Crazy Fool's Newsround - 2nd - 8th April 10 volume 374

2nd - 8th April 10 volume 374
April, 07th 2010 15:58 PM

“Back in black

I hit the sack

I’ve been too long I’m glad to be back”
(AC/DC)

You’re reading crazy fool’s newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – not necessarily in that order – although sport should always come first

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus the radio show – with a new look!

Reporter: crazy fool

Published 8.4.10

For the 4^th Battalion Duke of Lancaster’s Regiment

The rugby bit:

Force = Results

Published 8.4.10

Heineken Cup: Nup

Guinness Premiership:

Sale hauled themselves from the doldrums with a 17-3 over Worcester. Charlie Hodgson had them up by the boot at the break 9-0 and Cueto’s 67^th minute try sealed it/ Gloucester won a close battle against Saracens 29-28. Freddie Burns scored his age in points for the Cherrie and Whites at 19. Brad Barrett finished a flurry of hands to score the best try, although Gloucester’s Charlie Sharples helped himself to two/ Quins beat Newcastle 23-14 with Nick Evans collecting all the Londoners points, including two tries. The best came from quick Care ball, Evans then spun, side-stepped and sprinted under the posts. Jim Staples nor Frankie Croxford played/ Northampton beat Leeds 14-7 with the only try going to Ben Foden. All the talk in the media is that Leeds will probably survive relegation as they continue to languish round the bum…I’m sorry, I’ll squeeze that again; bottom/ Leicester stopped the pre match talk and did the walk over Bath 43-20. Five tries saw them home, Alessani Tuilagi’s coming after only 26 seconds/ Wasps moved up to fourth on the table thanks to a 33-22 win over L. Irish, much to a hotly disputed penalty try by the Irish, though not surprisingly disputed by Wasps - something to do with Armitage (S) tackling someone over the line whilst he was trying to score – who cares when Dave Walder scored a cracker after The Cip made the sizzling break to put him through. One; England will pick The Cip for the World Cup and two; fool’s consistency runs unabated, so here’s to anyone called Dave in sport.

Top 14:

Clermont lost away to Stade Francais 19-10, with all the first half points coming from the boot. The second half saw Domingo bundle over for Clermont but the best came from Gasnier to seal a Parisian win/ Biarritz annihilated Montauban 42-13. It was 35-3 in the sheds. Four tries in 15 minutes did the trick. Plus M’s prop Benjamin Sei red carded plus yellow for both hookers. Taku Ngwenya got two, Traille, Karmichael Hunt and Florian Fouire helped themselves to the others. That was Karmichael Hunt/ If Montauban were annihilated then Montpellier obliterated Albi 62-17. Benjamin Thierry slunk off a blindside ruck in the first couple of minutes for a try then one was scored every five minutes. Let’s not waste our time on names here but suffice to say the young Vietnamese lad Trinh Duc got one/ Toulouse took Bayonne 31-13. Gabriel Lovobalovu is probably the best name to score this season in France, although his fellow scorers Seb Bruno x2, Durge Hoore, Davit Kubriochilli, Tana Umaga and Fabian Cibray aren’t far being. But the fool is obviously in a mix up because Tana plays for Toulon! / Brive beat Bourgoin by three tries to zip. Vosloo, Ronnie Cooke and a penalty try, to everyone/ Castres were pipped by Perps 11-17. A hot potato flew between many a hand before Farid Sid touched it down and it would be interesting to know who he played for because I’ve had a brain snap – back after this cigarette – Perpignan. Farid plays for Perpignan.

Magners League:

Cardiff Blues completed the double over Ulster knocking them 33-24. A Casey Lualala 60m dash plus Xavier Rush and Dafydd Hewitt tries helped. Ferris and Hey scored for the Irish/ O’Gara got all Munster’s points but was pipped by rival Jonny Sexton’s late penalty to win for Leinster 16-15. Kearney got the only try/ Bowe got two tries to help Ospreys beat Scarlets 27-19. His first a 70m haul in the second minute/ Connaught held Edinburgh 22-21 despite going down three tries to two. Jim Staples did not play/ Glasgow beat the Dragons 27-19 with tries from staunch Scottish nationalists such as Bernado Stortoni and DTH van der Merwe and Colin Shaw. Will Harries score for Dragons.

