August, 06th 2009 14:19 PM
“In the time of Chimpanzees I was a monkey
Butane in my veins and I’m out to cut the junkie
With the plastic eyeballs, spray paint the vegetables
Dog food stalls with the beefcake panty hose”
(Beck)
‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – it’s all in
crazy fool’s newsround
in that order
(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning)
Plus the radio show – with a new look!
That was the week weren’t it;
The scene: fool has caught up with
fool: So, Bernard, in your book you say
Bernard: What he’s saying here is that all women’s sport is essentially rubbish and has no comparison to its original aspirations of both competitor and viewer. Cajoled, bred or seeded, whatever your preference, it is within nature and nurture’s realm and it simply doesn’t work, be it football, rugby, cricket, tennis or even say, it’s closest rival in athletics, but then everyone knows we only watch it for the chicks in the long jump. No, the only women’s sport olde Charles ever got off on, for the sport itself, and not just a quick one off the wrist was swimming, although, don’t get me wrong, he banged them out often over those swim chicks, all the time in fact, but he also had a certain reserve for their sporting equivocal prowess.
fool: Thank you Bernard, I’m afraid that’s about all we have time for this week…
Bird Gymnast!
Narrator: That was fool talking to the right old bastard parrot Bernard. Next week we’ll be looking at the advantages of having one arm.
1. In what century was Charles Darwin born?
2. What is the largest office building in the
3. Which wind blows from the Sahara to southern
4. Which Canadian island has
5. Which country has the time zones Eastern, Central, Mountain and Pacific?
6. In which ocean are the
7. Which US state is known as the
8. According to George Bernard Shaw’s play, what was John Bull’s Other Island? A) The
Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him, manually, on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com
WHO AM I? – 2009 – All had, got, done and in the bag – last week’s ‘winner’ was the Dracule who just about nabbed the tape from the swooping Eagle with Billy Idol and this clue; Clue No.1; “I’ve featured in this slot before and I had a hit with Mony too.” – Now though, it’s time for a new WAI? With Clue No.1; “I’ll guarantee you’ll never have heard of me but I was on that boat with Captain Cook and was perhaps a bit of a forerunner for the Chas fella.”
Is it me?
This is the 2009 Main Comp series - with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in: For previous results in the Main Comp – check the *comps and results page.
Scores at the end of week 29 or 30 if we’re strictly going by the Gregorian calendar and due to the fact fool’s missed a week.
For those on speed – keep up!
Dracule: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1)
Legal Eagle: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1,)
Silent Third Party, formerly known as Quizmaster: 1, 1, 1, 1 (1)
Casualty: zip
Aye: 1 (1)
Others: 1
Quote(s) for the week:
Hypnotism:
Kenny Craig: Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes, don’t look around the eyes, look into my eyes, you’re under. I have not been taking your underwear home, putting it on in my bedroom and then parading up and down in font of the mirror going, “Oh, oh, oh, oh”. Three, two, one… You’re back in the room.
Little
*Non-descript trivia moment*
SOME ROMAN DIETIES
Prosperina…spring
Sol…sun
Veritas…truth
Auster…south wind
Juventas…youth
fool’s Gold
- Vanessa Redgrave is the only person n history to win a best Supporting Actress gong for playing the title role in a film. The film was Julia
- A credit card was issued to a cat called Messiah after its owner decided to test a banks identity security system in
- The number of miles we drive each year is falling for the first time since 1949. Higher road taxes and fuel costs are blamed
Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:
“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”
This weeks word is testify. To give testimony in a court of law - provide evidence for.
And the origin was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.
Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:
People eating is an old favourite of mine, eating anything, watching it, listening to it, smelling it, but what’s really been rattling me this week is people eating toast. There’s a void here between crunch and mush that occupies a mix of oxygen and solid matter creating that ‘camel eating’ effect and its fucking annoying.
Things that are just Sweet Love:
DIY shops, car washes and carpet underfoot.
