5th - 11th June 09 volume 333
June, 11th 2009 06:05 AM

‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – it’s all in

crazy fool’s  newsround

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning)

 

Plus the radio show – with a new look

 

That was the week weren’t it;

 

The scene: fool and Mrs Doufries are dining on onion soup at the Plough and Scrubharder…Ooh, yes, that’s it…that’s got it

 

Narrator: Quiz…quickly

Know your onions
know your onions

 

1.   How long is Sweet Child o’ Mine by Deep purple? (recorded version)

 

2.  Which stringed instrument has the most strings in an orchestra?

 

3.  Which shipping line did Titanic belong to?

 

4.  What is the name of the glowing curly wire in a light bulb?

 

5.  Which ocean are the Seychelles in?

 

6.  What was Bob Marley’s middle name?

 

7.  What is the only English anagram of TOENAIL?

 

8.  What singer is Marvin Lee Aday better known as? A) Billy Ocean B) Meatloaf C) Method Man

 

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him, manually, on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com 

 

WHO AM I? – 2009 – It’s a bit eerie talking about him one minute then the next he’s hidden himself away with an apple up his bottom saving only the core for his maker! clue No.1, Oh and by the way it’s still not David Hasselhorf - “As an actor I’d stomp it barefoot in the sand, not un like Sandy Shaw!” and No.2. “If he was the Silent American, I was the Green Hornet…or was I? Hang on...” – Do you really need clue No.3?

 

is it me?
is it me?

For previous results in the Main Comp – check the *comps and results page. – Should have a sub-comp soon.

 

Scores at the end of week 22 in the 2009 Main Comp series - with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in:

 

For those on the edge, just hold on to this for me…oh:

 

Dracule: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1)

 

Legal Eagle: 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1)

 

Hannibal Lecherure: the song remains the same (LZ):

 

Silent Third Party, formerly known as Quizmaster: 1, 1, 1 (1)

 

Casualty: zip

 

Aye: 1 (1)

 

Others: 1

 

Quote(s) for the week:

One day the Don’t-know’s will get in and then where will be.

Spike Milligan

 

*Non-descript trivia moment*

 

            SOME Greek DIETIES

 

Eos…dawn

Priapus…fecundity

Cronus…harvest

Selene…moon

Proteus…prophecy

 


fool’s Gold

 

  • The dial tone of a traditional telephone is the key f

 

  • Scoleciphobia is the fear of worms

 

  • The quagga was a type of Zebra which was hunted to extinction in the 19th century

 

 

Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:

 

“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”

 

This week's word is ANTONOMASIA. It's when a trademark has become so well known that the trademark itself becomes the commonly used word to express the meaning. For example it was very common in America to say "can you Xerox this for me" meaning copy it. Another one is "pass me a Kleenex".

After the 20/20 world cup cricket, I think it will be "I'm having a Gayle of a time" to indicate a "blast" of a time.

 

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

Spelling the word guarantee – aha, did it first time. But could I do it this week – could I fuck! Up and down searching through the Oxford Dictionary like a vocab junkie. As soon as I found it, put the book back on the shelf sat down to type it, I’d get it wrong. Guorantee, guaurantee gaurentee, gauranteee – it’s a bastard of a word – guarantee - Bastards!

 

Things that are just Sweet Love:

Cow shit. Yep the fresh smell of cows. The country. The pat. The being at one with…cows.

 

A viewer’s favourite haystacks from Bosnia #117 (which is really one of the original 9 – can you guess which one it is – is it one of your favourites?)

 

exterminate
exterminate

 

This is another plane:

 

 

 

 

 

And now this bit:

 

 

Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors…

 

Pacharan Tapas & Bodega: bodega, oh baby when you dance like that. ½ price sangria, mojito and buckets of wine by the err, bucket... plus beer, oh yes beer, don't forget the beer...they have beer you know. The best Spanish cuisine in Saigon this side of Spain - Which is just to the right of Vietnam – I think! – Some cracking live music too folks. – I hear things are going Bacardi Loco!

 

 

GTM: Probably, nope not probably, but, the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details.

 

 

Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras, Sierra Nevada, Spain. Click the link on the logo on the right and walk into happiness. For more on Bootlace Walking Holidays in the Alpujarra, Sierra Nevada, Spain -
www.bootlace.com and Prices and dates 2009
Not just a walk in the park

 

Kim Hai Trading Co.,LTD:   where all the best meat comes from – Got any pies?

