Crazy Fool's Newsround - 4th - 10th Sept 09 v.344

4th - 10th Sept 09 v.344
September, 03rd 2009 18:32 PM

“I don’t want to set the world on fire

I just want to start

A flame in your heart

In my heart I have but one desire

And that one is you

No other will do”

(Horace Heidt)

‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – it’s all in

crazy fool’s newsround

in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus the radio show – with a new look!

That was the week weren’t it;

The scene: Down in Nutty Nutcrack woods Bernard the badger is introducing Roger the squirrel who is going to give a talk to all the other animals about the dangers of fire.

Bernard: Everyone, Roger the squirrel…

Narrator: The sexual carnage was gruesome

Arghh!

1. Where did Horace come from?

2. What is another name for a linden tree?

3. What is a corn-cockle?

4. Which country’s stamps show the word ‘Hellas’?

5. Tokai wine comes from which country?

6. William ‘Fatty’ Foulkes played which sport?

7. Which cereal can survive in the widest range of climatic conditions?

8. Which military leader rode a horse called Bucephalus? A) Napoleon B) Alexander the Great C) Duke of Marlborogh

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him, manually, on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

WHO AM I? – 2009 – Wahoo – Clue No.3 is done long live Clue No.1 – but first a recap; Clue No.1; “Associated with Brighton I wrote the rock on which it rolled!” – Clue Numero dos; “But my best was a subdued cousin.” - ok number three, “Look up the man in Havana.” – was of course Graham Greene written in this week by the Dracule. Now, a new Clue No.1; “Unlike Roger, mine’s hush hush.”

Is it me?

This is the 2009 Main Comp series - with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in: For previous results in the Main Comp – check the *comps and results page.

Scores at the end of week 33 or 34 if we’re strictly going by the Gregorian calendar and due to the fact fool’s missed a week.

For those who like one’s:

Dracule: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1)

Legal Eagle: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1)

Hannibal Lecherure: the song remains the same (LZ):

Silent Third Party, formerly known as Quizmaster: 1, 1, 1, 1 (1)

Casualty: zip

Aye: 1 (1)

Others: 1

Quote(s) for the week:

Blackadder: We’re in a sticky situation alright. This is the stickiest situation since Sticky the stick insect got caught on a sticky bun

Blackadder

*Non-descript trivia moment*

SOME EGYPTIAN DIETIES

Ra…sun

Khepera…rising sun

Nut…sky, heaven

Geb…earth

Hathor…love, joy

fool’s Gold

Jean-Claude Van Damme was the alien in the original predator in almost all the jumping and climbing scenes

The most played record of the last 70 years is “A Whiter Shade of Pale”, by Procol Harum

Every tonne of paper recycled saves 17 trees

Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:

“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

People who eat hot chips with their little pinkies off at a jaunty angle and they don’t lick the salt off their lips…ever. Their lips don’t even touch the chip; it’s just bitten with their teeth – Bastards!

Things that are just Sweet Love:

Non-stop farting on a plane – it’s great. You can get away with it, honest, no-one knows it’s you. I was on a plane recently and whilst I was merrily trumpeting away a young lady sat next to me starting singing, just as we landed, and not just quietly humming to herself either, but in full voice. It was beautiful. Her on vocals and me on the horn…I could have sat on that runway for hours.

A viewer’s favourite haystacks from Bosnia – has finished – this week we are going to look at this:

Aye karumba!

This is another plane:

And now this bit:

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Don't forget the *classifieds – something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.

Ok, what’s on in cfn this week?

See; Categories for all that’s on offer, in the meantime fool recommends these:

*Digger; stuck in traffic with Trigger today

*Trigger: see above

*cf'’s radio show featuring Digger:

Playing NOW the one with:

Adam and Valerie

Plus all the ‘oldies’: Olda Higden, One Eyed Dog, Risky Red, the long forgotten Christmas show and its Typewriting September predecessor, - new one coming soon - look out for the fish!

*Tit-bits – .../…Teaching Maths…/…/…/…/…

*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – NEW! – Brand new menu in crazy fool’s kitchen/café – see poetry corner – had one yesterday after a 6 week lay off… beautiful

*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’

*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you

v Classifieds

Seriously, anyone selling a rowing machine? – I’m getting there!

*Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…gonna shake your world…about …’

Mr. Meaner... come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -

*crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies – available from the Blue Gecko & Phatty’s

Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like the potatoes – lazy gits! They’re wind free too (almost)

Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s T-shirt ‘menu’ and choose your shirt!

Plus; every T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to charity

I’ll need a T-shirt

This bit is the rugby bit:

(See categories for The New Rugby extra Bit)

Published 3.9.09

‘Whatever!’

The Wallabies put on a late surge in this game, making a 7 point deficit look credible, but let’s face, it was only because the ‘Is-it’s’ let them.

The MB’s dominated the game throughout and were comfortable winners at 32-25. And for a change they ran in early tries instead of relying on territorial advantage thanks to the boot.

In fact it was a blitzkrieg, which I’m sure is a tactic they can fully relate to, nevertheless they hit the paddock running with Fourie du Preez, who is fast taking the mantle of the best from a certain Joost, stepped quickly off the tap to dart over for try number one. Centre Jaque Fourie wasn’t far behind him as he bashed his way through a shoddy defence, most notably The Git’s and sealed number two, and just a for a turn-up for the books, Morning missed the sitter kick in front of the sticks.

When ‘Lucky’ Turner, couldn’t control, yet another bomb, Habana was on him like the dirty little rat-shit that he is and snapped up the loose ball for try number three. In every other single facet of the game the Boks were in control, apart from perhaps the scrums but PdV has written a email to the ref to clear that one up, otherwise the Clown said it was, ‘frightening to know how good’ the Boks can be. There’s heaps of talk going about lately as to how good these Boks are and even comparisons to the team of ’99 are abound with relish. I personally would only be in favour of Smit, Du Preez, Matfield, The Shit and maybe Francois Steyn to sneak in that team, but whatever, I digress.

The Git snuck his own copy style Du Preez quick tap and go for a try in the third minute of the second half, and beat four defenders in doing so – shame on you, you Boks. Habana was just as quick to race away for his second, which was just as well, because he had dropped a sitter two minutes earlier.

The Wallabies were in schtuck, so they tuned their heads in for a run fest and Genia on for Burgess helped that, although he seemed to be getting better ball. But you can’t help thinking the Boks were using it as piece of backs defensive training. Although they did fool for a quaint Quade Cooper delay switch pass to a straightening Git for his second try and ultimately 20 points personal tally. To wrap things up Turner snuck one off the cuff on the full 80 minutes and suddenly the scoreline looked respectful, but everyone knows, it wasn’t.

Smit was honest in his side’s appraisal, “It was pretty good and we got the result we wanted…what was necessary was a bit of running in a few tries.”

Deans, who’s getting all kinds of flack from the Aussie press, said, “They’re (S.A.) a difficult nut to crack, and that, “They’ve got a real presence about them.” – the Sydney Morning Herald said, he (Deans), is, “struggling to comprehend the Australians psyche”, and that, “…the players self-belief has nose-dived.” – That’s it; blame the coach, especially if he’s a Kiwi.

Deans says they’ll be back this week, and to be honest, who would bet against him? It’s pretty obvious a winning team is there and a change in fortune is very capable. They were, and as the technical term allows, were shit last week, but, they are not shit. But to be honest, they’re not very good either.

fool says they’ll lose to the MB’s in this week’s dead-rubber, by; let’s see…30-20

And really, who says ‘whatever’?

The Top14

In round three Brive and Clermont shared 18 points straight down the middle at 9 a piece, with Riki Flutey making his debut for the ‘B’ side. Both fly halves kicked the points in Brock James, whom we know, and some other bloke by the name of Luciano Orguera. / Bourgoin got their first win. They beat Biarritz 22-17 thanks to an early try from David James. However, the lead bobbled around all game till Boyet sealed it with a penalty and a late drop. That’s a Welsh name isn’t it! / Racing Metro 92 sailed home 18-9 over Bayonne. But at 9-9 on 20 mins to go Fabien Fortassi dropped three goals in 15 minutes. Both side’s defence was up to scratch and guess who played for the Parisians? – Merhtans! / Stade Francais ran away 43-26 winners over Montpellier thanks to a couple from Marc Gasnier and Mauro Bergamasco. / Perignan pipped Toulouse 17-15, which hasn’t happed fro 20 years. In a physical bash-up Maxime Medard got the only try. / And Albi lost 9-15 to Toulon and Sgt. Wilko’s boot.

