First up apologies for old pics, but having technical problems - let's see what's left in this sites gallery!

That was the week weren't it; The European leg:

The scene: It's 1994 and Quenten Tarrantino, John Travolta and Samual L Jackson arrive in Holland from East Anglia on a camping trip. They pull up to customs on their tricycle.

Customs: Anysching to declare?

(Jackson and Tarrantino throw a concerned glance at John)

John: Only this that I was saving for another film

Customs: It'ssh a kipper!

John: Yes I was gonna have it with mayo

Sam: A kipper with mayo?!

Customs: No, nein, nay nowt, no, I meansk, it'ssh a keeeeper

John to Sam and Quenten - "Ha, crazy Dutch, probably think's I'm gonna smoke it, like I'm that flaky! Here hold this, I'll talk to him" - Hands over a burger

Narrator: Err, hold on, I hope that's not a Kahuna burger...with cheese or whatever crap avenue you've got planned for this, cos you're going nowhere you hear...fast, fasty, like fast, fast. Just leave it ok, leave it. Come back to it when you've got an idea, and we'll roll the quiz eh...

fool: Butter I, cheese, so unfayre!

Narrator: What?

1. What business are Holland & Holland in?

2.  What is the only English anagram of FIREIRONS?

3.  Who co-wrote "Fawlty Towers with John Cleese?

4.  What plagued Mark Twain, Groucho Marx and Franz Kafka?

5.  What is formed by the metamorphism of limestone?

6.  Anthophobiais the fear of what?

7.  Who had a 70's No.1 with, 'Up Town Top Ranking'?

8. How much of the ball has to cross the goal line for a goal to be awarded in football? A) Any part of the ball  B) Most of the ball C) The entire ball

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page - or buzz him on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com  if you think you know the answers. (same address as the contacts button)

WHO AM I? Baffled, beguiled, bemused and fucked were contestants of the great WAI? last week; with answers ranging from Father Christmas to Lord Lucan and all a tuppence shy of worth as the the real answer was of course Dave Macallum - there was no WAI?, as the fool forgot, you know, what with all the excitement of the Bog Comp winnings an all. However, he's back on track this week with a new clue for the main comp - new Bog Comp coming soon (Eagle, prize is in the post, will be with you in a few week's!) - back to the Main Comp, and Clue No.1: "I am the king of the swingers inspiration." - and has nothing to do with the opening gambit!

Big prizes have been won in the last couple of weeks - check the *comps and results page for all the details.

Scores at the end of week 26 in the 2008 series - with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in.

For those scared of the letter w - wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww-w-w--www - ha ha ha:

Dracule: 14 (1,1)

Legal Eagle: 10 (1, 1, 1)

Hannibal Lecherure: the song remains the same (LZ)

Quizmaster: off the marc! 4 (1 or 1, 1 not sure!)

Casualty: cruising on; 1

Others: There are no others...

Quote for the week:

Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

Homer Simpson

*Non-descript trivia moment*

COMMONPLACE GERMAN

Angst...inner fear or torment, objectless anxiety

Gestalt...the overall shape or pattern of something

Hinterland...a private personal space (usually outside of one's work)

Kitsch...inauthentic, vulgar, tacky, derivative, or cheap

Meister...used as a suffix to mean expert, or master

Spiel...a glib, well-rehearsed patter

Verboten...forbidden, prohibited

Wanderlust...a yearning to travel

Weltschmerz...world weariness; despair with the word

Zeitgeist...the spirit of the age

fool's Gold

• Cherophobia is a fear of fun

• Aircraft are forbidden to fly over the Taj Mahal

• The blood in the shower scene in Psycho was chocolate syrup

Dr. Phil Ology's word of the week:

British thieves used many code words. One was fawney, which referred to a gilt ring. They would sell them as solid gold. Fawney developed into phoney and is used as anything not real...and you thought it was American.

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

Spending an hour and a half looking for one sodding shop in Europe's biggest shopping centre, having past the entrance to the entrance of it 17 bloody times; arms laden with bags, none for me, blisters on my feet, grilled to the teeth with people full stop, shoppers at that. Then getting lost on the way home. Oh, that and trying to stab a particularly stubbornly hard pea with a fork...BASTARDS!

And now this bit:

Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors...

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GTM: Probably, nope not probably, but, the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details. - What's news on the sand-pits mate?

Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras, Sierra Nevada, Spain. Click the link on the logo on the right and walk into happiness. Drop us a line on the high mountain trip please Fi. The reply; Hi mountain week ...king great. love (hic) Paul

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Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness - Go nuts for it - I am. See them in the *classifieds. There's more on offer here that meets the eye - look out for their superb long-lunch deals - they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in Saigon, Vietnam!

Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one - I ask you - that's just crazy - every Tuesday at Al's - make it a date. Their ribs are xxxceptional too. Check the *classifieds for their new restaurant in Saigon, Vietnam - is it nearer to you?

*classifieds - something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Ok, what's on in cfn this week? - Don't forget...There's a lot more on offer in the menu on the left.

*Digger; gives you the punt of it all

*Trigger: points out out where you should be punting this weekend

cf's new radio show: - Next show out in... yep, definitely September!

