Crazy Fool's Newsround - 29th May - 4th June 09 volume 332

29th May - 4th June 09 volume 332
June, 04th 2009 19:00 PM

‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – it’s all in

crazy fool’s newsround

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning)

Plus the radio show – with a new look

That was the week weren’t it;

The scene: fool and Inspector Cleasuau, the real one, the English French one, and not the American French one, meet at a patisserie on the way to a crime scene…

Inspector Cleasuau: ‘ello

fool: ‘ello, ‘ello

Inspector Cleasuau: ‘ello, ‘ello

fool: ‘ello

Inspector Cleasuau: yes, very strange, I say ‘ello once, you say it twice, I say it twice you ‘ello only once

fool: That’s three times Sir.

Inspector Cleasuau: Yes, exactly, I shall report it immediately. Good work fool

fool: thank you very much Sir

Narrator: Next week in ‘The Inspector Calls’, Inspector Cleasuau bids au revoir

1. What was the Pink Panther in the Cleausau films?

2. Which country shares its name with Kim Bassinger’s daughter?

3. Which hit for the Shadows is also a balsa raft?

4. Who was the famous sister of Lee Radziwill Ross?

5. Which country does martini Hingis represent in tennis?

6. What do we call the heating process which destroys enzymes in milk?

7. Who is the unproven author of the Iliad?

8. Green and orange are two of the secondary colours. What is the third? A) White B) Brown C) Purple

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page – or buzz him, manually, on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com

WHO AM I? – 2009 – It’s time for a new clue No.1, but before we go there I’d like to apologise to the Dracule fella who wrote in with the correct answer to last week’s clue, to which I gave him a big ‘Na’. He said it was Thomas Fowler, Michael Caine’s character in The Silent American. It was and I didn’t stipulate as to whether it should’ve been the real dude or the screen dude – so there you go Dracule, and please stop the legal action. Onto clue No.1, Oh and by the way it’s not David Hasselhorf - “As an actor I’d stomp it barefoot in the sand, not un like Sandy Shaw!” and No.2. “I f he was the Silent American, I was the Green Hornet…or was I? Hang on...”

For previous results in the Main Comp – check the *comps and results page. – Should have a sub-comp soon.

Scores at the end of week 21 in the 2009 Main Comp series - with a sub points tally in brackets for the first answer in:

For those on the edge, just hold on to this for me…oh:

Dracule: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1)

Legal Eagle: 1, 1, 1 (1, 1, 1)

Hannibal Lecherure: the song remains the same (LZ):

Silent Third Party, formerly known as Quizmaster: 1, 1, 1 (1)

Casualty: zip

Aye: 1 (1)

Others: 1

Quote(s) for the week:

Captain Concoran: I said, the one that goes around with the black moustache

Groucho: Well, you couldn’t expect a moustache to around by itself.

The Marx Brothers (Monkey Business)

*Non-descript trivia moment*

SOME Greek DIETIES

Persephone…spring

Helios…sun

Alethisa…truth

Notus…south wind

Hebe…youth

fool’s Gold

Tom and Jerry made their debut as Jasper and Jinxs in the 1940 film Puss Gets The Boot

A three-toed sloth spends 80% of its time asleep

The Mahabharata is the longest poem in the world, with more than 74,000 verses and needing 18 large volumes to print it

Dr. Phil Ology’s word of the week:

“Words, don’t come easy to me, how can I find the way to make you love me, oh words, they don’t come easy…”

Things that are really getting on my nose, up my goat and around my wick this week:

House maids who move stuff – and before you start, all you Blighty folk, you Aussie types, nay Yankers, Kiwi’s, Dutch, Ibizarian’s and Welsh – house maids are as convenient to us here in Nam-land as buttering your lifestyle with daily newspapers and a milk delivery…which fool happens to also get via the cows proverbial bum – yep fresh milk for the fool delivered daily, and don’t anyone dare say pull the udder one! Anyhow, I digress, for it was the maids who move stuff bit that has baned my routine this week. I’ve got a metal ramp leading into my house, which is lined symmetrically to the double doors bolt hole in the floor. I can drive straight up the middle, take a sharp left and done, Bob’s your uncle, Fanny’s your aunt and your bike’s parked up in the house for the night, ready for the same procedure going backwards in the morning, out into the yard and I line with the concrete ramp to get in the gates. If you miss this projectory it’s a foot drop into the alley that’s not very funny first thing in the morning However, lately the ramp has been at all kinds of skew-whiff angles forcing me to dismount and rectify the tiny, nay miniscule problem, THAT HAS BEEN MAKING ME PULL MY SODDING HAIR OUT – maids who move stuff - Bastards!

