3rd - 9th dec 2010 volume 409
December, 07th 2010 21:03 PM

“Thick as thieves us, we’d stick together for all time”

(The Jam)

 

 

 

You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 ‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

 

 

Click on this logo in home page – good one this week; local lad – The One With Pat

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 9.12.10                                           

For Royal Scots Borderers, 1st Battalion

 

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

 

 

You can’t trust thieves anymore

The silly season gripped the UK this week; amidst a flurry of snow and opportunistic burglaries, one woman felt the urge to dial 999 to report her snowman had been stolen.

 

‘There’s been a theft outside my house’, read the transcript from a lady in Chatham, Kent, ‘I haven’t been out to check on him for 5 hours, but I went outside for a fag and he’s gone.’

 

Adorned with pound coins for eyes and teaspoons for arms the woman admitted, ‘It aint a nice road, but you don’t expect anybody to nick your snowman.’

 

‘Do you mean an ornament?’ replied the bemused operator

 

‘No, a snowman, made of snow, I made him myself.’

 

It’s naturally a concern at this time of year where burglaries are up 63% according to confused.com. In particular, presents lurking under the tree make for an easy target.

 

The most common hiding places are under the bed, behind the wardrobe, in the loft, sock draw, office, garage and inside the snowman.

 

There look, he’s gone.

 

Anything to declare?

Hiding her inhibitions in the face of non-conformatism was 52 year wheelchair bound Tammy Branovac who went through airport security wearing just her black lace bra and knickers.

 

Fed up with constantly being searched the retired surgeon, who once posed nude for Playboy in 1997, protested against the red tape at Will Rogers Airport Oklahoma.

 

Nevertheless, she was frisked then detained for questioning when traces of nitrate were found on her metal wheelchair. Interrogation took over an hour and she missed her flight and had to go home. She came back the next day undressed the same.

 

Meanwhile bomb proof boxer shorts are up in sales this Christmas with thousands of the £60 kevlar lined briefs being sent to the boys on the front line. – It’s good to go out with a bang.

 

 

I’ll have two pints of lager and some cheesy nibbles…please

Fancy a pint and a nibble? Try Belvoir Brewery’s new cheese beer called the Blue Brew.

 

Made with Stilton, which is infused during the fermenting stage, this tipple will set you back £2.10 a bottle.

 

Nigel White, secretary to the Stilton Cheese makers Association said, “We know that the cheese is incredibly versatile and transforms the simplest of everyday snacks; we now know it can add real character to beer!’

 

Blessed are the cheese makers, for they shall inherit the Earth.

 

Coffee on the other hand is a no no, especially during coffee mornings at the Mill Hill Children’s Centre, Waterlooville, Hants, where hot drinks have deemed too risky by health and safety.

 

And cheese

 

Avalaugh

China, renowned for its plastic over coating of authenticity have knocked out yet another scam to woo newly weds that they’ll cherish for the rest of their lives.

 

Couples are flocking to the scene of the floating mountains in Avatar, to get married, but not all are impressed.

 

“The Navi were a couple of forestry workers dressed up in long underwear dyed blue, wearing some very unconvincing masks. It was really pathetic.” Said one bride Xiao Tsao.

 

A forestry spokesman replied, “We aren’t professional special effects experts but we do our best. What we are really highlighting is the beauty of our landscape.”

 

Ching chiing

 

 

 

 

 (Quick sponsor ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)

 

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘’

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!)

 

What they’ve recently said: ‘Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat’ – Tiny Tim

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a very thin piece of paper and said, ‘I want you to trace someone for me.’

 

The Boat Lagoon Marina, Phuket – Hysterical Hour – 2-10p.m. every Friday Indian and Western food.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wanna buy a condo?

 

www.highstylecondominium.com

 

 

 

Animal news

 

*A fat cat flap has been invented for fat cats – did you know Leonardo di Vinci invented the original cat flap! – A study revealed that a quarter of cats in Britain are over weight. The new sliding door ‘flap’, with paw recognition will make sure they get even fatter, especially as it comes with a built in conveyor belt to carry the fat bastards to their tucker.

 

*

 

Number crunching

 

*The bloody flag recovered from underneath an even bloodier soldier at Custer’s Last Stand fetched £3.5m in auction this week. 209 men of the 7th Cavalry were massacred at Little Big Horn in 1876 in Montana. For more numbers the flag measured 27.5 x 33 inches.

 

*The chilli wars have heated up again with the latest winner on 1.359,000 on the Scoville scale. Gerald Fowler, a chilli farmer from Cumbria took this record, and amazingly made it in the 2012 Guinness Book of Records – that can’t be right, but I’m not going back to check now.

 

*Climate changes – pah – they’re all wrong – again! Sea levels rising by 6ft – pah – more like 3ft. Failure of ocean currents – pah – not going to happen. The UN International climate change conference in Mexico said so.

 

I’m off – come on Pig

 

Keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

p.s. for the latest news click on crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page – new weekly updated shows Friday afternoon’s – this week for sure!

 

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they’re long, lunchy and superb and they’re in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz
 
 
 
 

 

Other news