A viewer’s favourite haystacks from
This is another plane:
And now this bit:
Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors…
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It’s good stuff
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Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras,
Not just a walk in the park
Kim Hai Trading Co., LTD: for the best meat available in
Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in
Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one – I ask you – that’s just crazy - every Tuesday at Al’s – make it a date. Check the *classifieds for their new-ish restaurant in
Alibi: Good food, good wine, good beer, come here. It’s in
Don't forget the *classifieds – something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.
Ok, what’s on in cfn this week?
See; Categories for all that’s on offer, in the meantime fool recommends these:
*Digger; sorry, not this week
*Trigger: with Dig
*cf'’s radio show featuring Digger:
Playing NOW the one with:
Adam and Valerie
Plus all the ‘oldies’: Olda Higden, One Eyed Dog, Risky Red, the long forgotten Christmas show and its Typewriting September predecessor, - new one coming soon - look out for the fish!
*Tit-bits – .../…2,000 HP outboard inflatable…maybe!.../…/…/…
*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – NEW! – Brand new menu in crazy fool’s kitchen/café – might have to take it off the menu as I reckon everyone’s about to copy it – last chance to have a look…maybe: – fool still recommends the Gazpacho
*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’
*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you
v Classifieds
Anyone selling a rowing machine?
*Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…gonna shake your world…round …’
Mr. Meaner... come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -
*crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies – available from the Blue Gecko & Phatty’s
Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like the potatoes – lazy gits! They’re wind free too (almost)
Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s T-shirt ‘menu’ and choose your shirt!
Plus; every T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to charity
I’ll need a T-shirt
This bit is the rugby bit:
(See categories for The New
Published 7.8.09
STOP PRESS…PdV Makes Sense!
Its official,
The All Blacks did everything possible…wrong, and if you were recreationally influenced you’d suggest they’ve lost their mojo, if you’re back on planet sport, you’d suggest they’re just not as good as they used to or at least could be.
The MB’s played secure Test rugby, which as PdV himself described as an ‘ugly win’ but then when the opposition are fooling for the old tricks left, right and centre why change.
Their flagship of tricks being the up and under worked a blast; The Blacks didn’t know whether to run it, pass it, kick it or poop it, such was their indecisiveness. Rockokoko is so out of form, particularly under the bomb, that he was almost Mr Marshmallow on a sweltering day. He then had the gall to put it down to Habana’s style of running; “(Habana) has good angles of running coming in putting his hands up, so if you’re concentrating on the ball you don’t know whether to concentrate on the guy coming across.” – Shall you tell him or me Eyebrows!
There’s no doubt he’ll be dropped next game for the in form Cory Jane, meanwhile the Siv and Nonu, will have a sweat on too, but probably not as much as Donald, who’s yet to show his worth at this level, which is ironic, seen as his counterpart Morning Steyn got all his sides points, which is one of sports injustices because as fool keeps saying.; he’s not very good, but boy can he kick. Whilst the forwards are still dominant it’s probably wise to keep him in, but Pienaar, you’d better get your kicking boots on soon if you want to be a piece of history.
The All Blacks did, however, snatch the first try from a McCaw linout break from his own 22, onto Nonu, Muliana followed by a Siv flip for Isaac Ross to run in the corner. The rest was a contrived pile of errors borne out of frustration from a spoiling opposition who made sure the Blacks never crossed the gain line. Muliana had their measure when he said, “They’re a team with a lot of experience, and the way they played the Lions series (2-1), and certainly now, they’re right up there on top of their game…we’ve got to get better if we’re going to compete against these guys.”
