30th dec - 5th jan 2011-12 volume 465
January, 05th 2012 12:17 PM

“Call me”

(Blondie)

You’re reading crazy fool’s newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

trivial-o-matic nonsense draped in world news and sport – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – that has lots, lots more!

That Was the Week… What a Week! - Saturday’s 1p.m. 92.75fm and around the globe on www.radioindochine.com

Also podcasted later on fool’s very own radio: http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php

Reporter: crazy fool

Published 29.12.11

For elements of 5001 Squadron, Royal Air Force – tally ho

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

www.saigonsoundsystem.com

Life-size replica of E.T. washes up

A stolen life-size replica of E.T. has come home - after a coastguard search for a 'body' washed up with the tide turned out to be the model alien.

Pensioner Margaret Wells, 76, is delighted to have been reunited with her beloved E.T. which was handcrafted by her daughter nine years ago while she was doing a stage make-up course.

It was stolen - along with a haul of jewellery and an iron from Mrs Wells' home in Cosham, Hants, in September.

Police have now ensured the extra-terrestrial came home after it was spotted in the sea five miles away off Old Portsmouth, Hants.

A walker dialled 999 after spotting it floating near the shore last Thursday.

Police and coastguard attended the scene and quickly realised it was not a human, but the alien model.

Mrs Wells said: 'There's only one in the whole of England and that is mine. "The police rang and said somebody has found a body in the Solent and it belongs to you - it's E.T.'

"I always knew E.T. would come home.

"He has lost a finger and looks a bit roughed up. But he has a smile on his face." Which might explain where the finger is

One carrot gold

A Swedish woman who lost her wedding ring 16 years ago was flabbergasted when she found it again, around a carrot growing in her garden.

Lena Paahlsson had taken off the white gold ring before a Christmas baking session with her daughters in 1995, but it had disappeared from the kitchen counter where she placed it.

After looking everywhere, and even pulling up floorboards in the search, Paahlsson and her family, who live on a farm in northern, Sweden had given up on seeing the ring again, she told the Dagens Nyheter daily.

That was until October this year, when she was picking the last carrots in her garden and suddenly found one with her ring glimmering around it.

The family thinks the ring must have fallen into the sink back in 1995 and been mixed with potato peels that were composted or fed to the sheep, since all the soil in the garden comes from composted vegetables and sheep dung.

Although an ill-fit now Mrs Paahlsson, plans to have her ring enlarged.

shy carrot

Robbing’s good!

Jasmin Rivera attempted to rob a local branch of the Citizens Bank in Boston, telling cashiers she had a gun.

Police reports state that Ms Rivera handed over a note saying, 'please put the money in the bag, I have a gun, do not yell'.

The homeless 30-year-old was given $652, then proceeded to jump into a taxi, bribing driver Gary Levin with some of the money so he could take her to additional banks around the Roxbury neighbourhood.

'You don’t realise what I just did. I just robbed a bank!’ she said, then told him of her plans to, 'hit another one'.

Noticing she was slightly twitchy Mr Levin started to freak out thinking she might be crazy and dropped her off at a local park, calling the police soon after.

When the officers arrived, they found the woman giving children $1 notes in the park's playground.

Dubbed by press as the 'female Robin Hood', Jasmin will be undergoing psychiatric treatment, and will be scheduled for a second court appearance on January 17 where she is expected to plea incompetence.

(sponsors ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)

49 Mac Thi Buoi Street District 1, Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – probably the best eggs in a clay pot you’ll ever taste

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘Desperatingly close to one’s end tether may well be the most dumbfounded opening line to a meaningless rock n roll rant since David St Hubbins from Spinal Tap defined the theory of there being such a fine line between stupid and clever, that it has probably brushed over many a lofty perception to note the deliberate made up word of desperatingly instead of the more pragmatic and dare I say grammatically correct word usage of despairing, for desperatingly means nothing, if it it isn’t accompanied by thribble, marmalade-dropper and snaffle, which are all made up words nevertheless, in their own rights meaningful to their inventor, although if I think really hard, apart from getting a jittery left leg I can only recall thribble being a fool word and has something to do with a little larger than a small amount, whereas snaffle is Big Dan’s legacy to food and a marmalade dropper is something you’re reading that is so riveting that before you know it, you’ve got marmalade down your front at the breakfast table, but what has this got to do with the lengths people or aliens will do to get where ever they’re going, well, it’s the desperation of it all – the Jimi in his cross town traffic trying to get through to his women who has quite clearly gone over the edge to a state of racing confusion that has spiralled out of control leaving a jellified mess of brain matter and nerves in the throes of uncalculated directions to go in just like ET and Jasmin and dare I say Jimmy from Quadrophenia when he tried to drown himself in wallow of determined uncertainty, as was the notion he shared with me down at Juice the other day over a bowl of their finest eggs in a claypot which he said reminded him of that sullen morning under the cool waters off Brighton beach and where he would be if it hadn’t of been for the eggs in a clay pot that pulled him out, not physically of course but was his saving grace and hope for the future, knowing that he had more life to record, and felt there was no other place than Legend Recording Studio in Phuket to do it thus came forth his Get It Off Your Chest Request for this weekd, which is Drowned by The Who – Jimmy, this is for you…

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website and radio!)

