That was the week weren't it:

The scene: Godzilla and King Kong are sitting at home twiddling their thumbs, as script writers have nothing for them this week. Meanwhile fool, disguised as Jack Black, attempts to relieve the boredom.

Jack Black: I've got some porn!

King Kong: Get outa here freak, we're not into that humanality shit, give us beasts you perverted being.

Godzilla: Yeah, you twisted fuck, give us some hard core lizard fucking you weird sap...

Narrator: That's it, cut... Roll the quiz...NOW!... fool, my office...now!

1.  In what year did the first Nightmare On Elm street occur?

2.  In medical terms what are you if you are DOA?

3.  Which Japanese word means 'divine wind'?

4.  Whose funeral in Milan in 1997 was attended by Elton John and Naomi Campbell?

5.  What is killed by an analgesic?

6.  When do ducks always lay their eggs?

7.  Which vitamin deficiency causes rickets?

8. Which Irish actor has been Oscar nominated but never won? A) Kenneth Brannagh  B) Peter O'Toole C) Liam Neeson

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page - or buzz him on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com  if you think you know the answers. (same address as the contacts button)

WHO AM I? With only two shakes of the lambs tail did the answers come in, thick and woolly too. fool asked if last weeks clue was too easy, he was told to shut up, we left it at that. But what was certain was the Eagle's lead in the Big Comp from this, last week's first answer in, to this clue; clue No.1; "As fictional as life itself, I am the tattooed hate on the knuckles to a genius' love, his bane for persistence to intrigue, to solve, as opposed to, as maybe aspired by many, as the truth for divine's sake. I am in essence his mind's pursuit, his soul searching...his nemesis!" Which was of course Moriarty, and as said it took the Eagle into poll position. So on to a new WAI? And a new Clue No.1: "A tornado was the least of my worries."

Big prizes to be won in the next couple of weeks - check the *comps and results page for all the details.

Scores at the end of week 21 in the 2008 series - with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in. And the Big Comp tally in sub, sub brackets, just to confuse ya.

For the Greek, well it doesn't matter really - its all Dutch to you!

Dracule: 11 (1,) (1)

Legal Eagle: 8 (1, 1) (1, 1)

Hannibal Lecherure: the song remains the same (LZ)

Quizmaster: off the marc! 2 (1) (1)

Casualty: cruising on; 1

Others: too few to mention, but then...

Quote for the week:

"Oh! So they have the internet on computers now"!!

Homer Simpson

*Non-descript trivia moment*

On board the Titanic on 14^th April 1912; for pudding in first class there was:

 Waldorf Pudding . Peaches in Chartreuse Jelly . Chocolate and Vanilla Eclairs . French Ice Cream

fool's Gold

• Teeth are the only parts of the human body that can't repair themselves

• Four is the only number in the English language that has the same number of letters in its name as its meaning

• Libra, the Scales, is the only inanimate symbol in the zodiac

Dr. Phil O'logy: our Wordman's word of the week:

Sorry, the Doctor's sick this week - back next week - get better soon Doc, we miss you.

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

People who tell you how to peel a prawn, then insist on showing you...time after time too...idiots. I can peel a fucking prawn mate, they aint that exotic, yes, what, what's that? No shit, what do you mean, oh I see, you just rip off the head then the tail then just bunch the legs and peel the shell, no fricking way Sherlock...let me see you do that again, you incredulous pestering bore!

And now this bit:

Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors...

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GTM: Probably, nope not probably, but, the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details. - What's news on the sand-pits mate?

Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras, Sierra Nevada, Spain. Click the link on the logo on the right and walk into happiness. Drop us a line on the high mountain trip please Fi.

Kim Hai Trading Co.,LTD:  Back on the burgers last night mat - damn, they're good.  See what else they have here:

Butchery & Delicatess

 41 Nam Ky Khoi Nghia Street, District 1, Ho Chi Minh City.

(Nearby intersection of NKKN St and Nguyen Cong Tru St)

Open from 8.30am-8.00pm

Tel: +848 8216057 or 9144376

Email:info.kimhai@media.net.vn

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness - Go nuts for it - I am. See them in the *classifieds. There's more on offer here that meets the eye - look out for their superb long-lunch deals - they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in Saigon, Vietnam!

Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one - I ask you - that's just crazy - every Tuesday at Al's - make it a date. Their ribs are xxxceptional too. Check the *classifieds for their new restaurant in Saigon, Vietnam - is it nearer to you?