 

 

 

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness – Go nuts for it – I am. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz – available from Vino, Saigon – I’m coming after yer Jim!

 

 

Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one – I ask you – that’s just crazy - every Tuesday at Al’s – make it a date. Their ribs are xxxceptional too. Check the *classifieds for their new-ish restaurant in Saigon, Vietnam – is it nearer to you?

 

 

Alibi: Good food, good wine, good beer, come here. It’s in Saigon – they have five big flat screen TV’s – pretty good to catch all your sport on; let alone boogie to their live music and party nights

 

 

 

Don't forget the *classifieds – something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.

 

 

Ok, what’s on in cfn this week? – Remember; there’s a lot more on offer in the menu on the left, but in the meantime the fool recommends these:

 

*Digger; brings forth round 10 and nibbles at round 11

*Trigger: trots on

 

*cf'’s radio show featuring Digger:

 OUT NOW

new and improved, with all the buttons – the pause, the play and slidy bit that gets you where you want to go… almost – New show currently playing – starring Risky Red live on acoustic guitar and vocals. Also available are the long forgotten Christmas show and its September predecessor, - new one coming soon - look out for the fish!

 

*Tit-bits – .../…Alzheimer’s…/…The Man Rules…/…/…/…

 

*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – NEW! – Brand new menu in crazy fool’s kitchen/café – might have to take it off the menu as I reckon everyone’s about to copy it – last chance to have a look: – fool still recommends the Gazpacho

 

*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’

 

*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you

 

* Classifieds

 

And *Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…you’re on…next show …’

 

Mr. Meaner...  come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -

 

- crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies on sale now for only 80,000vnd from the fool he-self or available at the Blue Gecko for 110,000vnd

Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like a potato – the lazy git! They’re wind free too (almost)

Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s T-shirt ‘menu’ and choose your shirt!

Great Lions and Bokkies shirts out now

Plus; every Lions T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to the Marie Curie cancer charity

 

Got a Tshirt for me?
Got a Tshirt for me?

 

Now then, now then, now then, you’re just in time for the rugby bit, dun, dun, duuun - for rugby folk ET all; but please, if you’re not keen, do move along now, there’s a good chap (ess):

 

The New Rugby extra Bit comes out on a Mondays and is the last one in the blue menu on the left – click on the black text.

 

British & Irish Lions tour to MB-land:

 

Published 11.6.09

 

Natal Sharks 3-39 British & Irish Lions

 

They did it again didn’t they…thumped ‘em, on a Wednesday. Oh no, Saturday’s not good enough for them. No, Saturday, when the whole world and his wife can watch it on the box is too conformist. Saturday is now the midweek team’s slot. Well, look here Ian Mac-fuck-faceGeechan, next time you want to play a midweek game at 12.10a.m. Viet time think about your supporters.

 

That said, it was a humungous win riddled with Test prospecting flaws. Jonathan Kaplan can obviously go and get a new rule book, for he knows not his arse from his elbow when it comes to scrumaging. Janni Du Plessis got away with murder, Whilst Gethin Jenkins took the brunt. The ‘Kaps’ saw sense in the second half, but did it matter? Not really, because by the third minute in the second half it was all over anyway.

 

The Lions ruled in every department, from set piece to break downs, to rucking, mauling, but most of all defence. The Sharks didn’t mind a tackle or two themselves as the stats suggested in the first half – 51-15 tackles made. And it was after this relentless pressure the Lions got on top; from a couple of driving mauls Lee Mears bundled over in the 23rd minute. Rory Kockott replied with a penalty, but that was the Sharks’ only input.

 

Mike Phillips secured his Test spot immediately in the second half with a pick up from a ruck, a couple of dummies, a step inside and a try. He was chuffed, but knew he had a platform; “It was a massive effort by the boys and I did enjoy myself – but the front 8 were superb.”

 

On the hour mark B.O’D broke left, dipped his shoulder, confused the defence and slung a nice pass for Luke Fitzgerald to score. Not long after the Test certainty spun another ball for Lee Byrne to cross the chalk line. Kaplan had another spell of dementia and binned the substitute Vickery for being too good, so Heaslip showed him by picking up from the ruck and scored.

