31st December 2010 - 6th January 2011 volume 413
January, 05th 2011 22:02 PM

“Tyre tracks all across your back

I can see you had your fun”

(Jimi Hendrix)

 

 

 

You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 ‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

 

Click on this logo in home page – good one this week; local lad – The One With Pat

 

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 6.1.11                                           

For 1st Battalion Royal Anglian Regiment

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

 

 

One gimp kit please

Believed to be the world’s first drive-through sex shop; ‘Pleasures’ rides straight through the gusset of Alabama’s Bible belt.

 

The ‘romance store’ which caters for men and women found a loophole in the strict laws of Jesus-land whereby The Church of the Subgenius lays credence to such political movements as the ‘Patrio-psychotic Anarcho-Materialists’ who are quick to inflict a jail sentence accompanied with a hefty fine to-boot should any ‘unspecified’ items of carnal infusions be sold without the consent of the Almighty.

 

To wit; ‘medical, scientific, educational, legislative, judicial or law enforcement purposes.’ Provides the necessary clearance for such flagrant misuse of any ‘how’s your father’.

 

Florida business woman Sheri Williams certainly did her homework on this one when she turned a disused bank, complete with two vaults, into a sanctuary, especially on cold and rainy nights, pertaining to marriage counselling, as till operative Samantha Todd explained,

 

‘I’ve had a couple of people come in and cry. It can be very serious.’

 

 

Just a knob of butter

The oldest dad in the world is Indian farmer Ramajit Raghav at 94, whose wife Shakuntala, aged 59, gave birth to a son Karamajit last month.

 

Ramajit, needs no cold and rainy nights to visit the quick-fit shop in his village in Kharkhoda, by relies on the Lord Shiva and plenty of buttering up.

 

‘My daily diet comprises of 3litres of milk, half kilo of almonds and a half kilo of ghee (clarified butter).’ – Well, I’m glad we cleared that up.

 

Ramajit will keep going until he says, ‘a black snake bites him.’ – Alleluia

 

Someone is

 

The only way to do it is B&Q it

A 22 year old man perfomed a DIY castration on himself in a park during a vain attempt to create a sex change.

 

A&E staff at Derbyshire and Chesterfield Royal Hospital stitched him up and sent him of to seek psychiatric help, although more concerning was the viewpoint of one of the locals,

 

‘A few people have stopped walking their dogs in the park for fear of what they’ll dig up.’

 

 

 

Out with a bang

Dr Gunther von Hagen, renowned for his Body Worlds exhibitions is in the process of exhibiting himself.

 

Known as Doctor Death, Gunther is dying of Parkinson’s disease and has been told he has only 7 years to live. Using his plastination technique Gunther means to show off his own art saying, ‘I wish to decide where I will be exhibited.’

 

Amazing what you can with Play-do

 

 (Quick sponsor ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Gerry Rafferty will always remind fool as a ten year old hanging out at his mate’s pub The Prince Albert, dubbed the Pot’s n Pan’s due to hundreds of brass kitchen utensils hung from the ceiling. Befitting crazy fool’s Kitchen opener this weekend – Gerry, this one’s for you – Pete; your brass will accompany the end!’

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!)

 

What they’ve recently said: ‘Jimmy Cliff is the worst song on cfnr now – Billy Idol sucks too!’ KKB

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, ‘Nearest the bull goes first.’ He went ‘Baa’ I went, ‘Moo’ he said, ‘You’re the closest.’

crazy fool’s

Kitchen

 

(Situated in Boat Lagoon Marina, Phuket)

 

Next event; Saturday 8th January – doors open at 4p.m.

 

Listen to the eclectic live sounds of

 

 Anand Jagota Ensemble

(kick off at 7p.m.)

Followed by

Mysterious legendary guest

 

Plus raffle prizes with proceeds going to the charity

www.100friends.org

 

 

Plus the best massaman on the island courtesy of Sa

&

Lady Pie – the great Aussie pie

 

 

Come and have a peek

 

Colouring in space…

 

 

 

Wanna buy a condo?

 

www.highstylecondominium.com

 

 

 

Animal news

 

*A python wedding in Cambodia took place this week with 4.8m (16ft) Svaj Roluum marrying her smaller mate in a two hour ceremony by Buddhist monks. A local man said, ‘We were told by (by fortune tellers) that the two python’s are husband and wife and they need to be together and if we didn’t marry them we would meet bad luck.’ – It’s animism – the new numerism but with more bollocks!

 

*A 4ft fox was caught and killed in England this week in what is believed to be the biggest fox ever – in England – maybe – either way, it’s big, almost like a horse.

 

*James Jablon is going to live in a lion’s den for a month to raise awareness and hopefully some cash for his Florida based Wildlife of Rehabilitation of Hernando. He’s got two lions; Leah and Ed and in the hopeful glint it’ll be fun to see him get eaten, so if your passing Florida throw a coin or two into their enclosure.

 

Number crunching

 

*Zsa Zsa Gabor’s 93 and has gangrene. It looks like her leg is going to have to come off. Her husband is 66 and last month he put her nail glue in his eyes because he thought it was his eye drops – if they were foxes they’d be put of their misery by now. (Got another couple for Lea and Ed)

 

*Sadly, Peter Postlelthwaite died this week, aged just 64. fool’s mate Jim starred as a child actor with the man Spielberg called. ‘The greatest actor in the world.’ At least there’ll be a minute’s reprieve from the brass bands all over the north of England!

 

*2012 was the worst ever Sci-fi film according to NASA scientists. Still, it made $800m at the box-office and on DVD.

 

*And lastly the world’s fattest man is no longer – no, not lion chop but he’s lost 30st, which according to Noel Coward is just careless. For a number count his daily intake of 20,000calories came in a pack of bacon with 4 sausages, 4 eggs and hash browns for breakie – 4 fish n chips, 2 kebabs for lunch and a couple of roast dinners, curries, and pizzas for dinner, oh, and 40 odd bars of chocolate and crisps in between.

 

I’m off – come on Pig

 

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

p.s. for the latest news click on crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page – new weekly updated shows Friday afternoon’s – two in the can waiting to be uploaded – another recorded this week – knock yourself out!

 

p.p.s. sport is back – a mild, PotDQT with slight Fras showers!

 

 

 

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they’re long, lunchy and superb and they’re in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz

 
 
 

 

Other news