Super14’s

In a cracking game the Sharks had to comeback to beat Reds 30-28. This game bubbled victory ether on both sides, as guns were well and truly a-blazing. If both level on pace the Sharks probably had a bit more biff about them. Quade Cooper’s quick steps took him under the posts for the first try, with Will Chamber scoring either side of the break; his first slipped through two tacklers and the second came from a delightful pop by Cooper. Ndwengne was on the end of numbers for the Sharks’ first try, with Botes powering over on the hour for the second and JP Pieterson finally getting over under the posts after plenty of trying Greg Holmes made a finish of it with ten minutes to play but the Sharks held out/ Tah’s took to the top of the table with a 40-17 win over Cheetahs. Their five tries let them share 28 points with the Bulls. Cheetahs boss Naka Drotske believes they can go all the way, “They can definitely win this competition, there is no doubt about that.” – There you go, that was him saying so/ Chiefs came back from 15-10 at half time to see off the Highlanders 27-21. Mike Delaney played a top game at pivot for the Chiefs with tries by Donald, Lauaki, Tuamololo, which sounds a bit like Primarolo but different and Triggs and Vainikolo, which isn’t anything like Primarolo. Donald played full back if you were wondering/ Force, the mighty Force, the wondrous Force followed fool’s advice and won. They beat the Stormers 16-15 in a game they fought for all the way. They clocked most of the possession and the return of Pocock and Brown made a heady difference. Pocock got the only try – go the Force/ Blues rampaged over the Bulls 32-17. With 69% of possession and Rene Ranger continuing his bollocking form made an uncharacteristic spill, which was scooped up by Spies who turned and ran back 70 metres, it went through a few palms before landing back in the big No.8’s and he went over for a fantastic try. That wasn’t the best though, that honour fell to Joe I should –Cocko who had to wait for it to zip back and forth across the paddock four times before he got his hands on it to score/ Crusaders and ‘Canes knocked up 26 a-piece where a dubious try by Ti’i Paulo in the corner couldn’t be converted by Carter to take the win.

fool says:

Still reeling for the big fish he snagged last week, fool is on a roll and will plumb for the same colour on the big wheel – Highlanders are going down at home to Force by 4! – Not even Israel can save them

Some shorts:

The saga between Soane Tongi’uhia, currently at Northampton, and Sarries continues with Saracens boss reasoning the Saints outfit to be a bunch of April Fool’s if they think Soane isn’t on board the Fez ship for a £1m 5year deal come next season.

Sarries boss Edward Bigwig said, “We must now decide whether we want a league where signed agreements mean something and are respected for whatever reason they have been chosen.” – This coming after deals were signed on 1^st April. He’s got a point. However, Soane has pulled the plug at the last minute for personal reasons. Wow, now I’m really on the edge of my seat.

But that hasn’t stopped the meddlers in ‘Is-it-land’ for messing with a tried and tested formula. The think tank that came up with the ludicrous ELV’s have now thunked up a twist in the game where forward passes are the go. It’s on trial in Stellenbosch – where lots of wine comes from…. ‘I know, hiccup, wha’ about if they shove the ball up their arse and carry an ostrich egg…hiccup…’

Injury news is that Ryan Kankowski is out for the rest of the Super 14’s with a broken thumb. Japanese legend Yaunori Watanabe died falling in front of a train and will also be unavailable till further notice. Stephen Ferris hasn’t got a broken jaw. Mils Muliaina is also out for the rest of the season with a broken thumb and… fell under a train…what?

England’s pay dispute continues, as they edge towards their two Test tour to Australia. Mid week players will get a flat rate of £7,100 for their three games. Plus there’s a £5k Test appearance for the 22 and a £1.5k win bonus. That means the 44 man squad can expect discrepancies of up to 13k a man. That’s professionalism for you.

Some competitions now: If you’d like to take part in fool’s rugby comps check out the comps & results page – and win a prize.

Send your team(s) to cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

Also - See THE NEW extra RUGBY BIT’s new column: ‘Gezza Strip’

end rugby here!

