28th Jan - 3rd Feb 2011 volume 417
February, 02nd 2011 19:31 PM

“And I’m going down, all the way down

I’m on the highway to hell”

(ACDC)

 

 

You’re reading crazy fool’s  newsround – the world’s news according to crazy fool all rounded up in a weekly bundle of:

 ‘Play’, quizzes, trivia, sponsors, sport and world news – not necessarily in that order

(fresh edition brought to your doorstep every Friday morning – may contain nuts)

Plus; the radio show – with a new look!

 

Click on this logo in home page – good one this week; local lad – The One With Pat

 

Reporter: crazy fool

 

Published 3.2.11                                           

For 4th Battalion The Yorkshire Regiment

And now let’s hear it for the news: Bong, bong, bong:

Brought to you by

 

Sex sells

Continuing the growing rise of turmoil surrounding political fractions in Egypt, the land and water deficit of Australia, fuel price-hiking in the UK, the deployment of Nelson Mandela’s tribute choir in Soweto, the resurgence of the IRA and it’s off spring, the real IRA (RIRA), not withstanding the fake IRA from China (FIRAC) where they recently showed coverage of their new fighter jet in action on national TV, which turned out to be footage from Top Gun!. Not surprising, because the same broadcasting company, Xinhua, once used an X-ray image of Homer Simpson to highlight the genetic link with multiple sclerosis; it is therefore within these boundaries of toil and strife an underlying comfort that sexual pettifoggery remains at the forefront of media attention.

 

A laugh’s a laugh, a joke’s a joke, a good cigar’s a smoke

 

Porn again

UK minister Jackie Smith is back in the news following her scandal 2 years ago when she filed for the purchase of two blue movies on Commons expenses.

 

Now, the former Labour Home Secretary is to broadcast a documentary on Radio 5 Live called Porn Again where she interviews actors and actresses in the industry,

 

“As I know from my personal experience, porn fascinates us…In making this programme; I’ve been able to challenge my own views and attitudes.” - Which are apparently too close to the knuckle to be aired.

 

 

Park ‘n’ ride

In the meantime German Andréa’s Muller 39 had the word ‘mini’ tattooed on his manhood - live on radio, in a bid to win a mini cooper.

 

Scooping the £20k car for performing the most outrageous stunt, Andréa’s, who lives in a flat, parks his mini in his girlfriends garage, said, ‘Once I’m sitting in the car it won’t matter anymore. The pain will be gone and it will be alright.’

 

 

Phoar-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ooh!

Unlike Charlie Sheen, who split his sides laughing so hard after watching porn on a three-day bender, had to be rushed to hospital for an inflamed ego.

 

Insert XXX rated youtube song here – if you’re under 18, don’t tell your mum.

 

The 45-year-old father of 5 was the world’s top paid actor in 2010 on nearly £2m and episode starring in Two and Half Men.

He left behind 5 dis-dressed porn actresses at his mansion to sell their stories to of cocaine, lust, laughter and humility.

 

As sacks of ‘get well’ messages flooded his hospital bedside so too did a poignant consignment of Royal Wedding condoms from manufacturer Hugh Pomfret.

 

The special edition ‘Crown Jewels; Condoms of Distinction’ crafted for Wills and commoner Kate Middleton’s wedding have been frowned upon by a royal commentator from the Majesty magazine who described the unholy sheath’s as ‘tasteless’, and a ‘cheap swipe to make money’ – Blessed are the poor for they shall inherit suppression.

 

King Edward was a commentator - best with Anchor butter…Will leave it there.

 

 

Fry’s Turkish delight

A Turkish man sought protection from his sex mad wife in a police station in south West Germany.

 

The man fled to the fuzz after sleeping on the sofa for two years because of her insatiable appetite for love making which left him a physical and mental wreck.

 

A police commentator said, ‘Now he has decided to get a divorce and move out, in the hope of finally getting some peace, particularly as he is anxious to arrive at work well rested.’

 

 (Quick sponsor ad before the song that comes in the middle bit)

 

Crazy rock n roll capes No. XXXXXIIIIVVIVI! ‘The first song Rod Stewart learnt to play and sing was, It Takes a Worried Man to Sing a Worried Song’

 

Take it away the song in the middle bit: (only available on website!)

 

What they’ve recently said: ‘A neeny-nana-nana-nana-noo-noo’ – Bad Manners

 

Peter Kay corner – very Cooper-esque, except this is a Peter Cook quote, which is a cross between the Kay and Cooper but without the k! – Wrong, all wrong, we’re going back to 2005 and a slice of vocabulary – wrong again, we’ve done a full circle and it’s back to Tommy Cooper, but with some new one’s – keep up! ‘I bought a ticket to France and the ticket seller said, ‘Eurostar. I said I’d been on the telly but I’m no Dean Martin.’

crazy fool’s

Kitchen

 Next instalment on Saturday 26th Feb

Screaming Hypocrites

 

Chris & Louise

Tap Egavas

 

All raffle proceeds to…

 

www.100friends.org

 

Plus Sa’s infamous massaman

 

 

 

 

Wanna buy a condo?

 

www.highstylecondominium.com

Animal news

 

*Tracy Province escaped from prison and intended to fill himself up with smack and be eaten by grizzlies in Yellowstone Park. Luckily a ‘voice’ told him to hitch hike to visit family where he turned himself in. Mohave County Sheriff office’s official report read, ‘inject a gram of heroin and be bear food.’

 

 

Number crunching

 

 

*As the bra wars continue in the UK; Rigby & Peller have built the biggest yet – the N cup. With a built in cradle in the cup to spread the weight the £55.95 smothers Selfridges K cup dubbed the ‘Windsock’, Debenhams double K and the recently launched Bravissimo L cup.

 

*a British pensioner drove his car into a small church on the German/ Austrian border because his faulty satnav told him too. The car was a right-off and the church suffered 21,500 damages to its foundations.

 

*rocked off her perch is the oldest person in the world at 114 Eunice g sanborn from Jacksonville, Texas. Bessie cooper from Georgia takes over at 114 years 5 months.

 

I’m off – come on Pig

 

Keep it turning, keep it wheel.

 

Just cf it

 

cf

p.s. for the latest news click on crazy fool’s Radio Show – click on red icon – top left of home page – new weekly updated shows Friday afternoon’s – two in the can waiting to be uploaded – another recorded this week – knock yourself out!

 

p.p.s. sport is back – and the mild PotDQT with slight Fras showers will return shortly!

 

 

 

Jaspas: Marguerite madness on a Friday is pure madness. See them in the *classifieds. There’s more on offer here that meets the eye – look out for their superb long-lunch deals – they’re long, lunchy and superb and they’re in Saigon, Vietnam! Salt ‘n’ pepper steak is a must – glug it down with a splash of Tatachilla Cabinet Shiraz

 

 


 

 

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