*classifieds - something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Ok, what's on in cfn this week? - Don't forget...There's a lot more on offer in the menu on the left.

*Digger; Tecnical problems this week - sorry!

*Trigger:  Technical problems here too!

cf's new radio show: - Next show out in... at this rate probably not till Sept - stay tuned.

*Tit-bits - Dear Co.../...

*Grub-Up - * New- New - new* - Do yourselves a flavour and get a wabbit - see the menu for cooking it - I followed it then turned it into a stew - beautiful. Now I'm onto the Oyster blades - more about that next week...ok, next week.

Poetry Corner: Reliving...I said re-living!... my youth and just can't get enough of Quadrophenia at the moment - try a slice of Roger's theme...goes to the tune of...¶ ♪♫ ♀ ♪ﷲ  ♫...will keep it there, whilst I debate on the next one.

*new...Fishman...new...Fishm On The Pond, May ‘08' -an - new one out NOW folks - something to do with an exploding monkey, a coconut and a lesbian diver - it's all happening on the island.

And *Bongo Massif Bro's - the band of the future ladies and gentlemen...coming to Saigon soon

Mr. Meaner... get off and milk it

Now; the rugby bit dun, dun, dun - for rugby folk et all; but please, if you're not keen do move on:

Up for grabs last week was:

Super 14's final:

The Crusaders beat the Warratah's 20-12 on the patch of ground just beyond the moat of their very impregnable castle down there in Christchurch.

The Tah's were pretty explosive from the off which wasn't too surprising, and it was a couple of quick and opportunistic tries from the young lad Lachlan Turner Overdrive - let's rock! Who, out there on the wing, produced points from an almost radioactive composure.

His first came from an AFL highball cross field take that perhaps surprised Carter   himself from being out there in the first place but more so thinking, 'where the *** did you come from'!

The second; Lachlan won himself from a hoof ahead and chase, however, before too long Carter had amassed a couple of wide penalties and a try by someone from the Crusaders, but I'll be buggered if I recall who!

So going into the half 12-11 down McCaw wasn't too worried, "Although we were behind, we felt we were on top at half time. We knew if we kept our composure at the start of the second half, the points would come."  - There's that composure word again...I'm gonna get it...I don't mean get, I mean get it.

And they did, it was like a medieval thumbscrew on the pressed flowers from Sydney. The Crusaders defended like men possessed from their castle and occasionally poured the necessary burning oil on the intruders of their crown.

People say Carter is the magician, but without that man McCaw I wonder where they would be. He is absolutely everywhere, bustling in attack and secure in defence. It was almost down to him that the Tah's didn't score a point in the second half.

Robbie Deans was proud of his boys and stated so, "The defence was remarkable. They earned it, they deserved it and they got it. I'm stoked for the blokes. I didn't do it, they did. It's just good to be part of it.' - Yeah alright Bobbie, don't overload it.

Despite a constant barrage from the Tah's it was more or less an even Stephens/Stevens thump, bar of course Beale who is crap. Tah's captain, Waugh's summized: "They are a very good side. The game is about 80 minutes and we didn't go on with it from half time. Richie (again) was very good tonight."

Guinness Premiership final:

Wasps beat Leicester 26-16 in front on an amazing world record club rugby crowd of 81,600, at Twickenham. I'll say that again; 81,600!

It was a frantic game of real cup final stuff in the sunshine. Early on Wasps pressed home their authority with a nice break by Eoin Reddin who fed a thundering Vickery to off load the vital scoring pass to the ever present Tom Rees.

Not long later Rees was involved in another attack, with a great effort also from Fraser Waters and the help of a miss tackle on Lewsey saw him over for a score and the Londoners were 17 points up.

However Leicester were not giving up and a Goode's cross kick saw both Lewsey and Murphy fumble, only for Varndell to help himself to an easy touch down.

With a couple of penalties from both sides it was practically all over when Harry Ellis got a consolation try when he broke from a uncontested scrum in the last 15.

As Dally said on his last game for Wasps, as too was it Dominic Waldcouck's and Fraser Waters', who between snapped 550 appearances, anyway, Dally said, : "You feel it is one of our greatest achievements. To come from 10^th in the table around Christmas was a great effort."

Some Shorts:

And I'm really fading fast here folks, so if I make it till the end please give me a clap...not the!

England beat the Barbarians 17-14 in a diabolical affair, where at times it got very niggley, so much so that Easter and Harrison were still at it in the tunnel after the game, but then that Harrison has always been a bit of an ape.