Pacharan Tapas & Bodega: bodega, oh baby when you dance like that… Sangria, mojito’s, plenty, plenty, plenty of wine and beer; Plus, The best Spanish cuisine in Saigon this side of Spain - Which is just to the right of Vietnam, and perhaps a little off centre of Phuket. Cracking live music too.

www.9dragons.asia

Have you had yours today?

A willow the wisp of cricket now:

A thribble

on the telephonic

light fantastic

Besides the IPL, which as you know will not be reported till we get to the crunch… nevertheless the, die-hards persist, so here’s an update as per Wednesday 7^th April 08.37 hrs (somewhere in Asia):

After nine games Mumbai Indians are flying high top of the table reeking of 14 points and biting the dust at rock bum are the King XI Punjabs on 4 points. Somewhere in between are all the rest. Back to you in the studio fool.

Thanks fool; let’s skip the diet fandabby-dousi and shunt off to Ireland’s warm up prior to the World Twenty/20 in Jamaica. They will share a three day match with Canada plus two ODI’s and half a dozen 20/20’s, which on Mr. Kipling’s watch is six and half.

Ireland have fond memories of Jamaica ginger cake, but it was mostly the McVities brand that prevailed in their camp, so tactics are all too paramount.

It was in Jamaica that Ireland beat Pakistan to reach the Super 8’s in the 2007 World Cup.

Those were the days when much confusion reigned regards adapting to the plug sockets, as the standard Irish plug is a 230v, 50hz, 3 square pinned plug, world standard type ‘G’, where in Jamaica’s it is a 110v, 50hz, type ‘A’ + ‘B’.

Fortunately for this, any traveller’s dilemma has been resolved by Boots swift response to stock worldwide adaptors at Dublin’s airport.

In reflection on being out of touch with such advice from his local call centre Pakistan’s own Shoaib Malik is seeking a divorce from Ayesha Siddique whom he married by telephone, because you can.

When he finally met her, he was reported to not be at happy by her size and insisted she had put on weight since the photos.

Ayesha refuted such slander, which has since reached the press and said Shoaib didn’t meet her but it was in fact her sister. She’s filing for a formal divorce, citing, “He dumped me because his team mates said I was fat.”

Shoaib’s now plans to marry Indian tennis star Sani Marzi who has caused her own steam amongst India’s protocols by competing in short skirts, She told CNN-IBN that she would retire from tennis as soon as she was married.

Shoaib and Sani are now off to Dubai to get married and Sani will continue to play tennis

Sir Alec Bedser would turn in his grave, but let’s let him get settled in first, as he’s only just made his bed. He died this week aged 91 and is the world’s, sorry, was the oldest Test cricketer at 91.

As an accurate fast medium bowler he snagged 236 wickets in 51 Tests and the Don said he was the best he ever faced. His figures tell the truth as he got The Don out the most with six snares.

In brief:

As the season gets under way in England, Harmy says he’s up for it if they are. Hoggard is excited about captaining Leicestershire and still slightly embittered as to why hasn’t been told why he was dropped by both England and Yorkshire. Surrey have signed Andrew Symonds for a second year and are keeping their fingers crossed. And Simon Jones is back; he’s plying the leather at Hampshire and never writes-off a recall to the England team, “Why not?” He said, “I’m 31, but I’ve had a lot of time off through injury, so I’m a fresh 31.”

Are you a write-off laddie?

Till next week…

In the meantime catch this if you’re there.

GTM: Probably the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details.

Other Sports:

In boxing:

David Haye floored John Ruiz four times to retain the WBA Heavyweight title. The Ruiz corner finally threw in the towel after 2m 1sec of the ninth round after the veteran went down twice in round one and once in rounds five and six.

The ‘Hayemaker’ may come across a tad bolshy and perhaps old John wasn’t as quick as he used to be, but he was still remarkably durable. However, David knew he had the measure of him, saying, “I knew it was going to be tough, but I knew when I landed my bombs I was going to hurt him.”

Now the scene gets interesting as David wants to unify the belts and for that to happen he needs to deck the Klitcsko brothers, preferably separately - To do that he’ll have to bung Wladimir’s next opponent £600k to keep him from his scheduled fight and save the big gun for himself next October or November.

He said, “I’ll take on either Vitali or Wladimir Klitschko. They both have other bouts between them but they are not in my league. I believe I’m the best. Anyone who disagrees with me, get in the ring and prove it.”