Things that are just Sweet Love:

Angst – I’ve been enjoying my own angst this week – that’s all you need to know. Oh, and long handled shovels – they’re great.

A viewer’s favourite haystacks from Bosnia #116 (which is really one of the original 9 – can you guess which one it is – is it one of your favourites?)

is it me?

This is another plane:

And now this bit:

Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors…

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one of my favourites

GTM: Probably, nope not probably, but, the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details.

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Not just a walk in the park

Kim Hai Trading Co.,LTD: where all the best meat comes from – Got any pies?

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness – Go nuts for it – I am. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz – available from Vino, Saigon – I’m coming after yer Jim!

Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one – I ask you – that’s just crazy - every Tuesday at Al’s – make it a date. Their ribs are xxxceptional too. Check the *classifieds for their new-ish restaurant in Saigon, Vietnam – is it nearer to you?

Alibi: Good food, good wine, good beer, come here. It’s in Saigon – they have five big flat screen TV’s – pretty good to catch all your sport on; let alone boogie to their live music and party nights

Don't forget the *classifieds – something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.

Ok, what’s on in cfn this week? – Remember; there’s a lot more on offer in the menu on the left, but in the meantime the fool recommends these:

*Digger; brings forth round 9 and bites at round 10

*Trigger: trots on

*cf'’s radio show featuring Digger:

OUT NOW

new and improved, with all the buttons – the pause, the play and slidy bit that gets you where you want to go… almost – New show currently playing – starring Risky Red live on acoustic guitar and vocals. Also available are the long forgotten Christmas show and its September predecessor, - new one coming soon - look out for the fish!

*Tit-bits – .../...From: Jeff Peter’s…/…/…/…/…

*Grub–Up – * New- New – new – NEW! – Brand new menu in crazy fool’s kitchen/café – might have to take off the menu as I reckon everyone’s about to copy it – last chance to have a look: – fool recommends the Gazpacho

*Poetry Corner: ‘Ode to a crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pie’

*NEW...Fishman...NEW...Fishman! – Read all the Fishman’s tails in… On The Pond, April ‘09’ – On the shelves now - may The Dog be with you

* Classifieds

And *Bongo Massif Bro’s – ‘…it’s in the post …’

Mr. Meaner... come take a trip on the wonder why, come take a slice of my pie -

- crazy fool’s Shepherd’s Pies on sale now for only 80,000vnd from the fool he-self or available at the Blue Gecko for 110,000vnd

Packed with lumps and bits and things that went baa and bleat – and other things that didn’t say anything, like a potato – the lazy git! They’re wind free too (almost)

Buy six pies and get a free T-shirt; see the full fool’s T-shirt ‘menu’ and choose your shirt!

Great Lions and Bokkies shirts out now

Plus; every Lions T-shirt sold - $1.00 goes to the Marie Curie cancer charity

Now then, now then, now then, you’re just in time for the rugby bit, dun, dun, duuun - for rugby folk ET all; but please, if you’re not keen, do move along now, there’s a good chap (ess):

The rugby bit’s got a new rugby bit, to take care of the Saturday’s Lions games. Look up the blue menu on the left, last slot. This rugby bit will cover the rest – get it? Got it? Good.

Super 14’s final: In the new rugby bit.

British & Irish Lions tour to MB-land:

Gauteng Lions 10-74 British & Irish Lions

With a nod and a wink and a cheeky grin the Lions beat the Lions by 10 tries to one in front of a 22000 crowd at Ellis Park or is it the Coca Cola Stadium? About 17 locals managed to watch the rout as the Lions rattled off 20 points in the first 20 minutes.

B.O’D played his part but was modest for the cameras; “I think the bigger pitch suited us because the boys felt a bit cramped at Rustenberg last Saturday. But more importantly we held on to the ball better, put together better phases and there was a drive and determination about our rugby.” – By ‘eck, was there lad.

