Crazy Fool's Newsround - 3rd - 9th October '08 volume 301

3rd - 9th October '08 volume 301
October, 09th 2008 05:44 AM

‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – it’s all in

crazy fool’s newsround

That was the week weren't it;

The scene: fool is at the convention…no, no, too American…fool is at a conference for life, laughter, the human soul and everyfing.

Dr Philosophy: It’s a four-stage wonder…

fool; Too much, Magic Bus

Narrator: and so; philosopher and student slither to, un-with, there and where abouts, around the girdles of a slip-knot unto the yonder distance, - both canopied under the tranquil setting of lunacy, as a sun beam doffs his hat to their faint, but yet effervescent non-consequential-ness (a small dragoon in a moat somewhere off Scotland), then butters a slice of contentment in the knowledge that one day, all will turn to the quiz:

now its so clear

1. Who once said, ‘no one can play the drums like Keith Moon like I can.’?

2. Fresh breeze equals which number on the Beaufort Scale?

3. Nosophobia is the fear of what?

4. What is the only English anagram of PERCUSSION?

5. Sioux and Sleaford Abundance are types of what?

6. In which show did Yogi Bear first appear?

7. In Cuba what is a habanera?

8. If a car carries a nationality badge reading C where does it come from? A) Canada B) Czech Republic C) Cuba

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com (just hit the contacts button)

WHO AM I? Albert Fink was the only offering last week and I finked about it long and hard but I funked it not so, so onwards and onwards to Clue No.2, but first here’s No.1 again; clue No.1: “Unlikely to win a look-alike competition but there’s no doubt I probably gave one of the better versions from the King’s repertoire.” Clue No. 2: “Eating other folk maybe fine with me, but I’ll never be the young king.”

is it me?

For the results to last weeks Main Comp – check the *comps and results page.

Scores at the end of week 37 in the 2008 Main Comp series - with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in – confused? Good.

For those putting the kettle on; milk and one sugar please…

Dracule: 17 (1, 1, 1)

Legal Eagle: 12 (1, 1, 1, 1)

Hannibal Lecherure: the song remains the same (LZ)

Quizmaster: off the marc! 5 (1 or 1, 1, 1)

Casualty: cruising on; 1

Others: unknown

Quote for the week:

My brother thinks he’s a chicken; we don’t talk him out of it because we need the eggs

Groucho Marx

*Non-descript trivia moment*

HORSEPOWER

Devised by James Watt (1736 – 1819). Horsepower is the power required to lift 550 pounds by 1 foot in 1 second: 33,000 foot-pounds per minute. 1 horsepower = 745.7 watts; or 2,545 BTU’s (British Thermal Units) per hour.

fool’s Gold

Over a third of all pineapples come from Hawaii

The world’s largest meat pie was shared by 50,000 people in Denby Dale in Yorkshire in 2000

In the native Indian language Manhattan means “the place of drunkenness”

Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:

Oh tell me what’s the word, oh word up…

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

Mindless idiots – this bloke said to me only the other day; “what do you reckon?” – And I agreed – BASTARDS!

And now this bit:

Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors…

Pacharan Tapas & Bodega: bodega, oh baby when you dance like that. ½ price sangria, mojito and buckets of wine by the err, bucket... plus beer, oh yes beer, don't forget the beer...they have beer you know. The best Spanish cuisine in Saigon this side of Spain - Which is just to the right of Vietnam – I think! – Some cracking live music too folks.

GTM: Probably, nope not probably, but, the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details. – Prototype sandpit looks good mate

Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras, Sierra Nevada, Spain. Click the link on the logo on the right and walk into happiness. What's coming up next folks?

Kim Hai Trading Co.,LTD: Mate; the minced lamb – love it.

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness – Go nuts for it – I am. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in Saigon, Vietnam!

Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one – I ask you – that’s just crazy - every Tuesday at Al’s – make it a date. Their ribs are xxxceptional too. Check the *classifieds for their new restaurant in Saigon, Vietnam – is it nearer to you?

Don't forget the *classifieds – something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.