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.'.'’

And now folks…

crazy fool’s

Kitchen

Presents: crazy fool’s Cottage Pies – 150THB a slab

Fresh or frozen they’ll make you fart

Don’t forget t-shirts for sale – as always, $1.00 in every shirt goes to charity

crazy fool’s Kitchen; the home of cold banter, cracking beer and Grrreat live music…

Next event to be posted ASAP…

www.highstylecondominium.com

fool’s gold; now available on his radio show - http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php and 92.75fm - www.radioindochine.com

Animal news

*A shark was left beached after trying to escape an attack from a Killer Whale at Tuatapere's Blue Cliffs beach in Southland, New Zealand, where eyewitness and local farmer David Evans caught the whole thing on camera, 'We were just sort of sitting down to have breakfast. It would appear the whales were fighting the sharks. The sharks were coming ashore because they didn't want to be in the water,' - which by all accounts is quite common, but I didn’t have another story at this stage.

*To find out more of fool’s animal news, catch his radio show this Saturday 1p.m. on 92.75fm (Phuket) and around the world on www.radioindochine.com – podcasted later on fool’s very own radio page on www.cfnr.co.uk (http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php)

Number crunching

* Italian man to divorce wife of 77 years over 1940s affair

A 99-year-old Italian man and his wife of 77 years are to become the world's oldest couple to divorce after his 96-year-old wife had an affair 70 years ago.

The husband, identified by lawyers in the case as Antonio C, found out about the adultery when he was looking through an old chest of just before Christmas.

The couple are expected to divorce after the betrayal

He immediately asked his wife, who is identified as Rosa C, for a divorce as he was so upset over the betrayal.

Court papers released in Rome this week revealed that she sent letters to her lover during a secret affair in the 1940s.

The couple have five children, a dozen grandchildren and one great-grand child, but the discovery proved to be the last straw for the marriage, which reportedly ran into trouble ten years ago.

Lawyer Anna Orecchioni said: 'The husband decided to file for divorce after finding the love letters. He felt betrayed and unable to carry on with the marriage which has lasted 77 years.'

The pair met in the 1930s when Antonio was posted in Naples as a Carabinieri officer.

In Britain the oldest couple to file for divorce was Bertie and Jessie Wood, who ended their 36-year marriage in 2009 when they were both two years away from becoming centenarians.

* Man lives with bullet lodged in head for 82 years, has no ill effects

A man who was accidentally shot in the head 82 years ago has gone through life without suffering any ill effects, despite the bullet being lodged deep in his head.

The bullet was spotted in the 85-year-old's head when he went for a cat scan recently

The Russian was shot by his brother when he was three, the bullet coming to rest in an opening at the base of the skull where the spinal cord passes.

Doctors opted against operating at the time because they believed the risk of severe nerve damage was too high and, against the odds, he made a full recovery, according to a report published in the New England Journal of Medicine.

When the 85-year-old, who went on to become an award-winning engineer, recently went for a cat scan following a heart problem doctors noticed the bullet but, to their astonishment, they could not find any evidence of neural damage.

Dr. David Ross, an emergency physician at Penrose Hospital in Colorado Springs, Colorado told the New England Journal of Medicine: 'High-speed missiles, like a bullet, can cause great damage and usually do.

'However, because they are high-speed, they generate a lot of heat. That heat usually means the missile is sterile - meaning it is unlikely to serve as a basis for infection if it stays in one place for many years.

'So if it did not cause much damage, which it apparently didn't, it was unlikely to cause him ongoing troubles.'

*Mystery man gives away £50 notes at Tesco in Devon's Sampford Peverell

Shoppers at a Tesco store in Devon got an unexpected treat on Christmas Eve when a mystery man began handing out £50 notes to strangers.

The grey-haired benefactor walked through the Sampford Peverell Tesco slipping envelopes into trolleys and baskets, wishing customers a merry Christmas, it was reported.

Each envelope contained a £50 note and a letter from the man explaining his act of generosity.

The letter read: 'Happy Christmas. I have recently been fortunate enough to have come into quite a lot of money – more than I need for myself and my family. So I thought that I would share some of it with other people – the £50 enclosed is for you.

'I hope this enables you to have a little extra cheer this Christmas. You do not have to do anything other than spend the money – and it is real, there is no trick, no hidden cameras or catch. Just have a happy Christmas.'

One recipient took the money to the bank, where staff confirmed the note was genuine.

Another recipient said they almost threw the envelope away without opening it, believing it to contain a spam letter.

The supermarket's manager confirmed 'several' customers had mentioned the act of kindness of the mystery man.

More numbers to crunch, cheese to discuss and fool’s gold, tales from the dark side and lots, lots more on; fool’s radio show – That Was the Week… What a Week - Saturday 1p.m. on 92.75fm in Phuket and worldwide on www.radioindochine.com - Saturday’s 1p.m. straight after Big Dan’s Sports Centre show. (Podcasted later on fool’s very own radio page on www.cfnr.co.uk - http://www.cfnr.co.uk/music.php) – download it as an MP3 and climb up on the roof to get away from it all.

I’m off – come on Brutus

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

Just cf it