Those queuing up are Alexander Povethin who’s due to fight the Wlad. Albert Sosowski’s up against Vitali and Audley Harrison is also in line to fight Wladimir straight after he deals with Michael Sprott this Friday for the vacant European title.

Anyone else want a fight?

In F1:

The Ham screamed from 20^th to finish 6^th in Malaysia and declared, “That was not bad was it, I can’t complain. I think the last two races I have pulled out something good.”

Button and the Ferrari’s also had a cracking ding-dong as both Alonso and Massa hunted him for 20 laps. Button loved it, “They were pretty much the toughest 20 laps for me, having those guys stuck up my arse. I couldn’t hold up Felippe at the end (4 laps to go) and then I had Fernando coming up behind me.” Oh those Ferrari’s push all the right buttons for Jensen.

Meanwhile Vettel took first place and immediately got drunk on the champagne. Webber and Nico Rosberg followed him.

World Cup news:

After white supremist leader Eugene Terreblance was hacked to death by his gardeners over a £50 pay dispute the secretary of the party Andre Visagie warned of trouble a-brewing, “You are sending teams to a land of murder.” – I wouldn’t go that far, I think its only one every 25 seconds.

Meanwhile Police in England have advised pubs not to let anyone in wearing football shirts during the world cup in case people think they are football supporters.

Lastly Cambridge won the 156^th boat race against Oxford – that’s a pint every bridge.

Lastly, lastly I’d just like to clear up the matter of the thousands of inquiries fool’s had regards to the Phuket tip to tip run – no, it wasn’t fool, and to clear up any false bravado, if that’s the right choice of bragging, he would like to point out the previous week’s mail mentioned a fellow West Ham fan was doing the run, not in fact himself

However, if you still feel the urge to donate to such a worthy cause, here’s that site again: www.footballclubcanacona.com

Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras, Sierra Nevada, Spain. www.bootlace.com
Not just a walk in the park

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Je suis un bollixed

In France, the Termite Gang have struck again, this time targeting the BNP Paribas branch in gay Paris. Unfortunately they couldn’t get into the safety deposit boxes after tunnelling up through their usual route of the sewer and had to set fire to any left over evidence in order to cover their steps, this included a pneumatic drill

Previous heists, using the same method netted them £22m from Credit Lyonnais and an undisclosed sum from Caisne de d’Epergne in the New Year.

Police say they are baffled.

Unidentified French Oral

UFO’s have been dissecting sheep right in front of the shepherd’s eyes. Through meticulous laser operations under vivid light shows described as ‘out of this world’, various sightings have been reported brains and eyes removed using what has been labelled as ‘precision key hole surgery’.

Phil Hayes 53 from Shropshire has been studying these procedures for nine years in Shrewsbury and Powys and described how whole carcasses have been de-fleeced of their internal organs, usually on their left side.

From his Land Rover parked outside the vet’s window Phil detailed these bizarre events, “Fantastic lights of orange and purple filled the sky and for a short while it looked like a Star Wars battle. Je Suis un bollixed as to how this eeese ‘appening.”

Nowhere Man

Two Scousers are helping police with their enquiries as to why they were trying to check in a dead man at Liverpool’s John Lennon Airport.

After making it to the airport by taxi the 91 year old man was propped up in a wheelchair with sunglasses on when the check staff smelt something iffy.

The Police ‘clients’ aged 41 and 66 were believed to be trying to avoid repatriation fees, which could cost up to £3000, said, “This has nothing to do with us, we were nowhere man, we weren’t even there. We are ‘ow you say, bollixed.”

Fur and loathing in China

In woods of the Chinese province of Sichuan hunters believe they have found a legend – a bear that used to be a man.

Hunter Lu Chin caged the hairless live animal and said, “It looks a bit like a bear but it doesn’t have any fur and it has a tale like a Kangaroo.”

Scientists are constructing DNA from Hunter S. Thompson’s cigarette holder.

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘AC/Dc’s Back in Black is often confused with Amy Winehouse’s Back to Black, who of course is not from Yorkshire but born in Southgate London and daughter of a Russian Jewish taxi driver. Incidentally she was in fool’s death pool but sadly lost out to Michael Jackson’

The world’s biggest rabbit is called Darious. He’s 4ft 3in and at 13 months is still growing. If you would like your rabbit to grow this big you must feed it 12 carrots, two bowls of rabbit mix, three apples and a cabbage every day.

