That was the week weren't it:

The scene: Scott, of the Antarctic, is utterly despondent at losing out on the race to the South Pole to Norwegian, Amundson. He's in even further a pickle when he makes his retreat to base camp and is caught in the most foul of weather, which halts all movements and ultimately cuts chances of survival in the freezing and blinding conditions, where supplies are also fast running out. He makes his choice, a gallant choice - just as the captain of the Titanic would do only months later, and succumbs to his fate.

Scott: I'm just going for a walk.

fool: Oh good man, wouldn't mind posting this letter for me on the way, would you. Thanks awfully.

Narrator: Aunt Gladys never did get that letter. - Roll the quiz:

everything will be alright

1. From which city in New Zealand did Scott embark on his epic journey?

2. In which ocean are the Maldives?

3. What kind of vehicle was Charles Rolls of Rolls-Royce in when he died?

4. Where is the largest gulf in the world?

5. What is craved by phagomaniacs?

6. What Italian ingredient helps to make a Harvey Wallbanger?

7. What is Bill Clinton's middle name?

8. Which ancient Greek is often called the Father of Medicine? A) Demosthenes B) Hippocrates C) Homer

Get all the answers and more in the *Comps & results page - or buzz him on cf.crazyfool@gmail.com  if you think you know the answers. (same address as the contacts button)

WHO AM I?  Corrections were made to last week's tally where the Eagle, who yet again came in by a beak with the answer to this clue, "I started in a live show, swapped roles with Eddie, was busted and was happy to bear the storm with Candy!" - Which was of course Dan Ackroyd. However, back to his (Eagle) stated corrections, and his previous week's tally was indeed wrong, so amidst some hasty calculations, this week's scores have been updated - Dracule - get out of your coffin you slacker! And it has to be said that there were thousands of correct answers to last week's clue, but none by the hoards of attempts from, ‘this quiz is shit', posted by Hannibal Lecturer. So to no avail! - This week's clue No.1 to a brand new week; "I might not have walked on the moon but it's quite possible I was the first to walk on the highest point of our world."

is it me?

Scores at the end of week 9 in the 2008 series.

Dracule: 5

Legal Eagle: 4

Hannibal Lecturer: zip

Others: written by Stephen King

*Non-descript trivia moment*

Some Bonsai Tree Terminology

SOME STYLES

CHOKKAN...formal upright

MOYOGI...informal upright

KENGAI...cascading form

ISHI SEKI...planted on rock

HOKIDACHI...broom-like form

SABAMIKI...split trunk

KABUDACHI...multiple trunks

HEIGHT SPECIFICATIONS

MAME...<7cm

SHOHIN...7-20cm

KIFU...20-40cm

CHU...40-60cm

DAI...>60cm

fool's Gold

• In one year the human heart pumps approximately 1,600,000 gallons of blood through the human body

• The electric chair was invented by a dentist

• There are approximately 35,000 Elvis impersonators world wide

Dr. Phil O'logy: our Wordman's word of the week:

This week, the word of the week is taken from Dr. Phil's unabashed dictionary.

Homeopath - an axe wielding gay guy

Thanks Dr. Phil.

And now this bit:

Ladies and folk please step aside for cfn's brave, brave sponsors...

Pacharan Tapas & Bodega: bodega, oh baby when you dance like that. ½ price sangria, mojito, wine by the bucket. The best Spanish cuisine in Saigon, Vietnam this side of Spain. - Which is just to the right I think.

GTM: Probably, nope not probably, but, the best set of garden and leisure furniture in the world. See the *classified section under business opportunities for more details.

Bootlace: Walking holidays in the Alpujurras, Sierra Nevada, Spain. Click the link on the logo on the right and walk into happiness. I was there recently - I was happy. P.s. Can't wait for the new recipe book too!

Kim Hai Trading Co.,LTD:  Gonna need a bigger gravy boat! This week I've been eating my steak with salad - no gravy required. They're in the*classifieds. Call them for their meat list - they deliver - they're great - available in Saigon, Vietnam now. Check out their meat on kimhai@media.net.vn

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Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness - Go nuts for it - I am. See them in the *classifieds. There's more on offer here that meets the eye - look out for their superb long-lunch deals - they're long, lunchy and superb and they're in Saigon, Vietnam!

Al Frescos: Take home two pizzas and only pay for one - I ask you - that's just crazy - every Tuesday at Al's - make it a date. The ribs are xxxceptional too. Check the *classifieds for their new restaurant in Saigon, Vietnam - is it nearer to you?

*classifieds - something for the weekend? - Just a haircut please.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Ok, what's on in cfn this week?

*Digger; heads into some pre-season's previews.

*Trigger:  picked us his 50^th winner last week, and this week shows you the form for Saturday's Super Saturday down in Victoria, Down Under

cf's new radio show: - Next show out in March - hold on to your fat. - Maybe April!