*Tit-bits - In 1986.../...Well.../...

*Grub-Up - * New- New - new* - Slice o' snake n pigmy pie with oysters - it's the proverbial's

Poetry Corner: Still reliving...I said re-living!... my youth and just can't get enough of Quadrophenia at the moment - try a slice of Roger's theme...goes to the tune of...¶ ♪♫ ♀ ♪ﷲ  ♫...will keep it there, whilst I debate on the next one.

*new...Fishman...new...Fishman - Read all the Fishman's tails in On The Pond, May ‘08' - new one out NOW folks - something to do with an exploding monkey, a coconut and a lesbian diver - it's all happening on the island. - Something new coming soon on the Rainbow Warrior - me thinks!

And *Bongo Massif Bro's - warming up the banjos now

Mr. Meaner...  Oh yeah, I like it like that, I like it like that...

Now; the rugby bit dun, dun, dun - for rugby folk et all; but please, if you're not keen do move on:

Some more beginning and end of season Internationals:

Australia beat France 40-10 in Brisbane last week, in a game where you would be forgiven for thinking the under-starred French side had started their holidays early.

But to be fair the Aussies are drumming up a sizeable collective confidence from both within and their supporters, although their match against the MB's in couple of weeks will be a major step up.

Matt Giteau was outstanding and it was his cross field kick that Hynes collected for an early touch down on the 7^th minute that opened the bank.

Giteau went on to kick more points reaching the 300 mark and beyond in Test rugby, but it was his utter brilliance on the half hour mark that stamped his authority on the game; he spun, turned, twirled and whirled his way out of a tackle and slipped a back pass, that had to be seen to be believed, to Horwill who dived over for the score - pure 'Git' magic.

The French forwards then found a grip out of despair and finished off the first half on top. They came out in the second much the same then got bored with the necessary hard work of it all and had a fight.

Moore and Matthieu Lievremont started it in then both packs joined in with Harinordoquy landing most blows on Horwill's left eye.

After the 'fun', substitute centre Ryan Cross came on and scored two more tries, both courtesy of that man the 'Git', plus a 100% kicking performance from the man with the crap hair.

A good win for the Wallabies, but you sense they are still a good couple of games behind the Blacks and MB's.

As for the French; they need to sort out their domestic Top14 timetable in order to release their players, although it doesn't seem likely to happen any time soon - next year's final is scheduled for 6^th June!

Over in Wellington the All Black's beat the MB's 19-8, and although they thoroughly deserved it, it was without doubt their sternest Test for a long time, be it their 30^th consecutive home win.

On the whole the first half belonged to the MB's although both defences were solid, and probably the only difference was the All Black's nudging the 'Is-it's' in the scrum.

Shared turnover was the way in this the new fast ELV format, and counter attacks at speed were in abundance, almost an All Black trademark, however, it was the MB's who first capitalised on it when Jacobs fed Jean De Villiers from one such turnover on the half way and he (Jean) burst through a tackle to feed Habana who was unstoppable.

The rest of the match belonged to Dan Carter, who was harangued on and off the ball, but kept his cool, kicked superbly and that confidence under pressure exuded all about resulting in a Jerome Kaino try to seal the deal.

The fool, however, has a feeling that this week in Dunedin may be different. Smit is out from a tackle off the ball where Brad Thorn lifted and dumped the MB skipper, resulting in a few weeks out from a groin injury. Smit wasn't happy and has laid in heavily on the Black's to the media this week.

He is questioning the All Black status and the possible reason if roles were reversed, i.e. If it were Bakkies Botha who dumped Richie off the ball; "world rugby would come to a standstill." As he said.

Perhaps not that far, but even if he does get his wish, it's still not really his wish, because he so dearly wants to beat the All Blacks on their home soil, and he thinks they can, with or without him. This is what he said, "It's going to kill me watching from Durban and having to congratulate them them on beating the All Black's" - Touch of the Graeme Smith's about him do you think!

Ok, it's going to be a tough one this weekend, I almost think I'd like the dirty MB's to win, but in the old lump in my chest I'm not sure they will, but fuck it, let's go 28-19 to the Africans!

Some shorts:

Martin Johnston returns to the paddock in September for the Help For Heroes game; a charity game to raise money for British service men injured in Iraq and Afghanistan. Twickers are giving their field for free - the first time that has ever happened and they reckon they'll raise a cool £1m. Dally asked Jonno to play, the first time he's donned boots for a while and he said, "I didn't hesitate." - The Heroes XV play an International XV - should be a good booze up.

The Philippines are the Asian Five Nations Regional Tournament champs after beating Guam 20-8 and NZ Maori's the victors in the Specific Nations Cup after beating Australia 'A' 21-18 thanks to a last gasp try from Thomas Waldrom. But let's tip a tit-fer to Tonga who won their first game in that competition, beating Fiji 27-16.

Jaw breaker Matt Henjak has finally found a club that'll have him - Toulon. He has even hinted he might get a spot back in the Wallaby side, "I'm just going to concentrate on enjoying my footy over in France. Who knows what the future might hold if I play well over there." - Yep, they love a good fight in French rugby - you'll fit right in.

