30th sept - 8th oct 2011 volume 452
October, 05th 2011 19:51 PM

“Lord Almighty

I feel my temperature rising”

(Elvis)


You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 trivial-o-matic nonsense draped in world news and sport – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

  

Click on fool’s logo in home page – good one this week; – The One With …

Plus listen to and stream live on line at www.radioindochine.com

And catch his A Question of Sport… Of Sorts! Saturday’s 1-2p.m.

 

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 6.10.11                                           

For Elements of: 2 Squadron, Royal Air Force Regiment

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

  www.saigonsoundsystem.com

 

She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah

Beetle sex and urination picked up the top awards in this year’s Ig Noble prizes, which are the maddest scientific studies, albeit with a twist of realism.

 

Staged at Harvard University research observed that beetles will consistently try to mate with Australian beer bottles or stubbies, as they are called, until they die in the sun.

 

The Dutch-Belgium-Australian team also revealed that the need to pee impedes decision making, as their spokesman said, ‘people make better decisions about some kinds of things – but more decisions about other kinds of things when they have a strong urge to urinate.’ – This was noted as the ‘inhibitory spillover effect’

 

However, physicians are still baffled why discuss throwers get dizzy but hammer throwers don’t and how there is no evidence, as yet, of contagious yawning in the red footed tortoise, although conclusive reports on this matter are still filing in.


 

I, Mr Penguin, in sound mind…

Alfred David, 79 from Belgium is known as Mr Penguin following a 40 year obsession he’s shared with the flightless bird.

 

Following a car accident in 1968 he walks with a waddle, which led him to take a mild interest in all things penguin, until one day he realised his mild fascination had churned out 38,000 items of memorabilia and he found himself walking the streets in a penguin suit.

 

Fame visited him in 1992 when he was invited to the premier of Batman Returns in Amsterdam and met Danny Devito.

 

When asked how long he intends to pursue his obsession, Mr Penguin said, ‘My ultimate dream is to be buried deep in the ocean close to where penguins live.’ – The London Zoo have gratefully accepted his remains and offered him a spot next to Elephant Man.


 

Neck up!

And in what has been described as a British institution The Antiques Roadshow has unearthed one of its most exciting finds.

 

A leather jug made from Oliver Cromwell’s horse, Blackjack, was brought to the show by a descendant from the family of C Hoare & Co; the world’s largest independent bank, where the jug was deposited in 1653.

 

Mr Foster from the show marvelled at the find saying, ‘with the connection to Cromwell I would price it comfortably between £20-£30,000 – good beer money.’ He concluded.


Enough to fill a horse jug

 (sponsors ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)


49 Mac Thi Buoi Street District 1, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – probably the best eggs in a clay pot you’ll ever taste

 

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘The prerequisite for beer jugs is in the eye of the beholder and should probably contain no more than a glancing view at mediocrity through handfuls of optimistic pessimism or vice-versa, and we should embrace the collective notion that we are all not the same except that bloke in Life of Brian, meanwhile holding fortune to welcome such peculiarities we drink from the cup of Blackjack and wallow deep in Dolly Parton’s chanting allure of Here You Come Again only to cradle the wet stop on route to fulfilment consuming the unselfish offerings of Beer For my Horses, which as luck would have it is the Get It Off My Chest Request sent in this week by none other than the man himself, young Toby Keith via Digger…

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!)

 

 

What they’ve recently said: ‘When’s the radio show out old boy’ Lesley Philips


 


Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘I’m on a whiskey diets – last week I lost three days.’

 

And now folks…

crazy fool’s

Kitchen 

Presents: crazy fool’s Cottage Pies – 150THB a slab

Fresh or frozen they’ll make you fart


 

Don’t forget t-shirts for sale – as always, $1.00 in every shirt goes to charity

 

There’s always the www.coreyashcroft.co.uk appeal – check it out

 

Don’t forget the classifieds pages – updated weekly


crazy fool’s Kitchen; the home of cold banter, cracking beer and Grrreat live music…

 

Next event to be posted ASAP… probably Sept

… so in the meantime it’s a quick spurt from fool’s sponsors…


www.highstylecondominium.com

 

 

Animal news


 

*The biggest halibut ever caught was by a German called Reinhardt Wurlhmann and weighed 540lb. To put it into perspective that’s about 8ft 3inches. It broke his rod but he got £2,500 at the fish market for it. If you want to catch one, try fishing off the island of Sonja, Norway. Meanwhile the biggest catfish caught by a Brit was 17.5kg’s and also 8ft 3inches, which if we work it out is only about 38.5809025lb’s which makes me think I’ve got it wrong or halibut’s eat catfish.

 

*Koala’s have a human voice box, in the sense their larynx descends, well it does when they mate when they holler as loud as a cow.

 

Number crunching


 

*Lego nut Jay Hoff from America used 30,000 pieces to replicate the Emperor inspect his new Death Star in Return of the Jedi. At 6x6ft Jay spent £1,500 to make it.

 

*Sammy Kellet gave birth to Kyle Kellet on 20th September, the same date as his brother Keira 6 and Kaiden 3; the odds of that happening are 133,590-1. Sammy said, ‘I’ve got three KK’s all born on 20th of the ninth.’ – Dad Merv’s is on 22nd! Meanwhile 72 year-old Ralph Hill who immigrated to Australia received four identical birthday cards from his four sisters who all, unwittingly bought them from the same shop but at different times – the odds of that are 1 in 24 million.

 

*Banksy is set to sell his 9x7ft white painting for £60,000. It’s just white with a date in the corner and a border. Meanwhile Gary Lawrence used a 3p pen to etch a 6x4ft view of a Greek port on the back of a Woolworth’s poster and won first prize in a competition netting him £60k.

 

*The fastest motor sofa does 101mph – go to Australia if you want to catch it.

 

*At a loss what to do with your dead relatives? Why not use their ashes for ammunition. Holy Smoke LLC can turn a pound of ash into 250 shotgun cartridges. Prices start at $850.

 

*The largest bikini parade goes to the Gold Coast Australia at 357, which beat the Cayman Island’s 331 in 2010 and is slightly more boobs than the small plane that recently crashed into a Ferris wheel in eastern Australia.

 

I’m off – come on Brutus

 

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

p.s. if you’re having trouble reading this because you are blind, why not try cf’s audio version of crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page

 


 

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