Jamie Roberts had another excellent game, picking up two tries and the Man of the Match award – him and B.O’D; Test centres, right there. Jamie picked up the first try receiving a nice off load from the B.O’D fella on the six minute mark. A couple of minutes later a well worked back driven drive put the B.O’D himself over for a score. Ugo Monye took the third with help from a searching dart by Bowe, who came off his wing hunting for the ball all night. The best try came from a move initiated by Phillips, to B.O’D, to Roberts to Bowe and finished by the quickest man in English rugby; flanker Tom Croft.

Shandre Frolick got one back for the GLions in the 36^th minute, which was immediately returned by a long pass from Phillips off a penalty, to Roberts who notched his second. Early in the second half Bowe reeled in his No.2, Monye also got his second, Hook snuck one from an intercept and Stephen Ferris wrapped up proceedings with a long haul gallop down the flank.

Assistant coach Warren Gatland was pretty succinct with this comment, “It got the tour on track and hopefully earned a bit of respect. That’s what tonight’s performance was all about.”

It would be rude not to mention every player who stood out, but we haven’t got time for that. However, we should mention a couple of silly names from the Jarpies; at number two was Dusty Noble and number 1; Doppies la Grange.

A word from the Geech, “I probably wouldn’t have written that score down on a piece of paper before the game, but we kept playing for 80 minutes and kept our focus.”

Next stop is the Cheetahs in Bloemfontein. They’re slightly better than their Super 14 counter parts in the GLions, but the fool only picked a 15 point win for that one, and they did it by 60-odd, so I’ll have to go conservative again, sharpen my pencil and chance a 15 point win! …ahem, for the Lions

England 26-33 Baa Baa’s

Corey and Lewsey said goodbye to Twickenham as they played their final game there. Both had corking run’s for the Barbarians, and although Corey is a bit too busted up these days to carry on taking the knocks. Johnson and McGeechan must be wondering if they made the right choice concerning Lewsey.

There were 7 former All Blacks in the Barbarians team and 632 caps amongst the lot, and it would be fair to say that Elsom was the man continuing to be best on form. The Baa Baa’s took the try count 5-4, but it was their tiring towards the close and England’s three quick tries towards the final whistle that belittled the scoreline.

England had a couple of early close calls, with Justin Marshall just about finger tipping away Armitage’s chip and chase and Glenn Jackson’s tap tackle on Jamie Noon’s break saved another certain try. But then, England’s defence crumbled.

Foden broke through a couple of tackles to earn himself a good score in the corner and Balshaw returned it for the Barbarians in similar style. Chris Jack had a steady gallop in the corner to score, then Balshaw got his second, but I’m not sure what it was like, probably a bit bolshie’s. Rocky received a good ball from Blair and beat Easter in the foot race for the line. Shortly after, Schalk Brits sent over Gordan D’Arcy. Jordan Turner-Hall, Tom May and Matt Banahan finished up making some kind of respect out the scoreline, but in truth England were well beaten. But Corey enjoyed himself captaining the Lions, and said, “Everything about that day will bring a smile to my face. It was so special. I had my two young children out on the pitch with me and they will remember this experience all their lives.” – You bet yer Martin.

The Baa Baa’s go to Sydney this Saturday to play Australia. fool would love to see the Baa Baa’s win but he thinks the Wallabies will just nip it 28 or 29 to 27! – Either way the crowd will love it.

Top 14 semi finals:

Perpignan beat Stade Francais 25-21, with two punch-ups in the first half hour, such was the intensity. A nice inside pass to Julian Candelan found its way to Porical on the wing for the first score. The second half saw an improvement in the rhythm of the game and Perp’s Maxime Medard beat Mirco Bergamasco for a high ball to touch for their second. Lionel Beauxis showed some individual brilliance as he stepped by his man and sprinted for the try for the Parisians, but not long after Candelan was in again for a kick through. Perpignan play Clermont in Saturday’s final, but don’t ask me who they beat because I don’t know!

Some Shorts:

Wales beat Canada 33-23 in Kanuckville and go onto play the US on Sunday in USville

Jonno’s brought in the 6ft 7in, 19st winger Matt Banahan to the England team against Argentina on Saturday at Old Trafford. Matt replaces the unluckiest man in rugby David Strettle who’s got colitis. Also in, are Tom May in the centre and David Wilson at No.3.

Mils Muiliani will captain the All Blacks in the French and Italian Tests on 13^th and 20^th June versus the French and 27^th against Italy. Crusaders lock Isaac Ross gets a call up, as does his team mate Wyatt Crockett in the front row. Chiefs flanker Tanerau Latimer also gets the nod.