Most famous people from Birmingham list: I’ll kick us off: Jaspar Carrot, Ozzy Ozbourne, Neville Chamberlin

Kim Hai Trading Co., LTD: for the best meat available in Vietnam email: info.kimhai@media.net.vn for a full listing

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary: PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE; The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electrical device to get it to work again.

Art or life?

Talking of Amy Winehouse; art student Justin Ramsden has built a life size bust of her out of 3000 Lego pieces.

The student who wants to be a designer for Lego said, “It’s a different medium to express my art. I like the fact that although it’s all bricks and angular you can still create curves and artistic designs.”

Which is just crap art talk really, as Stan Munro 31 built a toothpick sculpture of the world, which includes a Thai temple, Tower Bridge and the Vatican. Stan used 3.5m toothpicks and said, “I’ve got the best job in the world.” - From his cosy 6ft by 6ft room that over looks the exercise yard.

Percentages

British boob jobs have risen 52% in the past five years to 2,055 – fact

Dr. Constance from Montclair State University has gauged that clean couple have more sex. From 6,877 married couples of no fixed age or length of marriage the Doc found more housework done equalled more sausage hidings.

The household chores include cleaning, shopping, paying the bills, cooking and cleaning the gold fish. Dr. Attit Constance concluded, “The surprise find was for both husband and wives, more time on housework linked to more frequent sex.” – There’s more than one way to clean a fish!

Having said that, a quarter of mums cheat on their husbands in the UK. Netmums survey of 4000 revealed a third will gun for a one night stand. Two fifths go for a serious fling, whilst one fifth will fall in love.

37% will opt for an ex-partner, 31% a stranger, 12% a childhood sweetheart, 5% their partners pal and 2.5% their friend’s bloke. For dad’s, you double it.

Flash your bits

Market traders in Iran are upsetting the tree huggers by dying embryonic chicks with a non-toxic chemical to they hatch in a array of bright colours such as neon pink, yellow, orange, bright green, blue, purple and red.

Prostitute road signs in Treviso Italy are causing a stir as drivers have to slow down to double check them. The red triangle sign shows a busty lady in a mini skirt carrying a handbag with ‘Attenzione prostitute’ written underneath.

Which is more than helpful, when you consider it’s taken at least 7 months for police to arrest the prostitutes who unintentionally killed the two Mexican midget wrestlers by slipping adult size eye drops in their drinks as they fleeced them.

And sadly the photographer who took the snap of the tennis girls scratching her bum has died. Martin Elliott 63 took the snap of his then girlfriend in Edgbaston in 1976 and went on to sell 2 million copies.

Keith Richards 66 is a keen librarian and fills his houses in the UK and America with tonnes of books. Growing up around the corner from fool in London in the 50’s Keith found religion and books and said, “When you are growing up there are two institutional places that affect you most powerfully: the church which belongs to God and the public library which belongs to you.” “The public library is a great equaliser.” – As too is mud or is that the leveller?

Dissecting sheep

John McAllister 41 is the new world champ on the Asteroids machine with a 41,338,740 points total. It took him 58 straight hours where toilet breaks were sourced from amassing extra lives.

John smashed the record which has stood since 1982 by 15 year-old Scott Safron on 41,330,440 and said, “The Asteroid high score record is considered the holy grail. It is a title that a lot of people would want and I wanted it.” – Right on brother.

Who’s will?

Boffs on a jaunt in the Philippines have found a new species of lizard. It comes at 6ft 6in and has two penises.

The cousin of the komodo dwells in the forested, Mountainous Sierra Madre range of Luzon Island. Its double knob syndrome is not uncommon in the reptile world, nor Paris Hilton’s and is known as hemipenes and it will alternate his choice at will. Presumably it is a gay lizard then.

Quick, hide the table cloth

Hitler’s cousin doesn’t like to talk about it and neither does Rod Stewart.

Gerhard Koppenstainer on the other hand lives on a cattle farm in Northern Austria and is the only known survivor of Hitler’s brew.

