‘There's no business like show business like no business I know   da da   da da everything about you is so appealing da da  Bangkok  ping pongs hit the ceiling da da I know when I've got this feeling that my knees start to chime da da   da da...'

dance then wherever you may be

Since Jeff was given the punishment of writing a 300 word essay on the inside of a ping pong ball, from Barty the 6^th form sneak, for adding his own steps in the school play of ‘The 39 Steps', things, ironically, really started to take off in his life...mostly down at the Dog and Duck a-go-go bar.

Life is a song and a dance, and it's usually the Tom Brown school boys who are at large the inheritors of its opportunity and inevitable sleaze attachments.  Why, the school fink may take umbrage to non-conformists or Machiavellianism, but will the be grudger thwart the natural go getter, the piper, the vision, the dreamer...the dancer?...Nay by balderdash will he ever...The dancer is the cut above, he is the insistence, he is in his comfort zone, he shall nay yield to anything but his own determining - the dancer is only natural!

I know, it's only rock n roll, but I like it. For more of what you like read on, in the meantime clock these:

1. Plies and Jetes are apparent in what dance form?

2. The sycamore is native to which continent?

3. In Australia what is a jumbuck?

4. What is the term given to a side of unsliced bacon?

5. In which month is St Swithin's Day?

6. In what type of vehicle was the 1918 World War armistice signed?

7. What colour is puce?

8. Name the three films of the 1980's that co-starred Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner and Danny DeVito.

Slip inside http://www.cfnr.co.uk/ and find some answers - I think Tommy's back this week with last week's, is that right Tommy?

Quite frankly WHO AM I? is never going to be got, and I'm not going to tell ya, so a new one would be; ‘Aye, tis eight and pieces and plundering all for the picking to be had in my kitchen me hearty's.'

is it me?

*Digger's buttering some thoughts of the season just gone in the AFL, and its subsequent changes and transfers on http://www.cfnr.co.uk/ Also up there is *Trigger and his ever growing readership of the gee gee season Down Under - what's that...a record amount of punters last week mate? *cf's archives have been giving him some weird flashbacks and the *Bongo massif bro's tell me they're on their way, but have got a puncture.

On the rugby front; domestic issues are still stealing the headlines, but we are into round 5 in the European world cup qualifiers, and Italy travel to Moscow this weekend to take on Russia - oh those Russians.

In some pre-tour talk; 6 All Blacks went down injured over the weekend in their domestic comp. The most serious was Doug Howlett with a medial knee ligament busted. Graham Henry's already got his eye out for new blood though and said, "There are 4 positions in the 32 where we are looking at alternatives. We've got our favourites and 1 or 2 others we are looking at." - I can tell you now it's a hooker and a No.9 they're looking for, and who do you think his favourites are?

Across the wet stuff over to Aus and they're causing a right stink about renewing Phil Waugh's ARU contract. Everyone's been up in arms in the press as to why his, he the pillar of Aus rugby, why hasn't he had a contract renewal yet? As Gary Flowers, ARU CEO said, "Phil Waugh isn't out of contract till next year, more than 14 months away." - ‘nuff said.

The Boks are going to celebrate their centenary tour to the UK and Ireland with an extra match against a world XV on December 3^rd.

In France; Florian Fritz, gotta love that name, has won the International player of the year. Meanwhile Fijian, Rupeni Caucaunibuca, can't even say that one, won their player of their (French) domestic provincial sides.

Lawrence Dallaglio is back playing after having the plate removed from his ankle, and the 34 year old has been getting passionate about the sport, he said, "You can make all the high sounding noises you like about your sport, but behind it all you must be in love with it." - More flashbacks to his summer of love...man.

Gavin Henson on the other hand is so in love with Charlotte Church that he said, "I couldn't imagine life without her. If I lost her I think I'd have to leave the country." - He really is a tart isn't he.

now this...

In the cricket world, the pre Ashes banter is fierce. The Aussies big two grand finals (league and AFL) are done with and its full steam ahead in The Quest for the Holy Urn.

The ICC are shunting a few balls around the ODI paddock in India, but it's the urn that's on everyone's mind. By all accounts Al-Qaeda were supposed to put serin gas in the Edgbaston changing rooms in the last Ashes, but instead blew up bits of London...ugh?

 It'll take more than Al-Qaeda to stop the Ashes, as Adam Gilchrist said, "The hype is enormous." There's been a few references to the age of the Aussie outfit, but as Adam explains again, "There hasn't been a huge change in personnel since the last Ashes, and I believe we still have the right players."