England go to New Zealand without Hipkiss, who fractured his cheekbone in that game, although Hodgson with 13 stitches under his eye will travel.

Other non-travellers are Sackey, Vickery Shaw and of course DC. But it would be good to see the young London Irish wing Topsy Ojo strut his magic and to see if Hartley 21, will not punch anyone.

Henry's gone for a lot youth and old heads. He likes league reverter, Brad Thorn 33, suggesting, "I think he's got all the bits and pieces required in the package and he also likes to scrum." - That's handy.

However, he leaves out Kieren Read because he played enough in the Super 14's and instead brings in Highlander flank Adam Thompson, who played in the Super 14's!

This weekend sees Ireland take on the the All Black's for the 21^st time. The closest they've ever come to a win was in '73 when it finished 10-10.

Loosey Alan Quinlan is confident though; "The mentality has certainly changed in Irish rugby. A few years ago we didn't believe we could win these games." - Rugby players are considered the most trustworthy sportsmen, racking in 34% of the Guinness survey, compare that to football who hit 24% - no surprise there really, bunch of Oscar bandits. But let's get back to Alan Quinlan and what he said, and seriously, what do you believe?

Wales take on the MB's in Bloemfontein, and Jake White is still putting his two bob's worth in; "It's going to be an uphill battle for Wales. Altitude is a massive factor. You can get a second wind in the second half but when the altitude hits you in the last twenty minutes it feels like you've been shot in the legs." - No, that really is the MB's shooting you in the legs!

Warren Gatland told De Villiers to stick it up his arse when De Villiers suggested that Wales would be kicking it by picking Stephen at fly, he said, "Statistics from the Six Nations show James kicked the ball more than Stephen." - Yeah, so shove it De Villiers.

The Tri Nations will keep the Super 14's ELV's with the added; no limit to the lineouts and allowing to collapse the maul, which of course was once considered dangerous, especially by teams who weren't any good at it.

Lote said this week that Robbie Deans didn't talk much in their first training session and that he only raised his eyebrows to Lote when passing. - You'll get over it sweetheart.

Waisale Serevi's nephew is in the Australian 'A' squad for the Specific Nations, at Loosehead, and he has the silliest name, Jerry Yanuyanutawa. I mean, what's wrong with Turinui or Tiqiri or something like that, or Ojo even!.

Dan Carter's struck a canny deal with the NZRFU; after the All Blacks British tour he'll stay with Toulon in France for six months on a £750k contract then head back to the long white cloud till after the 2011 World Cup, where he said, "My country remains my priority." - Yeah, we'll see.

Lastly, Matt Burke has retired from Newcastle Falcons and effectively all rugby. He scored 26 tries and 480 points in the 81 games he played there. He hasn't played since October, but he loves the joint; "Some of the memories that will live with me were the Heineken Cup win with Perpignan at home, beating Wasps at the death with a Dave Walder penalty and nearly getting hypothermia at the same time. All the supporters that turned out for the Paris game and listening to the South Stand chanting, 'Burkey is a Geordie.'" - I didn't know he was a Geordie, did you!

John Smit's; films where the villain is played by a Brit, XV - : This particular team will be finished sometime in 2008 - the fool promises!

Called the John Smit's XV, as he's the current World Cup winning captain, so we've got another three and a half bloody years of him yet!

• 15. Salom's Lot 14. Robin Hood 13. The Patriot 12. The Great Race 11. 10. Day of the Jackal 9. Silence of the Lambs 8. Braveheart 7. Lord Voldahart or as fool thinks it; Lord Vodaphone 6. Die Hard 5. Dracula (Any with CL) 4. Bramstokers Dracula 3. 2. Simpsons 1.

end rugby here!

Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:

Been a bit bust this week but I do know that England are planning on not stopping their short ball tactics any time soon.

McCullam retired from the crease with a whack on the forearm from Broad and Daniel Flynn had his teeth knocked out by Anderson in the last Test.

Coming into the third and final Test at Trent Bridge, Broad said, "There is no ploy to make the batsmen retire hurt. But the pitches so far have been perfect for bowling short." - Bodyline all over. Same tactics, different opposition.

Till next week...