His Gran was Hitler’s first cousin and the 45 year old who looks remarkably like Ranulph Fiennes describes the ordeal as, ‘a terrible burden.’

Just going back to last week’s news where we discovered that lurking under the Turin Shroud was in fact Charlton Heston, this week we discover that Hitler was in fact infatuated with the Shroud and whenever he popped along to the Vatican the monks had to hide it away in the Benedict Abbey telling him it was safe in there from the bombing. – ‘Yikes n cripes, it’s never here when I want it. I hope you’re not pulling the bollixens over me!’

My lovely

Ok, let’s finish with a victory for the Wurzels who’ve got back their cider. During last month’s budget the UK prime minister hiked 10% tax on the apple scrumpy much to the whole of the West Country’s dismay.

In wake of a threatened blood thirsty revolt the government had to back down and free up the tax. Tommy Bower from the Wurzels said, “Its brilliant news. Me and the band will definitely be celebrating with a few pints of cider.”

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz

And now this:

Play of the Day by Jimmy Hill

It was Him

The scene: fool and Jimi are in the supermarket buying a fake nose and glasses for Jimi, as fool is paranoid everyone will recognise him and fool wants him only in his garden. Jimi dons a pair of children’s sunglasses and arm-bands.

Jimi: Shouldn’t we be in the joke shop?

fool: Who are you and what have you done with Jimi? Are you one of those who feel that life is but a joke, come on, you and I, we’ve been through that, and this is not our fate, so let’s stop talking falsely now, the hour’s getting late.

Jimi: Ok

Narrator: Whilst I try and find a page closer to the exit, Here’s the quiz:

1. Who wrote All Along The Watchtower?

2. Which is the only symbol in the Chinese calendar without legs?

3. What colour is the rind on Edam cheese?

4. Who wears a chasuble?

5. Where was the first Test played in the 2006-7 Ashes?

6. Why does a glow worm glow?

7. Tokai wine comes from which country?

8. What London pub is mentioned in Pop Goes The Weasel? A) The Monkey B) The Eagle C) The Rose and Crown

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him, manually, on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

cf’s Quiz Night at… in 2010!

WHO AM I? – 2010 – Rod Stewart – NO. Bram Stoker – NO. Paul Simon – NO. Dame Ednar – NO. Recap - YES, “I sang a song about that mariner looking for water.” – and we all know I completely forgot who ‘I’ was meant to be there, so let’s start a new one eh! “I was the best Dracula’s keeper.” And No.2, “I didn’t have to roll up my trouser leg to get the part.”

Is it me?

Send in answers to: cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

Welcome to the 2010 scoreboard; week 15 bonus points tally in brackets for the first answer in. (For all previous answers to the main quiz see: *comps and results page in the categories.)

With all the ones and the brackets:

The Slackers, pardon I, The Regulars

Dracule:

Legal Eagle: 1, 1, 1 (1, 1)

Hannibal Lecherure:

Silent Third Party, formerly known as Quizmaster: 1, 1, 1, 1, (1, 1, 1, 1)

Casualty:

Aye:

Others: flip-all

Let’s move on shall we:

Quote(s) for the week:

For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand; then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.

The Goon Show

*Non-descript trivia moment*

FIREWORK CATEGORIES

Category 1 Indoor fireworks. Small fireworks for use in restricted areas.

fool’s Gold

Sheryl Crow’s two front teeth are fake. She knocked them out when she tripped on stage earlier in her career

There are 62,000 miles (99,777km) of arteries, veins and blood capillaries in the human body

‘The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.’ Oscar Wilde

Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one

every Tuesday at Al’s – make it a date. Check the *classifieds for their restaurants in Saigon, Vietnam

www.alfrescosgroup.com

Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:

“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”

The word is we have no word, but we do have this from the Doc…

By the middle of the 19th century people in the port city of Hamburg, Germany enjoyed a form of pounded beef called Hamburg steak. The large numbers of Germans who migrated to North America during this time probably brought the dish and its name along with them. The entrée may have appeared on an American menu as early as 1836, although the first recorded use of Hamburg steak is not found until 1884. The variant form hamburger steak, using the German adjective Hamburger meaning "from Hamburg," first appears in a Walla Walla, Washington, newspaper in 1889. By 1902 we find the first description of a Hamburg steak close to our conception of the hamburger, namely a recipe calling for ground beef mixed with onion and pepper. By then the hamburger was on its way, to be followed-much later-by the shortened form burger, used in forming cheeseburger and the names of other variations on the basic burger, as well as on its own

Letters:

The buzzword in the 80’s was buzzword.