 

At 7-3 at half time, it was mind boggling how it wasn’t 20-7. The Lions played well. This is almost their Test side, but was it good enough, the Geech said, “We didn’t panic, we just kept building a performance tonight and reaped the benefits in the second half, and our defence was outstanding, absolutely superb.”

 

He’s also quite shrewd the canny Scot; “The Test will be another game and level completely.”

 

As for Paul O’Connell, “The boys are delighted at keeping the Sharks from crossing our line, as they are in scoring 5 tries.” – Anyone up for a spot of beers and ZULU on Tuesday night? – ‘there’s that damned train again…’

 

 

Welsh No.8 Ryan Jones has been called up from America to replace Stephen Ferris, who has ruptured his medial collateral ligament – sounds like a journalist hit him. Leigh Halfpenny is out but Armitage still has to wait, and the team Doctor, Dr. Robson said, “Ooh Mrs Doufries, nice onions”

 

Some Shorts:

 

Plenty of games on this weekend, but last weekend saw the Welsh second/third tier demolish USA 48-15 at the Toyota Park, Chicago.

 

Eddie O’Sullivan’s in charge of the US Eagles now, or is the title; US Eagles only for the sevens team? Anyway, he’s amassed two defeats against old Taffy in two weeks and will kick off the Churchill Cup against Argentina ‘A’ at the weekend fired up.

 

It was Wales’ 600th international match, and they won with comparative ease. Tries from Jones, Davis x2, and Daffyd James were enough to secure the win despite a barging try by centre Alipate Tuilvuka and a consolation by JJ Gagliano. The US have also a World Cup qualifier against Canada next month, and fool reckons they’ll lose.

 

Luke McAlister’s back in the All Black’s team thanks to Richard Kahui crying off with a bad shoulder. Graham Henry twiddled his eyebrows and said, “Luke returns to the All Black squad better for the rugby experience in the Northern Hemisphere and will provide us with more backline options for the Iveco Series and beyond.” – To infinity and beyond…

 

Isaac Ross, the Crusaders lock is the only non starter starting, if you get my drift, with the All Blacks. Plus the backrow in Adam Thompson, Kieran Reed and Liam Messan only muscle 13 caps between them, but Henry cranked those ‘brows again and commented, “All the loose forwards went on tour last year, all have been blooded, and they all have got good futures in the game.” – And beyond…

 

Stephen Donald takes up the No.10 reins against France this weekend, and compared to his Chiefs loss to the Bulls the other week he said, “It’s been rather different. Embarrassed one day, All Blacks the next.” – Same init, Swiftoff!

 

France…well, you never can tell. But if they need a bit of a rousing, they should listen to 78 caps legend Abdelatif Banazzi who beat the All Blacks four times out the seven he played against them. His best was in ’94 when they did it on their turf. He said the Kiwis didn’t take them too seriously before the first Test; he could see it in their haka; but… “The second Test was perhaps the most violent in my career.” – France won that too. – His advise to the depleted French squad, “To beat the All Blacks, they have to play as though it is the last 80 minutes of their lives.” – ‘Oo la la, well, let me see, I’ve got an accordion lesson at 4…maybe I’ll do 50 minutes or so…’

 

fool says: All Blacks 27 -19 France

 

Youngun James O’Connor falls into the fullback position for the Wallabies against Italy on Saturday, with Dean Mumm slotting into blindside after Hodgson’s injury and Rocky’s knee still not mended. – Who’s the other fella who’s pretty good there…what’s his face…surname begins with M…!

 

Italy don’t have their big guns, especially Giovanni, and that’s where, Stephen Moore and Al Baxter will have some fun, especially that Moore fella. Benn Robinson will have a good paddock run. Italy are not good enough for this tour, whereas Australia are beginning to look pretty healthy.

 

fool says: Australia 55, yes, 55 – 13 Italy

 

England go to the foot hills of the Andes in Salta to play Argentina in their second Test and Ben Kay remembers winning both Tests in Argentina in 2002, which he says was one of the best moments of his career; “It was a great stadium – a football ground that was enclosed – but it was more about the atmosphere generated by the fans. The whole stand bounced up and down, people were banging on the fences, the odd starting pistol went off. It was really an intimidating atmosphere, yet in a good way. Most players like a hairy stadium regardless of whether they are jumpy or not.” – Everyone had a beer together after.

