4th - 10th november 2011 volume 457
November, 09th 2011 19:27 PM

“All I want is a room with a view

A sight worth seeing, a vision of you”

(Blondie)


You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 trivial-o-matic nonsense draped in world news and sport – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

  

That Was the Week… What a Week! - Saturday’s 1p.m. 92.75fm and around the globe on www.radioindochine.com

Also podcasted later on fool’s very own radio: http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 10.11.11                                           

For Elements of: 617 Squadron, Royal Air Force Regiment

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

  www.saigonsoundsystem.com

 

Things that go hump in the night

A grandmother from Euclid Ohio has reported two ghosts having sex in her living room.

 

Dianne Carlisle’s 4 year old granddaughter Kimora took the snap while she was playing with her gran’s cell phone, which left no doubt in Dianne’s mind, ‘You can see they are having sex, you can see the ladies high heels.’ She said.

 

Experts have yet to confirm the image but there was no doubt a woman’s leg and man’s bottom was on display in what was clearly the missionary position.

 

Spookily enough this isn’t the first time Dianne’s house has been visited, as her daughter De’Onna had an encounter with a girl a few years back, who just appeared in the house, when she said, ‘It was just standing there, watching me.’

 

Another time Dianne was checking her new hairstyle in the mirror and took a picture of the back of her head where the resulting picture showed an image that she didn’t see present at the time.

 

More spookily was a recent voicemail she received from her dead sister that said, ‘I love you.’ – Well perhaps that explains who’s having all the fun in the living room.


Oh, ghost!

Don’t fear the reaper

A man called Tony Williams has claimed to have solved the mystery as to who Jack the Ripper really was.

 

Tony has been researching the subject for 10 years and written a book on the prime suspect, whom he believes without doubt was the notorious slayer of five prostitutes in London’s East End between August and May in 1888, and that is none other than his great, great, great, great uncle Sir John Williams; surgeon to Queen Victoria.

 

‘Uncle Jack’, as he was endearingly known to his family, subsequently sped from his London dwellings immediately after the killings and took up residency in Aberystwyth where he established the National Library for Wales… which leaves no doubt that books are in the blood then.

 

Tony’s un-refuted evidence stems from a pathologist’s report on the weapon used on Mary Kelly’s murder that read, ‘It would have been six inches long, pointed at the top and about an inch in width – a surgeon’s knife.’ – Which, by coincidence is exactly what Tony found hidden amongst Sir John’s possessions in his house in Wales.

 

‘A lot of members from our family don’t really speak about it – I think they’re a bit upset.’ Tony later confided – understandably, as it’s not everyday you literally find unwanted skeletons in your cupboard.


 

Wink and you’ll miss it

Dr. Gregg Homer can turn your brown eyes blue.

 

By using laser treatment at his Stroma Medical clinic in California the procedure removes the pigment from the melanin area in the iris and takes only 20 seconds, where he guarantees, ‘you won’t feel a thing’.

 

He also went on to state eyes are the window to the soul and, ‘A blue eye is not opaque. You can see deeply into it. A brown eye is opaque.’ – Which to be honest is just the way I’d like to keep mine.


 

 (sponsors ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)


49 Mac Thi Buoi Street District 1, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – probably the best eggs in a clay pot you’ll ever taste

 

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Lurking in the back passages of London’s East End Jack the Ripper may have roamed, but I doubt for all his intent and purpose, as grim and grotesque they may have been, was to create a blue out of ye-olde brown eye, but more than likely in those Victorian times of pious pursuit for cleanliness did his sickening mission of butchery sow a warped sense of duty to cleanse the street’s gutters of  filth and destitution, that no doubt so many of his fellows in the Gentlemen’s clubs funded. Yet before the grace of God rallies a medical change that’s been tampered with ever since Dolly the sheep was cloned for exportation to New Zealand and Crystal Gayle noted in her song when she metaphorically sang the changes of course expression whence visited through the back door  that made her brown eye blue, if not bring a little tear too, as too was the case when Jim Morrison hinted in his Back Door man hit, whilst, and quite probably under the carnal indulgence of that goat episode when he was arrested in Miami, who by the way have eyes that sit in a horizontal rectangular direction, which weirdly so do octopus – that’s the goat, not Jim or the octopus, and so led to his subsequent arrest for indecent exposure – Jim’s and the not the octopus baring his tentacles. But for all the years of rock n roll’s alchemy into the optical illusionionist’s psyche none other than David Bowie possess a true passage of rights, as he naturally swung both ways and if beauty lay within the eye of the beholder it must only be conceivable to build a stature of betterment by pulling the proverbial Dolly over the butchers and declaring oneself  to be anything they want with a wee nip and tuck here and laser zap there, as stated by Roger Daltry who declared you only became what we made you, even if you thought you were three inches taller, which is exactly how he put it to me over a game of cheese-chess with an egg in a clay pot on the side the other day at Juice café in Saigon, and then proceeded to wrestle me to the ground single-handed pleading me to play the Punk and the Gutter as his Get It Off Your Chest Request; ‘so the people could know’, ‘let the people know…’, ‘…they need to know’, he yelled, whilst with the other he lent over and smeared my Bishop into the crispy burnt bits of juicy vegetables cooked to perfection around the ceramic dish, … ‘check-mate’ he cried – to which I replied, ‘song requests are free dude and this is for you…

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website and radio!)

