Crazy Fool's Newsround - 3rd - 9th Nov '06' v.211

3rd - 9th Nov '06' v.211
November, 09th 2006 02:37 AM

When you're busy creating a hullabaloo it's important to know what you should do.

To cackle a flaff and run around in your muddle is tantamount to an almighty kafuffle. Naye panic ye laddie, till not get the job done, but sooth yourself in WHO AM I? There's a nice bum!

You've gotta keep busy

.Uck man, the busy-ness of it all, too much to do? The Mad Hatter got your time? Rushed off one's feet running around on the hard-pressed watery tarmac of the tide and time, which by the way waits for no man. Are you overwrought, overdone, overworked? Too busy to sit down and let one rip. Mein glutten Furher undt dopplegoff-en. Ich I vish I had those letters with the two little dots over the u! Tangents. That's what it's all about. Wayward be I would be here if it wasn't for me to go over there - coming...or too busy?

Drop a load, get a grip and join the quiz-omatic mother ship:

1. Who was too busy making plans for Nigel?

2. On what surface is curling played?

3. Which animal is on the top of rugby's Calcutta Cup?

4. What is a Yucca?

5. What happened to Solomon Grundy on a Wednesday, according to the rhyme?

6. On the Union jack, how many blue triangles are there?

7. Which Elvis song has the words, "you ain't never caught a rabbit"?

8. What are the national flowers of A) India B) Australia C) Japan?

For the most up to date of Tommeristic quiz answers see http://www.cfnr.co.uk/ he'll freak you out!

In the WHO AM I? Just because it's bugging the be-Jesus outta ya here's clue No.83.555; "My fingers are a dish on their own!" Grrr

Is it me?

Mein flippenburger I'm tired today, and can't stop talking ze German - ich - nein - nine - nyit - yoedelady!

Pacharan's our headlining sponsor these...weird days we live in. If you haven't been there...go - it's on the corner of whatyamacallit and oudjaflip. If your coming from the UK cf suggests air Emirates, although they won't park near the entrance - ask them to drop you off at the airport -that should be fine. From Australia you can catch the tube; it's only 6 stops on the South Specific line... caffeine, come on WORK!

*Digger's got his handle on things pretty much hooked, lined and um, fished, which by the way is more than can be said for *Jimmy the Fish - where are ya, with the *Bongo Massif bro's no doubt? *Trigger's been busy on your fortune. *Grub's Up. There's titillation in the *Tit-bits. *Archives, *Sport and how to win a plasma T.V. Yeah, how do you do that?

p.s Digger's on holiday this week.

Ok, in the rugby autumn Tests England slumped to a record HQ defeat - their worst run of play (6 losses on the trot) since the ‘71' - ‘72' season. Wales tamed a mixed Australian side and Ireland and Scotland watched it all on T.V.

Argh...bollocks

New Zealand beat England 41-20, which in all intense purposes was a rather flattering scoreline. Yes, England gave away some pretty soft tries - 15 points in the final 3 minutes before the break! And yes, The Blacks didn't really have to get out of third gear. But in between some comedy rugby there was a promise of a rejuvenated England side, and the obvious potential of a Kiwi World Cup winning side, which by the way they WILL NOT WIN! And cf can't believe no-one has taken him up on his - England to win the world cup bet.

McCaw

Ritchie McCaw was confident before the game and was respectful to his foe, he said, "We can now put out two strong sides, just as England did in 2003." Graham Henry was a patronising tosser and said after the game, "England played some good football." Oh how gallant of you, you smug bastard.

New Zealand received ₤1m to be there last Sunday and were watched by a record 82,067 crowd, and still a couple of All Blacks managed to piss on the parade by moaning about a supposed racial slur that occurred at Twickenham 12 months ago - come on France cf says!

Either way sledging or not the Blacks are a phenomenal side. I'll let you in on what England debut Shaun Perry said, "The (AB's) are very physical, very streetwise. They use possession brilliantly and they slow down the opposition's ball very cleverly. There's no disgrace losing to a side of that quality especially when you consider the fight we put up. This is a new side with new faces and it always takes time for a side to settle down. The mood in our camp is very positive." - I wonder if they do actually camp, - can't seem to get the ‘Carry On' team out of my head. Isn't it Charles Haughtry, the skinny one with glasses?

Meanwhile in Wales Matt Giteau got one of the cheekiest tries an International has ever seen. By the way have Australia got any young specialised positional players? And quite frankly time is running out for them to find a front row! - They won't like that, but it's true.

England's scrum was a little shaky against the Blacks, but as Gareth Jenkins commented in regards to Australia's, "Steve Walsh (Ref) was good for Australia. He allowed so many re-set scrums and Australia were getting away with murder. As soon as they were uncomfortable they new they could get a re-set and he was happy with that because he doesn't like giving away penalties."

Hook had great debut for Wales and Aussie Chris Latham was sublime.

Hook

Australia play Italy this weekend I believe. Scotland entertain Romania. Ireland take on the Boks, and their mighty front row. New Zealand go to France, which in no uncertain terms they are worried about. Wales will have a fight with Pat Lam's Specific Island's, and England are going to beef it up with Argentina, who incidentally are looking for a tournament to play in year in year out. The Tri nations do not want a foursome, and the Six Nations aren't interested either. It looks like the crap of Canada, America and Uruguay, which is a shame.