And Byron Kelleher has signed on with Toulouse till 2011. He received Player of the Match when Toulouse beat Clermont recently in the Top14 final and he's happy to be adopted by the Frenchies, "I'm very excited because I really feel like a Toulousain now." - Anyone for some cheese?

John Smit's; films where the villain is played by a Brit, XV - : This particular team will be finished sometime in 2008 - the fool promises!

Called the John Smit's XV, as he's the current World Cup winning captain, so we've got another three and a half bloody years of him yet!

15.    Salom's Lot 14. Robin Hood  13. The Patriot  12. The Great Race  11. Pink Panther  10. Day of the Jackal 9. Silence of the Lambs  8. Braveheart  7. Lord Voldahart or as fool thinks it; Lord Vodaphone  6. Die Hard 5. Dracula (Any with Christopher Lee) 4. Bramstokers Dracula 3.   2. Simpsons Hooray Henry crook 1.

end rugby here!

Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:

England entertain South Africa at Lords this week where re-vamped talk has been surrounding KP's heritage, he's on 104* BTW, Bell 75* as England finish day one on 309-3.

Barry Richards pointed out that, "Pietersen will again be the most important wicket for S.A." - He's proving it so far and found himself in emotion street after day one with a tribute to the crowd who spurred him on, saying, "They're the best supporters in the world." - And that this 100, in his first Test against his birth country is the best day of his life - up there with winning the Ashes.

Hill's (UK) have given 50-1 that Smith and KP come to blows at Lords. fool gives 50-1 it'll be tomorrow.

Meanwhile Smith and Vaughan have seemed to patch up a few old hat discrepancies, with Vaughan stating, "He is no longer the biggest tosser in World cricket." - With that I presume Smith won't be calling Vaughan a 'big gay boy' on the paddock.

Yes, all old hat because the Proteas have found a new freak to reel attention to in batter Neil McKenzie; he has a few idiosyncrasies, which are: all toilet seats must be down in the dressing room when he goes out to bat, he tapes his bat to the ceiling, he doesn't walk on the white lines at the crease, walks past the stumps in a certain way, gets in and out of bed three times before a game, puts on his left pad first and looks at fine leg, square leg then the bowler everytime he recieves a ball. - Macbeth

Till next week...

Other sports:

Rafa Nadal also has a few idiosycrasies, such as eating the same meal everynight at the same restaurant and picking his bum etc, won an epic final at  Wimbledon, it was most, no, definitely was the longest Wmbledon final at nearly five hours and has been described as the best, and to be fair it probably was 6-4, 6-4, 6-7, 6-7, 9-7. Rafa then said, "I am so happy, this is my favourite tournament and it is a dream to play hear. I never imagined that I would win. But Roger is the best and still No.1. He has been champion five times and I only one." - The Fed siad, "Yes".

The Bin Laden family are front runners to buy Newcastle football club for £300m. Toon Army will surely never be the same.

And now let's hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Ok, just a taster this week as reality has been a tad hectic:

I can tell you that Channel Ten in Australia boosted ratings on their Big Brother show by shipping in Pamela Anderson for three days. She has been dubbed as the 'ultimate intruder' and for the fool it's just an excuse to post a pic.

Kent Couch is 48 and has just ventured on the longest balloon ride. 150 balloons to be exact, filled with helium, tied to a chair with him on it. He managed to travel 235 miles from Bend, Oregon to Cambridge, Idaho, US. Every time he went too high he'd pop a balloon with a pellet gun and if he was losing altitude he's disperse some cherryade he kept in a barrel. He said, "I did it because of boyhood dreams." - Super.

Desk jobs are likely to attract, if that's the right word, 30% more prostrate cancer candidates, than those working on their feet. Greek scientists discovered this, more interestingly I like the jobs they relate desk jobs to: civil servants and teachers - teachers! They're on their feet all day. The up and about jobs according to the Greek boffs are labourours and bakers; perhaps policemen or traffic wardens, but bakers? Oh well, I suppose - crazy Greeks.

The laziest commuter in the world is Lasse Johanssen 36 who drives 150 yards to work every day in Linhamn, Sweden.

Crazy Rock n roll capes/quips part XXXVI:   no quip but a plug for a Symphony metal in Saigon Vietnam - wanna know more, check out http://www.unlimitedsymphony.com/

Boffs in South Korea have made 'special tomatoes' that could prevent Alzheimer's. Boffs in South Korea have...don't even bother. But it's true I tell you. They've tried it with mice and it works, they now just have to up the dosage.

Peter Kay corner - very Cooper-esque; His questions: "Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, "Hello, my name's Peter and I'm an alcoholic.'"

And lastly, told you it was short this week, a Job Centre in Hampshire, UK is advertising for domestic cleaners to work in houses...in the nude. The company; Knobs and Knockers are a legitimate firm and all is above board and legal as far as the local government are concerned. The jobs open for men and women and an apron is provided. The hoover could be interesting

Spick and spank!

Not sure about next week - but stay tuned to see!

just cf it

cf