The French are pretty fucked and lose David Skrela, captain Lionel Nallet, Imanol Harinordoquy and Morgan Parra, who are just about the spine of the team. Whereas, the Iti’s travel without Martin Castrogiavanni, what kind of name is Martin for an Italian! And Simon!…Simon Pione, and fullback Andrea Marcati – that’s better. To which the old headmaster Graham Henry said, “They have picked their strongest squad available and history shows they are often successful against the All Blacks.” – Yes, of course it sounds better when you thrash them by 30 points – who are you kidding eyebrows!

Rocky’s on his way back to the Brumbies and the ARU. He’ll join Guy Sheperdson, Peter Kimlin, the Git and Josh Valentine as the new boys. It’s worth having a punt on the Brumbies now!

And Gordan D’Arcy’s been called up to the Lions squad as cover. Injury concerns at the moment are Flutey and Earls. Dr James Robson, currently on his 5^th consecutive Lions tour, said injuries so far are, “better than usual”. Back in ’97 the squad went down to 18 players available at the midway point!

The Eddie Jones rant: get off Eddie

I’m done.

Some competitions now:

WIN a PRIZE!

John Smit’s XV; films where the villain is played by a Brit –: This particular team will be finished sometime in 2008-ahem-2009 – the fool promises! – Only two to get.

John Smit’s XV, as he’s the current World Cup winning captain, so we’ve got another three and a half bloody years of him yet!

15. Salom's Lot 14. Robin Hood 13. The Patriot 12. The Great Race 11. Pink Panther 10. Day of the Jackal 9. Silence of the Lambs 8. Braveheart 7. Lord Voldahart or as fool thinks it; Lord Vodaphone 6. Die Hard 5. Dracula (Any with Christopher Lee) 4. Bramstokers Dracula 3.? 2. Snake from the Simpsons 1.?

There’s a free t-shirt in the post for anyone who can up with the props here – I’m sick of it.

More Free T-shirt’s: send in your starting Lions team - if it has 8 names the same as fool’s – you win! Gonna have to up it to 10 now the tour has started. Still only one lucky winner so far – well done Mr. B. Patterson from Sarf East London.

end rugby here!

Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:

Has anyone noticed that the Ashes are coming up? – Fred has, and he said that although he’d love to play in the Twenty/20 World Cup, he’s got one thing on his mind; “I’ve said all through my time out, it’s the dream of playing Ashes cricket and beating the Aussies that keep me going.”

John Buchanan, the Australians most successful coach with a record 16 consecutive Test wins under his belt, is going to help Freddie and the rest of the English lads with a spot of consultancy, so the rumours go; “He did not just speak to the team director Andy Fowler – he spoke to all of the team management and coaches. No further meeting with John Buchanan has been announced yet.” – Said his taxi driver

The Punts is keen to get the Ashes war of the words going, with a slant at the unfit Frederick; “Flintoff is obviously important to the English make up, but as we saw in 2007, his input is not there if he is not 100% fit.” – He’s reserved the same tickle for KP too, the other bloke the Aussies fear; “I don’t know how Pietersons Achilles is, either. They could find something similar with him as well.”

It’s all good banter for the build up, and asked if he was pleased the two kin-pins were injured? He said, “Am I pleased they’re injured? Ha, ha. I don’t know the full extent of their injuries.”

As for the spin bitch fight; “I’m not sure England have an advantage in spin. I’ve seen Graeme Swann and Nathan Hauritz is a fairly similar sort of bowler.” – Oh, you’re the man for spin Ricky.

Stuart Broad is not worried about Fred or KP’s return but just wants to get into the opening bowling with Jimmy, whom he considers a team mate and not a rival; “There is no rivalry. He is the sharper dresser but that’s because his wife’s always on his case. It’s safe to say he is dressed by his wife. He definitely has the advantage in the fashion stakes.” – Well that’s that covered then!

World Cup Twenty/20 up today and KP picks his best as: Chris Gayle, Andrew Symonds, Brett Lee, Fidel Edwards and Dale Steyn. I’ve got none of them in my ECCS fantasy cricket game, so stuff ‘em.

In a few warm ups the Indians looked clear favourites, and beat Pakistan by 9 wickets with 18 balls to spare. Rohit is the man to look at there. I’m gonna stick my neck out and suggest England will win. Not because of the fool’s roots, but every tournament needs an outsider, and let’s face it – it’s not going to be Holland.