Ok, what’s on in cfn this week? – Remember, there’s a lot more on offer in the menu on the left.

*Digger; wraps up a season

*Trigger: When I said I bet yer you said you’d better, you better you better you bet.

*cf's new radio show: - OUT NOW – new and improved, with all the buttons – fool’s tip: to avoid (clap, clap, clap) “And welcome…” every time you open the site press pause/play and forwards and rewind buttons! – Next one out in Nov!

*Tit-bits – .../...Wedding invite…/…Dear All…/…

*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – although now slightly old* - Slice o' snake n pigmy pie with oysters – it's the proverbial's (new one next week – didn’t realise it was Thursday already! – Ok next week or the week after, hang on, just let me get my shit together)

Poetry Corner: Still reliving...I said re-living!... my youth and just can't get enough of Quadrophenia at the moment – try a slice of Roger's theme...goes to the tune of...¶ ♪♫ ♀ ♪ﷲ ♫…will keep it there, whilst I debate on the next one.

*new...Fishman...new...Fishman – Read all the Fishman’s tails in On The Pond, May ‘08’ – new one coming soon folks, but for now read about an exploding monkey, a coconut and a lesbian diver – it’s all happening on the island.

And *Bongo Massif Bro’s – If they said I never loved you, you know they are a liar

Mr. Meaner... want went wrong!

Now, you’re just in time for the rugby bit dun, dun, dun - for rugby folk ET all; but please, if you’re not keen do move on:

On the domestic front the Guinness hath been supped for the next five weeks, at least. And taking over is the pointless EDF Energy Cup, between the full strength Welsh clubs and the development youth from the English.

The French Top 14 rolls on, with the Heineken Cup rearing its sizeable head this weekend to balance out the said ridiculous EDF, - And under the long white cloud an upset sought out the last eight for the Air New Zealand bash.

Philippe Saint-Andre handed out seven debuts to Sale who went down 17-18 to Cardiff Blues, saying he was right to rest his big guns in Luke McAlister, Dwayne Peel and Sebastian Chabal; “I have to look after the safety of the players. We’re playing rugby, not football or ping-pong.” – Surely he means Whiff-Whaff! The Blues got a try right on the 80 from Richard Mustoe, but it was Spaniard’s Oriol Ripol’s one-two with Wigglesworth which was the try of the day. – try saying that with a mouthful of Waisens

Bath and Leicester also fielded experimental sides, with the Tigers clinching it 19-15. Heyneke Meyer was pleased with his fellow MB, Derick Hougaard at fly, stating he basically ran the show and said of him; “He will definitely be one of the best players in the Premiership.”

The trend continued throughout all the English clubs as Worcester beat London Irish 22-5, a good run for them and for the young fly half Matthew Jones, whom Mike Ruddock applauded, “Matthew made really good decisions and grew in confidence. You could tell by his body language.” – Yes, especially when he started moon-walking!

Owen Farrell, son of Andy, made history when he became the youngest player to play in English senior rugby – 17 yrs 11 days – one month younger than Danny Cipriani. He played in a Saracens side that through on the paddock six rookies and ended up just losing to the Scarlets who fielded no less than 13 fully blown internationals. Including Kees Meeus who snapped a close range try for Stephen Jones to convert and seal the game. Eddie Jones, never short of an opinion, put his best one forward this week when he suggested this tournament should be an Under 23 Cup. Either way, Dad Farrell was chuffed with his son; “I’m very, very proud, but it’s back to school for him tomorrow. He’s studying for three A levels.”

Harlequins went down to a full strength Ospreys 23-24, which David Strettle had to sit out with his reoccurring ankle injury. The Quins snarled their way back from 14-3, but it was Ospreys chief Sean Holly who summed it up; “We’ve got a few bruised egos.”

On the continent Biarritz blasted past Montpellier with five tries and a bonus point – two tries from Damien Traille.

Castres went down 10-28 to Toulouse in a hail storm in the South West of France. Jean-Baptiste Elisalde hobbled off there and will miss this week’s Heineken Cup clash with Bath. Whilst Danny Cipriani is back and will play the full 80 for Wasps versus Castres.