Tad

Ed: Thank you tad

Dear fool

I’ve been making pickled eggs.

Mr. Troi Oi

Ed: Thank you Mr. Troi Oi

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

Sweaty pants – the sort that stays damp throughout the day no matter how much you air them. I’ve just stood in front of the fan for ten minutes and their still muggy.

I never had this problem in Nam-land. Now, just a stones skip across the wobbly blue stuff where the wispy blue stuff up above retains the same temperature and the seat of my pants linger with the odious charms of a Calcutta kach trap. Though of course these days that would be Kolkata I believe. Nevertheless, it’s good to see the kach trap still swings in the Punjab pants that prize their collected ruffles just above the knee to form a swaying nappy. By no means am I jarring the chic a la mode dans Sub Sahara style of Eastern vogue nor in any way but loose suggesting such facere de couture de jeur is stinky. (Not sure what ‘de jeur’ means, but I was on a roll)

I’m merely pointing out that at times focus is a another thing to be gritting my nose with goats wick this week, as when I yondered out into to the wide world of street life this morning looking for colour I could source nothing but steam emancipating from the drivers seat of my Honda Accord 1991’s, which stemmed from anticipated anxiousness as I searched for a Chinese printers… No body does it better, makes me feel sad for the rest, nobody does it half as good as you, baby you’re the best.

Honda Accord 1991 is the second most stolen car in America after the Honda Civic 1995 – fact.

Pants by the way are undergarments, ball catchers, skid robes and not what the inventors of the hamburger call pants, which are British ‘round the ‘ouses. Nor knickers either, as modern-day-ists refer to all undergarments in a unisex fashion.

Where was I? Stinky pants, yes, stinky pants do not solely pertain to such fiery lines of thought, such as shitty pants, but this particular mephitic exhilaration is borne purely from the sweet smell of sweat – pure man sweat, helped by hours of sitting in a mixture of man made fibres; the half polyester half dust car seat, the pvc, vinyl finish desk chair and the 100% faded favourite old cotton pants only held together by years of stubborn understains.

Ladies and gentlemen, sweaty pants are a fetid divinity spawn only from one’s own delights. However, much too much of everything is not good for you, so sweaty pants are really getting up my weekly – sweaty pants - Bastards!

Next week, sweaty cats – Meeeow – grrrr.

Things that are just Sweet Love:

Although ‘A Really Good, Simple Chicken Supper’ taken from Nigel Slater’s, Real Food book is good it doesn’t quite beat a real good simple cheese and tomato sandwich.

I spent over an hour preparing and cooking the ‘Really Good, Simple Chicken Supper’ then left my surprise to envelope her indoors senses, whilst I nipped out to work; here’s the verdict, ‘That is the most disgusting meal I have ever had. Inedible. Thanks a lot. Wouldn’t give it to a dog.’ – Sweet Love

A viewer’s favourite haystacks from Bosnia – has finished – this week we are going to look at this:

Let’s look at rocks:

Ok, what else is on in cfnr this week?

See; Categories for all that’s on offer, in the meantime fool recommends these:

*Digger; says he’ll be back next week

*Trigger: catching his brother soon

*cf'’s radio show featuring Digger:

Playing NOW the one with:

Randall

Plus all the ‘oldies’: Adam & Valerie, Olda Higden, One Eyed Dog, Risky Red, the long forgotten Christmas show and its Typewriting September predecessor, - new one coming soon - look out for the fish!

*Tit-bits – .../…Some more letters from Viz…/……/…/…/…

*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – NEW! – Brand new menu in crazy fool’s kitchen/café – see poetry corner – nuff said

*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’

*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you

*Classifieds

*Comps and results

*Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…and a one, and a one, and a one…’

Mr. Meaner... come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -

*crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies – available; only from the Blue Gecko

Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like the potatoes – lazy gits! They’re wind free too (almost)

Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s T-shirt ‘menu’ and choose your shirt!

Plus; every T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to charity