We’ll have stumps with KP’s view on the crowd pleaser, “This event is going to be brilliant for the fans and the players alike. The support of the public is amazing and you can feel the passion just when you walk to the field of play.” – ‘fashion, turn to the left, fashion, we got the music and we’re coming to play, beep, beep…’

That’s it.

I need a new Tshirt

Other sports:

There will be no Irish, Scots or Welsh in team GB for the 2012 Olympics football team. The English have to go it alone as the other countries reckon a joint adventure would ruin their independent chances. Not independence politically, as in Sean Connolly being the next King of Scotland, Idi Amen was the last one wasn’t he! But the football stakes.

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Michael Ireland from West Palm Beach is suing the night club Cheetah’s, there in Florida after one of it’s strippers, called, Sakeera ‘Suki’ Shageer, kicked him in the face wearing stilettos. The 35 year-old suffered eyes injuries and a broken nose. Manager Rod Kimbrough said, “A patron violently slapped a young girl on her buttocks as she was walking around the top of a bar and I guess out of a natural response she turned around and kicked him. She’s a very nice, young, small girl, definitely did nothing in a malicious way.” – There you go, don’t fuck with a stripper!

There’s a story here that I don’t even want to share with you, suffice to say it’s about some mad Rusky who’s been luring people to his house under the pretence of selling computer parts then rigs them up to his homemade electric chair and zaps them.

Something a bit more cheery is the new wonder pill that’ll stop heart disease. It copies the effects of tomatoes and is mixed with Lycopene, the antioxidant found in tomato skins. add some milk and a bit of Soya protein. The pill’s called Ateronon and Dr. Rob Hicks said, “Ateronon can reduce the damage to the arteries, which is the damage that ends up causing heart attacks and strokes. It can potentially extend life and also possibly save lives on a global basis. The potential’s enormous.” It can be sold on the shelf at a chemist’s because it’s made of natural ingredients. I’ve got an idea; eat tomatoes…or better still; fool’s Gazpacho!

An Egyptian man cut off his own winkle with a hot knife after his parents refused him to marry a lower class girl. Argh, so that’s hot knives.

Meanwhile Kristian Towell bought a second hand iPod from CeX Computer Company in Croydon UK and the old files hadn’t been wiped. On it he found a file called ‘Wifey and Chicks’. He said. “When I got home it was full of terrible music but then I saw the photos. The Wifey was pretty decent, and the Chicks file is quite raunchy.” – CeX said, “It’s embarrassing. We’ll look into it.” – I bet.

Crazy rock n roll capes XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! Before he produced the Beatles George Martin worked on comedy albums.

Half a ton of pure cocaine was found in the back of a lorry just outside Montpellier, South West France. The truck driven by a Brit carrying a Brit passenger and came from Spain - it was on its way to London. ‘ello… ‘ello, ‘ello. Meanwhile a mechanic in the UK found £100k’s worth of cocaine in the fuel tank of a pensioner’s car. What’s going on in the world?

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, but has actually been replaced by Steve Wright: “I’d kill for a Noble Peace Prize.”

Couples have their best sex after 4 years; so a survey states.

A British Antarctica Survey has been tracking emperor penguins by satellite and found the easiest way to locate them was by their pooh. They can’t see the actual penguins as the resolution is not high enough, but they can spot their reddish/brownish droppings on the ice. They reckon they’ve cracked about 38 colonies, which is accurate, not like before when they had to spot them by helicopter of moving ice.

The world’s most expensive curry costs £2000 per portion and is called Samandari Khazaran or Seafood Treasure. It’s available at the London Bombay Brasserie and head chef Prahlad Hedge said, “The idea is from a basic Indian recipe I got from my mum but we are using the finest ingredients in the world.” – It’s got Beluga caviar, abalone, a whole lobster coated in edible gold and shavings of truffle on top to give it that nutty flavour. – Might get one tonight after closing.

May 2009 stats for cfnr: Unique visitors: 4,387/ Visits: 16,186/ Hits: 237,891

Ok lastly, Swim wear designers Kiniki have made a new range of cossie called Tan Through, which means you can get an all over tan due to the fabric which it is made from. It’s full of tiny, nay, microscopic holes. 80% of the PBT material is likened to ‘chicken mesh wire’ and is full of holes that enable sunlight to pour through, which effectively means your bits need cream on.