Perpignan were always in control over Toulon and won 37-12, however, they tried to over do things too much then fell asleep as Toulon snuck in two late tries denying the winners their bonus point.

Stade Francais continued dominating making it seven out of seven with a 34-16 win over Montauban. Mauro Bergamasco got their fifth try and bonus, but Gasnier and No.9 Alexandre Albouy could be ruled out with injuries for this weekend’s clash with Ulster in the HC.

Brive put seven tries past Mont-de-Marsan at 53-11, with Ben Cohen, Barry Davies and Fijian Norman Liagari collecting three of them and Andy Goode booting em.

Bourgan shared a three a piece try tally with Clermont but went down on the 80^th 23-30 to pick up yet another losing point. Clermont’s scrum is still dry sand and they’ll need to thicken it for Sale’s encounter this week.

And lastly Dax beat Bayonne 27-10 – all the points came in the first half bar a Bayonne early second half try.

A long way away, depending where you’re coming from, no even then it’s a long way away; Eden Park to be precise - Auckland lost to Northland 21-13, and that see’s both sides out of the Air New Zealand Cup as both needed the bonus points. Waikato beat Taranaki to meet Wellington next week. And Canterbury host Tasman. Hawkes Bay entertains Waikato and Bay of Plenty play at home to Southland.

Some shorts:

Zinzan Brooke says Johnno’s England have no chance of winning the 2011 World Cup, and emphatically states that it will be a southern hemisphere side that does it and that they will always dominate – corr, he must be really bitter eh! He freely states that England with Johnno in 2003, ‘were fantastic, but it will be a southern hemisphere side that wins the Rugby World Cup in 2011.’ – He says without Johnno to control the lineout and Dally to rule the back of the scrum England are better off implementing a youth structure. – Yeah, but Zin, you’d only choke on it! – The French keep on beating you, and they always will!

Ian McGeehan says he will pick 60 players after Christmas then whittle them down to 35 in time for the Lions tour. And he’s got a point when he says, “It’s relatively easy to pick 25. It’s the last ten that often makes a difference on a Lions tour.” – Ten good men – that was a film wasn’t it?

Call the fool if you want to back against England for the 2011 cup! Curiously he’s had one taker – Zinzan Brooke!

John Smit’s XV; films where the villain is played by a Brit –: This particular team will be finished sometime in 2008 – the fool promises! – Only two to get.

Called the John Smit’s XV, as he’s the current World Cup winning captain, so we’ve got another three and a half bloody years of him yet!

15. Salom's Lot 14. Robin Hood 13. The Patriot 12. The Great Race 11. Pink Panther 10. Day of the Jackal 9. Silence of the Lambs 8. Braveheart 7. Lord Voldahart or as fool thinks it; Lord Vodaphone 6. Die Hard 5. Dracula (Any with Christopher Lee) 4. Bramstokers Dracula 3. 2. Snake from the Simpsons 1.

end rugby here!

Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:

“I’m going to dedicate next year to getting back onto the England team.” – No, not Harmison but Vaughan, however, Harmison is also keen and states the 15 or 16 current squad members ‘excite me’. And he’s more up for it than ever under KP’s captaincy, so much so that he has belief – belief that England can turn around the 5-0 drubbing they received from the Aussies last year, but he’s not silly; “I think it can happen, I really do, but we’ve got a hell of a lot of cricket between now and then. I think we’ve got 10 different series in the next 12 months and I’d like to play in and win them all.” – Steady on Harmy!

Warne on the other hand reckons England face another whitewash, suggesting, with all obviousness, that they have to keep winning and if they start losing then they will find themselves on the wrong end of Hope and Glory.

Warney, as patriotic as he is, didn’t convince anyone with this one though; “Australia are a fantastic side, stronger than ever, with so much strength in depth.” – Right! – No bowlers to speak of, let alone a spinner – let’s not get cocky here, but it ain’t the same side without Warney and McGrath – still the best side in the world, but will you put your bottom dollar on them winning in India this month?