Incidentally this is what the Argies scrum half, Agustin Pichet says about his fly half Felipe Contepomi. He said, "I have absolutely no doubt about it. I rate Felipe as the greatest fly half in the world. I rate him higher that Dan Carter who is undoubtedly a very gifted player, but I still think Felipe is better."

Felipe in his Leinster shirt

Great Britain beat Australia 23-12 in Australia in the league and Willie Mason punched Stuart Fielden on the nose, breaking it and giving him concussion. Willie said in the court hearing later, "He said (Fielden) ‘Come on you fucking Aussie cunt.' I said, ‘fuck you, you Pommie fuckwit.' He said, ‘Let's go, let's go. I will belt you, you Aussie tart'. I thought I would hit him first before he hit me.'" - Gotta love the league.

Have some

And now this...

Cricket now and the Poms are in Aus. They play the PM's XI today and New South Wales in a 3 dayer on Sunday. And the Aussies are under fire from old heads at home especially Lillee. He (Lillee) reckons the English and Aussies are too chummy. cf reckons Lillee has lost the plot. Punter said, "I'm not sure how much they watched of the series in England in 2005 but there's no way we were too chummy. The first two days of the first Test at Lord's were the most intense cricket I've ever played. We've been criticised in the past for being too aggressive on the field and now we're being criticised for having a smile on our faces. It's hard to keep everybody happy."

Damien Martyn isn't happy with him either, he said, "The team is disappointed by several of Dennis' comments over the last 6 months. You just lose respect for him."

Freddie threw in his tuppence worth, "Some of the players are good friends. We sat down for a beer together a few times last summer so I know guys like Matthew Hayden, Justin Langer and Brett Lee pretty well. It was fierce, highly competitive cricket in the middle and a lot of mutual respect between the teams. That's the way it should be."

Freddie

Tresco revealed that he is mental and this week said, "The help I've been receiving is an on going process. But being here and feeling good shows that although I might not have conquered the whole thing completely, I've definitely made some big strides." - Argh, so he's a tailor now eh!

Punter replied, "There won't be anything like that (Sledging on Tresco). We won't personally abuse someone because of an illness or missing games of cricket." - Chummy or the games etiquette?

Bloke down the pub said that Tresco's been sucking Pakistani cab drivers cocks! I'll not go on.

Tresco?

Chris Read should keep at the Gabba, but Geraint will probably get the nod. And Monty will play first up. And Glenn McGrath reckons it's all sewn up. He said, "England is a vastly different team heading into the Ashes series to the one that beat us last year. So much so that, if the English aren't on their game come the First Test at the Gabba, we will hammer them."

cf says the old's will suffer fatigue and the series will end up in a draw! - Takers?

Ok, in the world at large a 4x8ft piece of painted canvas sold for a record ₤73.6m. It's all Pollock's!

Helen Mirran 61 has been voted the sexiest OAP. Goldie Hawn was second, she's 60 and Charlotte Rampling, who's also 60 was third, and she once made a film where she had an affair with a chimp!

At the present rate fish will be gone, wiped out, all fished up by the year 2048. Marine biologist Proff Callum Roberts from York University in...York said, "Fish are essential to the health of the oceans and the well being of human society." - So naturally all hell will break lose when the last fish is snapped up.

There'll always be the crusties

Speaking of fish, council officials in Wakefield, West Yorkshire are probing into Steve Morton's fish ‘n' chip shop because of complaints that his shop smells of fish! ‘Odours' have been reported to have come from his extractor fan. Steve said, "The smell of freshly fried fish and chips is wonderful. My equipment works properly. Does the council want me to pay someone to stand outside with an air freshener?" ...Yes.

This goes well with fish n chips

It's been suggested that cockney rhyming slang was invented so both the lags and plod could talk to each other, safely, in ‘code' down the pub without the other understanding. Nowadays there's new words and phrases daily. Collins have issued a new rhyming slang dictionary - have a go at this one; "Fancy going down the battle for a couple of Britney's and a Winona - then getting an Andy out for a Basil?" - Answer at the end.

A Basil?

Rolf Harris 76 is to get a CBE - good on ya sport, someone, tie his kangaroo down please.

Aussie underwear firm AussiBum sold 50k's worth of their ‘Wonderjock' in the first week - they're made to make you look bigger. And by the way cf's still getting mail from ladies requesting ‘ladies' pics, so again, just for you.

Ok lastly - it's been a quiet week - Lastly, asylum seeker, from Iraq to Britain, Hidyat Amin has been booted out of the country for having sex with farmer Frank Dobson's ewe! Frank was suspicious when he often saw Hidyat hanging about his farm, smoking cigarettes and basically looking a tad cagey. When days later he found his ewe to be, ‘not very well and not happy' and a trail of breadcrumbs which ended by a pair of disused pants and socks, Frank called the cops. Prosecutors studied his DNA and concluded it was a billion in one chance it wasn't him...Well who was it then?