal loss to Scotland in Edinburgh 15-9.
But that would deprive the satisfaction of shooting the actual players who laid down what probably was England’s worse ever performance on a rugby pitch…ever.
Scotland were abysmal, England were worse and the match itself should be bottled, preserved and used as a sleeping sedative.
The whole Scottish nation, and rightly so, will take the win and caress it for all its worth, but really what did happen in this horrible, horrible game of rugby in the mud?
Paterson kicked a few penalties, Sgt. Wilko missed one, Dan Parks kicked a long one and Balshaw kicked Rory Lamont in the head, which prolonged the agony of sitting through this tedium continuum for another 20 minutes.
But fair play to Jock captain Mike Blair, who typified their performance into his own Celtic word-age, “It was a typical Scottish performance, guts and determination.”
But let’s be even fairer, fairer than that even; “There was a bit more to it than that as well. There was some great ball retention, some bright, smart play.” – Yes, ‘Some’ being the operative word.
Phil Vickery translated the mad McTavish’s tones: “They did the nitty gritty better than us.”
Big Frank Hadden played down any co-host involvement from ex-England boss Andy Robinson, who now coaches Edinburgh, stating he uses Andy’s knowledge in a ‘purely observational and feedback capacity.’ – (He runs the show, just like Jones did the MB team)
Brian Moore told it how it really is: “The most fantastic event at Murrayfield on Saturday was when the wife of former England coach Andy Robinson, after cheering as fanatically for Scotland as she used to for England, told me to "f*** off", adding that "my husband is a good coach”
Welcome to Scotland Mrs. Robinson. You're going to fit in just fine! (Thanks for sending that fool’s Scottish friend – yes your cheque’s in the post, you tight bastard!)
To be honest the fool has little time for the rest of the game and any comments or any voice of authority the English team has to say about themselves promising to try their hardest next time.
Sgt. Wilko was ten bars short of shite in the minus direction, but to see his sacking for the next game as a scape goat-ism would be futile knit-picking.
As he says, “One thing that will never change is that I will never stop going out there everyday and trying to get better.”
Really, how was he the only one to get axed?
Cipriani was always going to make a starting appearance in these Champs, but it sounds like he’s almost there to save the Ash’s bacon in what is a dead rubber game against the Irish.
If Ashton really wanted to show his worth Cueto and Lewsy would be in the starting XV and Simpson-Daniel in the 22, whilst the Volcano learns his Union trade back at Gloucester and Balshaw retires!
You watch, Balshaw will have a cracker on Saturday against the Irish, as too of course will Cipriani, and every two-bit rugby-wannabe will say, ‘See, I told you so, should have dropped Jonny years ago’ – Wankers.
When In Rome – Get Beat
And I can’t believe I have absolutely no notes on this at all! – I semi watched the game in a sleep like state and vaguely recall the write ups being a cracker – didn’t Les Frogs win something like 27-23???
Martin ‘could probably walk into any world front row’ Castrogiavanni scored, again, and a lot of French young guns made a bright spectacle of the whole affair.
So without crapping on let’s crack on…
Next week’s results:
Big Frank said this of Saturday’s victory, “That win wasn’t for the critics, that was for the support we received over the past couple of weeks.”
Hats off to Scotland, but Italy have you matched in the forwards and are equally as inept in the backs! – 27-18 to Italy in Rome.
Eddie O’s and Brian A’s balls are on the line at Twickenham, and despite Ireland’s boss coming out with the most baffling of statements in, “Whatever happens in Twickenham Ireland will be only second only to France in the Six Nations after five Championships.” – Ugh!
England simply are too good but they’ll have to click, for all their 23’s sake! (players and coach)
32-18.
And the big one? – Lievremont has brought back his big guns in Jean-Baptiste Elissalde, David Skrela, Cedric Heymans and hard tackling Thierry Dusoutoir, he says, “It’s exciting to have the chance to deprive Wales of the Grand Slam in a packed Millennium Stadium, against a very good team.”
But then as Gatland notes, “We have momentum, which is what this tournament is all about, but you can never underestimate the French.”
The French have to win by 20 points, not achieved since they won the 2000 Champs, so it’s possible – but in Cardiff?
Wales 28-25 France.
Interesting point: France have won their last six games at the Millennium Stadium – their last against New Zealand in the 2007 World Cup quarter finals!
Super 14’s and Who’s gonna stop the Crusade?
I’ll keep it brief as I’m sure you’re a little rugby-ed out by now.
And, the Crusaders are indeed the force to be reckoned with, there’s no doubt about that.
The Force themselves must have wondered how they in fact lost to the Canterbury outfit 29-24, but should be confident enough to back themselves in the play-offs come May.
Dan Carter says he loves to emulate Jonny’s play but surely that doesn’t mean literally, he had a shocker, whilst his opposite number Matt Giteau had a cracker. – Can’t wait to see the international.
And it will be good to see the Kiwi’s go home soon so they can get rid of their ridiculous facial touring hair!