Saurav Ganguly hopes not, the 36 year-old has declared this his last series and said, “Hopefully I will go on a winning note.” – With 6,888 Test runs, 15 centuries and 109 Tests you’ll probably sleep easy.

But back to Warney, and he’s just released a book: Shane Warne’s Century – his 100 top cricketers – No.1 – the little master.

Stanford’s millions match is under the cosh as legal action has decreed telecommunications firm Digicel has rights to sponsor and not the self appointed sponsors that Stanford and the WICB had in place. In other words it’s all gone tits up, and now they’re in emergency talks. – Na, na, na na

Till next week…

Other sports:

None

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

In a survey of 6,500 men in 13 countries it was revealed that one in three British men are not into big boobies, whereas the Norwegians are. 15% of Irishmen wouldn’t date a woman with large assets, which all in all is quite frankly worrying the league of plastic surgeons. Dr. Nafsika Thalassis said, “The results show that there is a considerable disparity between what women think men find attractive and the truth of the matter.” – Arse! – He continues, “There is nothing confidence-boosting about a surgical procedure that makes you less attractive to the opposite sex.” – Mein Godmph-enhausen – he said sex – yes please, right now!

A new kind of underwear has been manufactured in the US, which absorbs all smells. The ‘gas neutralisers’ are fitted with a carbon fabric and are branded the Subtle Butt, but they do not get rid of the noise – where’s the fun in that, no retching, no salty eyes, no lumps of it as you chew on your food - rubbish.

Martin Smit just broke a world record by spending 113 days living in a room full of deadly snakes in the Clarity Zoo at Hartbeespoort Dam South Africa. He’d dead now of course, but no-one told him.

Crazy rock n roll capes XXXXXIIIIVV! “Apparently, if you play country music backwards, your lover returns, your dog comes back and you cease to be an alcoholic.” – Linda Smith

At the World Snorting Championships in Oberpfalz, Bavaria 324 men and 48 women took part in snorting 5g of snuff, the amount that will fit in a matchbox. Two Germans won both the men and women’s events and ironically ended up with mini Hitler moustaches from the black snuff. – That’s not funny, that’s not funny at all…

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque; “Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don’t understand; like working.”

Evel Knievel was probed by the FBI for his supposed connections to the mob. However, they dropped the case the minute he threatened to sue! A victim said he was battered by associates of Knievel in a hotel in 1977 - Sweet little Evel…no way. Mind you he was once jailed in 1977 for taking a baseball bat the head of movie studio executive.

The world’s first testicle cookbook was sold this week, it’s called; The Testicle Cookbook: Cooking With Balls. Gourmet chef Ljubonir Erovic is the man behind such fancies as, testicle pizza and Bulls testicles in béchamel sauce. The Serb says they’re a delicacy where he comes from and the best are found on bulls, ostriches and stallions, he said, “All testicles can be eaten, except human, of course.” – I had bulls balls once in Spain – couldn’t sit down for a week.

Lastly, Pam’s naked…again. Well old news but new show. She stripped for Hugh Hefner on his 82^nd birthday last April, which has just gone out in a TV show, The Girl Next Door, where naturally the Yanks fuzzed out her fuzzy bits, which is a bit like her having plastic tits in the first place. But I digress, for its Hugh’s three girlfriends who stole the show Kendra Wilkinson, Bridger Marquerdt and Holly Madison, what do you mean? – Perfectly normal names, anyhow, Kendra says, “Pamela Anderson, walking out with a cake naked…what can get better than that?” – I don’t know - Holly confesses, “I felt like I shouldn’t look because I know her, and she walked out naked! So I was like, looking around, trying not to look there!” – Yeah, I know love, its embarrassing isn’t it. - Holly then went onto explain how they ‘moulded their body parts’ into a cake; “I moulded my arse, so I could call it chocolate starfish.” – “It was chocolate and I put a dark chocolate little thing right in the middle.’ – Oh bless em eh.