Some shorts:

As the ‘Bloodgate’ continues to rage at Quins it’s good to know that someone like Lawrence Dallaglio is on a 13-man RFU team to be charged with cleaning up the sport.

Meanwhile in Australia; in house fighting has tampered Melbourne’s chances of being the Super 15^th team. There’s a row over the ownership to the Victorian license for the franchise, The VicSuper15. John O’Neill was his meandering self when he whittled out his take on things; “It’s very much about local personalities, and it’s exploding like Mt. Vesuvius with a bucket of the proverbial being thrown over the ARU.” – Yeah, so get your act together Melbourne.

Another all star Barbarian team will line up against the All Blacks in December, the 5^th to be precise, and their good olde president Micky Steele-Bodger is still at the helm. Crikey, he’s been around for donkey’s years. He makes the ’73 classic look like it was yesterday – Bonus question: Who won that by the way, and what was the score?

Guinness and Magners league’s kick off this weekend. Will Leinster reign supreme and will The Cip knock off Sgt. Wilko’s England spot? – I don’t know. We’ll have to wait and see.

For those who care Canterbury won the Ranfurly Shield beating Wellington 36-11 – all the boys were playing.

Some competitions now:

WIN a PRIZE!

John Smit’s XV; films where the villain is played by a Brit –: have some fun and try to name the actor!!! - This particular team will be finished… fool promises! – Only two to get.

If you’re wondering why it’s John Smit’s XV, it’s because he’s the current World Cup winning captain, so we’ve got another three bloody years of him yet!

15. Salom's Lot 14. Robin Hood 13. The Patriot 12. The Great Race 11. Pink Panther 10. Day of the Jackal 9. Silence of the Lambs 8. Braveheart 7. Lord Voldahart or as fool thinks it; Lord Vodaphone 6. Die Hard 5. Dracula (Any with Christopher Lee) 4. Bramstokers Dracula 3. ? 2. Snake from the Simpsons 1. ?

There’s a free t-shirt in the post for anyone who can up with the props here – I’m sick of it – ha, ha…nurse… - have received two props recently in Ray Winston and Bob Hoskins, but what films?

end rugby here!

Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:

Just like The Punt’s run out from The Fred at the Oval on Day 5, The fool’s been caught short this week.

A three run win for England in an ODI over Ireland is not much news, but it’s slightly more exciting than the wash-out Twenty/20’s. The most recent was due to a suspicious soggy patch at one end.

Jeff Thompson and Geoff Boycott banged on about how in their day they’d play when the water rose over their boots and shit was on their whites all day.

Well, times have changed since the days when Lillee greeted the Queen with slurry ‘G’Day’, and on the captain’s judgements and the Umpires call, called off the game in the interest of not exposing the soggy patch to any more unnecessary rough treatment, thus preserving the player’s safety should someone land in the brown stuff.

Mind you, the boss of Lancashire had something to moan about at the thought of losing all that cash on the turnstiles and said, with a fair degree of virtue, “When Twenty/20 came in we were told to expect to play in conditions that were not fit for first class cricket. If that was Lancashire v Yorkshire we would have played.”

Ah, but yes, as the mayor of Amity Island in Jaws said to Chief Brody in the hospital after the swimming pool scene where the instructor gets his leg bitten off; “My kids were on that beach too Brody.”

I haven’t got much else, just what Bloke Down The Pub told me about the Sri Lankan wicket-keeper who’s raucous ‘howzat’ on a stationary Kiwi fella was perhaps a hint of over enthusiasm (ahem, cheating). Apparently he was so far from the stumps that even his own team mates looked on in bemusement. Well, you’ve gotta have a go.

That’s it for this week

Other sports:

Force India took pole on Belgium’s crazy track, but they didn’t win it. They may have come second, but who cares? The interesting bit was Button and The Ham’s crashes on the first lap, to which Bloke Down The Pub reckons they, ‘had a word’. Not so strange, as the very next day papers were running the story of Nelson Piquet ‘dive’ last year in Singapore allowing team mate Alonso to get in the pits first for Renault.

Button said after, “This is a set back but starting 14^th you don’t expect to get too many points.” – Smell iffy yet?