Over in the East side of Aus the Tah’s beat the Brumbies 24-17 in their local derby.
It was a drab affair where the weather didn’t permit much prettiness.
Christian Lealiifano is a consistent minus scorer in my fantasy team, but Brumbies fullback Mark Gerrard had a goodun and looks a likely lad for the Wallaby’s. As too does Tah’s powerhouse Dean Mumm, who charged down Christians kick for his team’s 63rd minute winner.
The Stormers notched their first win, over the Reds in Brisbane 34-16, plus they got the bonus point for four tries.
And over in Durban the Sharks beat a non-bubbling Blues outfit 22-17 in a very pacy and physical game. Look out for MB Keegan Daniel and note; the Sharks are also four from four.
That’s it for this week – not even a funny off the field quip (never is!)
In the meantime can someone please finish a front row for John Smit's team so we can move on.
John Smit’s bloody on going films where the villain is played by a Brit, XV – : Will be finished in 2008!
15. Salom's Lot 14. Robin Hood 13. The Patriot 12. The Great Race 11. 10. Day of the Jackal 9. Silence of the Lambs 8. Braveheart 7. Lord Voldahart or as fool's thinks it; Lord Vodaphone 6. Die Hard 5. Dracula (Any) 4. Bramstokers Dracula 3. 2. 1.
Other results: - no other results this week, as nothing else happened last week – except of course the whole of Holland got ripped…again!
Some Heineken Cups: April next slot
Some Internationals: you’ve had em
England EDF Trophy: na
England Prem; Wasps beat Quins – what else do you need to know?
France; Pro D2 11eme: pas
France Top 14: not interested
Ireland's AIL level 1; That is about their level
Italy; Coppa de Italia: stick to racing cars
Japan Top League: Haiiii Ya
Magners League: all pissed
Scotland's premiership: still celebrating their international win over England
Super 14's: Bulls 31-17 Lions
Netherlands: Cha mon
Spain's Div D Honour 11: no one expects the…
Wales Konica Cup: isn’t it
end rugby here!
Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:
England continued their sporting prowess, as they slumped to a 110 all out second innings and ultimately a 189 run loss in their first Test against New Zealand. – Muppets.
Yes Muppets, because they even had a sniff at a win, let alone a draw. Vaughan described it simply as, ‘not acceptable’.
Man of the Match Daniel Vettori on the other hand described it as the ‘most satisfying’ win of all his 78 Tests, which was duly helped by Kyle ‘girls name’ Mills’ four wickets off 25 balls for two runs to which Daniel further added, “It was the most complete Test performance over five days.”
Someone must have done well with the bat then, as above suggests, but I’ll be fucked if I know!
The second Test started today and both Harmy and Hoggy have been dropped. Old head Mark Butcher reckons it’s probably the end of the tall fella’s career, and he may not be wrong.
Beefy also hailed the once world No.1 seamer, but also bollocked him for not being mentally and indeed physically fit and ready enough for the Test arena, just as he wasn’t for the last Ashes series, he said, “To me, that’s just a lack of professionalism.” And, “You owe that to your team-mates.”
Vaughan just knew something was about to happen; “We had a gut feeling that we just needed to make a change.” - He is on the selection committee.
So, in are young-uns Broad and Anderson, who obviously are great with the bat!
Harmison missed the start of this tour to be there at the birth of his fourth child (a boy I believe), which is all well and good, and everyone understands that, even Beefy, but I wonder if in years to come the young lad might call his dad a twat for throwing away a beaming cricket career!
He’ll probably meet either Brian or Eddie down the job centre next week.
Back to the game and Vaughan blames it all on a lack of confidence, but more so blames it all on KP, well, why wouldn’t you, he is a MB after all. He says, “You wouldn’t think that KP lacks confidence. But he is not playing as well as he can and New Zealand are bowling well to him.” – Useless – sack him.
The MB’s beat the Bangles in their 2nd ODI to wrap up the series 2-0, but who really cares; I mean who do the Bangles ever beat anyway!
And talking of Australia, they’ve cancelled, sorry, postponed their three Test tour to Pakistan in fear of getting blown up.
What’s the matter with them – there’s only been 600 killed by suicide bombs this year.
The Paki cricket chief Nasim Ashraf insists all is good, “We maintain conditions are still conducive to hold cricket events in Pakistan.”
On that note…
Till next week…
Other sports:
Ricky Hatton is to fight again. - On 24th May against Juan Lazcanio at Manchester City’s football ground. He could have had a bigger purse at Wembley, but as his dad and manager Ray said, “He felt it was time to come home.” – He lives in the stadium?
F1 season kicks off in Australia this Sunday and the Ham says he’s ready and raring, although we haven’t heard much from him in the media recently; “I am saving all this energy for the first race and I cannot wait to get out there.” – He finally said
He’s also saving a few bob as he’ll get a staggering £10m in wages alone this year, making him the richest British sports personality ever. He puts it into perspective, “I think your perspective of life changes if you have money.” – Really?
And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:
85% of British men are big on bonking Other news