*Tit-bits - 46 things women can't do...

*New edition - read Vic Bitter's future's foreseeables.

*Grub-Up - It's a bugger peeling tomatoes but it's worth it, so I'm going back to me olde favourite Gazpacho soup or as me old mate Digger says, Gestapo soup. Either way it's pretty good - Get some down yer.

Poetry Corner: Reliving...I said re-living!... my youth and just can't get enough of Quadrophenia at the moment - try a slice of Roger's theme...goes to the tune of...¶ ♪♫ ♀ ♪ﷲ  ♫

*new...Fishman...new...Fishman - It's fresh, it's fishy it's in this week's rag - get the new Fishman's tails - out now. - Read all about Fishman On The Pond, Feb ‘08'

And *Bongo Massif Bro's - 'Yeah, ok, can't make it at One O'clock? Ok, see you at two-ish then'.  - Don't forget their marmalade session on crazy fool's radio show coming soon - don't miss em.

Mr. Meaner... Get it on, bang a gong...

It's a ruggerflyby time; and just what did happen this week?

The fool has been up jungle this week and incommunicado, so it's a very brief run-down on what's on and what was:

Wales go to Ireland aiming for the Triple Crown, and Gatland has the wonderful worry of what world class fly and scrum halves to start!

He's gone with Philips at 9 and Jones at 10 - but you will see Peel and Hook, no fear.

Wales will beat the Irish in Croke Park - but only just - 28-25!!!!!!!

England's back-seated old farts in suits have called time on the huge emerging talent of Danny Cipriani, who was to start at fullback, because he missed an imposed curfew during the week by 15 minutes.

His punishment to be pulled from the squad for this week's game.

Well done Farts - put Balshaw back in there and embarrass your country even more.

The Scots will be up for it but will succumb in Edinburgh - 25-18.

And France will beat Italy whether it's in Paris or Rome, I'm not sure which - sorry.

One thing I did notice whilst I was upcountry were some scribblings in a note-book which I had written a year or perhaps some years previously - I'm not quite sure.

The fool was obviously high on fresh air and with this toll questioned the whole unpredictability-ness of picking a Six Nations winner - ever.

These were his thoughts; see if you can guess what year it was and just what make this mad bastard tick:

‘You are the essence beneath my wind

You are the vapour rub of my belching heart

You are the cream and ointment of my ulcerous tongue

You are the chicken feet of my soul

Did anyone tell you I've got no ear-lobes

You are the wind beneath my wings

(Nikki Lauder)

Unpredictability mon petit doughnuts is the staff of life...the Pease pudding hot, the Pease pudding cold. The Irish stew in the name of the law - the leak the frog and pasta sandwich in one.

If you hadn't guessed my harking-ness of good fortune telling, it's because I'm predicting the unpredictable. I am tarat-ing with fate. I am about to divulge the tomorrow, the yonder, the future and its secret source. More's to the point I'm going to give you a Six Nations special. Well, a bit of a rundown so far. Well maybe a few quotes from the bosses, as we are now half way into those most brutal of five games. In this running time of eight or nine weeks I'm gonna saw off the barrel of aimsworth and blast you with this years Six Nations Champions, with a no messing, face at the counter prediction - want some...have some!'

Yes, and that was it - I apologise - but in a way it's apt, as we are in the middle of this year's tournament, and that year, when ever it was, France beat England at Twickenham 18-17

This year the fool has already stated England will win, although it will be a hard job to stop the Welsh.

Someone please finish a front row for John Smit's team so we can move on.

 John Smit's bloody on going films where the villain is played by a Brit, XV - : Will be finished in 2008!

• 15. Salom's Lot 14. Robin Hood 13. The Patriot 12. The Great Race 11. 10. Day of the Jackal 9. Silence of the Lambs 8. Braveheart 7. Lord Voldahart or as fool's thinks it; Lord Vodaphone 6. Die Hard 5. Dracula (Any) 4. Bramstokers Dracula 3. 2. 1.

Other results:  - no other results this week, as nothing else happened last week - except of course the whole of Holland got ripped...again!

Some Heineken Cups: April next slot

Some Internationals:

England EDF Trophy:

England Prem;

France; Pro D2 11eme: pas

France Top 14:

Ireland's AIL level 1;  

Italy; Coppa de Italia:

Japan Microsoft Cup semi's:

Magners League:

Scotland's premiership:

Super 14's:

Netherlands:

Spain's Div D Honour 11:

Wales Konica Cup:

end rugby here!

Ok, a willow the wisp of cricket now:

Ok, the fool has no news again here, as he was also up jungle! Haven't you been reading this shite?

So predict this year from way's back:

KP's predictions for his first Test place; "I won't adjust my style or technique if I do get selected for the Tests - it's just a case of being more patient."