Other sports:

Nada

And now let's hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

A tourist who stopped for a leak on a roadside near Cairns in Australia was bitten on the knob by a brown snake. Emergency workers wrapped the old chap in plastic to contain any venom. Although he complained of stomach pains and was vommitting, an ambulance man said, "It certainly had a swipe at him, but it didn't envenomate him, but as it came through it must have a bit of a shock." - It must have...what about the bloke! Envenomate...that's a good word eh!

Britain's worse bosses are called John or Anne according to youthinkyourbossisbad.co.uk Other names to hit the shit-fan in the 4000 strong survey were Steve, Paul, Alan (No one's called Alan anymore, at least not with one l), Catherine, Debbie and Linda. 51% of people leave their job because of their bosses behaviour - 10% are on the verge of quitting. What if you're your own boss!

There's a chip museum in Bruges, Belgium, which has studied the culinary delight and come up with the fact that Peruvians first cooked them in 1500BC - Apparently Elvis still works there.

Women, no, no, wives and girlfriends, are at it these days left right and centre and not with their spouses. Illicitencounters.com have found their hits to have trebled with as many as 200 of the brasens at it per day. A spokesman said, "New female members say their husbands early starts and late finishes, plus bad moods from business pressures, make them feel unappreciated." - You can get everything on the net these days, if you want to advertise here you could get more!

Zara Phillips 27 beat her cousin Princess Beatrice 19 as the noted female celebrity hat wearer of the year. Brad Pitt won the males.- Wanna get ahead, wear a hat.

Crazy Rock n roll capes part XXXII:  "We're more popular than Jesus now, I don't know which will go first, rock n roll or Christianity." Well, you did John!

The spot where Lord Nelson died on HMS Victory is the wrong spot! It should be 25ft to the right. The curator of the ship Peter Goodwin 57 studied a painting, which was painted soon after his death (Nelson's!) and said words to the effect of, ''ere that's the wrong spot.' 400,000 people a year visit the wrong spot and have done since 1900. They will mark the new spot on 21^st June. Nelson popped his clogs in the Battle of Trafalgar (good musical that) in 1805, which is off the coast of Belgium isn't it? Do you want chips with that!

Yves Saint Laurent died this week aged 71. He was considered the last of a generation. Yves was the first to deck women out in elegant trouser suites and along with Christian Dior and Coco Chanel made Paris the fashion capital of the world. Born in Algeria he moved to Paris in '53 when he was 17 and worked for Dior - I'm not going anywhere with this except I didn't realise Dior was around that long ago. Oh, and Yves also liked drugs, lots of them and brought scandal to world with his Opium perfume launch in 1974.

Fred J Bair also died this week and he invented the tube for Pringles. He was so proud of it, he was buried in one. Guess what year Pringles came out...1966...yeah, I know...wow. They're the best thing since sliced ham in Vietnam let me tell you. Just did, and it's bread...who you talking to! Get off my page yer eejut.

Last death for this week; and in at No.3... Bo Diddley 79; considered the father of rock n roll. He was first made famous for his homemade square guitar, which is just ridiculous, and had his first hit back in '55 simply called Bo. His real name was Ellas McDaniel, which makes him a black Jock, and he always charged a flat fee, to which he felt he never earned his potential, which wasn't very Jock of him at all. Mick Jagger said, "He was a wonderful, original musician, an enormous force in music." But then Mick's a tart.

Peter Kay corner - very Cooper-esque; His questions: "If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way to the core of the earth?"

Steve Wilkinson 56 did a 24hr pub quiz, for charity mate, and got 3,551 of 4,436 right in Pakenham Suffolk, which is south of Norfolk, which are both in East Anglia, which is Britain, England, The British Isles, United Kingdom.

Smarties are 70 years old this year. They used to be called chocolate beans when Joseph Rowntree first invented them in 1937 then a year later renamed them. They also used to be made in York until a year ago then all production moved to Germany, along with the Mini Cooper! But no fear, the Yanks will steal as much thunder as they can with their M&M's and an absurd abortion of the remake of The Italian Job - arses.

And talking of arses; two students in their 20's got it on on a rooftop in Glasgow's West End this week. Neighbours and dog walkers in a nearby park were treated to a 30minute sex romp, they even got the thumbs up from the bloke...and no doubt so did she. One onlooker said, "I couldn't believe my eyes when I looked up from the street and saw them at it. The woman was naked from the waist up, as was the man, and she was performing a sex act on him,. Then they stripped off totally and had had full sex there, right in front of dozens of people." - Strathclyde police said they have received no complaints. - Andy Warhol said it didn't he...!

Arse!

just cf it

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