 

 

What they’ve recently said: Raquel: ‘Derek, will you get it into your thick skull, I’m not trying to meet intelligent and sensitive people. I’m happy with you! – Only Fool’s and Horses

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘A mate of mine recently admitted being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop anytime’

 

And now folks…

crazy fool’s

Kitchen 

Presents: crazy fool’s Cottage Pies – 150THB a slab

Fresh or frozen they’ll make you fart


 

Don’t forget t-shirts for sale – as always, $1.00 in every shirt goes to charity

 

There’s always the www.coreyashcroft.co.uk appeal – check it out

 

Don’t forget the classifieds pages – updated weekly

crazy fool’s Kitchen; the home of cold banter, cracking beer and Grrreat live music…

 

Next event to be posted ASAP…

… so in the meantime it’s a quick spurt from fool’s sponsors…

www.highstylecondominium.com

 

fool’s gold; now available on his radio show - http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php and 92.75fm - www.radioindochine.com

 

Animal news


 

*Horse whisperer Emma Massingale can clean the upstairs windows of her house by standing on her horse. The 29 year-old from Bradhurst Devon can reach up to 9metres (30ft) and feel as steady as a rock. She ‘talks’ to horses from all over the world and sees about 130 a year. One of her biggest triumphs was an unruly stallion that she taught to play football and is now most deft in passing, dribbling and shooting.

 

*A two headed albino Honduran milk snake hatched in Florida this week, which is about as rare as 1 in 10,000. The double-headed, bicephalic, as it is technically known got its name from its mythical status of suckling from a cow, which is nothing compared to 52 year-old Liu Fei from Jiangxi province in China who sticks a three foot cauliflower viper up its nose and then lets it wriggle out of his mouth. He can even do both nostrils at the same time.

 

*Don and Brenda Hoch from Hudson in Florida have got 14 pet skunks called, Spike, Inca, Sammy, Sunny, Nutmeg, Chanel, Spencer, Theodore, Alvin, Simon, Frosty, Zipper, Napoleon and DaVinci. They say they are more affectionate than cats, as loyal as dogs and are house trained. They eat vegetables and love Mexican cheese and eat up all the bugs in the house… haven’t got one called Brutus though eh!

 

*To find out more of fool’s animal news, such as; fishy tales, lions on the loose and the cat that got away, tune into fool’s radio show this Saturday 1p.m. on 92.75fm and around the world on www.radioindochine.com – podcasted later on fool’s very own radio page on www.cfnr.co.uk (http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php)

 

Number crunching


 

*For the best valued Christmas dinner you can’t beat £2.89 a head. However, you have to go to six different supermarkets. Good Housekeeping magazine found that to feed eight people; go to Sainsbury’s for your carrots at 75p for 1.5kg’s, Lidl’s for your sprouts at 99p a kg, spuds – King Edwards at Asda £1.40 for two kg’s, parsnips £1 a kilo at Morrison’s, get your turkey from Lidl – £9.99 for a self-basting 3.8-4.4kg bird, stuffing 30p for a Tesco two-pack, Cranbury sauce at Tesco – 50p for 200g’s, cake £3.49 from Morrison’s 800g’s, brandy butter £1.40 at Sainsbury’s and 2 puddings worth 900g from Tesco. The oldest Christmas pud was found in a cupboard in Poole Dorset dating back to 1900 when they were sent to the sailors during the Boer War.

 

*Britain’s oldest bloke? Reg Dean – 109; born in 1902 when there were no less than 10,000 ‘horseless carriages’ on the roads –black and white films were invented, and so was tabloid newspapers and the ‘two penny tube’ was the forerunner to the London Underground – more ‘amazing’ facts on this year in the radio show…

 

*Britain’s oldest family business dates back to 1535 and is a butchers run by RJ Balson and Sons in Bridport Dorset.

 

More numbers to crunch, cheese to discuss and fool’s gold and lots, lots more on; fool’s radio show – That Was the Week… What a Week - Saturday 1p.m. on 92.75fm local Phuket radio and worldwide on www.radioindochine.com Saturday’s 1p.m. straight after Big Dan’s Sports Centre show. (Podcasted later on fool’s very own radio page on www.cfnr.co.uk - http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php) – download it as an MP3 and climb up on the roof to get away from it all.

 

I’m off – come on Brutus

 

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf


 

Other news