Exactly, the stats say it all: handling errors 28-14, penalties 14-8, own lineouts 4-1 and scrums 2-0 – all in favour of the Boks. They pumped the high balls, they made the tackles, they were too physical in the rucks and topped it with a huge defence – three times on the Black’s line they turned over the scrum, ultimately leading for a score from the Morning who stepped a weary Donald. The second half was much of a stalemate, except for the likes of Juan Smith’s enormous physicality that simply denied the Blacks any motion. McCaw saw the problems but also doffed his cap to brilliance, “There were times when we just made the wrong decisions. It was probably on to kick and we ran and if it was on to run it we kicked it. They have experienced players and they play with a lot of exposure.” – Eyebrows backed him up, “I thought the South Africans played outstandingly well.”
Oh, and the headline from PdV that made sense – “They were led by a brilliant captain and then everybody just followed through. I think that’s one of the things that stands out for me more than anything else.” – That’s your man John Smit. And you’d have to worry for the Kiwi’s that they are careful not to ‘follow through’ in their coming games.
New Zealand’s Prime Minister John Key has asked the nation to ‘rally around them’ as realisation has set in that things are a-foot or as Sean Fitzpatrick describes as the skills levels having, ‘huge question marks’. Anyway, John is settling for nothing less; “The team is rebuilding. As long as we win in 2011 at the Rugby World Cup that will probably work out for me.” – ‘probably’ and er… no pressure there then for the chokers!
fool’s already told you who’s gonna win that one.
As for this weekend at Cape Town where the MB’s entertain the Wallabies, PdV’s hit the headlines again as he dissed the Aussies tactics in the scrum, “What we learnt from their (Australia) Super 14’s teams is that their guys would rather cause a penalty and see if can get a penalty and putting doubt in the referees minds of the referees.” – His very words – intentions and grammar.
Today (Thursday) in comparison to
fool says: The Aussies are good, are rebuilding and have players on the verge such as Barnes,
Some shorts:
English winger Ugo Monye roomed with Welsh prop Gethin Jenkins on the recent Lions tour – very interesting!
The Brumbies won their first touring game in
Is Tuqiri going to
DC played a good return game for
NSW Counties Union have pulled out of the Super 15’s bid, as they cannot match the criteria, leaving two sides from Queensland and one from Victoria to chase, South Africa’s Southern Kings and new Zealand’s Taranaku and Hawkes Bay – wanna a wager? – Go on, you go first!
The ‘
Some competitions now:
WIN a PRIZE!
John Smit’s XV; films where the villain is played by a Brit –: have some fun and try to name the actor!!! - This particular team will be finished… fool promises! – Only two to get.
If you’re wondering why it’s John Smit’s XV, it’s because he’s the current World Cup winning captain, so we’ve got another three bloody years of him yet!
15. Salom's
There’s a free t-shirt in the post for anyone who can up with the props here – I’m sick of it – ha, ha…nurse… - have received two props recently in Ray Winston and Bob Hoskins, but what films?
end rugby here!
Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:
She’s another cracker this Ashes bout, ranging from swing to spin, to banter and rage. If you’re suggesting the thus far three out of the five days played in the third Test at Edgbaston wasn’t enough then review your mind-set because the whole cricketing world is glued to this to and fro series.
The Aussies were truly on the ropes and clawed their way back to make every sports medium stand up and take notice, wondering whether pantomime booing really has its place in cricket and if Mitchell’s mum will wind up in the cast of Eastenders or Kath and Kim.
Day 1 was reduced to 30 overs, due to a summer shower, with Katich and Watson whacking 22 boundaries to reach 126-1. By Day 2 were 263 all out thanks to a swinging Five-fer from Jimmy and four from the Onions. Two of Grahams came from his first two balls leaving Jimmy to ponder whether he’s ever actually seen that before. He did lend leverage to one of the cricket’s mysteries saying, “If you’re bowling well and the ball’s swinging, any team in the world has got to play very well to cope.” – If you want to know more on the science of swing look up Dominick
Mitchell and Swann had a set to, Mitchell and Fred had a set to and Mitchell and Broad had a set to, but even then Mitchell looked like a tormented hen pecked lad frustrated at just being a good bloke, as every commentator in the game described this team itself as the ‘nicest’ Aussie touring party they could ever remember. Even Dizzy Gillespie and Dominick Cork are getting along on BBC’s Radio Five Live.