None of them are getting any younger either, with Warne on 37, McGrath 36, Langer 36, Hayden 35, Gilchrist 35, McGill 35, Martyn 35, Gillespie, Ponting and Hussey on 31 and Lee just touching 30 they really are hanging onto experience, but as they say, if it aint broke don't fix it. Adam gave his two bob worth about Glenn, he said, "Glenn McGrath is looking good after his lay off. He'll be 95% fit when we play the first Test against England. The extra 5% comes from experience." - Is that cheating? Can they do that? Spud, look it up the rule book.

Meanwhile Fat Gat says he likes the fact that the likes of Kevin Hughes and Greg Ritchie are bagging the Aussie team and that Warney and Buchanan have been at each others throats for ages.

Stuart Law tends to agree, and although he made Warney right on his reference of calling Buchanan nothing more than a bus, he said it wasn't the done thing to say it publicly. Law also has reservations about McGrath's recent predictions of a white wash and reminded him of their last outing, he said, "It was ridiculous for McGrath to come out and say last years Ashes would be 5-0 to Australia and then said it'll be 3-0 because there might be rain." - not that ridiculous when you think about it.

The wily old man of cricket Ritchie Benaud has been talking to cf and he says, "People talk about the Australian team getting old, but that means they are more experienced." He also said England will miss Vaughan, although it is likely that he could be back for the 4^th Test! And no Simon Jones is a real blow, as Benaud rated him the best reverse swinger. Benaud doesn't mind a bit of Monty either, but saves Warney the best accolade in, "The greatest leg spinner the world has ever seen."

But is it going to be down to the spinners, Benaud doesn't think so, he rates Harmy, Hoggard and Flintoff, and said, "I think it all depends, as it did last year, on the England pace bowling attack. Their pace bowlers bowled well and if they do that again I think England have got a good chance." - 42 days till the first Test!

In F1 Alonso needs just 1 point going into Sunday's race in Brazil, and the Schu says, "For me, the driver's championship is over." - Ya, for you Tommy ze var is over! How tight do you think the security is around Renault is right now?

23st 7ft, 33 year-old Nicolai ‘The Beast' Valuev is still the WBA outrageously large division champ after he stopped Yank, Monty Barrett in the 11^th in Chicago. Rusky, Nicolai said, "The victory wasn't easy and Barrett really tried hard."

Enough of that listen to this, I've told you once before, but I gotta tell you again, Angelina Jolie can't get enough of sex scenes with other women. She said, "I do definitely prefer love scenes with women and wouldn't hesitate to do some in the future." She goes on, "I love doing them because between takes you can talk about the sales." - Naturally...nurse!

The average British girl has 24 pairs of shoes!

Brits are the fatties of Europe with 23% of adults in the obese bracket. 15% of kids are obese. Up to 23% of the Swiss will live longer than a fattie from the north of England. 30.3% of them fatties smoke and will die on average 3 years younger than the Nazi gold hording Swiss.

average Brit

Pat Acton used half a million matchsticks and 15 gallons of glue to make a replica of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He must be a lifer.

anyone got any glue?

The British government is spending 2m of the tax payer's money in an attempt to cure baldness. They'll be injecting cells into the scalp, much like test tube hair. If successful they'll scoop ₤1billion profit in the UK alone.

fuck nose?

When women begin to ovulate they tend to dress sexier, according to a study at the University of California. A spokeswoman said, "Near ovulation women dress to impress, the closer a woman comes to ovulation the more attention they appear to pay to their appearance." - ‘So, do you always look so beautiful or are you just ovulating?'

One of the world's biggest diamonds, the Lesotho Promise has just been sold, un-cut, 603 carats, 120g's in Antwerp for $12.4m. That was only the 22^nd largest found. The biggest one found most recently was from the Congo back in ‘93'. That was the Millennium Star and was 777 carats worth. But that's nothing, the largest was the Cullinan found in 1905 tipping the scales at 3,106 carats worth of the lady's best friend. 530 carats of that was cut off and made into the Star of Africa and stuck on the English crown jewels housed in the Tower of London - they're crafty aint they, those Windsor's.

Ok lastly 80 year-old Hugh Hefner is beginning to lose his sex drive. He said, "I'm bored of the hanky panky. I'm still active, but its different - I like to play dominoes with my girlfriends." Yep you heard him, he's still got girlfriends. He used to have 7 but back in 1997 he cut them down to just 3 as they were all getting a bit jealous of each other. Now he's just got Holly Madison 26, Bridget Marquardt 32 and 21 year old nymph Kandra Wilkinson. Hugh said, "Having 3 beautiful women takes years off me. I would recommend it to everyone." - I can't even think of a reply...the smug bastard.

dominoes please

Dance to your fishy

cf