And who was his first Test match against?

Till next week...

Other sports:

Evander Holyfield 45, is debating a third time fight with Tyson 41, if the wonga is right. Evander beat Mad Mike twice in the 90's, but is naturally sceptical about this possible bout, as he told his trainer, "I told Jeff it all depends on what is on offer because I'm gonna catch a lot of flak if I say I'm fighting Mike Tyson again." - ‘Tall bloke down the pub, who loves his boxing, says it'll be a disgrace to the game.

And now let's hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Do I have to say it again! - fool has been up-jungle, so he'll give you a couple of stories from a ways back, and a couple of stories from this past week - can you guess which is most recent?

Rod Stewart 60 accepted his Grammy for the best traditional pop Vocal Album, Stardust...The American Songbook Volume III with distinctive Scottish grace; "After all these years I was quite liking not winning, but somehow I'll learn to live with it. In fact I intend to take it with me everywhere." - Yeah, and I don't wanna talk about it.

Boy talks bird...ooh-wee chirp-a-chirp-a-cheep-cheep. A seven year-old Russian boy nick-named ‘Bird Boy' has spent his whole life in a flat filled with bird cages where his mum treated him like one of the pets.

Social worker Galvia Volskaga said, "When you start talking to him he chirps." If he gets frustrated he flaps his arms - fluent in avarian then.

He's got what is called ‘Mowgli syndrome' - and that's hard to get - this one's cheap at half the price!

cf's book club

Until it gets its own page, here's week's 1 - 12:

Starting with Week 2: Mark Hadden's - The Curious Incident With The Dog  in the night-time a rather curious tale about a demented kid! - rating: 4.

Week 1 (Confused now eh!) Ben Elton's; The First Casualty - If a word can paint a thousand pictures then Telly Savalas should have written this - rated in at 5.

For a number three spot on the board this week, fool is going to throw in The Essential Dave Allen; edited by Graham McCann - rated at 3 and curiously enough 4.

And in at No.4: Martin Johnson's autobiography; Good read, but I tell you what, it's all about 'me, me, me', 'I did this.' And, 'I did that...' - rating 4.

Week 5: The General History of the Robberies and Murders of the Most Notorious PIRATES by Captain Charles Johnson - arghhh, a number 3.

In at week No.6 I'm going to add The Cortigo Romero Book of Recipes - to find out more click on Bootlace Holidays link on the right.- rating:3

Week 7: Forgotten Voices of the Great War by Max Arthur...a poignant tale of historical value told by dems dat were dere. Rated at a 4.

Week 8: Ben Elton's (again) Dead Famous - Wind yourself up to some non-credit wankers whom Ben manages to pin point with accurate precision. Particularly love the bitch character Geraldine Hennessey. Rated at 5.

Week 9: Horrible Histories; Rotten Romans - fantastic series for kids of all ages. Written by Terry Deary and illustrated by Matthew Brown...I think. Rated at 3

Week 10: Penguins Stopped Play eleven village cricketers take on the world by Harry Thompson - cricket at its best, in its quite essential way of course...no, fuck that - simply one of the most entertaining books fool's ever read, whether you like cricket or not. Rated in at 5

Week 11: Dispatches by Michael Herr - a war correspondents scribbles in the Vietnam/American war. A real insight. Rated at 3

Week 12: If I die in a Combat Zone by Tim O'Brien - another Nam yarn, but it does carry your woes into a levelled perspective. - rated 3.

The Ratings go as thus:

• 1. Gave it to an enemy. 2. Could not put it down so threw it out. 3. I read it. 4. Gave it to a friend. 5. Got it copied and selling it.

Crazy Rock n roll capes part XXIX: More of a quip than a cape, but there you go: "There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another." Frank Zappa

The fastest ever road vehicle has just been made and it clocks 340mph. The Acabion GTBO is a cross between a car and a bike - that's a bar isn't it! And will be on the roads in the UK and the USA in three years time a t a cost of £1.5m.

The British and Swiss built machine has a 1300cc turbo charged 800 horse power engine - well, it would, wouldn't it - and is designed by German, Dr. Peter Maskus, who says, "It's reviewing the whole automotive recipe." - Eeeeeeeeeeeeeyowwwwwwww.

Peter Kay corner - very Cooper-esque: ‘Right now I'm having amnesia and dej avu at the same time...I think I've forgotten this before.'

Lastly, boffs have invented the musical condom, which gets louder when vigorous, and in different positions it will play different tunes. - ‘They're playing our tune again next door.' - Tiny sensors are installed in the mini device but maker Dr. Grigory Chausovsky says, "There's no danger of being electrocuted." - I wonder if the favourite tune is Come Together by the Beatles.

Turn that music down

just cf it

cf