All Australia had to do was hold out and bat on Day 5 but when Swann went through Punter’s gate to take the ball of the series on the morning of Day 5, there were doubts. There was doubt thicker than the memory of those Fanatics held who were seated in the Eric Hollies stand named after the leg spinner who nipped the great Don and finished his Test career in 1948 with an average of 99.94!
As Swanny said of his latter day scalp, “I’ll never tire of talking about it, and I’m sure my grand kids will get the full story in 30 years time.” – And for sure he shouldn’t, for if you didn’t get it before, it was the ball of the series so far…thanks to Mitchell’s footings.
But the resilient Aussies held on with a rejuvenated batting form from Pup getting his second ton on 103* and North not far behind on 96*. That’s six Aussie tons to
As we head into the Fourth Test its good to note that Siddle is the new Hoggard. How Stuart Clarke isn’t bowling, we’ll never know. ‘Bloke Down the Pub’ reckons it could all be over if Lee gets on. And the next stop is Headingly and that’s a seamers pitch – bring on the singing, the banter, the boo’s, the runs and some healthy grimacing – we love it.
That’s it.
Other sports:
As 40 odd world swim records were broken in one weekend in
Jensen Button completed the world’s biggest triathlon in the London Mazda event. He and 1499 other competitors checked through the 1500m swim, 45 km bike ride and 10k run. Jensen clocked 2hrs 7min. Meanwhile his half Japanese girlfriend Jessica Michibata looked hot in a bikini on a fashion stage in
Jessica
And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:
89 year-old Granddad Tom Lacky is 89, and that is not a world record, however flying across the
108 other plane nuts have jumped on the preverbal band wagon and set the world record for sky-diving head first in formation in
You think that’s nuts, what about 67 year-old Indian fella Guinness Rishi, who even had his named changed for his cause, is intending to cover his whole body with the world’s flags and banners, including his knob. He’s already got
Crazy rock n roll capes XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! Lilly Allen is 22, white and fancies English cricketer Graham Onions and even wants to become a cricket commentator…as opposed to a King Edward I suppose. I always thought she was black!
Eight out of ten women prefer men with a beer belly and a hairy chest and more often than not body odour. The poll of 5,192 women for Lions Bar ice-cream said, “Blokes can ditch the moisturiser and tight shorts – leave that for the footballers.” – There is a God. – You don’t believe me do you – look it up.
Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, but has actually been replaced by Steve Wright:
Back to the world records and bubbleologist Sam Heath 37 from
If you’re not into that there’s a 5 day beer festival in
Lastly, 33 year-old American Amy Wolf is going to marry an 80ft fairground attraction gondola ride called 1001 Nachts. The lady has been besotted with the ride in
just cf it
cf
Other news
- • 13th - 20th Jan 2012 volume 467 - (January, 19th 2012 12:25 PM)
- • 6th - 12th January 2012 volume 466 - (January, 11th 2012 19:16 PM)
- • 30th dec - 5th jan 2011-12 volume 465 - (January, 05th 2012 12:17 PM)
- • 23rd - 29th December 2011 volume 464 - (December, 28th 2011 12:09 PM)
- • 16th - 22nd Dec 2011 volume 463 - (December, 21st 2011 20:22 PM)
- • 9th – 15th Dec 2011 volume 462 - (December, 14th 2011 22:08 PM)
- • 2nd - 8th December 2011 volume 461 - (December, 07th 2011 21:06 PM)
- • 25th Nov - 1st Dec 2011 volume 460 - (November, 30th 2011 19:26 PM)
- • 18th - 24th November 2011 volume 459 - (November, 23rd 2011 19:32 PM)
- • 11th - 17th November 2011 volume458 - (November, 16th 2011 18:39 PM)