 

fool says: Argentina 21 – 26 England

 

The Eddie Jones rant: beat it Eddie

 

I’m done.

 

Some competitions now:

 

WIN a PRIZE!

 

John Smit’s XV; films where the villain is played by a Brit –: This particular team will be finished sometime in 2008-ahem-2009 – the fool promises! – Only two to get.

John Smit’s XV, as he’s the current World Cup winning captain, so we’ve got another three and a half bloody years of him yet!

 

15.    Salom's Lot 14. Robin Hood  13. The Patriot  12. The Great Race  11. Pink Panther  10. Day of the Jackal 9. Silence of the Lambs  8. Braveheart  7. Lord Voldahart or as fool thinks it; Lord Vodaphone  6. Die Hard 5. Dracula (Any with Christopher Lee) 4. Bramstokers Dracula 3.?   2. Snake from the Simpsons 1.?

There’s a free t-shirt in the post for anyone who can up with the props here – I’m sick of it.

 

More Free T-shirt’s: Last chance; send in your starting Lions team - if it has 8 names the same as fool’s – you win! Gonna have to up it to 11 – each week gets harder. Only one lucky winner so far – well done Mr. B. Patterson from Sarf East London.

 

end rugby here!

 

Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:

 

Now, by all accounts there’s a World Cup Twenty/ 20 going on in England but Australia wouldn’t know that as they’ve taken to pissing it up in Leicester minus Symonds who quit the road show on the eve of its showdown due to a few too many Guinness’s, and has slid back up the road to Birmingham to see his old Ma.

 

England got rolled by the Dutch in their first match thanks to shoddy fielding, bowling and dress sense by Stuart Broad and the Aussies did one better by being whipped by the Windies then mauled by the Tigers. Which works out well, because now they can go sight seeing to the likes of the National Gas Museum, the Guru Nanak Sikh Museum or fool’s favourite the Bosworth Battlefield, as made famous by Blackadder… ‘If you see them coming from the hills, run the other way…’

 

England saved some grace by smacking up Pakistan and head into their Super 8 group with India, South Africa and the Windies, and oi, Thwaites, where’s my frickin fantasy team!

 

South Africa held off a Kiwi challenge to make the 8 with Smith declaring the old country are not as out spoken as they used to be; “South Africa has come a long way in terms of the way we play our game. We control our emotions well now.” – That’s right, stuffed them Black cats!

 

Ireland secured their last 8 with a win over the Bangles and Trent Johnston bowled the Test nation for six there, but we won’t go into that will we Thwaites!

 

Scotland were miffed their late tally wasn’t enough to wipe out the Caps, and blamed it solely on being gay in the out field, Skipper Gavin Hamilton said, “We can’t be seen, as an international team, getting out of the way of the ball if it comes too fast at us, that’s just absolutely ridiculous.”

 

Gavin Hastings has been voted the best ever Scottish rugby player of all time, mate. Personally would have gone for Findlay or that other full back, what’s his name… anyway that’s rugby. And this is the end of the cricket.

 

Anyone got a job for Adam?

 

That’s it.

 

Other sports:

 

Jensen Button just took a ride…in his silver machine…and he’s still feeling mean… That’s 6 out 7 now, with a 26 point lead. He did it in 50ºC heat, with Webber in second, team mate Vettel 3rd and one of the grid girls who fainted didn’t finish. Button said, “I had a smile on my lips every lap. I could have driven another 200 miles I was enjoying it so much.” And “Even after 10 laps I had to radio into the team to tell them this car is outrageous. But I didn’t want to tempt fate.”

 

Jensen now joins the First 6/7 Club with Alberto Ascari ‘52/ Juan Manuel Fangio ‘54/ Jim Clark ’65 and Michael Schumacher ’94 and ’04. In 2004 the ‘Shoe’ notched 12 of his first 13! But back to Button and Webber said, “Jensen is just on another planet. We were caned fair and square.”

 

Phil the Power Taylor is on another planet too. He’s just racked up his 50th major darts title in the UK Open. The 14 times World Champ said, “William Tell was famous for one very accurate shot with a crossbow and an arrow and he hit an apple. I’ve been hitting the target the size of a peanut now for 20 years. I reckon I’m now the best ever in history with an arrow.” – But seriously folks he says he’s chuffed he did the 50. No, but seriously Phil, who gives a fuck!