Of course it could have also been what Bernie Ecclestone thinks, “It could be just a rumour and Nelson is just pissed off that he had been fired.” – Ah, yes, there is that.

Floyd Mayweather Jnr fights 50 bouts winner and Mexican Juan Manuel Marquez on Saturday 19^th September, where he’s promised us ‘blood, sweat and beers.’

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Russians are the world’s worst tourists, its official. They’ve surpassed the Germans by taking the actual sun lounger’s into their hotel rooms. How brilliant is that! They’re also vulgar to the point of flashing their cash around and ordering staff about. If that’s not bad enough, they belch and swear in public and no doubt have no manners when it comes to shaving around the speedo-line. Oh, those Russians.

Who you calling Russian?

Mike Perham became the youngest person to circumnavigate the world solo at 17. Except, it wasn’t quite solo as he had to accept assistance for the odd repairs. Still, we won’t hold that against him. He did it in his 50footer Totallmoney.com, passing Lizard Point and Shant in France last Tuesday after crossing the equator and all the lines of longitude. The lad from Potters Bar in Hertfwerdshire UK said, “I do feel different, I feel a little more mature and will probably tackle things with a bit more grim determination.” – That’s it fella, now go and do it again, this time with no assistance, because so far the youngest person to do it is still Jesse Martin from Australia at 18 years 104 days!

The line between Lizard Point and Shant

28 cows have committed suicide in three days off a mountain in Soustal in the Swiss Alps. Local farmer Bernd Eberhardt said, “In my 30 years in farming I have never known a single cow to fall off a cliff and now it seems they are queuing up like lemmings.”

That’s nothing, a Red Bellied piranha fish has been found in British waters. Not unusual, someone’s just thrown away an exotic pet, however this one was 14inches long, which is double the normal size – what were they feeding it cows!

The Swiss Alps

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI!

Europe is to phase out the incandescent lightbulb and will be replaced by flourescant bulbs. Boffs estimate savings by 37 per household. There’s nothing quite as vulgar as fluorescent lights, except perhaps as a Russian!

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, but has actually been replaced by Steve Wright: “

The world’s Bog Snorkelling Champs took place this week in Llanwrtyd Wells in Wales. Organiser Gordan Green 74 kicked of proceedings in what he called a doggy paddle. Mask and flippers are the go and for some a wet suit but not old Gordon, just a pair of Speedo’s for him. He did it in five minutes.

Not doing the doggy paddle anymore is The Guinness Book of Records’ oldest dog Chanel at 147. That’s 21 human years. Although there is a newcomer; in a dog called Max who’s owners claim to be 26. However, probably the world’s fattest dog was a bloke’s called Melywn Davis whose Labrador was 70kg or 11st. The man from the RSPCA said, “It looked like a seal.” – Melywn claimed his lack of exercise was due to its short legs. I’m with you Melwyn.

I’ll have the one with the wet nose

Chef Fechi Tocchini has made the world’s first unsinkable biscuit. Well, virtually unsinkable. The ‘Worcester Feast Dunker’ has layers of flour and an oat-based dough, with an egg based glaze on top – see, there’s the secret. Fechie said, “The trouble with ordinary biscuits is that they were never designed to be dunked a few seconds in hot tea or coffee and they simply disintegrate. There is nothing more off putting than biscuit waste at the bottom of your cup.” – Share it with a Russian mate, that’ll be more off-putting!

Tea dear?

Malcolm Darby 70 got his sight back after a stroke. He wasn’t blind but had dodgy eyes; he is now left with 20/20 vision. When he woke up in hospital Malcolm said, “I noticed a nurse carrying a newspaper upside down and I could read what it said. It didn’t register at first and then I suddenly realised I could see.” – At what point did you realise they hung you upside down in the bed Malcolm?

Japan’s Prime Minister’s wife is nuts and she doesn’t care who knows it. In a book she wrote last year Mijaki Hatoyami says, “While I was asleep, I think my soul rode on a triangular-shaped UFO and went to Venus. It was a very beautiful place and it was very green.” – I believer her.

Is it live or is it Memorex?

Ok, that’s enough rubbish for one week, but just to let you know this weekend see’s the preliminary rounds for Miss Plastic Surgery in Hungary. Contestants will be judged on their breasts, facelifts and liposuction. Let’s hope the Russians keep it Brazilian!