 

 

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

 

Indian fella, Reji Kumar 35, found a frog in his garden that keeps changing colour – the frog, not the garden. So he took it home and put it in a glass bottle now every bugger in the village is worshipping it. The frog’s gone from white to yellow to grey and Reji said, “By night the frog is dark yellow and then it became transparent so you could see its internal organs.” He has one problem though; “My one problem is that the frog does not appear to eat. I keep trying to feed it but it doesn’t eat anything.” Prof Oommen V. Oommen from Thiruvananthaparam University said, “I will collect it for study.” – Where was he from again!

 

Plastic surgeons have warned the public of ‘lunchtime boob injections’, which cost around £3k and boost curves. A boff at the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons said about the Macrolene jabs, “You should choose your filler and practitioner carefully to avoid being a human guinea pig.” – Damned right.

 

Oxford University students have bared all for a calendar. The little luvlies stripped off to pose in places such as punting on the River Cherwell, in the Christ Church halls and the Iffley rugby field. An old warden said, “It’s not something that would happen in my day. I certainly blushed when I saw it and I wondered what the Don’s might say.” As he continued to flick through finding two saucy 22 year old blondes in one of the halls he paused and said, “But it shows the students are having a great time and all the money goes to charity so it’s a good cause.” – One of those saucy 22-year-old blondes said, “Getting your clothes off with the girls in such a prestigious surrounding was an amazing feeling and a big thrill. We all got a taste for stripping after we did the calendar and couldn’t stop taking our clothes off around campus, it might even be catching.” – Corr, students eh! I might do a history degree.

 

Homer Simpson’s catchphrase, ‘D’oh’ has been voted the British public’s favourite, followed by Fred’s ‘Yabba dabba doo’ and the Dalek’s ‘Exterminate’, according the babywebsite poll of 7,431. The phrase was first used in ’89 and by ’98 it had made the New Oxford Dictionary, with the definition; ‘comment on action perceived as foolish or stupid.’

 

Crazy rock n roll capes XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! The Beatles became millionaires in 1965

 

The 6th of June was D-Day in Europe 65 years ago and finally a Frenchman had something decent to say about it…Skarkosy…the husband of that bird that keeps getting her kit off… “It was won on the beaches and along the narrow lanes and hedgerows of the Norman countryside by the sons of American workers and farmers whose own fathers had fought in the Meuse-Argonne offensive in 1918, by British soldiers who embodied the fighting spirit of a great people that had stood firm in the most terrible hour of their history, and by Canadian troops who had volunteered for service in the earliest days of the conflict, not because their country was threatened, but because they were convinced it was a matter of honour.”

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, but has actually been replaced by Steve Wright: “

 

The Okonomiyaki Robot can cook a traditional Japanese pancake. It can stir the bowl, pour the contents into a heated pan and turn it with spatulas and slap on a plate. It can even ask you if you’d like sauces or condiments. – I see he didn’t offer salt and pepper!

 

The world record for the gathering of Smurfs in one spot was smashed last weekend with 2,510 piling into Ocean nightclub in Swansea UK. They’ve had five attempts over the past few months and organiser Rebecca Oatly from Jokers Masquerade fancy dress shop said, “Smurfs Guinness World Record has become an illustrious title. This is just the beginning of our world record run. We are hoping to set, break and smash Guinness world records from Daleks to Superheroes. Watch this space.” – Ok.

 

Frenchman Stephane Milsud 37 spent 30 weeks holding his breath for two minutes to 8 minutes at a time and broke the world record by sticking is head under water with no breathing apparatus for 11 minutes 35 seconds. He says it’ll take him 2 months to recover.

 

Lastly, Germans had an eyeful on the Autobahn the other day as a couple had sex in the lay by. It was actually a porn film being made. Actress Melanie said, “I’ve done it enough times in lay-bys, so I thought why not film it for everyone to see. I got the frill of my life filming it and the drivers seem to like it.” – Isn’t that thoughtful of her. Police said, “It was dangerous. People should have their eyes on the road, not slowing down to ogle pornography.” – No fun, the police.

 

Good night.

 

just cf it

 

cf

 

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